Don't for one second think just because it's April that this series doesn't matter, because it does.
Casual baseball fans will say that "April baseball is meaningless" and I just want you to know that people who believe that are fucking idiots. Just because there's a 162 games in a season doesn't mean a win in one month is more or less valuable than another. That notion is simply false. A win, is a win. A win on April 18th matters just as much as one on September 18th.
An example I love to use to further explain that is the 2011 Boston Red Sox. They are infamous for the chicken and beer scandal and September collapse that ended up costing Terry Francona his job after they let a 9 game playoff lead disappear in a month after going 7-20 in September. Still makes me mad when I really think about it. They ended up finishing 90-72 good for 3rd place in the American League East with no trip to the postseason after entering the season as World Series favorites. Well, did you also know that same 2011 Red Sox team started the season 0-6? They were 2-10 through 12 games. Many would say that is a bad start to the season. I would have to agree. It took them almost a week to get into the win column. Had they gone even 1-5 to start the year, if they're 4-8 which still sucks after 12 games even with that September implosion they still make the playoffs. Then who knows what happens? At the very least that bullshit Evan Longoria home run that went over the part of the fence in Tampa that is 9 inches tall wouldn't have meant shit.
My point is every game counts.
That is why I'm so fired up for this Red Sox-Yankees series this week. Idk if the rivalry is fully back, but I'm hoping there are some fireworks this week to bring a little 03-04 life back into it. I know it's impossible to truly replicate that level of tension since the Curse has since been broken (remember when the Yankees were up 3-0 in the 2004 ALCS? lolol). But I do think given how good both of these teams are and with the importance winning the division has over being in the one-game wild card playoff, every pitch between these two teams matters. This series is going to say a lot about these teams considering who is pitching for both clubs.
Both teams are coming into 2018 off trips to the postseason, with new managers and World Series aspirations. Sure it's only the 3rd week of the season and regardless of the outcome there are still like 140+ games to be played, so it's not exactly make or break but IMO this series is HUGE for setting the pace of the rest of the season or at least the next few weeks of the year.
The 8-1 (best start in franchise history nbd) Boston Red Sox and 5-5 New York Yankees begin a three game mid-week series in Fenway Park starting tonight. Side note it's fucking bullshit that this is a Tuesday through Thursday series. I could be wrong but I feel like every Red Sox-Yankees series growing up was always on the weekend. Just not the same juice during the week imo.
If these pitching match-ups don't get you jazzed up then what are you even doing here? If it wasn't my final week at FedEx working nights I would 100% be going to Fenway to catch at least one of these games. Tickets are still available for p cheap.
Just a tad less jazzy.
The Red Sox are notably 8-1. Best record in the American League. If it wasn't for a Joe Kelly meltdown on opening day this team very well could be undefeated. Although the Red Sox have won 8 of their first 9 games they have all been played against teams who reside in Florida. 7 games against the Rays and 2 against the Marlins. Not exactly the 27 Yankees or 2004 Red Sox, but hey you play who's on the schedule and to this point they've done quite well. Red Sox starting ERA through 9 games is basically 0.00. You gotta take care of business against the bottom feeder teams.
The Yankees have on the other hand have struggled. Giancarlo Stanton has had multiple platinum sombrero games this season. For those of you unaware of that nomenclature it means he's struck out 5 times in a game not once, but twice. Not ideal! Even in today's "we don't care about strikeouts" culture of baseball. 20 strikeouts through 48 at bats in alarming. Is Giancarlo Stanton even good?
With these teams facing off against one another for the first time in 2018 there is a lot on the line. Sure the Red Sox are 8-1 so far, but if the Yankees come into Fenway Park and sweep them, with their 1-2-3 starting pitchers going that will be v alarming and pretty much wipe out all the good that has taken place so far this season. Nobody is going to care that they swept the Rays. It's going to be that Chris Sale, David Price and Rick Porcello all (potentially) lost to the Yankees at home. David Price hasn't allowed a run since like July of last year but if he gets rocked by Gary Sanchez people aren't going to care about 14 scoreless innings to start the season.
