The Rules of Nudity in Locker Rooms Need to Change

I didn't want to have to write this blog for many obvious reasons. I'm sure my friends will text our group chat and make fun of me for this kind of "suspect" blog, but I'm used to that. I'm a lightning rod. If it wasn't for this it'd be for something else. That's what happens when you're an electric person like I am. I'm used to it. It's the cross I bare. It comes with the territory. Sometimes you gotta tackle the uncomfortable subjects and that's what I'm going to attempt to do here.

There's absolutely no reason whatsoever for people to walking around a locker room naked. None. Now I get it, if you are changing after the shower you're going to be naked and I guess that's whatever. Do what you gotta do. I played two sports in high school (no big deal) I know how it goes. That's totally fine. No issue with that. If you wanna shower after the gym be my guest. I'm more of a do it when I get home guy but that's just because I'm a normal person. 


What really makes me uncomfortable and frankly don't understand the reason for it is these dudes, some of whom are not even that old just walking around a very small locker room ass naked for no reason. I don't want to see that and do my best to avoid it but sometimes there's nothing you can do. Just because it's a locker room doesn't mean you have to be naked, especially in situations where you don't need to be.  Like why are you at the urinal naked?  Or washing your hands naked? Or watching TV naked? There is no need for that.  We aren't in France at a nude beach dude, throw on a towel. 


It's like they're shoving down your throat the fact that they're naked. Like aggresively naked. Bro we live in a society with rules. Have you ever heard of over kill? Sure it's okay to shoot someone once for "self-defense" but when you put 29 bullets in them it's hard to make the same argument. Same with nuidty in the lockeroom. If you need to undress to jump in the shower, fine do it. But you don't need to strip down, watch 10 minutes of sportscenter, talk to someone, take a shit, read the paper and brush your teeth naked in a public place. Get undressed, throw on a towel, walk to the shower and go in. Not that hard of concept. When I go into the bathroom to take my mid-work out shit I don't want to be washing my hands next to a mid 60's naked dude.  Sorry.  


Something needs to be done. The times they are a changing. I think the days of being able to roam free in the locker room naked need to end and need to end now. Here is what I'm proposing. You cannot be naked for over 30 seconds at a time in the lockerroom. Start fining people or something. Give me a reason why that's a bad idea. That gives you plenty of time to dry off and throw on some underwear or a towel after a shower.  Anything longer than that and you're trying to put on a show and I don't need any part of that in the locker room.

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When I'm working out I don't even want to talk to people, it's my time to listen to some music and go on the elipitcal for a little while so I can feel like guilty when I drink 9 beers and eat a pizza on a Friday night. So I definitely don't want to accidently see your grandpa's balls. I don't want to walk into the locker room bathroom and be bombarded by naked dudes when I'm taking a piss. I just don't. If you disagree with me you're the weird one.  30 seconds is more than enough time.