This Damien Williams-Raheem Mostert Post-Game Interaction Is Beautiful...and Now There May a Take-Back Situation!
Not only was I just 4 points off from correctly guessing the score of Super Bowl LIV, but two guys I had on my fantasy team (at some point this season) showed tf out (one more than the other).
Damien Williams of the Kansas City Chiefs had 133 scrimmage yards and two touchdowns; both in the 4th quarter. Probably should've been MVP. The would be NFC Championship Game MVP, if such a thing existed, Raheem Mostert had a respectable 13 touches for 60 yards and touchdown in defeat.
After the Super Bowl the two undrafted running backs (who after Derrick Henry were the best backs in the playoffs) paid their respect to each other in this clip that just so happened to be captured by NFL Films.
While this was a beautiful moment of love and sportsmanship; it appears now both are realizing they might have let the moment get the best of them. Everybody is so caught up in the jersey swap and being the guy people talk about after the game they may have very well not realized the magnitude of the situation. I can only imagine the emotions both were feeling after the game. You're not thinking about how much the jersey is potentially worth. Each's story to how they got there is incredible; they're talking about that. How two undrafted running backs were the showcase, not top 5 guys like Zeke or SaQuadddd. While some may say it's just a shirt, I know if I played in the Super Bowl (especially if I won) I'd wanna keep that memento.
There's a documentary out now about the saga to get Tom Brady's jerseys from Super Bowl LI and XLIX back. In case you're unaware, the sports memorabilia market is quite lucrative (and shady!)It's pretty clear Mostert got the better deal out of this as Williams jersey is far more valuable. Sure these guys are in the NFL, but undrafted running backs don't exactly have fuck you money.
I just think it's really cool to see this moment, how these guys wanted to show love, then both were able to step back and make a decision that was beneficial for both. What a beautiful thing! Football is soooooooooooooooooOOOOooooooooooo much better than baseball! Damien the least you can do is reimburse me the $700 my league's dictator fucked me out of.
The life of a substitute teacher is not a glorious one. Working a second and sometimes third job is a requirement if you want your life to include lavish luxuries such as food and gasoline. The great thing about being a sub is you still get the headaches that come with being a real teacher; without the lucrative pay and respect that comes with actually being one.
As a substitute, my “work” is constantly changing. I’ve subbed for every subject under the sun. I could be at a school for one day or three months. There’s been times where I worked at five different schools over the course of a week.
Every school building you set foot in is unique as the children inside. Different lay-outs, rules, demographics, vibes etc. Some are relatively new and have been built as recently as post-9/11 (but pre-Katrina). However, most were literally built before Major League Baseball was integrated (April 15th, 1947). Some walls have been up since before the infamous “Black Tuesday” Stock Market Crash of 1929.
Some schools actually value the lives of the student body (please do not assume this is the norm). They’ll ask you to do something like identify yourself upon entering the building; since it’s an election year we know this isn’t even that important. The office people (ladies 98% of the time) may talk to you in the small variety, nothing that has any sense of personality, meaning or value. That weather sure is something! Some schools will give you a badge to show the people in the building you're not an intruder.
If you’re in a really nice area they might even take up to two (2) whole minutes to go over things like safety protocols, school rules and expectations. You know? In case an actual intruder enters the building/someone brings in a firearm. Luckily, that only happened 3,300~times in U.S. schools during the 2016-17 school year, so you're Gucci brah.
Other schools are like desperate, horny, drunks. They seek attention. It may have been years since they’ve tricked someone into entering. They'll say yes to the first person to make eye contact any hour of the night. They’re just happy a living, breathing human-being showed up to fill the void. These schools will hand you rosters and like polling places in 40ish states, won’t verify if you are who say you are.
Now YOU get to be in charge of the children!
In one of the districts I work in (until they find this), as long as you have a college degree (any concentration; auctioneering, fashion & textiles, pastries...does NOT matter the slightest) and a pulse, you too can experience the joy of making sure twenty-six 8th graders don’t kill each other over who gets to be in the tik-tok.
As someone whose factory settings are that of unease and anxiousness; the uncertainty of things you normally take for granted make the job of being a substitute teacher incredibly difficult. I’m not saying it’s commercial fishing or mining coal, but at least they/them know where the bathrooms are when they punch in at the fish or coal store.
That brings me to one of the most forgotten plight facing substitute teacher in the public education system; the substitute's bathroom dilemma.
Using the bathroom is something many of us take for granted, but shouldn’t as approximately a third of the world’s population will poop outside today (and not because they're at Bonneroo)
The origins of the toilet are well-debated amongst fecal historians. One thing that cannot be debated is the origin of the term “plumber”. Everybody knows it dates back to the days of aqueducts and led pipes in Ancient Rome; plumbum is Latin for led. While the “flush” can be traced back to the 16th century (1500s for those who didn’t waste college for a history degree). Modern “flush” toilets weren’t commonplace in American homes until the 20th century (1900s). The Cincinnati Reds are older than the first American toilet paper-roll patent! The days of outhouses and water closets are really not too long ago.
