That title pretty much hits the nail on the head, but as a niche, undiscovered blogger, it's my job to paint a picture for you about this hilarious visual.
Saturday night, I went to a Senses Fail concert in Boston for my buddy's birthday, and it was fucking awesome. Sure, I was low-key terrified about the lack of security. There were no metal detectors, and I snuck in a water bottle because the big man needs to stay hydrated, but it left a noticeable bulge in my pocket. That could've been a gun with a sport top! Maybe the security dude was being chill and let me keep the Poland Spring bottle I bought at a 7/11 around the corner from the venue? But in today's crazy world, I feel like we should try to ensure no weapons are entering the building, especially at an emo show chock full o' resentment, anger and the urge to kill yourself for the last 20 years. I'm a chill guy, but I'm more than cool with a security guard going above and beyond to ensure my safety. It's just wild to me there was no pat down or metal detector. I'm so accustomed to that from other shows. I even said something to the guy during my many bathroom breaks. I was like, doesn't it scare you in today's world that there's no metal detector? He says, "Nah, I'm good at my job" That's not exactly the answer I was looking for, but I guess I appreciate your confidence. (HARDDDDOOOOOO).
Some other hardo wanted to fight me because my hair touched him when I was re-putting it up after my bun got loosened from being close to the mosh. He kept saying, "get a haircut," passive-aggressively behind me; I turned around, and he was like your greasy pussy hair touched me. It kinda ruined my vibes for a little tbh. We don't need that energy, you fucking bitch ass punk. My bad bro, but I'm gonna fix my bun when someone yanks on it in the pit. Sorry, you were graced by my gorgeous flow that hundreds of ubah passengers have gushed over. We're in the fucking pit. Shit like that is gonna happen. It's not like we were the only people in a huge room, and I ran up to you and rubbed my flow all over you. He was by himself like a fucking loser (unlike me the three times I've gone to shows alone), so he was probably just taking his frustration out on your boi, but still, fuck you. If I weren't a pussy or nearly 31 years old, I would've swung on him, but I was just tryna have a good time for my boy's birthday and hear "Buried a Lie" live.
On the bright side, this place still used paper tickets, which is awesome as someone who saves ticket stubs (or at least used to until that format died).
I've been in the pit for shows before and seen some interesting things, but few have made me as happy as seeing some guy in a full Wendy's uniform just moshing it up. Maybe that's my fat-ass brain's conditioning to seeing one of my favorite fast-food restaurant uniforms? That probably triggered some dopamine rush that I get when I'm biting into a double stack, but the visual of a full Wendy's uniform (apron included) just mixing it up in the pit from a band that peaked in 2004 was funny to me and worthy of a blog that a dozen people will see.
Quick video from trenches.
I only knew about 40% of the setlist because I only know songs from two Senses Fail albums, but during a cover of "All-Star" that felt like it was on Xanax compared to the rest of the energy from the night, Wendy's dude ended up getting on stage from his crowd surf.
This dude got off his shift and went straight to the concert in his Wendy's Uniform. He could've left the uni at work, changed quick or paid $4 for coat check, but I mean, you gotta tip you cap (or in his case visor) to the dedication for 18 year old screamo songs. Dave Thomas would be proud.
In the reddit video, you can kind of see the old guy in yellow who's job was basically to shepherd crowdsurfers. He must've helped fifty people off the stage and just let them back into the crowd. That was pretty cool too since there were about 10 "no moshing or crowdsurfing" signs around the venue. I still wouldn't hate a metal detector though.
Double P.S. UPDATE
I got in contact with the Wendy's dude on reddit and he doesn't even work at Wendy's anymore! I fucking love it (minus him making me feel ancient...WHO WAS ACTUALLY BORN IS 2004????). He wasn't even there for Senses Fail, dude just loves a good pit.
Song: Chaise Longue [live on Kimmel] (2022)
Artist: Wet Leg
Album: Wet Leg
The 2023 Grammy nominations make me feel 600 years old but shout out to Wet Leg for their four noms.
Biggest of Ups to My Favorite Major Leaguer, 31-Year-Old Rookie Robert Suárez, For Getting the BAG From the Padres!
