Song: Relax (1983)
Artist: Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Album: Welcome to the Pleasuredome
Ya boi is bringing back One Hit Wonder Wednesday for this Pride Month SOD, and yes, "Relax" WAS on VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders (2002) list (#41). Everybody and their mother knows this song, even the Prime Minister of Malaysia! While Frankie Goes To Hollywood enjoyed commercial success in the U.K. after "Relax," it was their only Top 40 hit (peaking at #10 in 1985) in the U.S.
"Relax" was infamously banned by the BBC due to its lyrical content, which only made the song more popular. For a brief moment in time, shirts with "Frankie Says Relax" in big black letters were everywhere. I love how they initially tried to say the song wasn't sexual, as if "hit me with those laser beams (laser beams)" isn't the most obvious metaphor for cumming of all time.
The original music video was also banned due to the in-your-face gayness that the 1980s just couldn't handle yet. I respect the hell out of FGTH for saying "fuck you" to the times and making a video of how they wanted to.
And because I'm a pro's pro, here's laser filled "safe for MTV" version. Both videos say "original" which means we have a liar on our hands!
Today I returned home from a bachelor party weekend in New Hampshire where there was no two-ply toilet paper for MILES, so I was planning on using today as a re-coop day before re-entering society tomorrow, but when there's news that I deem historically significant (second straight blog with the phrase), it's time to pause AppleTV+ (I just started the new Rose Byrne show "Physical" and so far I'm digging tf out of it) and get to blogging.
From all the rainbow corporate logos and DOL songs of the day, I'm sure you're aware that it's Pride Month. Well, Las Vegas Raiders DE Carl Nassib just made LGBTQ+ history by becoming the first active openly gay player in the NFL with this announcement on his Instagram:
The 2016 3rd round pick out of Penn St has played for the Browns and Buccaneers before signing with the Raiders last offseason.
With only 20.5 career sacks he's by no means a superstar, but if you're a fan of Hard Knocks you likely remember this clip from 2018. HBO needs to grow up and release the uncensored version; all the bleeps every second make it sound horrible. It's almost as egregious censoring the "God Damn" in Rex Ryan's infamous god damn snack speech.
I'm glad that we're at a point in society where a lot of people can say, "who cares?" because they don't see this story as a big deal just because they don't think they're homophobic, but this is a huge deal and monumental moment for LGBTQ+ people. People may be more accepting, but clearly not enough. Much like racial issues, are things better than they were in the 1960s? Yes, but they're still not where they should be. Obviously, this was dramatized for TV, but there's probably two Mickey Milkovich's dad-like reactions for every happy coming out story. (I'm only in the 7th season no spoilers please; although I do know that Mickey and Ian get married at some point)
It took until the third decade of the new millennium for this to happen. As Carl said in his post, LGBTQ+ youth are 5x more likely to consider suicide. Representation matters. I used to never really understand that since there are tons of fat, funny white dudes killing it in a variety of roles before their rolls eventually kill them. I never realized it was an issue, but now I see the importance for all. Like three or four years ago, I thought the whole pronouns thing was kind of stupid, but it was mainly because of my ignorance. If throwing a "he/him" in my bio can make things a little bit easier for people already having a tough time getting a fair shake in life, I'm going to do it without hesitation.
Now the likely thousands of gay football players in high school, college, and the NFL have someone to look at and say, "if he can do it, so can I," and know that they're not alone. Undoubtedly his presence, just existing as an openly gay professional athlete, will help save at least one life, and isn't that already a more significant win than anything the Raiders will accomplish this year? It'd be awesome to see Carl's bravery set off a domino of closeted athletes in all sports to come out.
As society progresses, it's important to remember to be a halfway decent person with empathy and acceptance. I'm sure some people who never heard the name Carl Nassib before today now hate him, and that both blows my mind and breaks my heart. There's no place for hating someone because of who they love. Pride month exists because LGBTQ+ people used to have to hide their true identity and risk literally everything to be themselves. There were millions of Salvatore Romanos in the '50s and '60s. If you have Hulu, I highly suggest the FX Pride docuseries.
If you're thinking, "what about Michael Sam?" this is a much different situation. Michael Sam was the first openly gay man to be drafted in the NFL when he was selected by the then St. Louis Rams in the 7th round of the 2014 draft, but he never appeared in a regular-season game. Assuming Carl Nassib doesn't get injured or blackballed by the league for simply being himself, he'll become the first openly gay man to play in the NFL. Just like the Rooney Rule, I hope someday there isn't a need for this practice to exist, but for now, it's a landmark day in not just sports but American history. Congratulations, Carl, for being authentically you. Whether it be with one or 1000 gentlemen, may 1000 bussies bloom for you.
