Last Sunday, as soon as I opened twitter to post the #TooManyLegs teaser I was slapped in the face with unfortunate news. It was there I learned Jeopardy host Alex Trebek had succumbed to stage four pancreatic cancer at the age 80.
By the time I finished his tribute blog and started watching football, the Seattle Seahawks were already down 14-0. I knew this week's teaser was as dead as Ray Combs and that today was not about football. It was about mourning the loss of someone we let into our home's every night for over 30 years.
Unfortunately, even though we were all heartbroken last week and may still be hurting, the facts are the facts. The #TooManyLegs teaser going 6-2 with Seattle +3 and OVER 42 in the battle of Baltimore ultimately cost us a nice +1000 payday; dropping the teaser to 4-4 in 2020. If you're into moral victories I did hit my first teased under of the season.
Week 2 and 3
Week 5 (booo Bengals)
Week 7 (Week 7 victory recap)
This week is Vince Wilfork huge for the #TooManyLegs teaser. Sure, we're still profitable AF if you've been riding since it's debut in Week 2, but if you hopped on late you probably hate me worse than the Third Estate hated Marie Antoinette after she said "Let them eat cake" even though whether or not she actually said that is highly debated in historical circles.
At 4-4 the #TooManyLegs teaser will fall below .500 today if it doesn't go 8-0. This series is about making money to show Barstool Sport the many hats I can wear in addition to being a quality blogger, but if you're just some run of the mill Joe off the street you just want tickets to cash. You don't care about shitty wordplay and research that was done at 11:09 am. That's why I'm switching up this week...NO WRITE UPS. Just the picks with no reasoning behind them. All you need to do is sign this petition and the picks are yours. Let's get to 5-4 (again, we're still up for 30 units right now).
SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE TODAY!!! Good luck and bet responsibly!!
The Black Keys Announced A Deluxe Remastered Brothers 10th Anniversary Reissue with Two New Tracks (and one old one)
Awesome news for fans of one of my all-time favorite bands, The Black Keys. Today they announced they'll be releasing a Deluxe Remastered 10th Anniversary edition of one of my all-time favorite albums, Brothers.
The 10th anniversary remastered album will be available on CD, double LP and 7" inch box set on December 18th in the U.S. and Canada and everywhere else on January 1st, 2021; it'll feature two unreleased songs "Keep My Name Outta Your Mouth”, and “Black Mud Part II” as well as "Chop and Change" off the Twilight: Eclipse soundtrack.
Hand-up here, I had zero clue they had a song in that movie, so to me, it's like three new songs. This might come as surprise to you, but I was never much of a Twilight guy. I must've been too busy getting ready to graduate high school that week that I missed a movie I had zero interest in seeing. Upon further research, that soundtrack is full of artists I love so maybe that joke's on me?
As for the reason we're here, the Remastered 10th Anniversary Brothers Reissue comes with a bunch of goodies.
According to Rolling Stone: All three versions of the reissue will feature new liner notes from Rolling Stone’s David Fricke, as well as an assortment of other extras. The seven-inch box set (which is limited to 7,500 copies worldwide) will include a 60-page book of archival photos, a limited edition poster, and will feature cover art made with special heat-sensitive ink. The vinyl in the double-LP set will be pressed on 140-gram vinyl, come packaged in a gatefold double-pocket album jacket, and include an insert with photos. And the CD will come with a booklet featuring Fricke’s liner notes and an assortment of photos.
In promotion for Brothers Remastered, the Black Keys went back to 2010 to tell the story of a fan who was attempting to T9 text on a flip phone his buddy about his excitement for the album. I'm not going spoil the video like every other publication that's written about this reissue so far because I'm a hashtag good guy, so enjoy.
Now that you know what happens, pretty good right? Very Black Keys in the production and comedic value. Seeing the hospital employee rippin' a pot pen made me LOL and I loved the reference to squashed beef with Jack White.
According to RS the Brothers reissue will also be the first in an annual series of archival releases the Black Keys are planning to drop going forward.
I'd assume we're in store for an El Camino reissue next year since its coming up on its decade anniversary as well.
If the Black Keys are going to be remastering all their music, then I think it's only fair they re-film some of their most iconic music videos. I neeeeeed to see shot-for-shot remake of Tighten Up with all the kids grown up a decade later. Now that is way more intriguing to me than some wanna-be Elon Musk heat-sensitive ink.
