Fun fact: I was supposed to have a twin.
My mom told me that when I was younger that when she first found out she was pregnant with me that she was told that there was a chance she was going to be having twins. Obviously (up until this point) that didn't happen. There's only one Ole Dozo, which is probz for the best, I don't know if the world could handle two of me.
Legend has it, much like Dwight Schrute, I too may have "resorbed" my twin/ate him in the womb.
At the very least it would explain my appetite.
My sister and friends would always make fun of me for eating my twin in the womb. As a fat child, can't lie sometimes that hurt.
Well on Friday I received some shocking news.
I was just minding my own business, working the mean pizza streets like I always do.
Then it happened.
One of my buddies sent this picture to our group chat and my life was turned upside down.
Uncanny. That dude is me. I'm still not convinced it isn't me. In that picture, this dude looks more like me, than I look like me.
It poses the question: Is Bryan M************ still alive?
For all these years I had just accepted that fact that I ate my twin in the womb. I ate my twin. I had to deal with that everyday. I ate my own brother.
Then I find out there's this dude out in Cabo is living a life that couldn't be more polar opposite from mine.
I mean look at this fucking guy. Even down to the damn nipples that is Dozah. This dude is Dozo 2.0. Sure he might be chillen with pornstars in Cabo while I go to the same 3 bars with my friends every weekend, but this dude is me. I mean in Parent Trap one girl became British and they were still twins. F*ggot bandana guy could totally still be my long lost brother. We're just a little different after years apart. But just look at him, from the stupid look on his face, to the hair, to the beard, the drinking of an orange drink, and possibly being gay. This dude is me. He probably still isn't over how high school football or his last relationship ended either.
Given how the week at Barstool was going with the discovery of Buff Cat, this was a very strange coincidence to occur in my life as well. www.barstoolsports.com/chicago/if-youre-reading-this-its-too-late-buff-cat-my-insanely-jacked-doppelganger-has-been-uncovered-im-ruined/
There were people who at first glance believed the man in this photograph was me.
I mean the resemblance is uncanny.
While not too many of my friends are that tech savvy, it wouldn't shock me to learn that someone found a pic of me and photoshopped "FAGGOT" in huge pink letters, just to make fun of me. Jokes on them, it's 2017, I'll take it as a compliment.
Although tbh I could totally see myself wearing something like that, and given my blackout tendencies in the summer, it very well could've happened and just slipped through the cracks.
Of course, when you find out news like this, where your twin brother may still be alive you have to do some research and find out more. After clicking on his tag I found Dozo 2.0's instagram.
After a little more research it looks like maybe I didn't eat my twin after all. While the real Dozo is definitely bigger than Bryan M********, we definitely have some similarities when it comes to flow.
I like burgers too!
While I'm not entirely ready to accept the fact that I didn't eat my twin in the womb 26 years ago and I have a twin after all, I've definitely not, not ready to totally write this off either. I can't believe after all these years Bryan M******** may still be alive.
P.S. Dude since we're brothers now, Sweetsoundxx the least you could do is introduce me to one of your porn star friends. I mean I'm your fucking brother. Least you can do is try to help end the drought after not being in my life for the first 25 years of it. I think that's more than fair.