I apologize for the delay in this story; I've been a busy boi!
Check out this fresh hot stove news! WOW!
A few weeks back, I learned about 31-year-old rookie Robert Suárez, and he quickly became my favorite major leaguer.
His story is incredible, and yes, I know nothing about his life outside of him being 31 and grinding his ass off to make it to the big leagues. If he turns out to be a hashtag bad guy down the line, I am well within my rights to rescind this praise with no repercussions, but for now, I am all aboard the Suárez train and fucking amped he got PAID!!!
Did Robert Suárez technically give up the pennant-clinching home run to Bryce Harper? Yes, but Josh Hader should've been in the game; plus, what does that say about how legit Suárez is? Bob Melvin trusted him against one of the hottest bats in the game with the season on the line. He gave up a bomb to a future Hall of Famer. It happens. At least you're a part of history. Still, there's no denying Suárez's rookie year went quite well. After Opening Day his era was 1.70.
Spin Zone: It's actually kind of cool that Suárez's only two losses of the year were Opening Day and NLCS Game 5 (the Padres' last game of the season). He book-ended the 2022 Padres. His work between those two outings was good enough for 46 milly over five years.
Typically rookies still have to play out their team control and arbitration years before getting paid, but that wasn't the case for one Mr. Robert Suárez. His story is one of resilience that already has a happy ending. If he never records another Major League out, he still performed well enough to receive a life-changing contract. That's what it's all about. Congratulations on the bag! Sorry I'm a few days late with the blog love; if you wanna throw a soon-to-be 31-year-old a few bones for all the kind words, my Venmo is available via DM.
Song: Sugar Daddy (2020)
Artist: Qveen Herby
Happy Birthday to my full-grown adult baby sister! Dozie loves you! According to her, this song is a "shmood."
Congrats on the Grammy nom, Kim, but you'll always be the throat goat to this ally. DOUBLE SONG OF THE DAY/NIGHT!!!
Rainn Wilson Changed His Name to "Rainnfall Heat Wave Extreme Winter Wilson" to Bring Attention to Climate Change
As a woke pussy lib, of course, I believe in climate change and, more importantly, that extreme measures need to be taken to save our planet. I don't need to go into great detail about how fossil fuels, pollution, deforestation, and bunch of other fun things are not so slowly killing us all, but I do need to push back a little with Mr. Heat Wave Extreme Weather Wilson's recent name change.
I love what he's doing here, and the examples of other potential celebrity name changes like "Cardi The Arctic B Melting," "Amy Poehler Bears are Endangered," and "Harrison Why not Drive an electric? Ford" are fun, but I feel like Rainnfall Heat Wave Extreme Weather Wilson needs to resurrect his career a little to truly make some impact.
I'm not tryna take any cheap shots at Dwight, but his career hasn't been the same since the Office ended in 2013. I mean, in his defense, most supporting characters' careers peaked at Dunder Mifflin too, but for this move to bring more attention to climate change, Rainnfall needs his name on a movie poster or billboard promoting some new show. You gotta see that name in (eco-friendly) lights!
It's good to get the conversation going, like how the Seattle Kraken's arena is called Climate Pledge Arena. However, an expansion hockey team tucked away in the Pacific Northwest and a character actor who peaked when Barry O was still in his first term aren't gonna cut it. We need some Taylor Swift Policy Changes Worldwide.
I appreciate what Rainfall Heat Wave Extreme Weather Wilson is doing here, I really do, but the name of the game is more prominent stars or people with legitimate pull (like politicians) doing the right things to make real change. Marjorie Taylor Greene New Deal would be an excellent rebrand for that psycho Qunt.
Read more about climate change HERE.
There's approximately 2,500 Doz variations but let's add "Don't doz on these important issues, they'll help save human, animal, and plant life" to the mix.
I know it's been a few days, but the death of Aaron Carter has me fucked up for a variety of reasons, and I wanted to pay my respect in blog form. Sure, I'm super anti-face tat, but that doesn't mean I relish in his premature death. The dude has a kid under one; it's a tragedy. R.I.P. Aaron Carter.
