Maine Man/Tree Arrested
PORTLAND, MAINE - Portland police arrested 30-year-old Asher Woodworth after he walked back-and-forth slowly through downtown traffic dressed as a tree.
When he refused to comply orders, police took him to jail on a misdemeanor charge of obstructing a public way.
Police say Woodworth's motivation was to "see how people would react to his performance" and how it would "impact people's natural choreography."
Woodworth was covered in dozens of evergreen branches, which police removed to locate his identification and make his face clear for a booking photo.
A friend of the man says he was trying to study the city's traffic patterns.
This is the face of an ass hole. Probably a wicked baked ass holes, but an ass hole nonetheless.
Studying traffic patterns? What do you have a project due bro? You're fucking 30.
There's a lot of stupid stuff you can do that do that will piss someone off. I don't need to list them, we all get the point. We live in an outrage culture, that just how it goes. But dressing up as a tree and intentionally slowing down traffic will annoy everybody.
Americans can't agree on a whole lot, but one thing I'd say most people can agree on no matter who they are is that traffic sucks and so does anything that slows you down when driving. I don't know a ton about the "real adult world" but one thing I do know is that everybody hates commuting to work. Doesn't matter who you are. Then this fucking guy decides he's gonna intentionally mess up traffic "to see how people would react to his performance" well buck-O what the hell did you think was going to happen?
That has to be the dumbest reason to do something I've ever heard. I could've told you in two-seconds that people would get pissed and the cops would be called. What'd you think people would be happy they got held up? Have you ever been on earth before?
You know I've never tried to rob a bank, but I have pretty good idea what would happen to me. Nobody thinks you're a hero or special, Asher. You're a dick.
This cannot be the guys honest answer. "I wanna see how people would react" If that's actually the case then fuck you, Asher Woolworth Get the hell out of here you Mainer weirdo. Anybody who intentionally messes up traffic and people's commutes deserves a life sentence. No trial. Pre-crime city. If you intentionally slow people down it's a wrap.
You know how they say killing animals, and bed-wetting at adult ages are signs you may be a sociopath? Well add intentionally slowing people down to that. You cannot trust this man. You made your tree bed, now sleep in it, guy. You are a shitty person who doesn't deserve to be on the streets with normal people. Nobody wants any part of your BS "performance". You wanna perform? Learn the guitar and annoy some hipsters in a coffee shop with your cover of Wonderwall. Because that's exactly what you look like.
Honestly what did expect people to do? Did you think that people would be happy? That you'd be praised? That people would be moved by your "performance"? You wanted to "impact people's natural choreography"? Who even talks like that? Do me a favor, go back into the woods where you found your tree suit and blow your brains out. The world would be a better place without you.
No matter who big of an ass hole this guy is, there's no denying that seeing a picture of actual police officers apprehend a tree is hilarious. Still hate this guy though.
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