The Official DOL OceanGate Take(s) Blog

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I've spent more time than I'd care to admit typing and deleting opening lines for this blog because I'm a little more in my head than usual. Relax, Dozo... do what DOL is all about and speak from the heart. Tbh, I'm not in a super great place right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stuck in a tin can without food or water on the bottom of the ocean like these rich dicks, but it's still pretty bad. This herniated disc is fucking my shit up so badly; I bet it's a registered Republican.

I hate that I haven't written much lately, but I've been out of commission. I'm not me rn. The last threeish days have been jam-packed with F- quality sleep while trying to find the perfect position that doesn't feel like I've got an icepick stabbing my back with little luck and a modest 10-game winning streak in Madden.

​Not to S my own D, but despite all the pain, I still made it to the gym the past two days because riding the bike helps (once I can get loose enough to put on my socks and shoes without crying), and I'm determined to get my life back. Today's the official start of summer, and if Whore Summer is gonna live up to the hype, I gotta shed some more of this Covid-150.

For the sake of time and my sanity, I will outsource a brief recap of this Mad Lib of a story because time is of the essence when your air supply is running low. We all know what's going on; if you don't, this clip will help!

@truecrimekari This Submersible with 5 men went missing after diving into the water in NewFoundland Canada - only 1hr and 45 minutes into the trip. #titanic #submersible #truecrime #truecrimetiktok #crimestories #fyp #newstories #recentnews #news #recentstory #titanicwreck #missingpeople ♬ Suspense, horror, piano and music box - takaya

As someone who'd sleep for like 90 minutes, wake up and scream for 20 minutes, fall back asleep for 8 minutes, rinse and repeat with various numbers over the past few days, every time I checked my phone, I'd learn more about the insanity that is this OceanGate story. 

The sub story has everything. Billionaires. Logitech controllers. A stepson seeing Blink 182. Conversations about what is funny and what isn't. Rescue missions. The Titanic. Orcas. pic.twitter.com/cTDduwnwTe

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) June 21, 2023

How about that fucking name: OceanGATE. I'm sure this has been beaten into the ground, but that's the first of like 398,000 red flags. When has the suffix -gate ever been a good thing?

we build an 'unsinkable' cruise liner, then crash it into an iceberg in 1912, so we can sell tickets for a makeshift submersible to visit the wreckage 4000m below sea level, and then when it goes missing, we use the publicity to get free Blink 182 tickets pic.twitter.com/K5qWpJb81c

— Carl Kinsella (@TVsCarlKinsella) June 21, 2023

Even though I have zero sympathies for these people (they're not victims of some unforeseen tragedy, this disaster is an act of Darwinism in full display), as a hashtag good guy, I'm not actively rooting for them to die. We've all done stupid things to either impress others and/or attempt to fill a void in our meaningless lives. So even though I'd never in a million years get into a remote-controlled iron lung to look at the remains of a ship that sank before women could vote, I've done things I regret to press others and/or attempt to fill a void in our meaningless lives that could've cost my life. Should these people somehow survive this act of pure stupidity, I'm sure they'll realize how fucking stupid this decision was and maybe change the whole "safety is a waste" attitude. 

This guy was like I’m gonna charge 250k per head to explore the famous boat that sank because of hubris. Then i’m going to go on record and say safety is for losers. And for good measure I’m going to call my company oceangate, nominally predestining it for historical scandal https://t.co/7Yk33MpDNx

— eve6 (@Eve6) June 20, 2023

Despite the seriousness of this grave situation, I can't help but laugh at the irony of billionaires (potentially) dying due to poor planning and hubris while attempting to check out the remains of an "unsinkable" ship that went down for those same reasons. 

Also, the wealthiest passenger on the Titanic died, and these rich dicks are likely next. At least John Jacob Astor IV died being "a man" and respecting the sexist-ass "women and children" protocol. These future fish sticks CHOSE to go to the bottom of the ocean in a metal porter potty controlled by a 2002 Gamecube controller to flex on other rich people.

Let's end this blog with some semi-rapid fire takes about this entire situation.

• If these people somehow survive, this shit was probably a publicity stunt.
  • idk how much I actually believe that, but you can't rule it out.
• If these people are somehow alive, they should have to reimburse the rescue fund since they're billionaires who literally did this to themselves for no reason other than stroking their egos.
• I do feel bad for the 19-year-old.
• maybe he was just trying to bond with his dad or make him happy?
  • I get it, bro
• Why the fuck doesn't thing have some sort of tracking device?
  • how stupid do you have to be to go into the bottom of the ocean in a sardine can with no tracking device? Even on Stranger Things they used a guide rope when traveling through realities. I'm not saying it would've saved you, but it'd be worth discovering!
  • seriously..why the fuck wouldn't this death trap have some sort of GPS? Every single app on my phone asks for my location
    
• Why would anybody even want to see the Titanic wreckage?
  • You could literally use that money ($250,000/seat) to have multiple sick ass vacation above sea-level and/or pay OnlyFans chicks to eat your ass.
• What are the odds that two (or more) people in this situation have fucked?
  • It's June; when you're about to die, a hole is a hole. Might as well go out with a bang.
• How bad does that place smell?
  • I don't think they have food with them so it's not like they're gonna be shitting a ton...but they've been shitting nonetheless. 
• Seeing Blink-182 > worrying about your billionaire step-dad

I'm sorry but I only have so much hashtag good guy energy. I'm more concerned with stopping fascism and corporate greed. I don't have the bandwidth to worry about these people. Again, I'm not actively rooting for them to die, but I will shed no tears when that news finally comes out. How is this not an SNL skit?

P.S.

If you get this meme, congrats!!! You're chronically online!