But on the other side of the coin, if the Red Sox sweep the Yankees then they're sitting at 11-1 with the Yanks at 5-8 (s/o me) with a 6.5 game lead through less than two weeks of baseball. Not a bad place to potentially be for the Red Sox. Pretty much every hitter on the Yankees roster except for Didi and Aaron Judge are struggling so far. They have a great opportunity to shut some critics up by having a good series against one of the best top 3's in all of baseball. Nobody is going to be talking about Stanton's platinum sombreros if he hits 4 home runs this series.
Pretty much every MLB "expert" picked the Yankees to win the AL East despite the Red Sox being two time defending champs with a healthy roster and new management to bring life back to this sort of just there ball club who won 93 games in the most unexciting way possible last season.
While regardless of the outcome of the series the season is faaaaaaaaaaaaar from over. Winning 2-3 or sweeping for either team will be huge for moral going forward. I can't wait. Fuck the Yankees. Please Sox just don't get swept.
Song: Feed The Tree
I saw there was some garbage rapper named Belly. Screw that, showing love to a Rhody based one-hit wonder instead!
FORT PIERCE, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a Florida woman is blaming a windy day for the cocaine that police found in her purse.
WPLG reported Kennecia Posey was one of two passengers in a car stopped by Fort Pierce police in late March. Police say an officer smelled marijuana and that, after searching the car, cocaine and marijuana in separate bags were found inside a purse Posey had on her lap.
Authorities say they questioned Posey about the drugs. According to the police report, Posey responded: "It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse."
Posey was charged with a felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. She was later released on bond.
It wasn't immediately known if she has a lawyer.
"I guess that's, why they call it blow!" - every hack (myself excluded) on twitter.
This story is getting a lot of attention, mainly due to the absurd nature to the story and I am falling right into the trap but I do not care. I love this story and honestly think Ms. Posey should have all the charges dropped.
In the story it clearly states that the car smelled of marijuana. That makes the weed they found in her purse make a lot of sense. We're all good so far.
When asked about the cocaine Kennecia Posey was extremely quick on her feet, and sure you could say that's because she was lying, and also possibly on cocaine, but I chose to not think that way. I think she came up with such a ridiculous claim because she's telling the truth.
Think about it for a second.
If she was lying about the coke wouldn't she have said that's where the weed came from too? If this is gonna be the horse you hitch yourself to might as well go down guns a blazing (not literally, don't shoot cops). You might as well go all in and use this fantastic remix of the dog ate my homework in attempts to beat the weed charge too. Cause if she's lying why not just try to say the wind blew the weed into her purse? Or the odor too while we're at it? If anything that'd be more believable. We all know how wind works. Smells travel. If you've ever farted in public you're likely wishing it was windier to help get rid of the evidence and not ruin your 2nd date. If anything it's more logical that a smell was blown in than a bag of nose beers.
I'm just saying if she was lying why not cover all your tracks? It's like if you were arrested for kidnapping and stealing a car and instead of denying it all just said the kid was already there when you stole the car once the cops show up.
But that wasn't the case.
Kennecia was likely smoking weed with the other passenger and was honest about that. That's why she didn't cover her tracks with something as ridiculous as "the wind blew it in". It was obvious that it wasn't.
The wind blew it in is such a ridiculous lie that it almost makes me believe it. Either Kennecia has wit of George Carlin or is telling the truth to be that quick on her feet when asked about the cocaine. Makes me think this far-fetched story isn't as crazy as it seems. I'm on your side Kennecia, the wind blew it in!!!
This three year old list was brought back into the public eye thanks to being tweeted out again today. Classic "blog" trick NME and Vice do it all the time with lists from 2011 but I still manage to click every time.
Today FiveThirtyEight tweeted out this list of the 25 most rewatchable movies of all time:
Bro that list fucking stinks on ice. Sure I'm not exactly Roger Ebert when it comes to movie criticisms or jaws, but I know what goes into a movie being rewatchable. To me personally, time is a major factor. How are so many people rewatching all these day long movies? I swear at least half of the top 10 is three (3) hours or longer. Who is out here with two weeks off from work rewatching the Lord of the Rings series?
To me there's two types of rewatchable: chosen and tv rewatch.
