It Should Be a Federal Crime For a Game Show Host to Not Reveal The Correct Answer of a Question They Brought into the Universe
Growing up, I religiously watched GSN; that's Game Show Network for those reading this with no sense of television abbreviations. S/o one of my favorite as a kid, Whammy! The All-New Press Your Luck.
I love all things trivia and game shows; even skits making fun of game shows. I used to go to bar trivia before I was 21 just to play, not drink (I was a loser and never had a fake ID).
Now in modern times, I play The Dozen daily trivia every morning during my wake-up poop and have gone 11 for 12 multiple times. My brain is simply chock full o'trivial knowledge. I don't know the social studies standards I'm supposed to teach to or how to have a light conversation with someone I haven't seen in months in a social setting, but I can tell you that John Rockefeller was supposed to be on the train that crashed in the Angola Horror and that Ozzie Smith was a career .262 hitter.
To this day, one of my biggest dreams in life is to be a game show host, it's just taken a backseat to "reality" and the #HireDozo campaign. It's honestly the perfect job IMO. You're hosting a game (not exactly breaking brick), having fun, dressing nice, garnering some celebrity status, watching people (sometimes) win life changing money. Sounds like a blast to me. At least for now I can say I have been a game show contestant before.
I don't watch much live broadcast TV outside of live sports, but there's two shows that are appointment viewing for me every week; Name That Tune every Wednesday at 9pm and The Chase every Thursday at 9pm. If you follow me on twitter: @dozonlife you know how much I want/need to be on Name That Tune.
While I enjoy NTT more, both are solid shows and something I legitimately look forward to every week, but this blog isall about The Chase and host Sara Haines. If you haven't seen it before, like most American things, it started in England. The GSN version featured Mark Labbett, aka "The Beast", whom has some serious Dozah vibes.
The new American version is a little bit different, but essentially the same game as the GSN run. Now instead of one chaser, there's three in a rotation of the Big Three from Jeopardy; Ken "The Professor" Jennings, James "The Highroller" Holzhauer and Brad "The Buzzsaw" Ruetter.
FTR, I'm a Professor guy. Brad's wannabe cool personality and awful attempts at comedy where he admits he was lying and trying to make a joke make me cringe like I'm a watching a sex scene with my parents.
So on The Chase, a team of three people try to beat "the Chaser" in trivia, but not until they individually play a "Cash Builder" round and take on "the Chaser" for a spot in the "Final Chase". If you don't "bank" your winnings from the Cash Builder round by letting the Chaser catch up to you by getting questions wrong that he gets right, you are eliminated and money does not go towards your teams bank.
During the "Cash Builder" round, host Sara Haines reads questions for one minute while the contestant answers and gets $25,000 towards their team's bank for every correct answer they give. Say you answer four correctly; you've earned $100,000 that will go towards your bank if you beat the Chaser. What's really cool here is you can bet on yourself. You can either take less money, but be one spot closer to banking it, or become one step closer to the chaser for significantly more cash.
(Example from last night's episode)
What really grinds my gears as a Game Show guy, scratch that, as a Game Show aficionado is how host, Sara Haines, goes about reading questions during the "Cash Builder" round. For one, she is no Steve Harvey in fast money, trying to be as quick as possible for the contestant, but my main problem is how she just doesn't reveal the answer to the final question if time expires. I don't know if The Chase is doing this to recycle questions for a later date or something? But I've noticed this a couple times before; she'll read a question, time will expire and she just doesn't tell the people playing and more importantly those watching at home what the correct answer is. It happened TWICE last night.
Like I said, hosting a Game Show is a pretty sweet gig. As long as you're attractive and know how to speak you'll do great (which is why I'm FUCKED), but even the easiest of jobs have things that are requirements. If you ask a question and nobody answers or gets it correct, you HAVE TO say what the answer is, even if it's because time expired. That's Game Show 101.
I know I already used this format in the tweet, but seriously...imagine how different Jeopardy would've been if the late, great Alex Trebek didn't smugly tell nerds who know nothing about sports what "the option" is?
Imagine you're watching Wheel of Fortune because you have nothing going on before Jeopardy starts and nobody solved a puzzle; instead of Pat Sajak saying what it is, he just moved on to the next question while you sit their wondering for the rest of your life what the fuck the answer was? You'd never watch again!
