Trump's Staff Bans Him From Twitter to Prevent Further Damage

Via: http://www.vice.com/read/trumps-staff-has-banned-him-from-twitter-until-the-election-vgtrn?utm_source=vicetwitterus 

"On Sunday, the New York Times reported that Trump's campaign staff has taken over control of the GOP candidate's Twitter account so that he can't go on any late night rants during the last few hours of the 2016 election season."

Tomorrow is election day (can't believe that it's here) and both side are doing all that they can to improve their chances in the waining hours before tomorrow. Hillary's team is probably out there deleting more emails while Donald's is making sure he stays away from technology all together.

Yes, with the Election happening tomorrow Donald Trump's staff decided it is in the best interest of the team to take Donald's twitter privileges away so that he won't impulsively say anything that will worsen his chances. 

Now I'm not here to talk politics or policy. I'm not here to go after the low hanging fruit and make crappy jokes about "if we can't trust Donald with twitter in this spot how can we trust him to run the country"? Any bum off the street can do that. I'm not even mad at Barry, it's a good point and tbh I agree with him but here at DOL gotta be a little funnier than that.  Anybody can make that point. 

What I'm here to do is talk about how jealous of Donald Trump I am. Now I want to preface it by saying I'm only jealous in this situation, because despite being rich AF and the Republican Presidential Nominee I'm all set with being the Donald.  Even as a 24 year old loser I'd rather be me.



For one have you seen my fucking hair?

​(not even that great of a picture of it if we're being honest)

​Have you seen his?

Game over. No contest. Advantage Doz. 

​That's a bigger blow out than James Madison football vs. URI.

Yeah he's rich but money cannot buy my flow (it probably can, but whatever)


No, what I'm jealous about is how despite needing a miracle to win the election his staff is still there for him to make sure he doesn't totally sabotage the minute possibility he has to win. I appreciate that dedication to a friend. 

See your boy ole Dozo here used to be (and still is sometimes) a serial drunk tweeter/texter/snapchatter and they've gotten me in a world of hurt. My job from 2013-2015 on my resume might as well be professional sabotager, because that's all I did.  

I've had literally hundreds of mornings where I avoiding looking at phone for hours from the secondhand embarrassment of the drunken actions of myself. All that could've been avoided if I had Trump's staff following me around during college. Not proud but it's what happened. Similarly to Trump I mostly just embarrassing myself to girls that I didn't really have a chance with anyway.  While it technically isn't me making those decisions,  (drunk me, isn't me, big difference) I still have to live with the consequences, hell this blog alone is basically me just airing dirty laundry with the minor hopes that people on the internet think I'm funny and give me a job, I'm probably sabotaging myself again right now. I'm just saying it would be pretty cool to have had people that were there to make sure I didn't make myself look like a complete ass hole. Woulda be nice to have a staff (friends) there to prevent me from drunk texting my ex girlfriend for two years. 


Now I know what you're thinking.... Ryan (that's when you know it's serious), you're almost 25 years old don't you think its time that you start acting a little more responsible?

Yes I do, and I think I am. (We're talking about 21-23 year old Ryan, NOT 24. I've matured a ton but this isn't about me trying to make myself look better)  I'd like to let you know that Donald Trump is 70 years old, 70!!! 

It's insane to me a 70 year old needs someone to make sure he's on his best behavior. He's the fucking Republican nominee and has to have people take his twitter away from him.  Just think about how insane that is for a second? So before you cast your judgments at me, (which would be pretty uncool, I'm just trying to make you laugh)  cast that at the Donald.  I'm totally fine with passing the buck here. A 70 year old man who could be President isn't enough of an adult to not tweet ridiculous things in the wake of what is one of the most important days of his life.  Makes a stupid drunk 22 year Ryan ******t not look so bad now, huh?