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Joe Buck Inadvertently Shows Us Why Howard Cosell is the GOAT Sports Broadcaster

4/17/2020

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With sports on the sidelines during COVID, there's a serious demand for some sort of athletic competition. People need that escape to take their mind off reality for a few hours.  I don't know if we're gonna see bio-domes or single-season realignment, but there are no bad ideas right now.  As they say "if you throw enough cruise ships against the wall, one's bound to stick".  There has even been discussions of bringing the voices of sports into other avenues of life to broadcast the action!!

A porn site says it will pay Joe Buck $1 million to announce its cam shows live. The site says it is also accepting applications from other national and local sports commentators.

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) April 17, 2020
Looks like Buck is a #pornguy,  but not a big enough #pornguy to accept the offer.

Depending on the site they could just be handing some of my money back to me. So I’ll hold out for a better offer and try to hold on to my day job. But I have to say I’m flattered. https://t.co/wBgkwnHyrA

— Joe Buck (@Buck) April 17, 2020
Most basic internet bitches would shit on Joe Buck for turning it down because it's the easy thing to do. Not Dozo, I can't.  I love Buck and don't blame the guy whatsoever for turning down this offer. Dude makes six times that a year from Fox.  Maybe if they offered him Romo money then we'd have something? You're crazy if you actually thought Buck would quit calling the World Series and Fox Football for a million bucks.

Buck has only recently started to show his human personality the last few years thanks to Pardon My Take.  Let's not forget in January of 2005 this man acted like Randy Moss fake mooning Lambeau was a lynching. 
A lot can change in 15 years(....WHAT THE FUCK?) and Joe Buck is like a fringe cool guy in small doses. Lol Jk! I love him as a broadcaster because he has a big game voice and good memories I have associated with it. His new podcast with Oliver Hudson has caught my ear! But this isn't a Joe Buck fluff piece. The big point is this! The idea of sports broadcasters calling play-by-play and color commentary for sex is hilarious. The thought of Cris Collinsworth saying "Here's a guy that's blessed with a God given nine incher, but still puts in extra foreplay effort of a man with half his Johnson. That's why he's still putting up those time of numbers this late his career."  is hysterical. Did you know that very sentiment is nearly 50 years old?!

Yes that's right. We have yet another example why history matters ladies and gentlemen! I'm sure there's plenty of fools out there who never thought about the possibility of Jim Nantz saying "Hello, Friends" over a shot of a perfectly manicured landing strip.  It took those uncreative bastards until a pandemic to ponder the thought! Well in the 1971 film "Bananas" the one and only Howard Cosell gave people the answer to the age old question "What would it sound like if sportscasters called sex?" Howard told it like it is as the marriage was consummated. 
Howie really knocked this role out out of the park. Now maybe we could see something like this in tv or cinema again someday, but it does make me wonder: what announcers would take the money?  I mean it would likely end their sports career since we're not that advanced as a society yet. Bbut when one hole closes, another one opens.  Buck is huge name, but he has a great gig.  Perhaps a Gus Johnson or Kevin Harlan; someone with a great voice, but not end-all-be-all-job with an amazing voice could decide they'll take more money calling P going into V instead of the PGA?  Who knows?  I feel like there's gotta be someone willing to make the jump. Look at Maitland Ward. 
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She went from Rachel on Boy Meets World...TWENTY YEARS AGO; with no credits since 2007 to one of the hottest names in porn. All because she crossed over with 3 ounces of recognizability​.​
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Money talks. With no sports going on I'm sure the low level guys are getting worried about paying their bills. The romantic in me believes there's gotta be at least one that porno-people can poach. I feel like there's gotta be some random Pac-10 baseball announcer desperate enough to say fuck it.


​What announcers would you like to hear calling porno? Who would be the best? The worst? The funniest? Comment below!
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