It's a day that all basic bitches and bros look forward to, even if they didn't know it was coming. NEW EMOJIS. Emojis have taken over the last 5ish years and later this month Apple will be adding these 72 emojis. I'm not gonna be some hardo tough guy and act like I don't like emojis because I do, but this update is a joke......lot of unnecessary emojis and that is what this blog is for I'm gonna say which 5 I think are the best and which 5 are the worst.
Let's be a little positive and get off on a good foot, by starting with the 5 worst new emojis.
Honorable Mention: Gorilla
This is only based on timing, any other week I don't even notice the Gorilla. But Gorillas are hot in the streets. Everybody is all up in arms about Harambe the Gorilla in Cincy. Are people pretending to care about Gorilla rights still or has the internet moved on yet? Hard to keep track of this weeks fake outrage. Anyways because of the Gorilla outrage on the internet this gets an honorable mention because I'm sure some loser will complain about the Gorilla emoji being "insensitive" in this current Gorilla climate.
Listen, I'm a soup guy. I love soup, soup is a great, but you're lying to yourself if you don't think soup is boring. I know in our society we are giving everybody trophies just for showing up, everybody is a winner, all that bs that is ruining our culture is bleeding into emojis. Soup just does not have what it takes to be an emoji and someone needs to be the one to say it. I guess I'll wear that hat. Who in their right mind is every gonna need a soup emoji? Who up to now has been texting someone and gone, FUCK no soup emoji?
Nobody that's who. Soup is just not important enough to get an Emoji. Also this soup looks GROSS, I know the quality of my pics of my computer look awful but wtf is that in the soup? A full chicken wing? What kind of shit is this?
P.S. as I was proofreading this blog (very rare) I noticed that this may not be a bowl of soup. That just solidifies how shitty this emoji is. Who tf is ever gonna use this, especially if you can't even decipher what it is?
#4. (TIE) All the new dick shaped foods. Carrot, Pickle, Bread
I guess the eggplant emoji wasn't enough. THOTS needed more, well now you have it 3 more foods that nobody would ever need an emoji for other than to use it as a wiener. Congrats.
#3. Pregnant Lady
Unlike the others, this one actually seams practical, but that is what makes it awful. Are we really going to stoop down to women announcing their pregnancies on facebook and instagram with fucking emojis? Look I love social media, probably too much, but some shit has gotten out of hand. Do we really need girls posting #pregs with an emoji? Susan B. Anthony would be rolling in her grave.
This is just gross. Shrimp taste good but are ugly AF. Nobody has ever called a shrimp cute. If you are happy about this emoji and you aren't Forrest Gump you're a pyscho. This emoji is HORRIBLE.
Okay, this takes the cake. The most boring emoji of ALL TIME. I can't even think of a witty or funny remark because it's that boring. Maybe this, the one way you'd ever need to use this is to ask someone for a spoon, but because it's such a boring, infrequently used emoji, you're gonna have to search for it. In the 8 minutes it takes you to find the spoon emoji you could've just typed, can you bring me a spoon? Which took about 2 seconds. Idk when that situation would ever even come up.
So those were the 5 worst. Here are my 5 favorite of the new emojis. I might even add these into my emoji repertoire.
#5. Bald Eagle
I'm a Patriot. I love my country. Bald Eagle is basically the mascot of America. This will be a must use emoji with the American Flag Emoji during the Olympics.
Gotta be honest idk when I'd use this, but it's cute AF, just look at those eyes. Plus the talent of this new emoji class isn't exactly great, like the 2013 NFL Draft. Cute Owl is in my top 5.
3. Hang Loose/Shaka Hand
Nothing says "I'm a chill bro" to someone like the shaka. Big shaka guy. Just gotta let everybody know you're chill.
2. Whiskey in a Glass
Drinking emojis are a must if you wanna spit game to the opposite sex. I'm just guessing here since that's not really my swag. I'm more of a do nothing and have nothing happen because you're a pussy kinda guy. But this new drink emoji should some how help 20 somethings get laid.
1. Woman Shrugging
I'm a BIG fan of this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Now instead of going into my notes app, finding this note, copy the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, paste it into my text/tweet I can just use this emoji. Solid move Apple. No complaints for the ole doz man on this one. Thumps up emoji to you for this one. The shrug is the perfect "oops" or "my baaaaaad" emoji and I mess up a LOT so it's the perfect emoji to me. If you use this emoji it basically forgives you for whatever mistake you just made, and that is what makes it #1 in the 2016 Emoji class for me.