Why is Sara Haines doing this to the people at home? The Chase hasn't been picking up for a second season yet and if that's something the people behind this show would like to see happen they gotta tell her to hook up the people playing at home. I almost understand if you've only said half the question why you wouldn't give the answer, but that 144 tile game question was just out there in the universe for like seven seconds and she couldn't have just said "the correct answer is ____________" (I thiiink it's Hanafuda after looking it up myself).
What she's doing is not right and honestly sort of fucked up. It's like Game Show blue balls. It should be a crime for someone with such an awesome gig to not fully appreciate it or know the basics of Game Show etiquette. I'm not saying you need to become a legend like Bob Barker or Alex Trebek, but have some sense of the responsibility you have a Game Show host. There's millions of people watching on pins and needles wondering what the answer is to a question and you're just gonna move on and act like nothing happened like you send an embarrassing text? It's unacceptable. Imagine if Drew Carey didn't give the actual retail price of the Showcase Showdown?! I like Sara and I want her to have chance to redeem herself, but if it happens again...
Last week I blogged about the upcoming Patrice O'Neal documentary "Killin is Easy" that is set to debut TONIGHT on Comedy Central at 10pm EST.
Even though Friday night signifies the unofficial end of February vacation for subs like me, I have been looking forward to this event all week. I can't wait to watch. I love Patrice O'Neal and documentary films.
As I type this, there's almost nine hours until the doc is set to premiere and if you're looking for a little something to get you in the mood for tonight, then I've got just the clip for you.
I don't need to list all the comics, you can read the tweet, I believe in you, but a group of comics put out this clip yesterday giving their takes on how Patrice would've handled all the things that made 2020 so....unique. S/o Bonnie McFarlane for completely punting on what Patrice would've thought about racial unrest. Good call, that's how you make an "uncomfortable" topic funny. Bill Burr summed it up perfectly at the end. Watch now to know what I'm referencing! You might even learn something, like one of Patrice's hidden talents.
Back in December when I blogged Mac DeMarco's latest Christmas cover song, I said Song of the Days will be making a full-time return in 2021. Now February is more than 64% complete and I have yet to bring a daily taste of tunes to this publication. That changes today!
Thanks to Youtube and its recommendation algorithm that I normally try to avoid to still have power over the computers, I came across this video last night and couldn't not click.
I fuckin love Oliver Tree and his whole bowl-cut, scooter ridin, pink and purple montbell swag while making some weird ass, but catchy tunes. I bought one of his shirts in a 3 for lets call it, $35 deal at Hot Topic with Taking Back Sunday and Fleetwood Mac like two years ago in a three shirt combination that I doubt has since been replicated. As for Lil Yatchy, I don't listen to any of his music (all I know is Minnesota), but I'm aware that he's is a living, breathing rapper who has fun with it and doesn't take himself too seriously, so I fuck with him in that respect. Think of it as a Hansel and Sting situation and in this spot, I am Hansel.
Oliver Tree directed this video and even if the intro didn't spill the beans, it's the most obvious thing of all time. The fisheye scene with exaggerated running when Oliver is being chased by Yatchy is textbook Oliver Tree. This video has everything; waterless fishing, sidecars and plenty of pink plaid. I'll let you watch and come up with your own takes. Enjoy :)
Artist: Lil Yachty featuring Oliver Tree
Album: Lil Boat 3.5
FLUSHING, N.Y., February 17, 2021 — The New York Mets today announced that outfielder Tim Tebow is retiring from professional baseball.
“It has been a pleasure to have Tim in our organization as he’s been a consummate professional during his four years with the Mets,” said Team President Sandy Alderson. “By reaching the Triple-A level in 2019, he far exceeded expectations when he first entered the system in 2016 and he should be very proud of his accomplishments.”
Tebow, 33, signed with the Mets on September 8, 2016 and participated in the Mets’ instructional league in Port St. Lucie that fall. He hit a home run in his first at-bat in a game against the St. Louis Cardinals on September 28, 2016. In his first professional season, he split the year between Columbia (A) and St. Lucie (A). He homered in his first professional at-bat while playing for the Columbia Fireflies.