Song: Livin' la Vida Loca (1999)
Artist: Ricky Martin
Album: Ricky Martin
It's officially summertime, and "Livin' la Vida Loca" has been a song of every summer since 1999. It doesn't matter who you are; if you can't get down to this absolute banger, you don't deserve the gift of hearing.
IMO "Livin' La Vida Loca" 1000% belongs in the National Recording Registry in the Library of Congress. Umm, hello, "Livin la Vida Loca" only kicked down the door for Latin pop in mainstream American music. I'd say that's "culturally, historically, or aesthetically important, and/or inform or reflect life in the United States."
While Ricky Martin is by no means a one-hit-wonder, he hasn't had a Top 40 hit since 2001, and I'm talking EARLY '01, like basically 2000. You could've gotten pregnant to his last Top 40 hit the day it came out and had the baby before 9/11.
As an internet personality who has made a grand total of $120 (before taxes) off of the internet, I hate to give away such a great idea for free (even though that's what being a hashtag good guy is all about), but an updated gay version of "Livin' la Vida Loca" (and no that's not a redundant statement you cave person) would be a massive hit. Not only could it reflect Ricky's true self, but it could be updated for the approaching 50 crowd too! There's no dancing in the rain at his age. My only request is he keeps the "she'll take away your pain, like a bullet to the brain" line. Some things are just timeless. All you gotta do is drop the "s" and you're cookin'.
The son of former NFL defensive lineman Vince Wilfork was arrested last month and charged with stealing more than $300,000 of his father's jewelry, including two New England Patriots Super Bowl championship rings, according to a police complaint released by the Galveston (Texas) County District Attorney's Office on Wednesday.
Police allege that Wilfork's son, D'Aundre Holmes-Wilfork, 23, sold the rings and other jewelry after stealing them.
Wilfork, who played for the Patriots from 2004 to 2014 before finishing his career with the Houston Texans from 2015 to 2016, had contacted police on May 10. He said his two Super Bowl rings were missing, along with two AFC championship rings and a 2001 Miami Hurricanes national championship ring, among other items, including necklaces, bracelets and earrings.
Holmes-Wilfork was arrested May 22.
âAccording to the police complaint, Wilfork told authorities that he did not report the jewelry missing or stolen immediately because he was unsure if it was packed in storage. On May 10, he said he received an email from a lifelong Patriots fan informing him of a post in a memorabilia group saying that his Super Bowl rings were for sale, which led to the filing of a police report.
Police made contact with the individual who posted the rings on the memorabilia group. The individual told police he purchased them from Wilfork's son for $62,000 in 2020. The rings have since been turned over to police, according to the complaint.
Police also discovered that eight other pieces of Wilfork's jewelry were sold in March 2020 for $4,600.
Life comes at you fast. The last time I heard about Vince's son, he won in the Massachusetts High School Super Bowl.
Now he's out here snatching Super Bowl rings. SMFH. This story bums me tf outâsuch a bad look.
I'm a sentimental guy, so to me, stealing personal property is the lowest of the low for non-violent crimes. A Robin Hood situation is a different story for another day, but how does this happen? This is some Tyrone Biggums shit. What kind of scumbag does this to their father? Well, apparently, D'Aundre is not Vince's biological son.
Via CBS Sports: D'Aundre Holmes-Wilfork is Vince Wilfork's adopted son and the oldest of his three children. D'Aundre had already been born when his mother Bianca met Wilfork while he was attending the University of Miami. The couple later married and had two more children together.
Finding out that this isn't Vince's biological son is an absolute game-changer. I had a whole different blog idea about how can you do this to the man who brought you into this world? But as someone whose parent got remarried to a woman who makes Livia Soprano look like Kitty Foreman, I'll just say this is an absolutely game-changing piece of information.
There's no denying how scummy of a move this is, but that doesn't even scratch the surface of how stupid it is. You have to be a different kind of idiot to try and sell a Super Bowl ring that doesn't belong to you because precisely what happened here will happen. Some fan will notice, and your ass will get caught.
I mean, I guess he would've gotten away with it had a Patriot fan not recognized the rings, but that's the thing...Vince Wilfork is a pretty fucking recognizable dude. This isn't a Guss Scott or P.K. Sam Super Bowl ring; we're talking about Vince Wilfork's. There's not exactly a ton of suspects with access to his rings and jewelry. Forensics class in high school taught me "means, motive, and opportunity" It was only a matter of time before he got caught. Vince's rings being for sale is gonna bring up some major red flags. Whenever a ring is on the market, it's usually because the athlete needs the money. I'm not going to act like I know how much money is in his savings account, but Vince made almost 60 million in his career and has done some endorsement deals. I'm gonna take a leap and assume he's doing just fine in the money department.