Does it really count as a 10 year anniversary release when it's coming out 10 years and 7 months after Brothers was originally released? Not to s my own d, but I wrote my Brothers 10 year anniversary blog on the day of. If you got married in March, as most people do, and took your spouse out for an anniversary dinner in November how do you think that'd go over?
Please Sign My Petition for an IMDB Credit for My June 2nd, 1997 Appearance on the Rosie O'Donnell Show; It Could Be The #HireDozo Difference Maker!
As I referenced earlier in my Veterans Day blog, my anxiety has been flowing super hard today and the last 20 or so years. Like Lady Gaga's 2016 tearjerking smash, there's a million reasons as to why, but tonight we'll focus solely on my career or lack there of.
I'm currently a longterm substitute teacher in a district that John Hopkin's University once said "has very little visible learning". I have about as much of a future in this job as Ralph Cifaretto does an animal rights activist. It breaks my heart to see how poorly these schools are run and how many kids needs are not being met. I feel partly responsible and hate myself for it; I don't want to be a part of it anymore. Once my certification expires in August I am never going back. I don't want to be a teacher and haven't wanted to be one for years. I don't care if I have to ub** full time, I cannot be a part of this system that I loathe with all 260-320 pounds of me. Come next September I will be in a different field.
All I've wanted to do since I was in high school was write about sports. The #HireDozo Manifesto tells the whole story, but once the Chernin Group invested in Barstool Sports in January of 2016 the possibility of making a living as a writer/entertainer at my favorite website seemed truly possible. That's why I started DOL in February of that same year as my Barstool sample after I was recruited on twitter by this blog that no longer exists (I looked last night) called DieHardDiaries. I wrote a couple blogs for them in January of 2016 and after they told me they only wanted me to write about the Patriots I realized I was much better off starting my own blog where I was free to talk about whatever I want. Hence the name Dozonlife (taken from a short-lived all sports twitter account called @DozonSports). Man, I wish these links were active to see what these blogs looked like.
Once Barstool expanded from just Boston and a few other cities based blogs to one of the biggest brands in all of sports media and was able to offer things like health insurance, I knew it was what I wanted to dedicate my life to pursuing. As long as I am breathing, I will not give up on my dream. I love what this company is all about and know for a fact I'd thrive there if given the opportunity.
Literally all I want out of my life is to be a Barstool Blogger. I know tweeting #HireDozo likely isn't gonna seal the deal, but given their hiring record there is no rhyme or reason to how they add talent. Sure, you could have >100k followers on your own volition or come from a more established media company, but you could also just have a funny nickname, dress like a video game coach or be from Mississippi to get a chance.
The entire reason I ate #43Burgers back in March was to get eyes on my brand and blog. I hoped I could use my binge eating talents to show how dedicated I am to making it as a blogger/contentman. I don't want to say COVID ruined my chances of using that content to get attention on my blog, but I did say that.
One thing I've learned from going to therapy the last year and a halfish is that you need to control what you can control. Nothing is going to change simply by wanting it to; you gotta do something about it. If I want to lose weight for the 17th time I need to change my eating habits. If I want to work for Barstool I have to reach out because they're likely not going to reach out to me and my (at this moment) 86 twitter followers. Yes, we all know I created @URIprobs, but as of now, it hasn't helped either. I know I need to send out some sort of legitimate application or have a viral blog/video that catches their attention to show my worth.
That's why today I was going through the content I made during early COVID. I'm trying to put together a content resume. One of my favorite things I made was during that time was a DOL All 22 meets Pop Up Video that broke down my 1997 appearance on the Rosie O'Donnell Show. Literally the first word is a typo, which is very on brand!
My appearance on the Rosie O'Donnell show in June of 1997 changed my life. You can read more about it in #HireDozo Manifesto as this blog is already getting long, but that is what showed me it's possible to make it out of little Rhode Island. Even as a kid I had showbiz dreams. At 5 years old I had agents reaching out to my mom after how electric I was on Rosie.
While updating my resume for Barstool Sports, I wanted to make sure I had all the necessary information and came across some unfortunate news. IMDB did not give a credit for my appearance on Rosie.
This was quite disheartening news; crushing some may say. I didn't know how to go about fixing this. All I know about credits and how they're given is from Nathan Fielder.
With faceswapping apps and deep fakes Barstool isn't going to believe I was on the Rosie O'Donnell Show in June of 1997 without the proper credit. I need IMDB to make things right before I send out my next batch of #HireDozo emails.