In 2018, Tebow again went deep in his first at-bat of the season, this time as a member of the Binghamton Rumble Ponies (AA). That summer, he was named to the Eastern League All-Star team and represented the East squad as the designated hitter. In 2019, his final professional season, he appeared in 77 games for the Syracuse Mets (AAA) before a laceration on his left hand ended his season.
In three professional seasons, Tebow batted .223/.299/.338 with 107 runs scored, 48 doubles, three triples, 18 home runs, 107 RBI and five stolen bases in 287 games.
“I want to thank the Mets, Mr. Alderson, the fans and all my teammates for the chance to be a part of such a great organization,” said Tebow. “I loved every minute of the journey, but at this time I feel called in other directions. I never want to be partially in on anything. I always want to be 100 percent in on whatever I choose. Thank you again for everyone’s support of this awesome journey in baseball, I’ll always cherish my time as a Met. #LGM
After being invited to New York Mets Spring Training earlier this week and spending three seasons in their farm system, 2007 Heisman Trophy winner and former NFL quarterback, Timothy Richard Tebow has officially retired from professional baseball at 33 years old.
As one of the most polarizing athletes of all-time, there are few people with neutral stances on Tebow. I happen to be an unabashed Tebow guy; I have his Florida jersey in my closet as we speak. I didn't want to see him play baseball because I still believed he could make in the NFL. I had a Tebow bumper sticker on my Jeep. There will be no Tebow slander on DOL, ever. I still think he played well enough in the 2015 preseason to make an NFL team, but this blog isn't about Tim Tebow the QUARTERBACK, it's about Tim Tebow the Outfielder/2018 AA All Star.
Sure, you could make the same below sea-level low hanging fruit jokes on twitter about how he never made the majors or any of the countless reasons people love to shit on this guy, but I unbiasedly think you have to tip your cap at a valiant effort by Tim. This dude didn't have a competitive at bat since high school and went on to hit 18 minor league home runs and hit above the Mendoza Line for his minor league career. That's pretty impressive if you ask me.
In what many people called a publicity stunt, Tebow was able to make his way to AAA in 2019 before an injury and the 2020 minor league shut down ended any bleak chances he may've had at making the big leagues.
Now if you want to complain that he took a job from a "more deserving" minor leaguer, be my guest. Obviously his status and celebrity helped him get looked at my clubs when he announced he was focusing on baseball. He must be the first person in the history of man to get preferential treatment, what a selfish ass hole! But seriously, it's not like the dude hit .043 over five seasons. He contributed at times. If you're really upset about minor leaguers you should be writing letters and fundraising for the 43 minor league teams that lost their affiliations because of MLB greed.
He might've never made the majors, but I think Tim Tebow more than exceeded expectations in baseball. Let's not forget the dude homered in his first minor league AB. I wish him nothing, but the best. He's probably going to have a dozen kids with Mrs. Universe now. Not a bad life for a guy who won an NFL playoff game then never got another chance to start again.
What a stud.
Today is the 11 month anniversary of Tom Brady announcing he's leaving the New England Patriots. While processing and accepting that new reality has been an added layer to the "everything about 2020 fucking sucks" casserole, part of me can't help but be happy for him to prove all the doubters wrong...again; even if I was actively rooting against his success for the lion-share of the season.
At the end of the day, I love Tom Brady, I just think Patriot fans who adopted the Buccaneers are super lame and a bad look. Images like these offend me like respecting pronouns offends the right.
It's one thing if you want to watch him still play, especially when he's throwing to Gronk...but buying Bucs gear and jumping ship rubs me the wrong way. It's not to say I'm right, I just fucking hate it lol.
Even though Brady's gone and it fucking kills me to see him not be a career-long Patriot, this dude has done nothing but win, put up monster numbers and be the ultimate team guy by taking team friendly deals to build the best roster possible. He's the GOAT for a reason (even if he hates that term).
There's been people trying to say he's done since Bernard Pollard blew up his knee, but much more frequently since 2013-14. I'm pretty sure Max Kellerman gave the cliff speech before Obama was elected. Countless talking heads have tried to make a career of discounting Brady's accomplishments because they hate him for being successful and handsome. Many people said that all his success was because of Belichick or the AFC East, so what does Brady do? Sign with a team in one of the most competitive divisions in the NFL to get coached by a Kangol wearing, human Bloody Mary and wins his 7th ring year one.
