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Song: Wreckage (2024) Artist: Pearl Jam Album: Dark Matter Gotta give PJ some love before my upcoming blog. Everybody knows how much I love and respect Eddie---well his recent actions only amplified that love and respect. Sidenote: I'm currently watched a docuseries on the Challenge Disaster (shame on NASA for not doing more when they knew there were issues!) and it feels a tiny bit in bad taste to use this song but DOL is all about tying everything together! (and stopping fascism)
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It's a team game, but have a night, Al!!! How fucking sick was that out-of-bounds blast?!
After starting the series like 0-39 from behind the arc, the math was mathing (I hate myself for using that phrase---and a million other reasons!) as Horford hit six threes, grabbed 15 boards, AND blocked three shots----IN HIS 17th SEASON.
I'll tell ya how I'm feeling, loyal DOL Reader (my baaaaad for not blogging for two weeks).
Regarding our Boston Celtics, I'm feeling confident. I don't love the two home losses, but we're hitting this from a positive angle. Miami & Cleveland shot the lights out in their Game 2s, and more importantly, the 2008 Celtics went seven in the first two rounds in identical fashion: 4-0 at home, 0-3 on the road. These 2023-24 Celtics have followed suit: Win game 1, lose 2, win 3 & 4 on the road, come back home, and close it out in five. It's easy to be like, "Wtf, C's...the Cavs were playing with like 7.5 guys, and you didn't look that great," but your opponents are pros, too. They'll give you all the cliches you could ever want about playing with their backs against the wall. That being said, Max Strus is a fucking bitch, and his trolling is weaker than Phil Rivers' pull-out game. Have a nice summer.
In the postgame, Draymond Green was talking shit about how nobody cares about the C's making it to the conference finals again...that they need to win a ring. While I don't disagree, this is the Celtics year and stfu guy. We don't need that energy. We do need Porzingis back, but this team has some serious '76 Raiders to them in the sense that they dominated for nearly a decade but had no championship to show for it..until '76.
Here's a little history for ya: The OAKLAND Raiders went to Super Bowl II while they were still in the AFL, then lost SIX AFL/AFC Championship Games in eight seasons. The C's are 1-4 in the ECF (even though the first two should not be held against them) during this run, but Tatum is 26, and Jaylen is 27. They're still not even in their prime.
This team needs to win a championship to get the respect they deserve, but we've gotta enjoy the ride!!! As someone who's won a dozen championships, I cannot stress that enough. You gotta enjoy the ride. We're gonna all be dead forever some day. Fascism is here. Enjoy this. The C's are 8-2 in the playoffs and very much alive for the Larry OB. I watched 80% of the game on my phone while at the gym (#everydaydoz), and it's tough to remember all the specifics, but what a fucking night for Mr. Alfred Joel Horford. He was the MVP of Game 5. I fucking love Al and can't wait to fit back into his shirsey I bought at the 2018 ECF.
Song: Move Along (2006) Artist: The All-American Rejects Album: Move Along TBH, I'm more of a "Swing, Swing" guy, but the C's have gentlemen-swept their second straight series. We're moving along that playoff bracket! Hopefully, Knicks-Pacers goes seven. Have a night, Al!!!!! 
Previous Dozie's Brain Dumps:
April 24th, 2023 July 10th, 2023 August 9th, 2023 October 10th, 2023 February 29th, 2024 March 11th, 2024 April 10th, 2024
I don't know if it's a case of the blogging yips, the aftershocks of a broken heart, or living through the fall of Rome 2.0, but I haven't really wanted to write lately. To quote Blur, "I'm a professional cynic, but my heart's not in. I'm paying the price of living life at the limit." In this case, I've been on the brink of a breakdown, and my priorities drastically changed, so my passions sort of faded away. Don't get me wrong; there's been a few things I've wanted to write about...like how about this fucking qunt?
But I've struggled to find the motivation, which is low-key ironic because tonight's Dozie's Brain Dump will mainly focus on #everydaydoz and a potential Celtics series-clinching win (they're up 30 as I type this). Not to suck my own dick, but this month has been a clinic in motivation for the Doz man!