I tried to reach out directly to the source. I thought Rosie could pull a few strings for her ole pal. I think since I screwed up the correct punctuation mark Rosie is ghosting me :(
My next best option was to start a petition because they are the only way you can make a change. So that's exactly what I did. Please take a moment to sign. If not for me, do it so IMDB is more accurate.
It's hard to believe from this photo, but Punter/Holder Jake Bailey did NOT slap Kicker Nick Folk's keister here.
After sustaining their longest losing streak since 2002, the New England Patriots were able to get back in the win column Monday night with a 30-27 comeback victory over the very good New York Jets.
While Monday's win will forever be known as the Jakobi Myers game, he didn't score a single point in his birthday-breakout performance.
However, 36 year old kicker/bad-back-haver Nick Folk did score 12 of the Patriots 30 points on MNF by going 3-3 on XP and FGs; highlighted by his 51 yard game winner. #Teamgame.
That performance earned Folk AFC (or NFC) Special Teams Player of the Week Honors for the fifth time of his career according to wikipedia and my 6th grade math skills,
Legally required to include this even though I haven't listened to it.
At 3-5 with 3 losses against the Seahawks, Broncos and Bills that could've gone either way, the Patriots find themselves on the outside looking at the playoff hunt. According to playoffstatus.com the Patriots currently have an 8% chance at making the playoffs.
There have been plenty of units to complain about when it comes to Patriots football this year, but the kicking game has not been one of them. After going through what felt like a dozen kickers last season, including Nick Folk for 7 games, it looks like the Patriots have found their guy (for at least this year).
With 5th round pick Justin Rohrwasser seeming like another wasted draft pick, Nick Folk has been one of the biggest bright spots for the Pats through half a season. After missing a field goal in week 1 and 2, Folk is 13-13 on FGS and 8/9 on XP (with the miss coming in week 3) since. For the year he's 14/16 on FGs and 14/15 on XP. Former Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski is currently 11/18 (61.1%) kicking field goals in 2020.
Before last season Folk's last NFL game was as a Bucanneer week 5 in 2017. In that 19-14 TNF loss to the Patriots, Folk went 0/3 on FG missing from 56, 49 and 31 yards respectively. This man then missed the rest of 2017 and the entire 2018 season due to a lack of interest from NFL teams. Now in 2020 he has earned AFC Special Teamer of the Week honors. It's not exactly Muhammad Ali, Rocky Bleier or Alex Smith when it comes to individual comebacks, but I think it's pretty cool to see someone whose career was basically over, comeback to be back on top for least a week. Congrats to Nick Folk and as a bad back guy myself, make sure you use that heat pad. If the Patriots are going to have any chance against the fraud-adjacent Ravens on SNF this week they're gonna need at another flawless night in the kicking game.
P.S. I know he's looked bad at times this year, but Cam is only 3-4 as a starter. If we didn't lose half the defense to Covid and have statistically the worst TE production in NFL history (possibly hyperbole, but it's close) I think we could easily be a playoff team. This year just shows how a few plays can be the difference between 6-10 and 10-6. Regardless what happens going forward, this is one of my favorite plays I've ever seen a Patriots QB make in a non-playoff game.
As I sit here on my bed, working myself into a panic about how to effectively use this day off after I slept until 10:30 am or should I say 10:30? I'm thankful.
I'm thankful that I have this blessing of a day off from playing Covid Police at a Public High School to stress about something as inconsequential as how I should manage this time wisely going after my calling. Should I try to write five blogs today to make up for missed time since I had to go back to work in June (I haven't spent a full weekday writing since)? Do I finally finish my "Dear @Coleymick," blog/application that I should've sent out two fucking weeks ago, but overanalyzed every word trying to stand out and now feel like it's too late or should I just send out some cold emails with my samples to hirer ups at Barstool whose email I could probably guess?
The fact that my super flat and soft ass is even able to have these discussions with myself today is because of our Veterans. I know it's not exactly the most chill time politically in our nation's history, but regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, today is about honoring all who've served and those who paid the ultimate sacrifice to protect our liberty. We are still all Americans. Left or right shouldn't matter when supporting those who keep us safe.
Today is about the Patriots who fought the Redcoats for our independence. Today's about the Union soldiers who kept the nation intact. It's about the bad ass 16 year old boy who lied about his age to get trench foot fighting the Central Powers. It's about all the men and women who chose to serve their country and those who did so without any choice. Today is about all those people who put themselves second and their country first to protect the American people.
