Jules tweeted this earlier today and I thought it was pretty cool and worthy of being blogged. It's a picture of letter from a former college professor who doubted his dreams, even mocked them. Saying he should have "realistic" goals. Obviously Edelman proved him and anybody else who didn't believe in him wrong with stuff like this: But I mean at the time could you blame him? Edelman was in community college, plus he was a undersized, run first QB. Not exactly the formula to NFL success, but as he said it through hard work, tenacity, and grit Edelman proved not only this professor wrong, but every other doubter he had along the way. Not to compare myself to the best slot receiver in the NFL, but here I go: I feel very similar to Edelman in the sense that I am being seriously doubted when going after my dream. I know for a fact I have "friends" (and family) who don't support or believe in me. That's fine, it'll make it that much sweeter when it happens. I dream of a day where I'm getting messages like the one Jules received, apologizing for not believing in me. Now I totally get it that wanting to work for Barstool may seem realistic to some, but to me it's all I can see myself doing. I've felt like I wasn't cut out for the "real world" my entire life, that I was meant for something different. I feel like it's what I was made to do. I know I've been slacking lately, and sometimes I have shitty blogs, but not everything is going to be a home run. Plus TBH I've been in a funk lately of self-doubt, and just writer's block in general. I could dive a lot deeper into that, but for the sake of everybody I won't. I know I have plenty of great blogs that I've written over the last year and a half. The talent is there, I know it. I'm just raw and need to get developed a little bit. I created @URIprobs for God's Sake in college and got it up to nearly 6,000 followers while remaining (semi) anonymous, and while in the grand scheme of college life, being a loser. I know I'm funny enough, and knowledgeable enough in a ton of different topics. I know for a fact I can be a valuable asset to Barstool Sports and just need the chance. Maybe drunkenly tweeting stuff at BSS or talking to bloggers in Newport isn't the right path, but I mean I gotta try something. I'm also going to start making videos soon because I think that's more where I'd shine rather than writing. I also think that's how you stand out. Don't get me wrong, I love blogging, but it can be fucking tough. I know people have way harder jobs, I'm not saying that, but when you want to write but have no topic it's the fucking worst. Plus I'm a personality, who happens to write, not the other way around. I know as a writer I have vast room for improvement. While I probably am going to have to pivot in the meantime to get a more traditional job (unless I somehow get hired in the next month) to give my parent's something better to tell their friends about what Ryan's up to, I'm never giving up. But they're the only reason I'm gonna give teaching a try. I just can't see myself doing that for the rest of my life, but I'm 25 and am gonna need health insurance soon, and would like to not live paycheck to paycheck, so at least for the next year that's probably my move. But since I'm 25 years old, and sort of stuck in neutral it's tough, because I haven't been able to fully dedicate myself to this. I think I have to, to make it. I can't be not writing or making content for days at a time. The only way I think to really have something happen is to keep working and truly dedicate myself to my craft. I know I'm funny, but sometimes it fucking hard to write funny. I'm a goofy, awkward dude and a lot of my comedy is from how I act in everyday life, not from behind a keyboard. But for now I can't really do that, because I need to figure out what's next for me in a "traditional" job sense. So as much as I'd love to be able to my content all day, I can't. I don't make any money off this now and need to survive. I'm personally okay with where I am in life right now. Obviously it'd be awesome to have more money and a good job, but I'm going after something I really want. It doesn't happen overnight. I want these to be the days I look back at in decade and know it was all worth it and part of the process. I always say that most people would love to be famous actors, musicians, athletes etc. but those fields are wicked competitive and hard to get a chance in so people don't try. But guess what, people obviously do make it, or else those fields wouldn't exist. Someone has to make it. Why can't it be me? And sure maybe with a lot of stuff it's who you know, and know nobody, but fuck man, I've been negative and doubted myself my entire life and I'm sick of it. I deserve more. In a way it crafted my sense of humor and who I am today, but it is no way to live a life. I want more out of life. I'm sick of hating every aspect of my day. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not as good as other people my age because I still work in a pizza place. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of being unsupported by the people I unconditionally support and root for to do well in their lives. I'm sick of worrying about my parents worrying about me. We get one shot at this game called life, and I've seen way too many people from my own family, friends and outsiders who just live some life that they don't want because they wanted security. But I'm not gonna fucking do it, I don't care. I'm not going to like kill myself so please don't freak out, but I would rather be dead than keep living a life I hate. So while I am going to have to pivot, I'm in no way giving up, and I know someday, I too will be able to say I made it and shove down the people who doubted me throats. To all of those who do believe, and have reached out to me (it's been awhile since you have tho) I do appreciate it, and I promise you I'm going to do everything I can to make it.
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