Sick News! Gronk is Going to Tampa Too

The #Patriots and #Bucs have agreed to terms on a trade: Tampa gets Rob Gronkowski and a 7th rounder in exchange for a 4th rounder, sources say.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) April 21, 2020

From @RosenhausSports: Rob Gronkowski has agreed to play for the Buccaneers, and he will honor his current contract.

— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) April 21, 2020

I really want get all worked up about this, I really do.  Sadly, I feel next to nothing.   What?  Were you expecting more? Sorry for evolving as a man. 

Did you really think I'd spend the next eight hours writing 4,500 words that'll get read by only my mom about how fucked up this is? Nice try.  You really want me to just sit here (and cry) in isolation, getting worked up over the dismantling of the New England Patriots?  You mean the only thing that has been constant in my life (since 4th grade; have I mentioned that?) is decaying like corpse in water? So you expect me to just lay here in my Gronk jersey thinking about the end of the double-dynasty and how literally everything you've ever loved will eventually end and/or die? 

Not gonna happen!

The Pats already got a horrible post-break up hair cut, now they're going full Debbie from Glow; giving away valuable assets for far below their resale value.  I'm cool with trading Gronk.  I really am in this situation, but why the fuck do the Patriots need to throw a 7th rounder into this trade? A 4th (that will likely get moved into multiple 6ths) for a super fresh, GOAT Tight End, coming off of multiple championships and somehow the Patriots needed to throw a sweetener in the deal?  Are you kidding me?

It fucking sucks that yet another one of my all-time favorite athletes is playing for another team, but you know what....I'm a human rights guy, I'm an individual freedom guy, I'm glad two guys who brought me more happiness than literally anything other part of my life get to play together again....Does it piss me off that this is going on in scuzbag Tampa and not Foxboro? I'll let you take that one.

But what's the point in getting worked up or caring about legacy? Honestly? Sure, I'm less happy than I was an hour ago, but all things considered it's not like life is kicking ass right now.  Brady and Gronk will now probably go win a Super Bowl down in Tampa to show how they didn't need big bad Bill.  Part of me is resentful to him for forcing both out. After watching The Last Dance there certainly are parallels, but the Patriot way is why the organization has had all this success. If it's going to be an ugly, shitty, ending so be it. 20 years was worth it. That's a trade I'll take; I got to witness my favorite team win the Super Bowl six times.

It may not be good or smart for an undiscovered blogger to have such a rational take, but from a football stand point you might as well get something out of this guy who's not playing for you and fucking up the cap (I think?).  I'm not going to pretend 7th rounders are draft caviar, but you never know who you'll find that late and the fact that ROB GRONKOWSKI alone couldn't net a 4th rounder is pathetic. Not that the Pats have a ton of leverage here, but whatever I'm rambling and should've ended after 7th round to say speaking of 7th rounders... I can think of someone not taking this Tompa Bay shit too well.

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A post shared by Ole Dozo (@dozonlife) on Apr 21, 2020 at 1:48pm PDT

P.S.

For the record because I'm sure people will ask me if I'm going to root for the Bucs or hope they succeed? Simple answer; no. Complicated answer; if they're covering every week you best believe I'm going to at least try to profit off this pain. Geaux Saints!