In the heart of a Pandemic and uncertain times, it can be easy to get offtrack or solely focused in your own issues, but today is about all those who served and spent the holidays away from their family or ultimately never came back. I wanted to share what I wrote on Veterans Day 2016 because while a lot of what I wrote that first year of DOL makes me cringe, I'm really proud of what I said four years ago today; it still holds up. Our Vets deserve so much more. Thank you to all who have served and will serve our great nation. I wouldn't be able to be me without YOU.
Doz on Life is an extremely pro troops production. Regardless if you disagree with why they're fighting you gotta support the troops. I think the fact our country treats our Veterans so poorly is an absolute shame. Way too many homeless Vets who aren't getting the help they need. I personally think if you fight in a war and make it back home then the government should be obligated to help you out. These are the people who really deserve it. So many Vets out there with not just physical injuries but mental ones as well that in a way are almost worse. Losing a limb fucking sucks don't get me wrong but at least you can be at peace mentality. PTSD is no joke. Our armed forces have the most important job without a doubt. It requires insane sacrifice and dedication that not a lot of people want to do. I would never do it. I'm too much of a pussy and also love my hair too much. It takes a different kind of man or woman to sign up to protect our great nation. I have friends who have served and if you're reading this you know who you are and I just want to say thank you for your sacrifice. From all of us at DOL (me) I just want to thank you all, past and present for all you do for this great nation of ours.
P.S. You deserve a whole lot more than a free bloomin-onion at Outback.
With 17 championships and enough retired numbers that they'll have to resort to triple-digits or jersey letters someday, the Boston Celtics have employed many men who have resumes worthy of being crowned "Mr. Celtic", but none were more deserving of that title than Tommy Heinsohn.
Only one person has been affiliated with the Boston Celtics for all 17 of their NBA Championships (and four empty trips to the Finals) and you guessed it; that person was Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away today at the age of 86.
Between Alex Trebek on Sunday and Tommy today, this is the second staple of my upbringing via television to pass away this week and it's not even hump day; hopefully Zach Braff is somewhere safe.
Even though both were in their 80's and not exactly in Jack LaLanne shape, their passings have shook me. Both men brought me great joy and had been there on TV for literally my entire life. Trebek had hosted Jeopardy since 1984 and Tommy had been the bleed green color-man of the Boston Celtics since 1981. Of course, Alex was more of a national celebrity, I don't think there's any SNL skits about Tommy Points, but Tommy Heinsohn wasn't exactly some unknown indie band when it came to name recognition; he's one of only four people to be enshrined in the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame as both a player and coach (John Wooden, Lenny Wilkins and Heinsohn's former teammate Bill Sharman are the others) AND was a spokesman for Miller Lite during the 70's and 80's during the peak of the most aesthetically pleasing domestic beer can of all time. Not a bad run for #15.
As the 28 year old currently typing this blog, I knew Tommy as the voice of the Boston Celtics and he made no secrets about who he was rooting for. You're gonna see this in a lot of articles today but it's true "he was a homer, but he was OUR homer". Words cannot describe how entertaining he was during broadcasts, only clips can (saved for the end of the blog). I've listened to him and Mike Gorman call hundreds of games and they were the perfect match. Mike was the straight man who kept things in order and Tommy was the larger than life figure who could convince you that the 11th man on the bench could be an All-NBA performer if given the chance and never saw a foul call that he liked.
Tommy's passion and insight made him a fan favorite. He's the reason why countless New England kids have yelled "THAT'S A TOMMY POINT!" during a great hustle play in a pick-up game.
In an industry where players and coaches change like the (four) seasons, Mike and Tommy were the one consistency of Celtics broadcasts. The TV channel name changed more than the broadcast team during the peak of their tenure together before Tommy's role was reduced in 2012-13. During the lean years of the 90's and mid 2000's they were the reason most people were turning into Celtics games.
Before his days as a broadcaster, as previously mentioned, Tommy had not one, but two Hall of Fame careers.
The All-American out of Holy Cross was drafted in 1956 by the Boston Celtics thanks to territorial rights. The 6x All Star won Rookie of the Year in 1957 while helping lead the Celtics to their first NBA Championship. Tommy averaged 18.8 PPG and 8.8 RPG over nine seasons with the Celtics where he only won eight NBA Titles. Tommy Heinsohn is the only player in NBA history to have a rookie year that included an all star appearance, championship and ROY.
Injuries forced Tommy to retire following the 1964-65 season after his seventh straight championship. Once he hung up the converse, Tommy called Celtics games on the radio for three years before becoming the Celtics Head Coach in 1969-70. During Tommy's HOF coaching career he won two more NBA titles (1974 & 1976) so no finger would be left ringless. He was Coach of the Year in 1973 when the Celtics went 68-14 before being upset in the Conference Finals by the eventual NBA champion New York Knicks (something has not happened since). By the time his coaching career ended Heinsohn was second behind only Red Auerbach in wins and remains in that same spot today.