Aaron's story is, unfortunately, one as old as the entertainment business. A child star who reaches extreme levels of fame at a young age for a brief moment, only to get wrapped up in drugs/various issues and lose everything. From what I've read and seen, it looks like his parent's forced him into the field.
I'm 30 years old, so Aaron Carter's rise to fame around the turn of the millennium is right in my wheelhouse. He was a huge name in the pop game, Nick Carter's little brother. My sister had his CD. He was an icon to kids around my age. I watched Lizzie McGuire, where he had a story arc. Naturally, when someone who was a famous kid/tween/teen when I was a kid passes away, it hits a little harder.
It's unfortunate to see someone have a public decline like Aaron's and for his life to end the way it did. This TikTok from a 2017 interview broke my heart.
Even though all the details aren't out yet, knowing that he died alone in a bathtub is terrible. It's just a heartbreaking story all around. He was clearly going through some shit mentally. I didn't even realize that there was bad blood between him and his siblings, which makes it even sadder to see knowing they never had a chance to truly reconcile face to face, even if there are some reports that things were improving.
I don't know anything about Aaron's life outside of what we've all seen in the media, but performing was the one thing that he loved, and once that was gone, things went downhill. I can't even begin to imagine how much that must fuck with someone mentally to be so successful at such a young age and to be "washed" by the time you're a legal adult. Unfortunately, Aaron's tale is not unique to child stars, and they'll be more stories like Aaron Carter's in the future. Despite that, he was still a trail blazer. His success undoubtedly paved the way for the Justin Biebers of the world.
It's just a somber story and one that's been on my mind for the last few days. I feel for the guy and his family; the whole situation is just so sad. That MTV Cribs story is wicked fucked up. It's easy to see how someone can go down the path Aaron did. Addiction doesn't care who you are. Wherever he is now, I hope he's at peace. That's really all I've got on this story. R.I.P. Aaron Carter.
Song: A Praise Chorus (2001)
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
Album: Jimmy Eat World/Bleed American
According to thisdateinmusic.com it's Jim Adkins of Jimmy Eat World's birthday! Happy Birthday Jimmy!
That's good enough of a reason for me to pick a SOD. I saw Jimmy Eat World from legitimately the front row in 2019 and it was fucking awesome. I'm like a surface level face but I respect their grind. This is my personal fave Jimmy Eat World track:
John Fetterman--who won his first election in 2005 by a single provisional ballot in a race in which fewer than 1,000 people vote--has just won one of the most important Senate races in the nation, media outlets are projecting.
He beat out GOP challenger Dr. Mehmet Oz, a cardiothoracic surgeon best known for hosting a medical talk show promoting "miracle" weight-loss drugs and other dubious science. Fetterman will take over retiring Republican Sen. Pat Toomey's open seat in January.
Fetterman, currently the lieutenant governor of Pennsylvania, got his political start as the mayor of Braddock, a struggling post-industrial steel town nine miles east of Pittsburgh.
In three terms as mayor there, the six-foot-eight, 300-pound, tattooed and goateed social worker attempted to revitalize the community through both his official post, and via a nonprofit he founded called Braddock Redux. Through those channels, he opened a community center for after-school programs, oversaw a drop in the town's murder rate, and incentivized an influx of new art, businesses, and resources. Later, as lieutenant governor, he prioritized his role on the state's pardon board to give second chances to incarcerated individuals showing good behavior.
The Democratic win was far from guaranteed. Despite polling strongly through early October, even holding a double-digit lead over Oz in mid-August, Fetterman's campaign took a nosedive around the start of early voting. Some attributed the decline to Fetterman's poor performance during his sole debate against Oz on October 25.
Fetterman, who suffered a stroke in May, struggles with aphasia--a speech condition that does not affect intellect, but has caused him to mix up words, conjugate them incorrectly, and sometimes forget them. The stroke's impact was especially apparent when debating Oz, a polished Daytime Emmy winner.
The right pounced on Fetterman's slip-ups during the match-up. "Holy shit, Fetterman is fried," Donald Trump Jr. tweeted during the debate.