To better describe what I so eloquently stated what I'm talking is movies you sought out to rewatch. I'm talking you own it, or went out of your way to look for it on demand/streaming service etc. These are the movies you truly love. Then there's tv rewatch, pretty simple you're scrolling and see that it's on and stop what you're doing and watch it. You still love these movies, but it's not exactly the same.
How so many of these movies made it this far I'll never understand.
You're telling me of all the movies on earth only Star Wars are more "rewatchable" than The Wizard of Oz or Sound of Music? Bull shit.
I watched both of those movies a decent amount when I was a kid and I have zero interest in ever seeing them again. Granted I'm a straight white dude, but I'd have to imagine I'm in the majority here. Who the fuck is bored on a Tuesday and is like "let's pop in our Sound of Music DVD?" Who did they poll to get this info, strictly grandmothers?
I get it I don't have the most "classical taste" when it comes to movies, but seriously this list has basically no comedies and none that have come out in the last 30 years? To me comedies are the most rewatchable of movies, they're usually not that long and still make you laugh (if they're good). I could rewatch Saving Silverman pretty much daily and still laugh. People really want to watch Pride and Prejudice 50 times?
I've spent way too much time thinking about this topic and started a 1-25 breakdown on whether or not the movie in question deserved being on this list when it just really came to me that this list sucked. No Dark Knight (the GOAT TNT Saturday afternoon movie), no classic comedies other than Caddyshack (which is a little overrated IMO), and Finding Nemo was on here but Toy Story wasn't??? I'm a huge Finding Nemo fan but putting it on here over any of the Toy Story's is blasphemy. This list sucks.
Song: Fake Nice
Artist: The Aces
Album: When My Heart Felt Volcanic
Patriots Trade Brandin Cooks (and a 4th rounder) To The Los Angeles Rams For a 1st (and 6th) Round Pick
Oh Brandin, we hardly knew ya.
I guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
After only one season in New England; Brandin Cooks and a 4th round pick are heading to city of angels for a 1st (23rd overall) and 6th round pick.
This move comes as a relative shock, but honestly I am totally down with this trade. Cooks is a v talented receiver but it felt like he never really fit into the Patriots system. He had the quietest 1000 yard season I can ever remember a Patriot receiver having, and apart from a clutch af 4th quarter against the Texans in week 3 to me Cooks drops are much more memorable than any plays he made. He had two really big games, then was kind of just there for the rest of them. Given his talent, and past success in NOLA you expect more imo.
The timeline of this move just kind of sucks. Had it happened earlier maaaaybe we resign Amendola? Would've liked to hold on to playoff Danny if we were gonna move on from Cookie. Now Brady is losing two of his key receivers from an MVP 2017. Yes Edelman is coming back,,, buuut he's coming back on the wrong side of 30 with a reconstructed ACL. That friend is far from a sure thing to be back at or near 100%. Let's not forget the history of injury Jules has had in New England. He's only played a full 16 game season twice in his career that spans back to 2009. Then there's the whole Gronk situation to deal with.
To me Brandin Cooks' lasting legacy as a Patriot will be his horrible showing in Super Bowl LII. First his hero ball attempt to hurdle Rodney McLeod on 3rd and 2 in the red zone, that resulted in a 4th and 1. Gostkowski ultimately would miss the chip-shot field goal due in part to a botched snap. I think those lost points played a major factor in the Patriots loss. If the dude could've spun, juked or just cut outside I think he definitely gets the first down. He legit took off 3 yards away from this guy. All time idiot play.
Then his night ended by getting his block knocked the fuck off (which should've been a flag) by Malcolm Jenkins. This play ended both his Super Bowl and career as a Patriot. Shouldn't have been dancing around. Did not keep his head on a swivel.
As for the move itself from a team building standpoint I'm more than okay with it. Get a first round pick for a guy you were more than likely going to lose in free agency anyways. I just hope the Patriots can replace him and still give Brady a legit offense (and much needed improvement of the defense) to go all in for the next 1-3 years before he retires. If you can find the next QB, cool. But odds of that are slim. I say go all in to win another Super Bowl (or two) then just realize you're gonna suck for a few years. I'm more than okay with that trade if results in another ring.
What happened to the good ole days where Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes (RIPIP) was rocking a condom over her eye to promote safe sex?
Or when people were filling condoms up like water balloons and getting them stuck on their head?
