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It's important to remember that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. There's nothing stopping you from saving $10-$200 a month by halting your usage of toilet paper. Ladies, I get that you want to rebel against the patriarchy, but ironically, shaved heads are a go-to look of the oppressed. Nobody looks good with a shaved head. Knock it off! I love freedom, but just because you're free to do something doesn't mean it's a good idea.
As the league approaches Week 16, the NFL's third season under the looser uniform number rules is nearly over (In 2023, #0 became eligible for all positions except linemen). Don't get it twisted; I'm not a full-Brady and think this additional variety is ruining the game. I'm all for freedom of expression and love anything number-related that isn't math. It's great that more single digits are in the mix, but some numbers are just flat-out ugly, and that ugliness is amplified when worn by a player where the vibe just doesn't fit. Over time, change gets easier to accept, but for now...these uniform numbers just look fucked up on the football field. Without further ado, I present my choice for the NFL's Top 5 Most Egregious Jersey Numbers.
Honorable Mention: New England Patriots OT Conor McDermott
Unlike the rest of this list, this number is traditionally worn by offensive linemen and looks fine. It's just incredibly fucked up that the Patriots issued #75, ESPECIALLY to a journeyman offensive lineman. I know the Pats haven't officially retired a number since Bruce Armstrong, but Vince Wilfork is one of the best players ever to wear the Flying Elvis. At least Revis wore Ty Law's 24, and Hightower wore Bruschi's 54. Poor Vince is stuck with this bum.
Don't even get me started about the Pats issuing 87, but in a weird way, it's easier to handle in the fugly post-Brady unis.
5. Chad Ryland #37. Kicker. New England Patriots
While researching for this blog, I was shocked to see how few kickers and punters took advantage of their newfound flexibility. Only 4 K/P wear a number above 19. I love that Randy Bullock rocks 46. It fits that goofy bastard, but how are you gonna let a fucking kicker wear Rodney Harrison's number???? And he's not even good! If this guy had a little swag, it'd be like, "Okay, I see you in the ridiculous number," instead, it's on this waste of a 4th rounder. When I think about 37, it's a powerful number. I think of hard-hitting safeties, Shaun Alexander, and fullbacks who crave contact, not kickers who can't hit from 47.
4. Skyy Moore #24. Wide Receiver. Kansas City Chiefs
No this wasn't a pick-6. It was a walk-in touchdown for a,,, **checks notes** wide receiver?? I hate to sound like such a Republican, but 24 is for corners and corners ONLY!
3. Jamal Agnew #39. Wide Receiver. Jacksonville Jaguars.
This one actually makes me the most irrationally upset. 39 is an ugly ass number and does not belong on a WR. Apparently, it's from when he was a corner? I didn't realize Agnew's been in the league since 2017. Damnit...I did research, and it flipped my whole opinion (if only more did that). Now I kind of think it's swag that he wears 39 after changing positions, but fuck it, we're too deep into this blog. That exact reasoning is why I didn't include Cordarrelle Patterson lolol. At least I'm writing today.
2. Jadeveon Clowney #24. Outside Linebacker. Baltimore Ravens.
If Clowney wanted to wear 7 like his days as a 'cock I'd be all for it, but brother you're an OLB/DE, why you tryna look like a corner? It's like a 70 year old guy with jet black hair. You're not fooling anyone. We know it's not natural. 24 is for CORNERS ONLY.
1. Darren Waller #12. Tight End. New York Giants
It'd be one thing if his last name was "Fuck," but no number in football is more linked to a single position than 12 is to quarterback. Of course I'm a tad biased with Brady, but there's Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw, Aaron Rodgers, and Andrew Luck to name a few. So many great QBs have donned the dozen on their back. IMO, if you don't have a QB wearing 12 on the roster, nobody's wearing 12. Marques Colston always looked off. The Cardinals current punter should be ashamed of himself.
P.S. We all know what number looks great on niche bloggers/key-returners/key-losses in the local paper. 
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