It all started on April 4th. While recording my pre-gym video diary, I realized it was my fourth straight day going to the gym. This coincided with April 2024 being four days old at the time, so I threw out the idea of going every day for the entire month (as a bit). 
From there on out, I posted a "progress" selfie and my cardio numbies from said session. Part of me was like bro, this is kind of annoying, but a much larger part of me was like this will help me hold myself accountable. I didn't want to let anybody who believed in me down or give the h8r fuel by missing a day after holding myself to this bit to help me shed this COVID-depression weight. Knowing that people were gonna see how long I rode the bike for made me keep going.
Day 15 update (this was like a blog in itself).
I've been pretty open about my mental health throughout the life of DOL, but if you're new here, like most millennials...my brain is fuuuuucked up from all the fun catastrophic events we've lived through and from growing up with very divorced parents (like 60% of my friends). I eat my feelings, and ya boi feels a lot. (I'm almost jealous of people who don't care. Like how are you not freaking out about the threat of authoritarianism???) That's what happens when you're a hashtag good guy. It's no secret ya boi's been going through it this decade, and for far too long, I didn't care enough about myself to want to try. I was so fucking defeated. I put on all the weight I had just lost in 2019, which caused my mentals to plummet like Kristi Noem's chances of being Shitler's veep.
Talk your shit, official Celtics twitter account!
Fuck the Miami Heat! You're going HOME. This series win is step one towards 18---major 2022 vibes when we beat the last three teams to knock us out of the playoffs en route to The NBA Finals: Presented by YoutubeTV. If JT didn't get hurt in Game 7 last year, I genuinely believe the C's would've pulled off the 0-3 comeback. Still, it's nice to send these fuckers back to South Beach.
I've actually been going to the gym consistently since November of 2022 (except for Sept-Dec 2023, which caused me to backslide with my progression). If I went to the gym 3-4 times in a week--- that was a win.
This past month's been the beginning of a lifestyle change.
Can't lie I've been getting super distracted by the C's game and now in the Mike Gorman tributes and am not loving the quality of this blog, so sorry. We love you Mike! You're a legend and a true New England icon.
But yeah, I've gone to the gym for 31 straight days, and while I am proud of that, it doesn't mean much without legitimate progress. Actually, I'm gonna be nicer to myself. It does mean something because I'm doing this the right way. I've lost significant amounts of weight like five times in my life, and most were with some sort of gimmick (HCG, the shakes, etc.). No Ozempic for Dozie; I'm just exercising and trying to eat better. That's always been my most formidable mountain to climb. I'm starting to enjoy exercising, but I have a child's pallet. I wish I could tolerate vegetables and wasn't so texture sensitive (I'm so on the spectrum, idc what some Dr. said 25 years ago). Hopefully, I'll find some stuff I can stomach because once I start eating cleaner, the pounds will melt off!
It's also not healthy to never give yourself a break. I will eventually take some days off from working out to let my body rest, but I've got so much weight to lose and so much fucking fuel in me that I want to keep going. I love that I can lift heavier weights and ride the bike for an hour without stopping. In November 2022, I couldn't do 10 minutes. I'm so excited to keep going and getting my swag back. It's now 10:15, and I want to relax for a little before passing out, so like the Miami Heat's 2023-24 NBA season, this scatter-brain breakdown (like the sports analyst definition) of #everydaydoz is OVER!
P.S.
10 years ago today, I went to the first game of a Red Sox-Rays double header and Game 1 of a Bruins-Canadiens playoff series. My teams went 0-2, but it was still a super cool experience. 
Song: The End (2024) Artist: Justice & Thundercat Album: Hyperdrama When Thundercat drops a new song...it goes on DOL. Those are the rules. Hopefully the C's hold on and send Mike Gorman into retirement at home so he can get a nice send off by the Green Bleeders!
