If You Care About The Way The Toilet Paper Roll is On You're Nuts

In my week away from blogging one thing that I'm really bummed me out was that I missed out on was a question that took parts of twitter by storm.

What is the pettiest hill you are willing to die on? Mine is that mayo is the best condiment

— Polly Mosendz (@polly) June 14, 2017

Could've had a great blog about petty shit I care about. While I am a mayo guy, this isn't about that. This is about the one petty hill I will die on. Between that tweet and a snapchat I saw about the same topic I'm about to go in on I'm completely perplexed. I'm a big "why do people care about this?" guy when it comes to stupid shit on the internet and this may take the cake.

I'm well aware that in a weird way me caring so much about people caring about a stupid topic is kind of ironic, but it doesn't change how I feel. Someone needs to say something and be the face of not caring about stupid bullshit and I am going to try to be that man. So here it is:

If you genuinely care about the way a toilet paper roll is applied you have fucking issues.  I don't think there's something less significant in the world causing so much fuss. When I found out this was such a big deal online I was blown away.  It's like when I found out Furries were a thing, it opened my eyes to how fucked up this planet is. Apparently on the internet there is a whole debate about how toilet paper rolls should be applied that people are very passionate about. There's a pretty extensive wikipedia article about said topic. 

 
This is not hyperbole. I don't believe there's ever been a topic I couldn't give less of a shit about (no pun intended).

With toilet paper there are only two things that matter.

1. Is there toilet paper?

There's nothing worse than realizing you're out of TP after nature calls. There's not many feelings on earth as scary as realizing the public bathroom you're in is out of TP. This is where things like resorting to paper towels/socks comes into play and nobody needs that. 

2. Is the TP soft?

Obviously you're gonna use what's in front of you, but there's no excuse for bad toilet paper. There are tons of things in life where you can cut corners and try to save money. A lot of store brand groceries taste as good, if not better than the name brand. But when it comes to toilet paper nothing screams "I have poor people tastes" than low quality TP.  I don't care if you make $10 or $100 an hour investing in quality TP  is an investment in yourself and the people you live with. 


You'll see the way the TP is on the roll was not listed because it doesn't fucking matter. As long as it's there and on the wall I'm happy. I can't believe there are people who will get upset when it's over instead of under or vice versa.  If this blog upsets you than congratulations, you're just proving my point. With TP as long as it's there and soft I'm happy. You can put it on the roll however you want, I'm still gonna sit there on my phone for 20 minutes even I only needed 3.