Those are so 1992 and 2016 respectively, cause now from the generation who brought you the tide pod challenge, we now have the condom snorting challenge, which is exactly what it sounds like. People are snorting condoms (hopefully not magnums) up their nose, and pulling them out their mouth like those freaks on the early days of youtube used to do with spaghetti.
I'm not a Trump guy, but Jr. has a solid point.
It appears the newest internet "craze" (idk how many people are actually doing this, it very well could just be going viral despite a few numbskulls [I'm bringing that word back] actually partaking, in the era of fake news, just because a story is viral doesn't mean it's actually sweeping the nation) is snorting a condom through your nose and having it come out your mouth like so:
I was listening to AM talk radio at work today (not by choice) and this new "challenge" was causing quite the stir, for obvious reasons due to the stupidity of it. A condom breaking in this situation is arguably worse than the traditional condom break.
I'm not hear to debate whether or not you should want to snort a condom. I'm not your dad.
If you want to snort a condom that's your prerogative.
All I want to know is how this "challenge" originated. I'm truly fascinated by how somebody thought of this. You know when you see an infomercial for a really simple, practical invention and you're just like:
"damnit, why didn't I think of that?"
Like anybody could've thought of the slap chop.
That's how I feel here.
Not because it's a cool idea, but because it's gone viral and is getting talked about constantly. Imagine being the person behind something like that. I'd figure it has to be worth some sort of internet clout. As an aspiring real blogger that's the dream. To get all the eyes on you. All I need is one tweet or blog to go viral then I'm golden, I just know it.
So how the fuck did somebody come up with this?
Here's my hypothesis:
Nobody decided to snort a condom. It was just a happy accident. Much like the result of a broken condom when you're in your late 20's or older and an unplanned pregnancy isn't necessarily a death sentence.
Some lucky fella/transgirl (it's 2018, just because they have a penis doesn't mean they identify as male!!!) was about to get to partake in some consensual fellatio. but unfortunately their partner was some weirdo/hooker that makes you wear a condom before performing oral sex on you. Never fun!
At some point in the act, my guess is due to not reading the instructions due to the pure excitement and ecstasy that comes from receiving oral sex that the receiver did not put on the condom correctly. Happens to the best of us. I bet that thing was flopping around like a used car lot blow up man.
Because of this laissez-faire attitude by the person receiving said fellatio, in the heat of passion the giver followed suit and just went on their merry way and continued to succcccc the penis. Boy she/he succc'd it and succc'd it good. She/he sucked the dick so well that at some point the already improperly placed condom was falling off so much that there was enough slack for it to get stuck in the givers nose. Like when your shoe laces are technically tied, but there's enough hanging off the side to still get stuck somewhere. Everybody knows when you're sucking dick your mind isn't exactly focused on all your surroundings (so I'm told) so it's easy for this to happen.
Since she/he was so in the moment she/he didn't realize that whilest she/he went to succc the wiener that the head of the condom was actually near their nostril. When she/he sucked in, off came the condom into their naval cavity like a vacuum.
In a moment of pure adrenaline to the credit of the fellater she/he did what we all would in that situation....do anything to survive. So instead of panicking, possibly from years of cocaine use, she/he knew to just cover the other nostril and succc until it come out into her/his mouth.
Normally people would be freaked out by such an accident, but this couple wasn't your run of mill cock-sucking duo. Nope, they were innovators. Innovators who realized they had something here. That in the youtube generation this could be gold. So they used the remaining condoms in the pack to create the condom snorting challenge.
Who would've thought that someone could find a worse place to break a condom then when you're 4 inches deep in that sweet pus, amirite boys?? At least you can buy the morning after pill when that happens to save the day. Not much you can do when you're suffocating on a broken Trojan.
Song: What a Fool Believes
Artist: The Doobie Brothers
Album: Minute By Minute
When I make my long awaited return to karaoke this will 100% be on my set list. I've got that Michael McDonald voice down pat. Be on the look out for this and "Hook" by Blues Traveler on a future 4th date in 2-4 years.
Broooo Hayley's toochie bouncing around in that sequence jumpsuit. I'm real happy rn.
