Your Fingers Become 5 Drink Dispensers That Become the Only 5 Things You Can Drink The Rest of Your Life...Here's My Picks
Back in my pizza days we used to come up with hypotheticals and would you rathers all shift long to pass the time when we weren't slinging pies. They're a lot fun, don't need to go much deeper than that. Hypotheticals similar to this one have come up in the past, but this one really caught my eye. I love the desert island type hypos where you can only have a certain number of something.
Here are what I would pick if all 5 of my fingers became drink dispensers that become the only things I can drink for the rest of my life:
Poland Spring Water
This is a no brainer and you're a complete hardo if you omit it. Water is fucking awesome and the perfect drink. Nothing like some ice cold water after exercising, or to relieve the coughing after.... Water is literally the source of all life and if you'd rather have sprite or something above it you're a garbage person. Soda is for children and poor people.
I often say I am not a healthy guy, but hands down the healthiest thing about me is how much water I drink. My fluid level is always on point. I crush water. It's a must as the big man.
It is vital to realize that not all water is created equal. Don't you dare bring that "mineral-infused" aka salty ass dasani or aquafina in my face. Poland Springs is the goat and what I'm picking. It's better than tap, it's better than Lyfewater, Fuji, whatever other hoity toity waters you can think of. Plus I could dispense Poland Spring water to wash myself which wouldn't be the worst thing. A finger (from a distance) baday would be sorta cool I guess.
For the many, not the few. Good ole, Budweiser Light.
If you want some crafty, double-brewed, maple stout for the rest of your life, go for it. I'm picking the most popular beer in America. I've been drinking Bud Light since I was 14. Bud Light is just so versatile and good despite what dudes with 8 inch long beards will tell you. It's like the Diet Coke of beer in the sense that it's everywhere. You can have it at a cook out or a nice dinner. Unlike diet coke it gets you drunk which is an instant trump card.
I am definitely not the milk drinker I once was, in high school I'd have like a half gallon a day, now half gallons go bad in my fridge. But 1% milk (or however you take it) is a must include when discussing hypothetical drink restrictions.
It's Christmas eve, you just made cookies with your spouse and kids, and all you have to pick from is 4 different types of beer and blue gatorade because you thought you'd be 22 forever.
Milk is essential as a drink with basically any dessert, I don't wanna think about a warm, chewy brownie without a tall glass of milk. Don't even get me started on cereal. You're eliminating cereal as a meal for the rest of your life if you get rid of milk, unless you're Michael Irvin. Milk is a must include.
A golf legend who's greatest impact may have been in the beverage game.
Much better out of the can than in the bottle, I don't know if it'd be possible to have it dispense from my finger in can form, but since this is a situation where my hand becomes a soda gun, I think I can make the own rules.
A.P. goes great by itself, or even better as a mixie.
For when I need to get drunk in a way that requires less fluid ounces. I'm definitely more of a jack guy, but I'd rather have AP on the list than diet coke, so Tito's survives. This hypo says nothing about squeezing limes. It's not the best choice for a shot, but for sure doable. A great complement to the Arnold Palmer pick. The 007 is my favorite summertime drink, but with 3 ingredients it's not happening when I only have 5 choices for the rest of my days. Bonus can use it as a disinfectant if I'm ever cut lost in the woods and wanna clean out a wound before I get eaten by bears.
What 5 drinks would you pick if suddenly your hand turned into a drink dispenser?