**brushes dust off of the keyboard after two weeks of no blogs**
Third period is gonna fucking SUCK tomorrow. I can already hear the kids talking shit about the C's, but I'm trying to stay positive about this disgusting loss. Despite how it may feel, that was only one game. I didn't think the C's would go undefeated at home in the playoffs (would've been nice!), but after only dropping four games on the parquet all year...this is the type of loss that tightens up the ole keister. I don't care if Jimmy Butler is out; these Heat are still not your average 8 seed and have been a fucking thorn in our side since they created their Big Three in response to our Big Three. There are some serious Baltimore Ravens vibes with this organization in that they're scummy and always play us tough, no matter what. It's like the Heat have a factory of dudes who shouldn't be in the NBA that can give them five threes out of nowhere. It's crazy Max Straus isn't still there, but they just replaced him with another "who the fuck is this guy? guy" (it may just be me since I watch almost no-non C's basketball). Caleb Martin can fuck off and don't even get me started on how much I can't stand Herro and Duncan Robinson. 14.5 was such a disrespectful line, and at +800, I'd be lying if I said I didn't type in $25 on the terrible RISB app before being like..."nah dude, don't; you aren't getting paid this week since long-term subs don't get paid during break (which is horse shit)," but WHAT THE FUUUUCK. We played with no heart tonight---just kept letting Miami shoot. We missed way too many free throws. Tingis and Jrue were awful. It was a gross night all around, and while I'm not in full panic mode yet, if we lose Game 3, a bitch might be. I've been counting on a Celtics Finals run all year for the serotonin and do not appreciate the idea of them fucking that up THIS early. We cannot lose this series. Not after the way we lost last season. I think we'll be fine, but man this fucking stinks out loud. Luckily, things in the real world are going super-well right now hashtag HEAVY sarcasm. P.S. Payton played almost 20 minutes and didn't take a single shot. Bro, you aren't me at pick-up basketball a decade ago...let it fly! Song: Big Time Nothing (2024) Artist: St. Vincent Album: All Born Screaming There are baby glimpses of the Daddy's Home sound here, but it's mostly that industrial NIN sound Annie's going for. I dig it and can't wait for the album to drop on Friday. Previous Dozie's Brain Dumps: April 24th, 2023 July 10th, 2023 August 9th, 2023 October 10th, 2023 February 29th, 2024 March 11th, 2024 I last blogged on March 18th, which is not ideal, but I've been preoccupied. Despite some intense emotional/mental pain from the premature ending of a beautiful connection and losing my net worth in Vegas, coping with said pain, I'm doing well. I'm about a third through #everydaydoz--you likely only know wtf that is if you follow my personal IG. Origin Story: with April starting on a Monday, last Thursday, I realized I had been to the gym every day in April and decided I would go every day this month. I've posted a selfie and/or my stats from the bike on my story to hold myself accountable. People are expecting to see it!!! I can't let the people who bang through my story, like Darla on her uncle's fish tank, down! It's definitely not me trying to show the woman I'm in love with that I am getting serious about turning my life around and being a more active and productive human being. Since my last blog, I've decided I want to go to grad school (online) to get my Masters in Special Education. I've spent a quarter of my life trying to get DOL to the next level, and while writing and creating are still crucial to my existence, I have to be able to survive in this capitalist hellscape. I don't wanna be long-term subbing and driving for Uber when I'm 35. Plus, my priorities have drastically shifted. I don't really follow Barstool anymore. I haven't listened to PMT in over a month, which was my last holdout. I mean, I still like BSS and would love to work there someday, but there is more to life, and I have other goals. I won't put the totality of my happiness into whether or not I work there anymore. It's not good for me. As I type this sentence, these are my biggest priorities in life. 1. Getting healthy I want to get more out of life, and to do so...I need to be in better shape. No else matters. I can't attack the rest of my goals if I'm dead. I need more energy and flexibility. I'm tryna look good and, more importantly, feel good about myself. I'm noticing some progress and want to continue going down this path. I feel much better about myself and know I will be successful this time because I'm doing it the right way. No gimmicks. Just good old-fashioned exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I put into my body. I still have miles to go and want to find healthier things I can tolerate, but I've eliminated fast food from my diet and have cut my snacking down by 90%. I WILL be back in the 200s by the time I turn 33. 