Away from the court Tommy loved to paint, Michael Holley has called him a Renaissance Man.
During his 86 years on this planet, Tommy Heinsohn spent well over 60 associated with the Boston Celtics. This man truly bleed green and while it's a sad day that he's gone, there is no denying that this man lived a full life. Mourn for his family, but we should be celebrating a life lived right. The Celtics broadcast will never be the same again. R.I.P. Mr. Celtic. You will be missed by millions.
With lots of extra bodies in the mix this year due to COVID, there are over 1,700 players in the National Football League. You're likely not Roger Goodell, so I don't expect you to know every name and every story, but everybody should know Derrick Nnadi and his.
If you don't that's okay! Don't beat yourself up. I run a very unknown sports blog and I didn't know him until I saw the tweet that inspired this blog during my lunch break. That's probably why I'm not writing for Barstool at this very moment...if only I knew the back-up left guard on the Arizona Cardinals I wouldn't be stuck living the substitute life in the Creative Capital.
Anyways, Derrick Nnadi is a starting defensive tackle for the defending Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs. Playing beside All-Pro DT Chris Jones, it's easy for the 2018 3rd round pick out of Florida State University to get overshadowed, but Nnadi gained some national recognition back in February when he paid for the adoption of 108 dogs after the Chiefs won the Super Bowl.
Nnadi didn't stop there. He's not like former Indianapolis Colts Left Tackle, Tarik Glenn, who let Super Bowl glory kill his passion.
Derrick Nnadi is using his platform as a Super Bowl champ for great things; like making it easier for puppers and woofers in need to find a new home! This season, after every Chiefs win Nnadi is sponsoring the adoption of a doggo in a Kansas City animal shelter.
KANSAS CITY, Mo. --A big man with an even bigger heart -- Kansas City Chiefs defensive tackle Derrick Nnadi is again teaming up with an area animal shelter to find homes for more dogs.
Last season, Nnadi partnered with KC Pet Project to sponsor the adoption of a new dog in the shelter with each Chiefs win -- meaning a family got to take a new pet home for free.
After the Super Bowl victory, Nnadi sponsored the adoption of every single dog in the shelter. More than 100 dogs found homes with new families thanks to Nnadi's kindness, and his partnership with KC Pet Project.
Officials with KC Pet Project announced Wednesday that Nnadi is again teaming up with the shelter this season to help more deserving dogs find homes. Nnadi will again sponsor the adoption fee for one dog in the shelter each time the Chiefs win.
“This is such a fun way to help pets find homes, and we’re thrilled to once again have this unique partnership opportunity with Derrick Nnadi in 2020,” said Tori Fugate, chief communications officer with KC Pet Project. “Everyone is so excited about the Chiefs upcoming season, and this is just another great way that our local team is helping the community. We can’t wait to help pets find homes thanks to Derrick’s generosity.”
Shelter officials said this partnership is a great way to feature dogs in need of more help like long-timers, special needs dogs and large dogs.
The shelter said to look for the featured #NnadiDog on KC Pet Project's social media pages after each win.
When the Chiefs held on to beat Teddy Two Gloves and Panthers 33-31 yesterday, Nnadi sponsored the adoption of Moss.
With the Kansas City Chiefs currently sitting at 8-1 atop the AFC West that means Nnadi has helped eight dogs find a new home this season! Prior to the Chiefs 34-20 week 1 win over Houston, Nnadi announced that #NnadiDogs (awesome hashtag) would again be teaming up with the Kansas City Pet Project to cover adoption costs.
Tyrod Taylor's lung puncturing prior to kickoff of the Chiefs week 2 overtime win (23-20) over LAC indirectly lead to Mogwai get adopted.
Embarrassing the fraud-adjacent Ravens 34-20 in Baltimore helped Bruno find a home.
When Brian Hoyer forgot how to play football in week 4, Sanjay was scooped up like a fumble.
When the Chiefs beat the Bills 26-17 in the first game of a MNF Double Header to hand them their first L of 2020 (excluding their playoff choke vs. Houston), Jocelyn was handed a collar by her new owners.
The Chiefs dismantling of the Broncos, 43-16 got Corgan a new home. I really wish this happened when they beat the Bills so I could make a shitty Smashing Pumpkins joke.