While exit polls showed roughly half of Pennsylvania voters felt Fetterman was healthy enough to serve, a greater margin--6 in 10--felt Oz hadn't lived long enough in the state. Oz, who had never before run for public office, is from New Jersey and established residency in Pennsylvania only shortly before declaring his Senate campaign--a point on which Fetterman never missed a chance to chastise his opponent.
Some voters, including conservative ones, were similarly flummoxed by that fact. "When we heard Oz was running, it was a disappointment, because he's not a Pennsylvanian," one Republican Pennsylvania woman told me.
Outside of the the issue of Pennsylvania roots, Fetterman's support for abortion rights played a clear role in his win. According to an October poll by Fox News, abortion ranked only behind inflation and American democracy as a top issue for voters.
To some extent, Fetterman's success was less about issues and more about vibes. This is a guy who wears gym shorts to meet the president of the United States. He may as well be a brand ambassador for Carhartt hoodies. Dozens of Pennsylvania voters told me that was a major selling point.
"I like that he's not afraid to look like a Pennsylvanian," said Alexis Martin, a Fetterman fan.
Orginally, I titled this blog "John Fetterman Defeated Snake Oil Salesman Dr. Oz For a Senate Seat," but I figured let's go with some wordplay. I don't know how many readers this blog will get, but I included the Mother Jones article just to expose it to more people and give some more background, so I don't have to.
I am fucking souped off this news. When it broke, it felt like similar to like a playoff win (too bad Philly couldn't get 2 more). I can't lie; I did a couple fist pumps when I first heard. I fucking love this guy and am so excited. Talk about running a perfect campaign. Someday they'll teach about how John Fetterman used the internet and trolling to defeat Dr. Oz for a U.S. Senate seat (as long the GQP hasn't outlawed history).
I've been closely following this race. I'm a big man who stumbles with his words once in a while that supports freedom, equality, health care, protecting the working class, and rocking comfortable clothing; of course, I was quickly drawn to John Fetterman. There's a significant difference between recovering from a stroke and clearly having CTE, like the pretend cop in Georgia.
There's still a long way to go in determining who's gonna control each house of our bicameral legislature (I did teach Civics last year until..), but as of now, I'm somewhat encouraged. I don't wanna see social security and medicare slashed or 10-year-old rape victims forced to give birth. Despite being a woke pussy lib cuck sjw, I'm a low-key God guy, and legit have included hoping the Democrats keep the house and get a real majority in the Senate (fuck you, Manchin and Sinema) to really get shit done in my nightly prayers. Maybe they work after all???
Yes, it's a huge bummer to see absolute scumbags like MTG and DeSantis' support grow, but Bobo is on the ropes, and the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania decided they rather have a good working class man represent them as opposed to an upper-crust snake oil salesman who doesn't even live in PA. Fetterman is the better man. Bring your cruditÃ© back to the Jersey Shore, Oz!
I'm v glad to see Rhody stay blue, but this is wayyyy too close for comfort.
Obviously the new title is a play on one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs, but "Better Man" is about dreaming in color (specifically red...good thing PA didn't do the same), and being unable to find a better man. In this case they clearly did and it's currently 2:20 am as I type this, but I think it might be time for Ole Dozie to write another parody song; it's been far too long. ** music note emoji**
"Oz, you're not even from P-A, you lost to John Fettermaaannnnn. Yinzers didn't believe a word you said, you lost to Fettermaaannnnn"
Song: Philadelphia Freedom (1975)
Artist: Elton John
Album: Surprisingly this was released as a single and is not on any original non greatest hits albums!
Suck it, Dr. Oz. Go back to your mansion in New Jersey. Don't forget the crudité and tequila!
I didn't blog yesterday because I got out of bed at like 3:50 pm after a brief wake-up at 9 am to take a leak, then again at 11:58 am when my original alarm went off. I was like, "what's a little longer?" Before you know it, it's nearly 4 pm, and the Patriots ruined the Colts yet again.