Sure, I'm dying inside knowing this is happening outside of New England, but for Tom to get the last laugh, again is objectively pretty sweet. He deserves it after all the sacrifices he's made with the TB12 method. Plus wanting to prove someone who doesn't believe in you wrong is one of the most human things anybody can do. Anybody can get behind that. It doesn't matter if you're a little leaguer, 29 year old blogger or future Hall of Famer, 7 time Super Bowl champion. Everybody wants to be respected and prove to those who didn't believe in them that they were more than capable. And it's not just him, he gives love to fellow teammates Gronk, Antonio Brown and Playoff Lenny for proving their doubters wrong as well. #TeamGuy. Good for 12. This video is awesome even though it's also sort of gross. What's your next move, BB?
Whomstever edited the video to go from Kellerman saying "coyote style (in reference to falling off the cliff) meep, meep" to Brady hoisting the Lombardi deserves a social media Oscar.
So yesterday on the Boston Red Sox team website it appeared that pitcher, Martin Perez' jersey number had changed from 54 to 33; the same number he wore in his previous two big league stops.
This was a big deal to some Red Sox fans as Jason Varitek's #33, along with his personal "I can't catch you" pitcher, Tim Wakefield's #49 have been out of circulation, but not officially retired since both retired after the 2011 season.
I might be divorced from Red Sox fandom, but I still have forgotten more about the Sox than most fans know. The Red Sox used to have strict rules about who was eligible for number retirement, which would make players like Wakefield and Varitek ineligible.
Before to have your number retired at Fenway Park, you had to be inducted in Cooperstown, play at least 10 seasons in Boston and finish your career as a Red Sox, but they ultimately abandoned that self-imposed rule for players like Carlton Fisk, Wade Boggs, David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez. Just like how they abandoned their "team philosophy" that they wouldn't sign pitchers over 30, like Jon Lester to big deals, only to then sign then 30 year old David Price to a 7-year $217 million deal the following off-season that definitely didn't back fire and cause the suddenly penny-pinching Red Sox to dump salary instead of re-signing the most talented player in franchise history.
Nobody is ever going to accuse Jason Varitek of being a Hall of Famer, but he's still one of the most beloved and accomplished players in team history. There's an interesting case to be made for his number retirement. The dude fought A-Rod! Nobody has caught more games in the Red Sox uniform than Jason Varitek. He's a two time World Series champion, former captain, caught four no-hitters, plus he's currently wearing his #33 as a member of the coaching staff. I know coaches usually don't have first choice for jersey numbers over players, but you'd think a former player that contributed so much to this organization would get a little more respect?
When you consider how much he matters to the history of the organization, the retirement of his number is at the very least justified. I know Tek was only a three time All Star, but seeing his number that he's technically currently issued being given away is bizarre. His wife and noted twitter user, Katherine Varitek, was not so pleased by the news either.
Martin Perez then made it clear that he had nothing to do with the change and did not request the new number.
Which led to C-tek letting the internet know that V-Tek was in meetings while all this was going on and had no idea. She also said she was going to buy Perez a beer in gratitude for his gesture and that all of Boston should follow her lead.
Then Perez thanks Varitek for her kind words; showing his respect for Jason as a coach and friend.
Only for Catherine to go completely off her rocker and think this roster is anywhere close to sniffing the playoffs, forget World Series title.
Overall, it was a nice exchange between the two and it looks like no harm, no foul now, but the question remains....how did this actually happen?
Team reporters/lackeys will tell you that it was just an error on the website.
But I'm not so sure and am officially calling bull shit. The Red Sox have a history of being weird with jersey numbers and high key scuzzy in other affairs. This is the same organization will trade or release a player, then rip off his nameplate and give his old number to the next guy in the clubhouse. They broke up the best announcing duo in sports and kicked the greatest manager in team history to the curb then tried to destroy his character on the way out. If there was an actual glitch how come only Martin Perez was affected? I trust Martin Perez when he said he had nothing to do with it, but not the organization who has assigned the hideous number 64 an astounding 10 times since 2006.
Pre-warning. This blog starts with a lighthearted, yet serious breakdown of what's going through my head as of late. Just scroll to the twitter video of the Sand Man if you aren't about that oversharing-while-hoping-my-struggles-can-help-others life.