2. Stopping fascism/theocracy in America I am fucking terrified about what's going on in this country right now. Extremists are challenging the separation of church and state, and idiots are letting it happen. I'm not gonna spend too much time talking about our illusion of freedom or how much this shit weighs on me because I'm tryna stay in a positive headspace today to be productive on my day off, but again if you follow my personal IG, you know how I feel. 3. Love All of it.. experiencing, spreading, rekindling it. It's corny, but love really is everything. Connection is the essence of existence. There's no point in going through this fucked up world alone. Ideally, things will work out with the woman I fell in love with, but if not, there will be someone out there. I'm too fucking great of a guy to be alone. Getting myself into a more conventionally attractive frame will only help. Everything else is whatever. Right now, those are the big three. Love is kind of a catch-all for all relationships...but I'm mainly focused on finding my future bride. I'm sick of being alone. I hope to reunite with the woman I connected with in early March, but if that's not meant to be..it's not meant to be....it just really fucking sucks because I felt so happy and at peace with her--and it felt like the feelings were mutual. I fell HARD. I still can't believe it's over (as of now), and for my own sake, I'm gonna leave it at that (I will gladly vent to anybody who wants to listen tho...so hit up ya boi if you're curious).
I guess I haven't been writing because I really haven't wanted to. I love writing, but clearly, I've prioritized other things lately. I don't know what the future of DOL holds, but the future of Ryan includes continuing on this path of reclaiming my confidence. I actually enjoy working out now and sorta look forward to it. Yeah, I'm gonna probably play another game of Madden after finishing this post, but then it's gym time and working on my grad school applications. I've got a shrink session tonight, too. I'm sure I'll spend most of it talking about *Her*, but despite my nervous energy around this blog, I feel good. If people don't wanna read my writing...whatever. There are much bigger issues in the world, and I want to do something to fix them. I wanted my writing to be something that helped, but it may be time to focus on other paths. Song: Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other (2024) Artist: Orville Peck & Willie Nelson The boi is baaaaack (s/o Muslims for the day off from work--imagine being such a bigot you'd rather be at WORK?!? couldn't be me!) after far too long away from the keys. I'm prob just gonna drop a DBD (dozie's brain dump) and bounce. I've got a lot to do today (which will be addressed in said DBD)! Orville's trimmed the mask which makes me think that maaaybe in like an album or two we'll see his entire face? Hand up, I didn't know this was a cover until like 15 minutes ago, but it being a cover is actually fantastic. I love that this song existed 40+ years ago and that Willie Nelson is still ALIVE!!!!! 
The NY Post is a fucking rag (edit your tweet, guy), but I saw this article on TWITTER yesterday that was about as shocking as (spoiler alert) finding out Santa isn't real. If you're interested in the actual study: CLICK HERE
I loveee the replies to the Post's tweet.
The term "woke" has been hijacked and destroyed by the conservatives that wants to keep everybody divided so the ruling class can continue its reign of terror, but to me and the dictionary, "woke" means to be aware of and actively attentive to important societal facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice).
I don't know how anybody could not be depressed after realizing how fucked up society and humanity are. Yeah, we're the bad guys for thinking a housing crisis, racism, sexism, homo(and trans)phobia, income inequality, ignorance, rampant gun violence, and countless other systemic injustices are awful determents to the human experience. Sorry for having empathy and a soul! We didn't need a study to know that people aware of the most significant social challenges aren't exactly thrilled. How can you see unhoused people, especially VETERANS, and not get fucking bummed? What happened? How did that person (or people) get there? I think about that all the time. I easily could've ended up homeless with some of the dumb decisions and lack of funds. I know I'm privileged to have the safety net that I do (thanks, Daddy), and most people aren't so lucky. With our military's extravagant budget, our Vets should be the most taken care of, and unfortunately, that's not even a little bit true. Unless you're wealthy, it feels like everything is designed to fuck you over. There's a reason Trump openly says he loves the uneducated and those morons eat it up like their morning grits. Our country is so brainwashed that there are actually people (like tens of millions of them) who actively vote against their own interests. If my grandma (who's on social security) is still alive in November, she's gonna vote for Trump.