The Jets play on Monday Night Football tonight, tonight, but in week 8 when they failed to cover a 20 point spread in a 35-9 loss at Arrowhead, Taboo was welcomed into a new home.
Not nearly enough people know about this awesome cause.
The best to next autocorrect/typo shouldn't take away from the fact that it's a bad sign when bloggers with less than a 100 followers (referring to myself here) can wish Eddie Vedder a Happy Birthday and get more love than a Super Bowl Champion making it easier for puppers to find loving homes.
With the Chiefs on their bye week 10, the next chance Derrick has to help another Missourian find their forever pup is November 22nd @ Vegas. The Raiders handed the Chiefs their only loss of the season, so there should be extra motivation for Derrick to sponsor his 9th pupperino of the season. So if the Chiefs aren't playing your favorite team there's a great reason to hop on the Chiefs bandwagon. #NnadiDogs.
R.I.P. Alex Trebek.
I had literally just finished this week's #TooManyLegs teaser and was copying and pasting the link from weebly to my twitter when I saw the news. Alex Trebek has passed away from a battle with Pancreatic Cancer at the age of 80.
The public has known about Alex's diagnosis since March of 2019, but his passing still comes as a huge shock. I almost forgot he was sick from how much he kept going on like everything was fine. The dude kept filming and going to work everyday while fighting terminal cancer and the restrictions of a global pandemic. Thanks to wigs and make-up Alex never had that typical fighting for your life look which definitely makes the news a little more shocking as we never saw how much he was really hurting. It felt like he'd just host Jeopardy until the end of time. Earlier this week, a clip went viral showing how much Alex meant to Jeopardy Contestant Burt Thakur.
There's probably millions of other stories out there about how much Alex Trebek meant to people. Personally, I've watched hundreds if not thousands of episodes of Jeopardy with my family. He brought people together and made you feel a little smarter at the end of every show. He was more than a game show host, he was a pop culture icon. As I type this, I am rattled AF and really don't know what to say other than Alex Trebek was probably the most beloved man in television. Outside of Sean Connery on SNL, who ever had a bad word to say about this man?
Alex Trebek had been the host of Jeopardy since 1984, so to anybody under like 45 he's been the face of it for your entire life. Sometime between 6:00 pm and 8:00 pm every weeknight he was part of our lives. You might not always watch, but he was always there.
There's been rumors that Ken Jennings would take over whenever Alex ultimately left Jeopardy, but those shoes will be impossible to fill. It's gonna be hard to focus on football today. There will never be another Alex Trebek. R.I.P. to a legend. Fuck cancer forever.
As we officially enter the second half of the 2020 NFL Season the DOL #TooManyLegs Teaser of the Week sits at 4-3 and 46-9-1 in legs overall. All it takes is one bad leg to bring a teaser tumbling to the ground, but last week there were plenty of faulty legs to point the finger at. Week 8 was statistically the teaser's worst showing of 2020. My bad for thinking I could outsmart the wind. After being woken up by an earthquake this morning I definitely don't want to get on Mother Nature's bad side. I might even tease an under this week to make up for it.
There's no denying that the #TooManyLegs teaser has certainly cooled off after a blistering hot 3-0 start, but if my math is correct (10+10+10-1-1+8-1) we're still +35 units. I think we'll settle with over 50% at +1000.
Week 2 and 3
Week 5 (booo Bengals)
Week 7 (Week 7 victory recap)
We're not gonna just sit here and cry like Andy Bernard in front of Aaron Rodgers, there's still half a season of football to play and plenty to be excited about both this week and going forward. With a chance to fall to .500 on the season the heat is on like Glenn Frey (R.I.P.). Let's get back in the winner's circle.
Here's this week's teaser.
Seahawks +3 (from -3)
I really wanted to include the teased over in this week's bet, but the Bills offense has not been super impressive the last month of the season. After a 4-0 start where they averaged 30.75 PPG and Josh Allen was making his way into the MVP conversation the Bills have scored 16, 17, 18 and 24 points their last four games. Seattle's defense has not played well this season, allowing over 28 PPG, but Jamal Adams is back and new addition Carlos Dunlap just went from one of the worst to one of the best teams in the NFL; expect a burst of life on a God awful D-line as well. This game should be a lot of fun, but with no fans in Buffalo I think Seattle wins and covers the real spread; getting them at +3 is little disaster insurance. Russell Wilson is 9-1 in the regular season vs the AFC East!
