Halloween is officially two weeks away and your boy is fired the F up. It's officially time to start planning/making/buying costumes if you haven't already and I'm here to help. I am a BIG halloween guy. It's easily my favorite holiday. You don't have to see your family, and it's an excuse to dress up and get drunk. What more could you possibly want?
I don't understand people who dislike Halloween. Anti-Halloween people are the worst (I'll write about that later). In my opinion it's the best time of the year. Halloween parties are MY time. Lot of great memories wrapped around Halloween for Ole Dozo. I love dressing up and pretending to be someone else, and I love getting messed up. It's a great combination and tons of fun. I won a Charlie O's costume contest my (first) senior year of college (NBD) so I think I know a thing or two about Halloween.
I missed Halloween last year for the first time in my entire life and honestly it was more devastating than a death in the family. FOMO like you read about. I live for Halloween, and in most cases "halloweekend". When I was in college and "Halloweekend" would get stretched out into 2 weekends that was even better. I'd be cool with a full month. But two weekends was awesome. Twice the costumes, twice the getting way too drunk and twice the hot chicks dressed sexy AF that'll never talk to me.
With Halloween 2016 quickly approaching it is time to start thinking about costumes. There are definitely costumes people should stay away from and I'm going to tell you what I think those are. Now this is not some buzzfeed post telling you not to be something because its "offensive" because I'm not a loser and that's not what DOL is about. We live in a free country and you don't have to listen to this list, but I'm just trying to help you out. This list is about costumes you should stay away from because they're gonna be everywhere, are lame or are just straight up played out. Maybe you're different, but personally I wouldn't want to have a costume that 3 or 4 other people have at the event I'm at.
Anyways, let's get it started.
At first I was a little bummed I missed out on all the Ken Bone stuff because I wasn't watching the debate. It was an electric moment there's no denying that. Took the internet by storm. I mean the guy was everywhere. It was Ken Bone this, Ken Bone that. Everybody wanted a piece. And if Halloween was on October 10th it'd be a really funny, topical costume. But guess what, this bumpkins 15 minutes are up. Turns out he may not be such a great dude and Ken Bone flame is starting to fade. It's time to move on. Like HOV said "on to the next one"
If you still think Ken Bone stuff is funny then I should watch my emails because I'm probably going to get Rick Rolled by you. Ken Bone is already forgotten, so do yourself a favor and avoid this costume for Halloween. I know a lot of people won't and that's another reason you should stay away, there's going to be thousands of Ken Bones running around this Halloween. You don't want it to be like that episode of the Office when everybody is the Joker. Be better than that and use a little creativity for me.
No Costume At All
I dislike a lot of different people but the people who think they're too cool for Halloween are very close to the top of that list. Everybody knows someone who thinks they're too cool for Halloween. I have a lot of friends who are that guy and it's soooo annoying. Be fun one time for me!!! If you go out to a party or bar having a halloween themed night and you go without a costume you're an ass hole plain and simple. You don't need to go out and drop $200 on some extravagant costume, just throw something together. Stay in that night if you really don't wanna dress up.
Any Sort of Protester
It doesn't matter who you're dressed as; Left side or right side, someone will post you on the internet and try to get you fired from your job. That is life in 2016.
Bed Sheet Ghost
Just kidding!! It's actually a classic timeless costume. It's so big and bulky, and absolutely ridiculous. That is what makes it hilarious.
(Shout out Big Cat in 2013)
Look I love the Batman movies too, but unless you're a little kid then being Batman is played TF out. Unless you want to spend like 500 bucks the costume is gonna be trash anyways. Do yourself a favor and leave Batman for the elementary schoolers. If you're 36 years old and are Batman at some party with your wife in a year when a batman movie didn't even come out you're a squid.
Jake From State Farm
Is this commercial even on TV anymore? I honestly have no idea that was a legit question. All I know is that it came out like 5 years ago and wasn't funny then and isn't funny now. Yet every year you'll see some lame dude that didn't get a good costume throw on some khakis and a red polo and call it a day. Screw those people. Pretty lame. Only thing less fun than khakis is insurance.
Someone may actually kill you. Like for real, you'll probably die. I haven't been really paying attention to the news but people are killing these clowns right? Not sure and don't care enough to google it. Never can trust what happens in the south. Not worth dying over trying to be funny. Plus clowns are creepy AF. No thanks.
"Netflix and Chill"
VERY 2014. If you haven't been this already then you've missed your chance. Sorry. Gotta strike while the iron is hot. If you're thinking about doing this for this Halloween then maybe next year your could do Gangham Style!
Can't lie though, this picture is hilarious. This dude's facial expression is A+. He can be whatever the hell he wants.
This might as well be the official "I forgot to get a costume" costume. This is for the guys and girls who have friends leaving to go out in 25 minutes and they don't have a costume yet.
So they grab some plaid, glasses and tape and think that's good enough. Well guess what, it's not! As a huge halloween guy I hate these people. It's soooooooo disrespectful to Halloween. Are you gonna order pizza on Thanksgiving too? I think I've seen over 1000 "nerds" for Halloween over the course of my life and I have had enough. I will not allow it any longer. This costume needs to be forever retired, let's just start lumping it in with blackface so everybody is scared to do it for Halloween.
Trump or Hillary Mask
I don't hate this costume like other ones on this list, this is just more so advice as someone who's gone down that path before.
I was Obama in 08 when I was a junior in HS. A friend of mine was McCain. We both wore suits with masks and it was terrible. Who wants to wear a suit to a halloween party or bar? I mean its Halloween, you wanna be comfortable and flexible. That's not really gonna happen in a suit. Plus you don't wanna worry about ruining a suit which is highly likely after a long night of boozing.
Also wearing the mask the entire night get's old (and sweaty) veeeeerrry fast.
If you're gonna do this costume just think if you really wanna wear a mask for an entire night. Just my two cents.
Saved my fallen friend for last. I wanna start off by saying it pains me to say this because I love Harambe. But if you are Harambe for Halloween congratulations you are the least original person on earth
The whole Harambe craze on the internet is possibly the most fascinating story of 2016. Nobody has gotten so famous posthumously since Jesus. Think about it. It happened in May and people are still talking about it. Its perfect in so many ways because there are so many different kinds of Harambe people. You've got people who think that Harambe had it coming. You've got people who think it's the parents fault and that Harambe should've lived. You've got people just trolling. You've got people who are genuinely upset. You've got people who somehow found a way to think Harambe is offensive. You've got people caring more about a random Gorilla getting murdered than actual humans. You've got Harambe truthers. I could go on but I think you get my point. Then theres all the t-shirts, and all the hashtags, #dicksoutforharambe. It's honestly amazing how Harambe stuff has stayed relevant and funny on the internet for months.
The main reason you shouldn't be just plain old Harambe is because it's boring AF. Harambe should be a great costume but it's going to get ruined by millions of frat star hardos. If you go to a random party or a bar for Halloween anywhere in America there's going to be multiple people in Gorilla suits saying they're Harambe. It's not right and Harambe deserves better. Harambe may be dead but Halloween is going to be what officially kills him. If you want to pay respects to Harambe during Halloween just add a little flare to it, don't wear the exact same Gorilla suit that every 19 year old dude in America is going to wear. Have your own take on Harambe at least. That's all I ask.
These are a few costumes I think we should all stay away from this year. Let me know what you think! Are there any costumes I missed? Do you disagree? LMK!!