The dozo paramore renaissance is real af. After Laughter is one of my favorite albums of last year, and it caused me to reflect on how much I've underappreciated paramore over the years. V similar to my realization that I love Lady Gaga and have since 2008.
Well Kenny G, who previously has had a surprisingly funny twitter game well-i-guess-im-a-kenny-g-guy-now.html is back at it again with a reference to paramore's "Fake Happy" with this picture he posted yesterday.
Almost immediately Hayley Williams (lead singer of paramore) chimed in.
It's perfect. The eyes, the smile through his teeth (bet you believe me?). It's everything the song is about. The only problem is I'm only like 83% sure this is a paramore reference. Really hope it is, otherwise I think someone should go check on Kenny G to make sure he's okay STAT because this would be textbook cry for help situation. At least send the man a "you alright bro?" text.
Luckily the officially band twitter/Insta did just that.
The replies to this tweet were delightful. I haven't seen Americans work together so beautifully for a common cause since Hands Across America (even though I was negative 5 years old when it happened).
We even got onomatopoeia of the syzth. God, I love twitter dot com.
This is art.
this is why twitter is still the best thing about the internet (after porn, online gambling, access to every tv show/movie ever made)
Fake Outrage Over The Virginia Tech Women's Lax Team Singing Along to Lil Dicky and Chris Brown is Everything That's Wrong With America
I've been v busy this week working two jobs #realman, and this story of fake outrage from earlier in the week has kind of died down but I felt like I had to give my two cents on the story and the age old question "can white people say the N word when singing along to songs that include that word?" There is literally a Chris Rock bit about this very topic.
What happened was this: The Virginia Tech women's lax (lacrosse for the lames) team was singing the #9 song in America on their bus after a 14-12 victory over Elon on Saturday night. The song was "Freaky Friday" by Lil Dicky and Chris Brown. A video of them singing along was posted to snapchat which caused quite an uproar.
If you're unfamiliar with Lil Dicky's work he's essentially the Weird Al of rap, except instead of parodies and polka he just makes funny ass rap songs about everyday (usually white dude) shit. He's hilarious and one of my favorite rappers in the game right now. Granted I'm not a huge rap guy, but he's v funny and I enjoy him. I don't need to explain myself to you.
In "Freaky Friday" the premise of the song is that he's lame af and wants to be a cooler rapper. Then he wakes up in Chris Brown's body (like the movie Freaky Friday) and sings about what he would do if he woke up in Chris Brown's body.
The things include, which are very on par for a Lil Dicky song:
Face timing Kanye West.
Looking at his (new) dick
And wonder if he can now say the n-word.
Here's a clip of the Virginia Tech Women's Lax team singing along to the Chris Brown verse.
Now here's what I think about it. White people shouldn't use the N word, but like Chris Rock said it's a sticky situation when it comes to rapping along with music. What pisses me off here is how people on twitter are complaining about how racist this is and how this is everything that is wrong with lacrosse because of a lack of diversity.
Yo chill the fuck out.
It's a bunch of basic white bitches singing a Lil Dicky song on snapchat. It's not that serious. This isn't cops killing innocent black people with no just cause. Now I get it I'm a 26 year old white dude so I don't exactly get to make the rules on these type of situations, but if you're a person complaining about this or acting like you're offended by this you're a fucking LOSER.
There is a huge difference between legit racist issues in this country and some lax chicks being basic and rapping Lil Dicky. Should they have posted it? Probably not. But trying to ruin their live's over it is utterly ridiculous. If you think for one second this was done out of malice you're a lunatic. These weren't hard ers. These weren't like hate rants. It was singing along to a song.
The VT women's lax head coach John Sung had this to say about the incident:
I think the girls if anything should be reprimanded for stupidity to post this over the actual act itself. If we can't differentiate legitimate racist actions, and singing along to a song than this country is extra fucked. Plus let's be real for a second. People say shit behind closed doors that is not PC, and may be construed as racist, homophobic etc. but it doesn't mean you actually are that. I feel like I could've said that more eloquently, but that's why I don't get paid to do this yet. My point is just because you say a shirt your buddy is wearing is gay doesn't make you homophobic and just because you sing along to a song doesn't make you racist. Maybe if we spent more time focusing on issues that actually mattered instead of getting hung up on dumb shit like this there would actually be a little more progress in society?