What is it with Patriot greats getting their rings stolen? Someone broke into Mike Vrabel's house back in 2014 and stole his three rings.
It's crazy to me is that Vince didn't realize they were stolen right away. How does that happen? A Super Bowl ring is like a newborn baby; you need to know where it is at all times. If I ever won a ring I'd put lojack on it.
I'm quite intrigued about what happens next. I assume charges were pressed given the story. This kid was already kicked out of college for felony drug charges, so he is NOT a hashtag good guy (unless they were fun psychedelics ones, which I doubt). I believe in police and prison reform, but I'm not some pussy get rid of all prisons guy. Criminals shouldn't just be running free like Vince Wilfork after he picked off Philip Rivers. D'Aundre should be doing some serious time.
But this whole ordeal got me thinking...regardless if he's Vince is his biological father or not, he's still been his dad for like 20 years, and he's married to his mother. This has to be dealt with within the family somehow. So how do you mend this fence? Do you make a joke that you were doing him a favor because why would he want the 18-1 AFC Championship ring? Do you just say "fuck it" and take the early checkout? I wonder if you can un-adopt someone? Three minutes research says no, but if there was ever a precedent for the first reverse-adoption, I think Vince has a great case if he chooses to go down that path. It's too bad Vince isn't at his athletic peak anymore; I'd say make him run Oklahoma drills against this kid until he rattles some sense into his brain.
Vince Wilfork is my favorite defensive player in NFL history. I wanted to wear #75 because of him in HS, but it wasn't available because one of the jerseys was missing. I take this crime against the man who inspired my B+ painting senior year of high school personally.
Song: Fancy (2020)
Artist: Orville Peck
Album: Show Pony
As much as I didn't want the Pride month edition of SODs to turn into Orville Peck fest, it's time for a second helping. There are plenty of LGBTQ+ artists out there, I shouldn't have double dipped, but as someone whose blog's page views from last week featuring a mother fucking comma (thanks to The Chase cheaping out on prize money), I wanna use whatever platform I have to hype my mans up.
I fucking love Orville and am still not 100% over Boston Calling getting canceled. I was gonna have my grandma make me a #HireDozo Orville mask for a man on the street/at the festival video (ahhh, pre-Covid life when my spirits were still intact and I had ideas lolz). Saying "this is so powerful" is such a cliche, but between Orville's vocals and the lyrics, this is a powerful ass song.
I've been addicted to Sporcle quizzes for almost two weeks, like I'm a freshman in college again.
Last night, around 11 PM, I was Sporcling like there's no tomorrow (even though tomorrow was quickly approaching), banging out "Billboard Year-End Top 25 Singles of X year" quizzes and was at a/"Tha Crossroads" (#7 on the 1997 year-end list) for 2002. I knew the answer for #11, but it wasn't registering due to typos.
Now, if you've been reading DOL since B.T.W.E. (Before the Weebly Era), you know that spelling, grammar, subject-verb agreement, proper punctuation; basically everything in writing other than voice/tone has never really bag. I stink out loud at spelling, like to the point where sometimes I think I'm a functioning illiterate. I'm not like Charlie Kelly, I know the alphabet, but sometimes I have to think for juuust a little too long to remember what sounds certain letter combinations make, especially with names when rules that I don't even know by heart aren't always followed. I've had to look up "Aguilera", "Olajuwon", "Havlicek", "Abdul Jabbar" (No disrespect to Islam, but I always type Alcindor because it's easier; although after staring at the line above for about a minute, I realize that Abdul Jabbar is pretty much spelled how it sounds) every time I've ever typed them. I thought there was a "d" in Blige until like last week despite my sister holding the world record for most plays of "Family Affair"
Like my shitty wiener and social awkwardness, I blame my old man. Hollywood Henderson was actually talking about him when he said Terry Bradshaw couldn't spell cat if you spotted him that c-a. This is my long winded way of saying I don't look up answers while Sporcling because that defeats the purpose of playing; I'm not Putin, but googling a correct spelling that google can register from my attempt is 100% fair game in my eyes. It's not like I'm googling "49ers FB" in a situation where I need "Juszczyk", I just can't spell that shit on my own. You really think I don't fucking know that "Complicated" is by Avril Lavigne?
