I'm not deliberately trying to rebrand myself as a drink guy, but that's the thing about life, you never know where it's gonna take you. I didn't think 2023 would start like this, but here's my 2nd straight blog regarding drinks. I'm starting this at 3:00 am and don't feel like digging into the DOL logs, but off the top of my head, I don't think I wrote any soda blogs in 2022.
Soda isn't really my swag. I mean, I have it in mixies, and when I get fast food combos (at Taco Bell, I prefer a Brisk Mango Tea), but I enjoyed a Sierra Mist now and then. Unfortunately, they're as dead as Lisa Marie (R.I.P.I.P.). I learned of PepsiCo's re-invention of its lemon-lime soda via this Instragam post.
Being 31 is weird. I remember Sierra Mist coming out. Its name was perfect for 1999 with that X-Games, alt-rock culture. Sierra Mist was cool, man. It was around for over 20 years and is gone without warning. I definitely fucked with it and am sad to see it go. I had no idea Sierra Mist was doing so poorly. It's wild to me that a soda (or anything) can make a BILLION DOLLARS, but that's not enough. You're never gonna top Sprite, bro.
Starry is an objectively worse name. It sounds like a diet pill from the 70s for newly divorced women. Who knows, maybe it'll be good? Apparently, it's more true to fruit. I'll for sure try it, and if it stinks, we know there's a precedent of soda companies ditching failing products from adverse fan reactions. Who knows if Sierra Mist is dead for good like the former Mrs. MJ or simply 2023's "New Coke?"
I just don't dig this name at all. Starry sorta feels like a new stealthy anti-semitic dog whistle (which is never good). I could totally see someone who cried about lady M&M's yelling at their daughter, "Valerie. I won't let you move to New York; it's too...starry."
I love the colorway on the cans. I'll give Pepsi that. The bold pops and everybody knows Dozo is a sucker for green & yellow. I love when the Celtics mix it in. The 70's Oakland A's jerseys are all-timers. I don't hate the can at all, but the diamond in the S looks a little too much like the Steelers/Steel logo. Will charges be pressed??? You could argue there are some low-key Steeler vibes on the can with black, yellow, an S, and that little diamond.
This name just fucking stinks. I can't imagine myself ordering that at a drive-thru. Depending on your accent, it could sound like you're saying "story," which could get confusing if the person on the order end is a creative soul and thinks you're saying, "I'll have a story." Lines are already slow enough.
For the record, since it's now 3:41 am, I'm naturally a little paranoid. I'm gonna start my nightly shutdown procedures after finishing this blog. I just have to reiterate I DON'T like the name, and that argument I made, while solid and funny, is NOT an endorsement of using Starry as a new slur. That's not what I want. That will not be my legacy. I'm saying it sucks because I could see it being used that way.
By the way, I haven't officially mentioned it on the blog, but I did win my fantasy league. I was gonna do a recap blog, but after the Damar Hamlin situation, that felt in poor taste. Instead, I'm sprinkling it in a soda obituary. I'm glad to hear Damar's doing better. I hope he makes a full recovery and can continue his career if that's what he wants.
R.I.P. Sierra Mist
R.I.P. Lisa Marie Presley. I wonder if she liked Sierra Mist?
This is my favorite Sierra Mist can. I just added the Shrek one because who doesn't love Shrek? What a relic!