Broncos +10 (from +4)
The Broncos are frisky AF. After starting 0-3 they're 3-4; Last week they erased a 21 point deficit against the Chargers. They aren't going anywhere this season, but outside of the Chiefs and Bucs games (two of the best teams in the NFL) they'll hang around with anybody. The 2-6 Falcons certainly fall into the "anybody" category. In this Super Bowl XXXIII rematch, I expect the Broncos to keep it within single digits; especially with Calvin Ridley out for the Falcons.
Bears/Titans OVER 40.5 (from 46.5)
The Bears and Titans have both dropped back to back games after accumulating 5 wins. They both need a win BAD to stay alive in their divisional races, so I'm expecting points in "let's get back on track" week for both teams. Sure, the Bears offense is not good. The eye test tells you that as well as the actual numbers, but the Titans defense may be just what the Doctor ordered.
I'll always think of Nick Foles as the dude who shredded the Patriots in the Super Bowl and with Derrick Henry on the other team 40.5 is just too low to not love.
Ravens +7 (from +1) and Ravens/Colts OVER 42 (from 48)
I don't believe in the Ravens. They are at the very least fraud-adjacent. They beat the teams they should beat and choke when it matters most. They should've beaten the Steelers last week and that's exactly why I'm taking them here. I do respect Harbaugh and think they get them to bounce back. Sure, Marlon Humphrey is out, but the Colts are just like their owner in the sense of you never know what to expect. I'm not sure if they're actually good, so the Ravens have a great chance here. We don't even need them to win, just keep it within a touchdown. Can you keep it within a touchdown, Ravens? If you want to be taken seriously you need to win this game.
We're also taking the teased over because this game has both teams in at least mid 20's written all over it I don't need stats to back that up.
Panthers/Chiefs OVER 45.5 (from 51.5)
I'll be honest, not too much research went into this pick and I'm starting to get a little worried since I just learned the Chiefs are giving up only 19 points a game. But Christian McCaffery is back so fuck it; these offenses can get it done.
Texans -0.5 (from -6.5)
In a battle of 1-6 teams coming off a bye, one has a franchise QB and the other is starting has a rookie making his NFL debut; for that reason I'm going with the Texans even though I hate myself for putting us in a situation where we need count on the Houston Texans. In a battle of stinky defenses, we're hoping the 31st most efficient defense can hold Jake Luton in check.
Giants/Football Team UNDER 49 (from 43)
For the first time in the HISTORY of the #TooManyLegs teaser I am including an under in the action. Am I happy about it? Of course not, unders suck more than Imagine Dragons, but look at it this way....at over 49 we need to find 7 touchdowns and successful PATs to just push. Can you find seven touchdowns between these teams because I can't. Plus the Giants and Football Team both have sneaky okay defenses. It should be an ugly NFC Least game in D.C. so for the first time all season I am teasing an under. Good luck!
If I had I known the ramifications of Jameis Winston making NFL history with the league's first 30 touchdown-30 interception season (with SEVEN pick 6s) last year, I would not have been laughing so hard at his ability to find the open Mike Linebacker.
It's not that I'm an anti-Jameis guy; not by any means. I don't like crabs and my sister was at FSU while he was. I high key rooted for him, even though I am a diehard Tebow guy. But when someone has a chance to put up as ridiculously funny numbers as Jameis did, you'd be a monster to root against it. He was sooo close to the Brett Favre Triple Crown (a stat I just made up where you lead the NFL in Passing Yards, Touchdowns and Interceptions) finishing only three TDs behind MVP Lamar Jackson.
It may be hard to remember given everything that's happened in the world since last season, but Jameis Winston led the NFL in passing yards and INT (with 30; 7 of which were returned for touchdowns) while still throwing 33 touchdown passes to his own team.
You could make an incredibly strong argument that Jameis' all or nothing, ultimate gun-slinger season was directly related to his poor vision. The legitimate correlation between his interceptions and seriously needing glasses (while not addressing the issue) was right up my alley in the perfect intersection of sports and humor. Jameis' squint and vision problems have been an open secret that's been joked about by thousands since his college days, yet it took until he completed five full NFL seasons to address it.
What's not a joke is the end result of what happened last season. If I had known Jameis' reckless play would directly lead to Tom Brady becoming quarterback of a team who is not the New England Patriots, I would have paid for the Lasik out of my own pocket with a go fund me.