When I was closing out tabs with "Ki-C & Jo Jo" (that "I" gets me every time), other examples that I can't remember, and "Lavigne" (I always think it's Lavinge), I ended up going down to Avril's Wikipedia. In case you're unaware, Avril not only made the highest-selling album of the 21st century by a Canadian artist, but she also was married into Canadian 2000s Rocker Royalty TWICE; Deryck Whibley of Sum 41 (2006-2010) and Chad Kroeger of Nickelback (2013-2015).
Obviously, I had to click on both of their wikipedia pages and it wasn't long before I ended on Sum 41's and saw that Steve Jocz was a "past member"
The music of my youth has never left my rotation, but I'm not going to pretend like I've kept up with the ins and outs of every band I've ever liked. I grew up on pop-punk and alt-rock. I loved Sum 41 when I was in middle school. So much so that I sang "Fat Lip" while fake playing a Wal Mart electric guitar at the P*mouth Middle School Talent Show in 2002 with a classmate named Abe. I didn't know what abortion was at the time, so 10-year-old pre-Dozah I sang the song as is, and yes, there was a gasp in the audience. But, hand up, I didn't even know Stevo left Sum 41, until last night/heard and forgot, so I was flabbergasted when I read this:
I know a showroom worth of people who work in real estate. It's a cool job; you can make a great living; I wish Netflix didn't cancel the Santa Clarity Diet, but let's not act like being a real estate agent is in the same stratosphere as being the drummer for Sum 41 (or The Sums). Pour some out for this victim of conformity.
I couldn't believe it. Stevo went from banging the skins in a song about not being bought and sold to literally selling houses. Life comes at you FAST, my dude. I thought this was one of those examples of Wikipedia not being a reliable source, but I dug a little deeper, and it's as real as the estate he sells.
I mean that is a nice color scheme, but this bums me the fuck out.
What's next? Joel and Benji Madden leave Good Charlotte to start a Madden and Madden law firm? Jesse Lacey's Lexus Dealership? Why would Stevo, who was arguably more of the face of Sum 41 than Deryck Whibley, give up the rockstar life to be a normie? Was he in too deep?
Granted, I am technically years behind the news (not that this is common knowledge), but Stevo a being realtor blows Lindsay Lohan's net worth and Spider from School of Rock being a D.A. out of the water for most shocking where-are-they-now from middle school pop culture.
Sum 41 belongs on the Mount Rushmore of number bands. They're a seminal point of the early-mid 2000s pop-punk wave that shaped my developing mind. They weren't selling out Madison Square Garden, but they were on TRL. They had a platinum and three gold records. Frontman Deryck Whibley is divorced and still doing quite well financially.
Stevo was a STAR in the early oughts. He was on par with Steve-O for a brief time. The dude was on MTV Cribs (although the was at his parent's house, but think that was for comedic effect)
There's countless stories of rockstars who blew it all, so I hope Stevo isn't doing this for anything other than the love of the game. Maybe the dude just wants to put you in your dream house? If so, that's a beautiful thing, but from a sentimental standpoint, it always bums me out to see change. Stevo started this band with Deryck in high school. Was there a falling out? My research didn't show one. Regardless, this discovery really fucked me up (A lot, 21 Savage). It blows my mind that someone would make this career change.
As long as Stevo is happy, good for him, but much like Blink 182 without Tom DeLonge, I don't want to exist in a world where there is a Sum 41 w/o Stevo, even though I've been living in that world for eight years.
At least he still drums from time to time.
But this will forever be weird to me and a tad disheartening.
I gotta imagine he gets at least 41 of these texts a week. I can't lie I thought about reaching out.
Song: Whats Up? (1993)
Artist: 4 Non Blondes
Album: Bigger, Better, Faster, More!
"What's Up?" was #94 on VH1's Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All Time (2002), and I think we can all agree that is far too low. Back when I used to have a social life, Ole Dozo had been known to whip this classic out at karaoke. My heart sang with joy when I saw this has a billy views on YT. I still can't believe that Wannabe doesn't. Sorry to steal shine with that fact, but technically, the Spice Girls also had 4 Non Blondes.
2019 NFL Defensive Player of the Year, Stephon Gilmore, who is scheduled to make just $7 million this season (well below market value for a top tier CB), as expected, did not show up to mandatory minicamp today.
Gilmore, who is 30 years old and in the final year of a 5 year-$65 million contract, will likely hold out for a new deal. I can't say that I blame him after the notoriously cheap Patriots handed out money like open mic night flyers this offseason.
Regardless if I agree with the strategy or not, after spending the better part of two decades obsessing over the New England Patriots, it would not shock me in the least if they ended up trading or even cutting Gilmore. I don't want to see it happen, but I'm frankly expecting it. You're likely familiar with Belichick's mantra of preferring to move on from a player a year too early, rather than a year too late, and this is a textbook example of that situation.