Last week during a free period, I did something I never do and made a (rather ambitious) to-do list of what I'd like to accomplish during my February vacation.
I want to use my time away from teaching World History to apathetic youths to focus on something that actually matters; like learning skills that'll make me more hirable by Barstool and making moves to dig myself out of a COVID-depression/regular depression hole I've dug myself in the last 11 months.
We're now officially past business hours of day two of my "break" and up until this post I've done nothing except eat, have anxiety, and fold some clothes. I did other stuff too, but you know, rule of three for comedy.
It's not to say I haven't tried to work, I have. I'd love to get as much done as possible during this "break", but the fact of the matter is ya boi is extremely mentally and emotionally exhausted and not so secretly going through some shit.
I want to blog, I love writing, it's what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I'm so fucking in my head about everything that it's almost impossible to be creative and/or funny, which then sets off the dominos of self doubt. "How am I ever going to get hired by Barstool if it's taking me 2 hours to write six paragraphs?"
I've been fighting with myself whether to use time to recharge and unwind...truly step away from the screens for a few days vs. use this time to teach myself Adobe, write more, make more videos like I was in March-June etc. Both have their pros and cons, but in a perfect world I'd love to do the latter, but in reality it's been more of the former while feeling guilty about not focusing on the latter. I get super frustrated about a million things and just want to crawl into a ball and do nothing... but then know that's not going to get me where I want to be. It's a vicious cycle.
I figured learning Adobe is probably a better move longterm then writing blogs this week, but I also haven't written a blog since Friday night. I didn't want to go four straight days without a post on DOL, so I opted to write a blog, then do some Adobe tutorials today. Fast forward to over three hours later where I deleted everything in frustration and felt like it was another wasted day of VACATION. Like one my future co-workers tweeted today, blogging funks are super real.
I was beating myself up like hockey tryouts were in 364 days and decided to take a shower around 5 o'clock to clear my head and go at it again for another couple more hours. After I got out, I opened twitter and saw this video.
How awesome was that? Adam Sandler went full Happy Gilmore from the clouds in honor of the 25th anniversary of one most influential comedies of my youth. If you were in any grade during the 90's, you've seen that movie.
And thank fucking God for this clip. I needed something lighthearted and awesome to distract my brain for a few minutes and the great Sand Man himself delivered that drive like he's delivered laughs to everybody ages 8 and up the last 30 years when you include his time on SNL!
I know sometimes I'm too niche in my content and what casts more of a wide net than Happy Gilmore? Happy Gilmore is probably one of the top 10 most quoted comedies of my lifetime with your Tommy Boys, Borats, 40 Year Old Virgins of the world. Grizzly Adams DID have a beard! Unless you're my grandma, you probably like Adam Sandler. Everybody has a favorite Adam Sandler movie and I bet she'd like Click if she gave it a chance. This was simply an objectively awesome social media moment that everybody can get behind.
Well, almost everybody.
Even Hal is on board!
Less than a year after trading a top 5 WR for a washed up running back, the Texans have released the face of their hapless franchise, JJ Watt.
If the Houston Texans were a dumpster fire that would be a massive improvement. At least a dumpster fire can provide warmth to those less fortunate. Plus, as someone who used to light paper towels on fire as a kid to see if he could run to the sink in time to put them out...fires look cool as fuck, unlike the Texans snoresville high school uniforms that have been essentially untouched (with the exception of Color Rush) since their inception.
Apparently, the Texans and JJ Watt came to an agreement to part ways. Part of me wants to commend them for giving JJ the opportunity to pick his next spot, but when you've traded away multiple first rounders for a solid, but not elite left tackle and wide receiver who's already out of football, you need all the assets you can get.
JJ released this video to control the narrative and show love to the city that's loved him the last decade. I've JJ bashed in the past for his contrived persona, but calling the fans out for booing him on draft night during a heartfelt goodbye is hysterical.
Injuries have low key turned JJ Watt into the Gronk of defensive ends. 74.5 of the three-time Defensive Player of the Year's 101 career sacks came in his first five seasons (65 of Gronk's 86 career TDs came in his first six seasons). That being said, when healthy, despite only recording five sacks this year (just his second full season in the last five), JJ was rated the 7th best DE in football based on the advanced numbers.