I'm not really working right now (which will get addressed later in this blog), and my sleep schedule has been in complete disarray since March when I stopped teaching and only worsened from Ubin late all summer (minus when my car was in the shop). I felt like a piece of shit for wasting essentially an entire day sleeping instead of writing or applying for jobs, so I was like, dude, you gotta at least go to the gym.
It's no secret that I've put on a significant amount of weight since the shutdown in 2020. It's fucking wild that it's been almost three years at this point, but time hasn't been real since March 2020.
I love writing, even if I don't know all the grammar rules or how to grow an audience. I appreciate every read my blogs get because I know reading can be a drag. Yes, it's a vital skill for existence that all people should maintain. Still, I get that with billions of different content options, there are other mediums that are easier to grasp people's attention or grow an audience. Do I wish my friends were more supportive? Of course. But I get that there might not be time to keep up with the inner workings of a niche-ass blog. My friend sent me a "humans of NY" IG post that had like a three-paragraph description, and it felt like he was trying to punish me, so I get why someone might not take the time to read My Top 15 Unappreciated Jonestown Tweets (Bangers) even if it is in fact, a banger.
Despite low follower numbers, I am confident I am qualified to write for Barstool Sports. I believe in myself and know my weird-brain would be a perfect fit. Barstool is the reason dozonlife.com exists, and there's nothing I want more in this life than to be a part of the pirate ship. I cannot picture myself doing anything else. I wholeheartedly believe I would thrive if given an opportunity, but I also have accepted that it might never happen. I've applied for the mass-hiring things and like Barstool Idol, but I'm so in my head. I'm like too nervous to send in my samples because I'm worried about being annoying or the potential heartbreak of being told no when I've invested legitimately over 20% of my life to this. I know this needs to change if I'm ever going to make it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
It's just that my confidence has been in the toilet for three years now and, honestly, the vast majority of my life. I know that's what's holding me back, and I'm trying to break out of those chains. Like most living people I have anxiety and depression, but I'm taking stuff to help (and it has!--at least with the anxiety).
I've started making TikToks for TML (don't ask how it's going this year....okay, we're 0-9, -9U, but I go like 6-2 every week, which should account for something, but does not in the teaser game), but I am ashamed to put my face out there and frankly myself entirely because of how out of control things have gotten the last few years. All this ramble is super-intertwined, and I know that my weight issues impact it all. If I get in better shape, it's not going to magically solve all my problems, but it will undoubtedly make me feel better about myself in all facets of life.
In 2019, I did the optifast shakes (again) and lost 70ish pounds from July 2019-November 2019. I had finally gotten my swag back. After a ROUGH go of it post-Nashville, I really let myself go. I dug out of that hole in 2019, but deep down I was always worried about regaining the weight I'd lost because that's been a horrible habit of mine. I've had significant weight losses in 2009, 2012, 2016, and 2019, only to lose the battle and end up fatter. I'm currently the biggest I've ever been, and it fucking sucks. I'm well aware that I'm the one who puts food into my mouth, but I'm an emotional guy (many say too emotional), and I eat my fucking feelings. Spoiler alert: the last three years have been brutal for me (as well as billions of others), and I've completely lost myself from eating the pain away. I had given up, but I'm not letting that be my story. I have to change. I will change.
I don't know what would've happened to me if Covid didn't happen, I just know I was in a GREAT spot mentally and physically in early 2020 pre-the world ending. I really thought that #43Burgers was gonna get my foot in the door at BSS.
It's so pathetic to say, but maybe getting it out will help...food is like a drug for me. I don't want to call it sexual, but I like almost get off on stuffing myself to the brink of popping. I don't know what it is, but I'll let get into a trance and just shovel food down my throat with no regard for human life like Lebron's dunk against the Celtics in the 2008 ECF semi-finals (a series he'd lose). With food as my drug, it's not like being an alcoholic or junky where yeah, technically, you don't need that to survive. With food, you have to eat, but the way I do is just not sustainable for a long life, which despite my frequent sui jokes and talks of the early checkout, I'd prefer. I want to be around for as long as possible, but I get down, bad and it's easy to lose hope. Whether it be from the fucked up stuff in the world politically, socially, and economically, super messy family dynamics, dissolving friendships, loneliness, or hating my job & my body, I cannot stop. I equate it to my own version of cutting. It's like a pain I can control, and almost a passive suicide for someone who deep down doesn't wanna die, but also doesn't want to live this way anymore, so I'm gonna go out enjoying something I love (super shitty, unhealthy food).
