Ravens CB Marlon Humphrey Arrested For Stealing A Phone Charger From An Uber Driver

via: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2018/01/26/humphreys-lawyer-he-has-11-million-reasons-not-to-steal/

The lawyer for Ravens cornerback Marlon Humphrey predicts that his client will be cleared of a robbery charge, and he predicted it in a colorful manner.

Attorney Paul Patterson told the Baltimore Sun that Humphrey’s four-year, $11.8 million contract was enough of a reason to counter the charges he stole a $15 phone charger from an Uber driver in Alabama.
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“Marlon has 11 million reasons not to steal a . . . phone charger,” Patterson said. “Marlon has not had an opportunity to tell his side of the story.

“The Uber driver makes a lot of allegations in that report that simply are not true. Fortunately for Marlon, we have eyewitnesses who are willing to testify about what accurately transpired between Marlon and the Uber driver.”

Humphrey was charged with third-degree robbery, and released from jail on $2,500 bond. The incident report said he asked to borrow the driver’s charger, refused to return it, and elbowed the driver. The driver accused Humphrey of making a fist and threatening him.

University of Alabama police found Humphrey inside a hotel with the cable (which didn’t fit his phone), and returned the cable to the driver.

Humphrey, the Ravens first-round pick last year, was back on campus taking classes this spring.

“It’s a sad event because the Humphrey family has a fine reputation in our community and now Marlon will be challenged with repairing his reputation even though it was a simple mistake,” Patterson said.

The Ravens put out a statement yesterday saying they were monitoring the situation.

Here's the info about why Marlon Humphrey is charged with robbery. An Uber driver was giving Humphrey and three women a ride to a hotel, said Humphrey asked to borrow a charger but refused to return it before elbowing him in the side. Charger didn't fit Humphrey's phone. pic.twitter.com/htNsHbuT74

— Stephanie Taylor (@TNews_Steph) January 25, 2018

Obviously you shouldn't steal. I already went over thou shalt not steal earlier this week not-fair-man-faces-15-years-in-jail-after-catching-his-wife-cheating.html but you especially shouldn't be stealing from Uber drivers.  Everybody who is driving for uber is broke, that's why you're driving for uber. Stealing from the poor is just mean. You drive for uber because you have to drive for uber. As a former uber driver I know this and can respect this unnamed uber driver for getting his side hustle on. You just don't steal from the poor.  If you want to steal from big businesses or rich people who won't notic; I'm not going to fully endorse it, but I think that's a different story.

Anyways, at the same time is stealing a charger really stealing? What's next going to jail for not returning a pen? Community service for grabbing a few grapes at the supermarket?

While I'm not trying to make excuses for Marlon Humphrey let's face the facts, as I think I figured out what was going on.

This man was clearly drunk and more than likely going to partake in some group sex at this hotel with two women. He's an NFL player going back to Bama where I'm sure he's a God, the dude is clearly trying to catch some strange. Why else would you be going to a hotel at 2 am after a night at your old campus with two girls? As long as they're all consenting adults that's A-okay, nobody should be mad at that, if anything you tip your cap to this young man. Congrats on the sex. He's clearly not thinking about the phone charger he used from this uber driver. He probably just got out of the car and wanted to get his D wet asap.

Of course he threatened this guy. He was hassling him over a fucking phone charger when he was trying to get freaky. I don't blame the dude. Like it's a fucking phone charger, cut your loses and move on, let me get mine. As a man who doesn't exactly have a ton of sex I'd be so pissed if someone was trying to cock block me over a phone charger. Granted if I was in his shoes I would've just been like here take the charger idgaf, but everybody is different. 

What I don't understand is how this guy took a charger that didn't even fit his phone. He must be some loser that doesn't have an iPhone because you need to be either the dumbest mother fucker alive (which we can't rule out entirely since he want to Bama) or completely shit faced to not realize what charger your phone uses. But then again the more I think about it even if you're completely plastered everybody knows what time of charger they need. Unlike your sexual orientation or address, it's not something that you forget when you're drunk. It's more like your name or birthday, things you'll always know no matter the circumstances. 

I just can't believe you can file a police report over a stolen charger. Imagine how annoyed the cops must've been here? A fucking phone charger?  When there's real crime going on. Can I press charges on my sister for never returning my charger I let her borrow? Because if I can I will. 

My biggest takeaway from this other than the clear scenario I recreated is that this Humprey dude has a horrible lawyer. "My client has 11 million reasons not to steal" Since when has being rich ever stopped someone from stealing? 

There's a certain thrill that comes with stealing that doesn't matter how much money you have it's just about trying to get away with it (allegedly not that I'd know). I feel like you're better off going with my argument as to why he may have taken this charger then just saying "Your honor, my client is rich, why would he steal?" Marlon Humphrey was drunk and trying to get some box. Since when is that a crime?