Enter scene, Jalen Ramsey.
There's no denying that Jalen Ramsey of the Los Angeles Ram is one of the better cornerbacks in the NFL, but he's also one of the most annoying sportsmen of recent memory IMO.
Sure, I'm basing a lot of my disdain for him from NFL Films Mic'd Up coverage of the 2017 (2018) AFC Championship Game that saw Mr. Ramsey's Jaguars blow a 20-10 4th quarter lead against a Gronk-less New England Patriots, but now I'll never fuck with him.
Now it's personal, my guy.
Respectfully, suck my dick, dude. What tf is this shit? There's no need to poke that bullet wound. I know the Rams don't have a first-round pick until 2058, but the Patriots and their fanbase deserve a 3rd rounder, at the very least, for the intentional emotional distress this tweet has caused.
This is textbook tampering, and if Roger Goodell had an ounce of integrity (which we all know he does not), he'd strip Jalen Ramsey of his NFL privileges and lock him up for a least....let's say 50 years, in honor of Mookie Betts for this stunt. If I were a gambling man (which I am; TML was +48 units), I'd bet the commish will give the Rams an extra 1st rounder just to stick it to the Pats.
Even though I've been seriously considering reinstating my Red Sox fandom on a trial-casual-basis for socializing purposes (and low key missing such a big part of my identity for nearly 20 years), this is exactly why I'm not ready to move past the Mookie trade (even with him slumping this year).
It was such a loser franchise/city mentality to trade away such an elite player TO SAVE MONEY WHEN YOU'RE WORTH BILLIONS. It's almost as stupid as the government giving Jeff Bezos 10 billy bailout when he's worth nearly 200 billion and probably will be by the time I finish this blog. Not only did the Sox ship away the best player on the team, but they've given every fanbase and even pro athletes in different fucking leagues ammo for the next 10 years. Boston was a loser sports city (outside of the Celtics) for 40ish years until the Patriots became the greatest dynasty of all time and the Red Sox broke the curse; now you've got guys referencing the Mookie trade to get more elite players out of Boston.
I like Gilmore and want to see him stay, but I'm actually sort of okay with moving on, especially if the deal is right. He was banged up last year and is now "on the wrong side of 30". That being said, fuck you, Jalen. The Rams are super cap-strapped, and Gilmore wants a new deal. How would this even work? Let's not find out!
There's Going to Be a Big Mouth Spinoff Called "Human Resources" and I For One Cannot Wait (Even Though There's No Release Date)
Talk about some fantastic, unexpected news on a Monday afternoon; we're going to get to dive deeper into the Big Mouth universe in a new spinoff called Human Resources.
Don't worry, Big Mouth isn't going anywhere just yet; it's still renewed for at least another two seasons, but according to Collider, there were stories about a Big Mouth spinoff dating back to 2019. Excuuuuse me if that escaped my mind after, in no particular order, a global pandemic, an attack on American democracy that the GQP wants to wipe under the rug, and Tom Brady leaving for the Patriots for scuzzy Tampa. My bad, I forgot about a story I probably never even saw—no wonder why I'm not a Barstool blogger!
Human Resources is set to give us a deeper look into the workplace of Hormone Monsters, Shame Wizards, and many more new characters helping guide humans through this crazy little thing called life. Nick Kroll and Maya Randolph will continue to voice their respective roles of Maurie and Connie the Hormone Monsters. In addition, Aidy Bryant, Randall Park, Brandon Kyle Goodman, Keke Palmer (all people I 1000% knew existed before reading this article) are set to join the cast as well.
Randall Park's character is named Logic Rock, and I hoped to come across more information regarding his role, but only could find this:
While news like this is exciting, and I'm genuinely excited to check it out, I can't help but be a little annoyed that there's no release date. Who are you guys, Silk Sonic? How are you gonna leave the door open with no timetable? Are we talking later this summer, the fall, 2027? How hard is it to give us a ballpark? This isn't Oakland. Why even tell us the cast at this point?
Speaking of no release date, when are we getting Big Mouth season five? I'm sure COVID slowed production down, but I feel like an animated series is the ultimate socially distanced, isolated project. But then again, what do I know? I've been out of the TV biz since the 90s. Whatever, I'm sure I'll forget about this news in 45 minutes. On the other hand, I just finished rewatching Mad Men last night (my all-time favorite "serious" show) and could use a complete 180, so maybe it's time for Ole Dozo to rewatch Big Mouth.
Song: I'm Still Standing (1983)
Artist: Elton John
Album: Too Low For Zero
Pride Month music continues with my all-time favorite Elton John song.