Like I said, super late start to my day yesterday; by the time I fully woke up, rubbed one out, fucked around on my phone, it was like 7 pm. So I drove to Planet Fitness and talked to the camera for a shade over a half hour in a ramble not too dissimilar for this (in what will eventually be the start of my weight loss video series) about how out of control things have gotten in my life; I'm ready to make a change.
I only did 20 minutes of cardio and a couple machines, but it's a start and better than zero minutes. I went again today and will again tomorrow. I have to make that a part of my life again; I can't wish to be healthier. There has to be action.
I just want to use my voice to entertain and inform people and try to make the earth a little better than how it was when I was born. Regardless of what happens with Barstool, writing and this website have helped me grow as a person more than my 2.75 URI GPA having ass could ever put into words. I don't want to be divisive, but I'm gonna stand up for what I believe in without regard for what people think (that's probably the only part of life I can do that with). Writing, reading, watching, and experiencing life and everything in it has helped me become a man I'm proud to be. I look back at who I was in the early days of DOL with shame and have constant fear about stupid shit I said before my brain was fully developed trying to make people laugh coming back to haunt me, but there's nothing I can do about the past. All I can do is move forward, which I'm trying to do now by improving my health.
I'm sorry I haven't written more and that this might not flow super well, but I just wanted to get some feelings out and write something tonight (Go Celtics). As I type this sentence, this is my 347th blog of the year, and with all the time I've had since being put on administrative leave for freaking out on a class that was trying to make me snap (I'm only human!), I used this time for good. I wrote 35 blogs in March, 40 in April, 50 in May and 47 in June. Then peak ub** season started, and I had to dedicate my time to the roads to save as much money as possible. I want to create more, and I know that with weight loss, my energy will improve, which will help with my creativity. I just want to write, entertain and hopefully make people happy.
I'm sure plenty of people don't fuck with me and want me to fail. It is what it is, but nothing will stop me (except my own brain to this point, lol). I know I could work harder, but given everything I've dealt with, I'm resilient and keep fighting. I grind. You should see the number of miles I've put on the 'scape with Ubin.
It might've seemed like I'd given up because, for a while, I did. But I know people care about me even if I don't get the validation I crave. Phones work both ways, and I'm responsible for relationships dissolving too. Not to make excuses, but when you're feeling like how I've felt, it's hard to reach out to people. It's not that I don't care, I just get all in my head about what to say, so I say nothing. I'm ashamed of what I've become. It bums me out that so many friendships have faded because I still love and care about these people. It could be getting older and busier. I don't know. I have just been spit-balling here, letting my fingers and brain do what they do.
When it comes to the future of DOL, I'm still around and have no plans on stopping. I need to make more time for creating, but I also need to believe in myself and send samples out there. I could write the best blog of all time, but it doesn't matter if four people see it. I'd love to be rich, but I really just want to have a comfortable life where blogging/creating is my career. Sure, not every blog is a home run, but I have plenty of bangers. My depth of knowledge is bananas. And I have the voice (in writing) to make it in this game. I genuinely believe that. Did I not mention yet that I created @URIprobs?
I've said it a million times, but I've known I wasn't cut out for the "normal" world since I was on Rosie when I was five years old.
I'd rather fail chasing my dreams than settle for some mediocre life doing a job that doesn't matter (although I would like to find a better job until that day comes, so if you know anybody hiring former teachers HMU). Alright, I'm done---no more blogs for tonight. I'm gonna watch election coverage through my fingers, but if you made it through this blog, thank you for reading it. I'm posting after 10 pm, so IDK how many views this will end up getting, but it felt good to let some steam out. I have to keep moving forward, and I'm proud to say this week, I started that. If you're struggling, you can do it too. It just takes that first step forward. #HireDozo