JJ Watt is the Houston Texans. He's the George Washington of their Mount Rushmore. When he arrived in 2011 they became a playoff team after having only one winning season since their inception in 2002.
During his time in Houston, JJ helped lead the Texans to six playoff appearances (really five; he was hurt in 2016), won three Defensive Player of the Year awards, MVP runner-up in 2014 and most importantly raised over 41 million dollars of relief aid for Houston after Hurricane Harvey in 2017, which earned him Walter Payton Man of the Year honors.
This is just the latest move in the line of questionable moves made by the Texans since they hired Jack Easterby. The documentary about that guy in 10 years is going to be CRAZY. Thank God he's out of New England.
Again, I sort of respect them for actually doing JJ right, but it just shows the incompetence of this organization that's seemingly doing everything they can ruin the miracle of drafting a franchise QB at 12 overall.
It's fucking crazy how quickly this team that looked like it was becoming a contender for years to come disintegrated. Obligatory reminder that the Texans were up 24-0 against the Chiefs AT Arrowhead in the 2019 AFC Divisional Round.
Two other members of the Texans imaginary Mount Rushmore are on the record saying the organization is a joke and wastes player's primes.
Since the Chiefs game, it's been all down hill like New Found Glory. I feel bad for Houston fans, they might end up losing a second franchise with Jeff Bezos' super-religious, even more evil twin calling the shots.
In closing, Texans fans, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
I used to hate JJ Watt for his corny, fake, try hard, hardo persona, but over the years we've both matured and changed. I'm happy to see him get away from that awful personality and organization. I'm rooting for him (unless he ends up on the Chiefs, Steelers, Ravens, Jets, Dolphins, Cowboys, Giants, Eagles or Bucs). Based on my sources, the Steelers are the clear favorite even though they're broke.
I'm an Apple Music guy, so every time I open the app, I am greeted by my "recently added" music. As of late, it's looked the same for months. Ever since I stopped ub**ing full-time once the school year started up again, I haven't been listening to nearly as much new music as I would like to. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't really have the time or should I say...I haven't prioritizing my time to find new stuff. I have a solid rotation of my regulars that's tough to crack and from the moment I set foot in the bathroom to take a shower until the moment I start to walk into work I'm listening to podcasts. After work, when I'm writing, I can't listen to anything with lyrics.
Last week, I was driving home from work and was like "dude, you need to find something new", so I clicked on the alternative tile in the search bar and saw "Hope" by Arlo Parks as the first or second top new song with The Killers "C'est La Vie" (which coincidentally is AWFUL). I've never seen that name before and was intrigued, so I gave it a listen. I ended up listening to "Hope" four or five times on my way home. Between that smooth jazzy beat and deeply intimidate lyrics with themes of overcoming mental health struggles, I was hooked. As soon as I heard that opening line "Millie tried to talk the pleasure back into being alive" I know I made a good decision.
Once I got home, I immediately started doing research to find out more about Arlo. As a "writer" myself I blown away by the word choice and emotions in her lyrics. My vocabulary is like 1200 words.
Born Anais (I tried to add the accent but the formatting kept getting screwed up) Oluwatoyin Estelle Marinho, Arlo Parks is just 20 years old out of London (England). She's released two EPs (both in 2019) and was The BBC's 2020 Introducing New Artist of the Year. She's not exactly unknown, fucking Michelle Obama shouted her out on IG and she's already worked with artists like Glass Animals and Phoebe Bridgers; Billie Eilish and Florence Welch are fans, but at the same time she's far from a household name in the states. Soon enough!
I'm not exactly betting on a 18 point underdog when I say I'm convinced she is going to be a star, but I expect her to blow up this year. Her lyrics are straight poetry, with voice that soothes like a tight hug and warm bowl of soup for your tortured soul. "You're not alone like you think you are" has been in my head all week.
Arlo just made her American television debut on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Janauary 29th; the same day that her debut album Collapsed in Sunbeams was released. I cannot recommend this album enough. Roll up a j, lay back and get listen to this exactly 40 minutes of poetry. Remember the name Arlo Parks. She is going to be next big thing!
