Being 31 now, I'm sorta in the sweet spot regarding the acceptable ages of female partners. Legally speaking, anybody above 18 is fine, but I don't see a way where I could connect with someone on a deeper level if they're below like 26. Honestly, you need to be able to vividly recall your experiences on 9/11 to be anything above a fling with the Doz man (this doesn't include survivors who've lost memories due to potential injury).
But I love and respect women so much that I usually avoid interacting with them in fear of being annoying (yayyyy having no confidence). At 31, doing stuff with a lady above 40 is not crazy. Hell, the first woman to partake in Dozie's Whore Summer was 35. I'm old enough to have 20+ year celebrity crushes (s/o Heather Graham). 
What I'm saying is Ole Dozo doesn't discriminate. Ideally, my future wife will be close to my age, but if I were on the apps rn, I'd have them set to 21+ with no cut-off after that. I've had a blog idea about the All-Over 50 team for hottest celebs bouncing in my brain for years, but what we're about to discuss is borderline jaw-dropping.
If you haven't already stopped reading this blog, let me fill you in like Craig David on what SI pulled with their latest Swimsuit Issue. First off, it's fucking 2023...it blows my mind this is still a thing, not because it's "outdated" to broadcast scantily clad women for profit, but because magazines are outdated. Every time I check out at a grocery store, I'm surprised to see them around. How are so many selling enough to stay in print? Don't get it twisted; as a writer, I'm happy that everybody is still getting paid...but in a late capitalist society, it's kinda crazy they're still a thing. Internet porn has been a thing for like 30 years at this point. Reddit exists. Fuck, even IG has sexier pics than whatever you'll find in PRINT. From a non-sexually adjacent standpoint, the internet exists and is in everybody's pocket. Who is buying magazines? There's a great chance they're outdated by the time they hit the shelves. 
BUT, I respect what SI did to get people talking. I mean, I'm blogging about them. That probably wouldn't have been the case without this woman.
So they've got four cover models, and none are related to athletics (I don't think that's a big deal...Kate Upton wasn't back in the day before Verlander, along with dozens, if not hundreds of other models). There's Megan Fox, an American sex symbol since like 2007 and she's still relevant AF; it makes all the sense in the world to include her. There's also Kim Petras, a Grammy-winning trans singer that will surely "create buzz." As an ally...WOULD...again, it makes a lot of sense to include her. Then there's Brooks Nader, hand up...I have no clue who she is, and lastly, former federal prisoner and current octogenarian Martha Stewart. Yes, that Martha Stewart.
Now, Martha Stewart has been looking good for a minute. She's slayed multiple Comedy Central Roasts.
She's rich and powerful, so it's no surprise she doesn't look like an average 81-year-old, but this woman is still 81 fucking years old. Martha was 22 when JFK was assassinated. She may have slowed down the aging process with surgical intervention and skin treatments unknown to the working class, but she is still 81. Technology can only do so much! I don't think AI is quite there yet to pull this off. Idk how much (if any) of her is natural in these photos, but she still deserves some credit. She's undeniably glown up from the Martha Stewart we knew as kids. The woman outlived her damn name. Respect. Have you ever met a Martha who was under 60? Have you ever even met a Martha? I don't think I went to school with any Marthas, including college, which took me an extra year and featured over 16,000 other people. 31-year-olds shouldn't find her sexually attractive, but here I am writing this blog. Thirty-one-year-old (middle-aged men) in the 1950s def didn't feel that way about women born in the 1870s. God bless modern science.
Seriously, have you seen "old" people from decades ago? A 58-year-old in 1975 looks like an 85-year-old today. I obvi had to bring up this hot news and hypothetical with my fantasy league (where I'm the defending champ), and for privacy and trust reasons, I'm only sharing the intro. 
The wheels of conversation were spinning like a hamster wheel full of 30 something dudes after those texts. We had an entertaining debate with more woulds than wouldn'ts, but still some wouldn'ts. Of course, this is all fun and games. Women are much more than sexual objects, and consent is vital, but that doesn't mean you can't ask your buddies if they'd smash or not in a good ole fashion hypothetical. That's a game I'll play for the rest of my life and one I will ask my readers right now.
Assuming you are attracted to fem-presenting people, would you have sex with this 81-year-old plastic queen? 
If not, why? (sound off in the comments!)
Don't get me started with "her pussy is 81," because no, it fucking isn't. Martha Stewart's net worth is 400 million bucks (didn't she used to be a billionaire?). If you don't think that she's had that thing rejuvenated a few dozen times; you're crazy. Like Kim Petras, she has the best box money can buy. Maybe you want to make things a little more PG....Do you think Martha Stewart looks good? And I don't mean "oh you look so nice" good, but like "damnnnnn I'd definitely notice you in a public setting and stealthly try to tell whoever I'm with to take a glance" good. It's now nearly 8:30 pm and due to my bad back, I didn't work out last week. Despite battling the itchiest skin in Rhode Island from these roids I'm on to help my back, I need to get to Planet Fitness, so that's the blog. Martha, you're looking good and Snoop definitely already hit #respect. P.S. Here's the accessible version of the pics I sent my league. Feel free to zoom in on the one in the water. That facial expression is hot regardless of age (in this case). 
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