Universal healthcare is a no-brainer; virtually every other developed nation has it. The minimum wage should be the minimum needed to survive. You can't afford a decent place in most of the country on $50,000/year, forget $7.25/hour. Corporate greed is out of control. Monopolies are alive and well, just under different names---like six companies control everything! YES, this is going to upset some people
Sure, I was undoubtedly happier (but still depressed) when I was younger and didn't pay much attention to social issues or really anything besides my friends and sports. I mean, I supported gay rights from a young age and considered myself a liberal growing up, but I was growing up aka stupid. There's a reason the phrase "ignorance is bliss" exists. Do you think I really understood the roots of the 07-08 recession when I was 16? I was busy being heartbroken over the Pats going 18-1 and tryna kiss girls (unsuccessfully). Also...kids (usually) don't have bills. That probably has something to do with it too.
Just because you're unhappy about how things are doesn't make you a bad person or wrong---quite the opposite. You're showing you care about others and want a more just society. More people should care; the world would 1000% be a better place. I actively try (on my IG stories) to introduce information to people who otherwise would never see it or change their point of view. Believe me, I know change isn't easy. I used to believe all the lies too.
I used to shit on "social justice warriors" constantly. Hell, they're a significant reason I created this website. Luckily for me, through the writing process and the reflection required, I took stock of myself and the systems around me and realized my mistakes and the systemic issues that impact us all. I'm incredibly ashamed of who I used to be, but I'm also wicked proud of my growth and development. It didn't happen overnight, but being an adult in America peeled back the curtain, so yeah, I'm "wOkE." Now I've seen for myself how many "higher-ups" don't know what the fuck they are doing and how many institutions I held in such high regard are actually the root of these issues. It's high-key devastating, so yes, I can understand why "woke" people aren't exactly Richard Simmons when it comes to positivity.
It's tough to come to grips with your flaws and the role you play (sometimes inadvertently) in multiplying the issues plaguing society. Like a lot of people my age, I used to rely on sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. tropes in the name of "making people laugh," and it's had me analyzing myself for years. Am I even funny, or was I just parroting the fucked up, low-hanging jokes I'd seen countless times on tv and movies? I believe nothing should be off-limits in comedy but there's a difference between a joke and hate speech. Hurt people hurt people. Kids say FUCKED UP stuff. I hear it daily at work. Let's not forget our frontal lobes weren't even close to developed! We're all works in progress, and life is already challenging enough. When you realize the systems in place to maintain power, control, and oppression, it can fuck with your head. I tell my shrink all the time that one of the most complex parts of dealing with my depression is figuring out what percentage is a chemical imbalance vs. general bummed-out-ness from the situations we deal with. Yeah, dude, I'm depressed that I'm probably never gonna be able to afford my own home, that women don't have fucking autonomy over their bodies, and Nazis are making a bigger comeback than 90s fashion. It's depressing as fuck that public schools are underfunded and under attack (in more ways than one). You're a fucking sociopath if it doesn't bother you. Worrying about nuclear war, the climate crisis, gun violence, etc., can make you pretty damn anxious. Learning about redlining or the prison industrial complex is a major vibe assassin. How can I be happy knowing the students I teach aren't given the same opportunities as others a few miles away because of the town where their parents or guardians live? Who's happy being underpaid? Who's happy being taken advantage of? Who's happy when they realize the dreams sold to them as kids were lies? The real question is, why don't more people care? Given the state of things in the world's greatest country on Earth (and Earth in general), everybody should be depressed! It's never too late to open change for the better. |
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