It's quite fitting that the internet collectively loves puppers and woofers sooo much since it (the internet) ages in fucking dog years. It's race to get your take(s) out before everybody else, in hope that strangers will click the appropriate part of their screen in approval. Being an hour late to a story can feel like a week online. Ironically, I've spent way too long building this blog while battling undiagnosed ADHD and contestants on Name That Tune.
One of the biggest problems I face as an aspiring Barstool blogger is the time sensitivity of blog topics; especially while wasting my life away at my current job. More often than I can even quantify, I'll want to write about a topic, but feel like its time in the internet sun has passed by the time I get a chance to blog and that I need to move on to the latest thing.
Luckily, this Phoebe Bridgers guitar smashing story is the Kraft Punk of meaningless news. We're four days out and this is somehow still a thing.
It all started Saturday night (obviously), I was trying to do the right thing and be timely AF about the newly elected members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame that were revealed during NFL Honors. You should be proud of me. I made an adult decision to not watch SNL live in order to finish my blog.
Even though I'm not big fan of the current state of SNL, I was raised on the program and want to see it return to its former glory. I'll hate-watch in hopes that it's actually funny. After I finished my blog, I ended up catching Weekend Update with my roommate.
Seriously, get Mr. Johansson some pomade!
I ended up watching the next skit, then went back to my room, but after like 15 minutes (or whatever it was if you want to use the clues from this blog to calculate the exact amount of time) I went to get a fuckin' beer! and caught musical guest, Phoebe Bridgers' second performance.
Now full disclosure, I don't listen to Phoebe Bridgers. I thought her last name was a typo for months; essentially everything I know about her I've heard secondhand or read online, but I think I've got a pretty good understanding of what her whole vibe is after 45 minutes of internet research.
During her performance of "I Know The End" the 24 year old singer "smashed" her guitar and has since been analyzed like the Zapruder Film.
In real time I joked with my roommate about how weak of an attempt it was....because it was. Are we living in the Jon Hamm 30 bubble where we cannot be honest? Objectively, she did not do a good job of smashing the guitar even with everything set up for her do so.
It was more of a chippin' than smashing and was about as organic as Cheez Whiz. She literally planned it. She was choking up like Ichiro with the power of Jerry Remy. I thought about tweeting a joke about it, but knew it wasn't worth the potential backlash because any criticism would undoubtedly be painted as sexism by people just looking to get angry.
I just can't think of something less important, it's like they're trying to make this is a bigger thing than it actually is. WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HER SMASHING A GUITAR? Who is actually mad? The former President is literally getting impeached (again) for inciting a riot. 3,000 people are dying a day from COVID. Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. There are bigger issues in this world! 14 people on twitter is not "the internet"!!!!
Did a few people who clearly know nothing about music history make some stupid remarks on twitter? Yes, but just because you don't think this was "EVERYTHING" doesn't means you're a sexist or think women shouldn't be allowed to smash guitars. I'm in the Dave Crosby camp. I don't like when dudes do it either. I know the Pete Townsend history, it all started by accident, but even as a kid I thought it was wasteful. Lots of people think it's cool. I don't. It literally doesn't matter either way. It's as much a part of Rock'n'Roll as bad record deals and heroin. Does everything need to be dissected into something problematic? I feel like most people who saw this already moved on. Is it really just because this dude started his tweet with "why did this woman," instead just saying "why did Phoebe Bridgers"?
SNL has had some legitimately serious controversies with musical guests before. John Belushi let Fear cause a riot (yay two riot references in one blog), Sinead O' Connor ripped up a photo of the Pope decades before Spotlight, Ashley Simpson pulled a fucking Milli Vanilli. Those are controversies. This is a whole bunch of hype to get people talking about someone nominated for four Grammys and an $85 guitar. Who is seriously saying women can't smash guitars? I'd love to know how the media would be reacting if this exchange was reversed. Alt Press is a fucking joke.
This story needs to die. I thought about talking about it Sunday, but it was the Super Bowl. Then the last two days it was still in the news so I decided I might as well give a take that will sink to the bottom of the internet. Let her smash a million guitars. It literally doesn't matter. I wish people would think about that before getting so worked up. It's like people are trying to get upset. Always ask yourself..
Phoebe Bridgers isn't the first female to smash a guitar and she sure as hell won't be the last.
This shit is fucking hilarious though.