Trying to get back on the horse today. I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like lately. Mainly because of the frustration I get from trying to make blogs on a laptop that runs like it's personally mad at me. It's like it is holding a grudge at me from weird "stuff" I looked up like 6 years ago. Grow up, Macbook all I ask is that it doesn't take you 25 minutes to add a picture to a blog.
Cause let me tell you, when it takes you 3 hours to do something that should take 45 minutes it will drive you crazy and make you hate doing what you once loved. That and I have been having trouble finding shit worth writing about plus I'm low-key depressed, but whatever, that's not what this is about. When I saw this tweet from KFC I got excited.
Incase you couldn't tell by the everything about me, I'm not exactly the world's happiest person. I'm very jaded from years of being nice and having nothing to show for it. It has broken me and turned me into someone I don't love being. I don't like being a dick, but it's other people's fault. Just like #1 on my list (you'll see that shortly) I'm going to blame others for my shortcomings.
Luckily I can channel that into this blog.
So because I love to go over the top and instead of just replying in a tweet, here is a blog to show (my range, and humor) my reply to KFC and my Top 5 #PeopleYouHate
Honorable Mention: Roger Goodell
If this question was posed before the Super Bowl Roger Goodell may be the #1 man on my list, but winning really does cure everything. Plus it's March so the NFL isn't really the #1 thing on my brain. Talk to me again in October.
I have talked ad nauseam (just learned it's not "at nauseam" when trying to figure out how to spell nauseam) about my hate for Goodell. No need to give that piece of shit anymore burn on DOL. I do still hate his bird faced guts, but I fuck him. He's not even worth getting a Top 5 spot.
#5 Glenny Balls
Unlike the rest of this list I don't actually hate Glenny Balls as a man, but I hate what he represents.
All the Barstool people love him, he's probably a good dude, and as a fat man I feel bad shitting on one of my own. We're supposed to stick together.
That being said, as someone who's trying to make it in the blogging/personality game when a fellow fatty like yourself gets a job, essentially for just for having a ridiculous nickname and being funny looking it pisses you off. You know who else has ridiculous nicknames and is funny looking?
Me. It should've been me.
I'm not gonna rip on this kid too much, since this is tongue in cheek, but as someone who has a history of being too honest, to a point where it screws them over, yes I'm jealous and think it should be me. Of course I think I'm funnier and would be better for BSS than him. Even if that's not true, as a competitor you have to believe it. It hurts me to watch this kid living my dream.
Especially when you constantly are reminded of all the cool shit he's doing by your friends who also don't believe in you or your dream. Just getting bashed on in the group chat in "my boys".
"Hey Doz did you see Glenny did this?" and things of that nature.
Just rubbing it in my face that he got hired at my dream job in their eyes over me, That I created URIprobs (over 5,000 followers NBD), and have been writing for a year and this kid got a job just because he's fat and runs kind of fast. That shit eats at you.
So Glenny I don't hate you, but I hate the idea of you and what you've caused me in my personal life. I'd love to hopefully be co-workers someday and shit maybe even our fat asses could be friends, but until that day comes you are the fire the fuels me to prove my worth. So yeah I guess I hate you, but for good reason.
#4 John Elway
This man is solely responsible for the demise of Tim Tebow, so of course I hate his fucking guts. As the leader of the Tim Tebow got black balled fan club, I despise Elway.
This horse-faced, I won't play in Baltimore asshole rewarded Tim Tebow, the man who made the Denver Broncos relevant again (let's not forget what a mess the Broncos were from 2006-2010. Tebow while flawed, made the Broncos matter again in the national landscape) By bashing him in the media constantly, and shipped him off to the fucking Jets the first chance he got.
Elway told Tebow he needed to pull the trigger, and when he did that and led the Broncos to their first playoff win in 5 seasons with a horrible team that started 1-4, he sent him to the dumpster fire that was the Rex Ryan led New York Jets.
It was the beginning of the end for Tim Tebow, and the beginning of a 4 year run of success in Denver that included two Super Bowl appearances, and a win in Super Bowl 50.
I hate the Broncos, between giving Peyton Manning a home, throwing Tebow to the curb, and beating the Patriots twice in the AFC-Championship. It's all because of Elway and starts with how he treated Tim Tebow.
P.S. Let's not forget Elway lost 3 Super Bowls in 4 years in the 80's. People should talk about that more.
#3 Meredith Palmer
Excluding Robert California who was only there for one, horrible season, IMO Meredith Palmer was the worst character on The Office.
She is what's wrong with society. An alcoholic, divorced, low-key whore, ginger who did such a great job raising her son that he became a stripper and got a face tattoo. Like why wasn't that a bigger deal? Her son had a face tattoo and became a male stripper. Not even the good kind either. It's not like he's some stud and it makes sense. He's doing it to survive because his scumbag mother did such a poor job raising him the only skill he learned in life was how to take off his clothes. Then once she found out her son was a stripper (by stripping at a party she was at) instead of being outraged or disgusted like any normal mother should be she just told her son to keep working. Just think about how fucked up you have to be to let that fly?
She is a real piece of shit who was the one negative to an ensemble cast that may be the best in television history. I'm glad Michael hit her with his car, I wish he hit her twice. I'm just bummed that by doing so we found out she had rabies and saved her. I haaaaaaaate Meredith. Glad Pam and Jim's kids gave her lice too.
#2 Max Kellerman
Just look at that douche. I can't even try to kind of be funny about this one. I genuinely hate this man. I hate everything about this guy. I hate his stupid salt and pepper stubble-beard. I hate his face. I hate his voice. I hate his takes. I hate when he used to word et cetera in his arguments instead of giving actual information. I hate that he exists. I hate his Tom Brady take. I hate that he gets paid to talk sports when he just wants to try to sound smarter than everybody. I hate that he's so awful that he makes me take the side of Stephen A. Smith (who I also hate). I cannot think of one thing I like about Max Kellerman except for the fact that there will probably come a time in my life when I am still alive and he is not. I can't wait for that day.
#1 Lebron James (and his apologists)
I hate Lebron. Yes I know he's a fantastic basketball player, but he's also a fantastic ass hole. I'm trying to make shorter blogs so I won't go that deep into it but between the decision, the fake tough guy persona, always crying to the media, the hypocrisy of all his actions, reading the fucking Godfather as he walks into the Garden just so people will talk about him reading that, throwing teammates/coaches under the bus, his overall demeanor, thinking he's special just because he has kids, complaining that his teams aren't good enough, beating the Celtics, his antics, just everything about him. I understand and respect his game but he's just the fucking worse man. And I have a lot of friends who love him, and they're my guys I love them, but they and the millions of people who just put up with Lebron's shit and will never admit that he's kind of the worst are annoying AF.
I hate Lebron.