If You Own A Half and Half Tom Brady Jersey You Suck as a Human and Football Fan

Before reading this, please know this is sort of half-hearted. While I do believe these people rocking half and half jerseys are absolute losers, who am I to determine who is or isn't a loser? Many people probably think I'm a loser for marching to the beat of my own off-rhythm drum and dedicating my life to being a writer when I can barely read.​

That being said, I'm a big believer in personal freedom; if you're doing something that isn't illegal and doesn't physically harm people...do you. I'm just a bigger believer in 1A and that people have the right to make fun of you for it. No need to try to cancel anybody. We can all talk a little shit and move on.

I was in middle school ​the first time I remember ever seeing a split jersey. Laura Quinn (now Hawk) wore a half Brady Quinn Notre Dame-half AJ Hawk Ohio State jersey when her brother and then-boyfriend were facing off in the Fiesta Bowl. 

Image Source

What I'm about to say contradicts the rest of my blog; I completely understand why she did that. I'm pretty sure she was on PTI for her jersey (or at the very least, Mike and Tony debated it). When your brother and your future husband face off in a BCS Bowl, you're in a tough spot from a rooting standpoint.  What's more important, family love or romantic love? Instead of picking sides, she chose to pay respect to both forms of love. You'd have to be a real asshole to get mad about that.

The second time I remember seeing a split jersey, I was in high school. I washed dishes at a local pub from 2008-2010. In 2008, I ended up working (NFL) Sundays, and one day, a bartender was wearing a half and half jersey that makes no sense. To this day, I don't get it. It was a white-away, Patriots Randy Moss jersey on one half and a green-home Eagles Terrell Owens jersey on the other side. Together it made "Mowens," which the bartender explained to me at the time (as if I couldn't read that). I think it had something to do with them both being "Diva WRs," but still makes next to no sense. They were never teammates or really had any connection other than being elite WRs. He was just like "it's Mowens, get it?"  After 13 years, clearly I do not.

​​In the time between that and last night, I hadn't given much thought to split jerseys. Actually, I should rephrase that, when Brady signed with Tampa last year, they started to resurface along with highly offensive imagery such as this:

I had this saved on my phone so no "Image Source," but you can clearly see the watermark.

​Last night I came across hundreds of these disgraces to humanity but only had the wherewithal to get evidence late in the game when I went to piss out multiple $11 Bud Lights.

Zero respect for anybody who pays any sort of currency for these pic.twitter.com/Q3O6S8r7Zr

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) October 4, 2021

I saw half and half jerseys of every variety. Some looked like authentic jerseys; some looked straight out of China; others didn't even have the correct uniforms, like the second photo in my attached tweet. Those were the Bucs' jerseys BEFORE Brady got to Tampa. If you're going to wear one of these monstrosities, at least make sure the timeline adds up.

I get it; everybody handled the Tom Brady departure differently. Still, it blows my mind that people spend actual legal tender on these jerseys. Where do you even find them?  

Sure, we all know I'm a great person and respect they/thems even though the subject-verb agreement drives me crazy. I'm a huge gray area guy, but I'm sorry there has to be a line somewhere, and I'm drawing it in the half-jersey sand. 

I can't stand people who say they're a fan of a player over a team. Don't get me wrong; I have favorite players too. I love Mookie Betts, but I didn't become a Dodgers fan. People who are like, "I'm a Lebron fan" or "I'm a Peyton Manning fan" instead of a team drive me crazy. Sadly, the same can be said with Tom Brady. You have to pick a side. There are plenty of people who say they're a Patriots fan while genuinely rooting for the Bucs. You can't keep your Patriot allegiance while supporting the Buccaneers. There is no duel-citizenship with fandom. You can have teams you're sympathetic towards, but not legit fandom. It defeats the purpose. If you want to follow him to Tampa, whatever, you can do that but have the balls to wear a full Bucs jersey, none of this half and half bullshit. As much as I looked twice at people wearing full Bucs jerseys at Gillette last night, I can at least respect them repping their bandwagon-ness. I'm sure you don't see any of these down at Raymond James Stadium.

To me, it's just an awful look for Boston sports fans. For the last 20 years we've bragged about all the titles and utter domination. Now that things have regressed to the norm, jumping right on the Bucs bandwagon proves all the haters during the height of the dynasty right. And sure, if you wanted to say "who the fuck cares when the planet is dying and people are brainwashed enough to take the side of billionaires who exploit the system and have destroyed our democracy" I'd give you a hug and whisper "you're right" in your ear, but for the sake of my shitty little blog, fuck anybody who rocks a half and half Brady jersey. Pick a side, you fucking loser. ​