Since the Buccaneers are turning the ball over much less frequently than last year (and when they do, in honor of Jameis, Brady makes sure his INTs are pick 6s) it's not that surprising to see this stat. Although the number of tackles Buccaneers offense players made last year is alarming. (via: CBS Sports IG)
No matter how much analytics may change the game, one old school truth will always ring true; turnovers are the most telling stat when it comes to wins and losses. Obviously, in a one game scenario anything can happen; you can loss the turnover battle and still win a game, but over the course of a season turnovers turn into losses rather quickly.
The 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished 7-9, despite Jameis Winston throwing 30 INT with 7 pick 6s; you don't need Warren Sharp to tell you that if they turned the ball over less in 2020 they'd probably finish with a much better record.
That's why I am so glad I saw that instagram post while taking a dump a few hours ago because it gives me an excuse to blog some of the most bizarre passing stats you'll ever see.
See, I watch a lot of old NFL and AFL documentaries on Youtube and ESPN+ and because of that I have a lot of niche football knowledge floating around my brain that needs to get out and I'm using this as my springboard. It makes perfect sense that the Buccaneers lost more games than they won when Jameis threw THIRTY interceptions, but poor ball security does not always equate to losses. Until like 1982 you could retire with 50 or more INT than TD and make the Hall of Fame with ease; it was a different era. But that shouldn't take away how bizarre these seasons are. I don't care if it's 1920 or 2020, if you turn the ball over seven times you're probably going to lose; although as we'll see shortly that's not always the case! This tackle stat got the gears in my weird brain turning and made me think of two of the strangest QB seasons in NFL history. They both happened by Houston Oiler (R.I.P.). QBs who are more well known for their days in Oakland (R.I.P.).
Ken Stabler, 1980.
Kenny "Snake" Stabler is best remembered as the free-spirit, southpaw QB of the 1970's Oakland Raiders, but in 1980 Snake was the signal caller for Bum Phillip's "Luv Ya Blue" Houston Oilers. In 1978 and '79 the Oilers lost the AFC Championship Game to the eventual Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers and thought Snake was the missing piece to get them over the top in the next decade.
Houston traded QB Dan Pastorini to the Raiders in exchange for Stabler and ironically it would be the Raiders who won it all in 1980, but it would not be Pastorini leading the silver and black to Super Bowl glory.
The Raiders actually went on to defeat Stabler's Houston Oilers 27-7 in the Wild Card Round en route to the franchise's second Super Bowl title.
Before the playoff game, Kenny Stabler led the Oilers to a super respectable 11-5 regular season. In 16 starts Stabler completed 64.1% of his passes which was good enough to lead the league in competitions for QBs who made 16 starts. (Joe Montana technically lead the NFL with 64.5% but he only made 7 starts).
64.1% completions is solid in today's NFL, but in 1980 that might as well have been 75%. However, it doesn't mean much when you only throw 13 touchdowns and over twice as many INT with 28.
I'm not as radical at the people who want to "kill the QB win", but Houston's defense allowed the 2nd fewest points in 1980 to save Snake more often than not. After another 2 INT in the playoffs the Oilers lost to the Raiders, Bum Phillips was fired and the Oilers wouldn't make the playoffs again until 1987. Snake would retire in the offseason, only to come back in 1981 before being traded to the New Orleans Saints where he was reunited with Bum Phillips until he retired for good after the 1984 season.
George Blanda, 1962.
George Blanda is an absolute NFL legend. He played a record 26 seasons in the NFL and AFL from 1949-1975 as a quarterback and kicker. Blanda lead the Houston Oilers to the first two AFL titles in 1960 and 1961.
In 1962 George threw 42 interceptions in only 14 games. You'd think the Oilers would've lost every game. How can you win when you average three INTs a game? I'm honestly not sure, but the Oilers won 11 times in 1962 finishing with an 11-3 record; good enough to earn a third straight berth in the AFL Title Game.
In one of the most famous games in AFL history the Dallas Texans defeated the Houston Oilers in 20-17 in double OT. George Blanda threw FIVE picks AND missed two field goals in the contest.
Think about that for a second; George Blanda thew a grand total of 47 interceptions in 1962 and his team lost the league championship in DOUBLE OVERTIME. If he put up Jameis numbers they would've gone undefeated.
Not only was Blanda the '62 Oilers QB but he was their kicker too. In addition to his 42 INT in '62 Blanda also only converted on 11 of 26 field goal attempts (42.3%). Dude turned the ball over 44 times (shockingly only 2 fumbles) and missed 15 kicks. It blows my fucking mind that he was a field goal away from leading his team to a third straight championship putting up numbers that would make you think he's not just shaving that jaw of his, but points as well.