One Episode a Week Streaming is a Crime Against Humanity

Like most millennials, I don't have traditional cable. Why would I? It's far too expensive for what you get, and it's not even on your own terms. I'm not trying to spend four and half hours watching the Forrest Gump on TNT when I can watch it on DVD in four with unlimited Candy Crush and pee breaks. Instead, I've cut the chord and rotate between Netflix, Hulu, ESPN+, Disney Plus, Paramount Plus, YoutubeTV, Amazon Prime Video, Means TV, Apple TV+, and HBO Max for my viewing entertainment.

Of course, I don't pay for all those subs or even have the time to utilize all of them, but when I do, it's of the essence. That's why I usually stream something on a second screen whenever I play video games. It's not just to simulate being with people, but to be as efficient as possible! Sometimes, I'll feel guilty sitting around for hours playing video games or watching tv, but suddenly I'm multitasking and being productive with my time when you combine the two.

One of the best parts of the streaming revolution from the last 10 years or so is the ability to watch an entire season of a show in half a day. It has completely changed how I consume content, and I'm sure I'm not alone here. I watched all three seasons of Stranger Things in like five days in 2019.

However, with so many streaming options where it is clearly no longer cheaper than regular cable, we've gone so far into the future that we're back in the past as some streaming services have the balls to go back to the stone age with once a week episode drops.

AppleTV+ is one of the newer streaming services. It debuted less than two years ago, on November 1st, 2019. They're one of the major culprits, but far from the only one (Hulu and HBOMax are just as guilty). Apple is still building up its original programming network, which could explain the drag-out nature of its releases, but one show that they've absolutely knocked out of the park or, should I say, into the net is Ted Lasso.

I'm a huuuge mid-late 2000s SNL guy, so of course, I love Jason Sudeikis as Ted Lasso, but he's hardly the only great character in this character-driven show. Since I'm a hashtag good guy, I won't spoil anything and instead just list their names; Roy Kent, Keeley, Higgins, Coach Beard, Nate the Gate, Vanessa, Obisanya, and Trent Crimm (the Independent).

Season One came out last year in this hybrid format where the first three episodes dropped at once, then once a week. For Season Two, Ted Lasso has gone full 1982 by making fans wait an entire week for the latest episode.

It's a disgustingly backward way to go about things. If I've referenced the great Chris Rock once, I've referenced him a million times on DOL, and one bit that is incredibly relevant right now is that men can't go backward sexually, and women can't go backward in lifestyle.

​Well, men, women, and theys cannot go backward in streaming! You can't have streaming services going around dropping entire seasons of shows for like eight years, then decide we're going back in time like Huey Lewis and the News with the best new shows.

​Sure, it probably keeps the show in the spotlight for longer and avoids spoilers, but not everybody is a spoiling piece of shit. Some of us like to smoke a couple bowls and watch TV for six hours straight, and as a tax-paying American citizen, that's my Constitutional right!

The toothpaste cannot go back into the tube. This isn't fucking Fraiser; we're in 2021, for God's sake. The earth is on fire, and we still can't go the entire population to agree that fascism is bad. Time is clearly running out. Let me get my fucking stories in before society self-destructs like Voltorb. It's not like you're still filming. Please do the right thing and drop entire seasons at once for people to view at their own pace. If you want to be a weirdo with discipline and self-control, wait a week to watch every episode. I'm trying to binge that shit.