DozOnLife
  • Blogs
    • Sports
    • Music
    • TV
    • Movies
    • Advice
    • Everything Else
  • About
  • Contact

Should I Eat 43 Burgers?

3/3/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Eating 43 burgers has never been a goal of mine. I usually tap out at five and even that’s with PEDs.

​Whenever I get McDonald’s; which is rare, I’m a Taco Bell man... I usually get some combination of McChickens with no lettuce and McDoubles with only mayo and ketchup (deconstructed fancy sauce). I almost never get fries, but cookies are always in play.
If none of this makes ANY sense to you at this point...please watch this.

Just weeks before his 43rd birthday, @stoolpresidente couldn’t be more confident about his ability to eat 43 burgers in 12 hours...

(McD’s hamburger + bun + ketchup) pic.twitter.com/J9i40ubmd4

— Viva La Stool (@VivaLaStool) March 2, 2020
One of my future bosses, Dave “El Pres” Portnoy is turning 43 on the 22nd. Somehow the challenge of eating 43 McDonald’s HAMburgers in 12 hours in honor of the occasion came up. The whole backstory is here.
After reading/listening; a light bulb went off. This could be my chance to get discovered by the company I have made it my life’s mission to work for. As a binge boi that copes with food, I can CRUSH and have plenty of experience of eating to the point of pain. Just last night I had four packets of minute rice and I’m supposed to be a liquid diet right now. ?

I’ve always explained to people unfamiliar with Barstool that it’s the hardest and easiest job to get of all time. You never know when an opportunity is going to present itself. Some people worked their ass off for years putting in the time building a following big enough to get discovered, some just have a stupid nickname and get a chance from that. There is no rhyme or reason; which is why I’ll never give up.

Do I want to do this challenge? Of course not. I’ve spent a majority of the last nine months trying to get my life back in order after putting on 80 of the 120 pounds I lost in 2016. I’m almost positive my body will reject this much pink slime, but guess what? That’s what I’m willing to do. I really don’t want to “teach” kids any more and am out of options. 28 year olds with a resume of subbing, Uber driving and cutting off people’s electricity aren’t exactly the most desirable candidates for “normal” jobs. Besides, a normal job is the last thing I want. A desperate parent will do anything to save their baby and writing/being who I truly want to be is mine

I make dark jokes a lot and will continue to, but when I say I would rather be dead than give up my dream of writing for Barstool I’m serious as a heart attack (which may happen during this).

Here’s a chance to put my money where my mouth is (literally and figuratively!) I really think if I post this to social media and show my potential spectrum charisma and eating skills that may be what lifts me from the status of internet Pleb. In the wake of a zillion beers the timing seems right.

The way I see it there aren’t a lot of possible outcomes. I either do it and get recognition for it; do it and nothing happens; try and fail; or die. Once you put it like that it doesn’t seem that bad. 25% chance I’m writing for Barstool come March Madness.

According to the internet, 43 McDonalds hamburgers (250 x 43) is about 11,000 calories. Let’s not even worry about fat or cholesterol rn. I’ve had nights where I got to 7 or 8k without even breaking a belt loop. (Almost) worst case I, eat 12 burgers and if nothing happens (internet wise) and abort mission like I’m 17 with full ride to an Ivy League school (15 years ago...now they’d probably give your baby a scholarship too)

Am I crazy? Probably. Am I driven? You bet your ass. If given the opportunity to write for Barstool I will pour my entire enlarged heart into work and producing content. I am talented enough and don’t need to go down this rant rn but basically if gaining 10 lbs that I’m gonna gain regardless could possibly get me the job of my dreams I say order up.


My plan is to attempt this mission Saturday, unless something with Barstool happens beforehand. I am going to be making some more content tonight and the rest of this week but as of now I’m saying 70/30 I give this a shot Saturday. Please vote and say whether or not you think I should try on multiple internet platforms using the hashtag #HireDozo

Should I try to eat 43 burgers Saturday? #HireDozo

— Doz (very niche!) #hiredozo (@DozonLife) March 3, 2020
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    October 2024
    September 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Blogs
    • Sports
    • Music
    • TV
    • Movies
    • Advice
    • Everything Else
  • About
  • Contact