Frankly, as someone who has spent more time of their life on the throne than Louis XIV, I feel more than qualified to dive ass-first into this horror show. My self-inflicted battle against lactose intolerance has given me plenty of experience in bathroom-panic. This is a topic that America doesn’t want to talk about, but it’s my job as a journalist to inform the public of the struggle that is going to the bathroom as a substitute teacher.
In the overwhelmingly vast majority of schools the teacher’s bathrooms are locked and require a key for access. That’s to be expected for basic privacy concerns. No issues ye(e)t.
Here’s where things get shitty (I had to say that at least once) for those trying to make a difference in lives of America’s youth. Some schools simply will not give subs the keys; no matter what. I have dealt with this more times than I can count. Textbook public edc rationale. Subs haven’t earned that right to use the bathroom! Gotta pay your dues! They’ll trust you to watch children and be responsible if they stay alive for anywhere from 43 to 92 minutes, but will force you to shamefully ask another teacher to let you use their key when you need to make a mud pie. Got it!
Luckily, the school in this story found me worthy of a key to my classroom/bathroom/any door in the building with a locking mechanism. This is not where the potty problems end. Suppose you’re part of the 10-15% of Americans that lives IBS or the 5-7% that have actually gotten it diagnosed. You are put in an position so awkward it could be sub-plot to an episode of Curb. If you’re like me, with not much of an anal on-deck circle; sometimes you can go from all-systems-go to CODE RED at a moment’s notice. Batter up!
Now you’re in a real bind (not literally, obvi).
You can do a few things because simply going to the bathroom when you need to go is not an option. Who will watch the children watch twitch streams?
The first thing you can do is pray. Pray your sphincter can reach “mom saving her baby” level strength and avoid becoming known as the sub who shit their pants. Should your body fail you, one of the goth kids will lend you the AR-15 that’s in their locker to kill yourself and avoid the shame that is life as the sub who shit themselves.
Perhaps the situation isn’t as dire, but you don’t think you'll make it until lunch or your free period (if you were lucky enough to avoid coverage duty). Depending on how the school works, you can really only do two things.
The first is like winning >$5 on a baseball-scratch-ticket. Rare, but not impossible, just v unlikely.....
You may be lucky enough to open the door and find another teacher/administrator in the halls. If you do, you can ask if they’ll watch your class for a few minutes while you “talk to your wife about an emergency” so the kids don’t know your anus is a ticking time bomb. Hopefully this person is cool enough to watch your class for 5-10 minutes. There are plenty of teachers who would rather your colon explode than take care of children when they don't have to.
Sometimes there’s nobody around to help. Which leaves an option as a sub that makes sudden death seem favorable; calling the office for help. You know? The same people you want to avoid inconveniencing by any means necessary. Yeaaaah, call them cause you gotta make a stinky! As a sub you likely don’t have any relationships inside the building. Your hands are tied, you have don't really have other choice; call the office or change the day's lesson to geysers to better paint a picture of what you're going through.
This is what you want to avoid at all costs. I have made the call twice in the last month. (An optimist would say I'm batting .500; a pessimist would say a 50% completion rate isn't gonna cut it in this league)
So you ask the office if they can send someone to watch your class; allowing you the privilege of going to bathroom. I tried this the other day and nobody showed. This only amplifies the embarrassment. Now you really have to decide between doubling down and calling them back to say you really have to use the bathroom OR keep rolling the dice and hope you don't crap out.
Allow me tell you a first hand account of how ridiculous using the bathroom as a substitute teacher is.
During my first week at a long-term job I was on the third floor and saw a bathroom with this sign placed upon it.
“Wow, I did not anticipate this school to be so progressive. Good for them!” said the voice in my head; as he too is worried about getting cancelled.
What the voice in my head doesn’t say out loud in fear of cancellation is we as a nation let a "bathroom problem" that affects less than 2% of the population dictate the national media for months! Let them divide you to take awake focus from major issues 101. Worst of all, it butterfly-effected into this and embarrassed me worse than someone hassling about a hit and run.
I sympathize and empathize with the trans community, to say they deal with a lot would be an insult to everybody. I don’t need to dive into their struggles, as if I have a clue, but I can promise them no fear of rejection from your loved ones can compares to the soul-crushing awkwardness of what entailed for Mr. Dozo.
I wish it was simple as (Kid Cudi) this:
And while the wokest of "no beers below 12.4 APV" bars may have tried to one up each other with "open to all" bathroom signs, they simply are a bad idea for bathrooms designed for use of multiple people.
I could not be anymore in favor of gender neutral bathrooms for single stall use. I’ve used an open woman’s room at gas stations countless times in my 28 years and as recently as yesterday (100% truth). It was an employee of Season's Corner Market that suggested it! Normally Season's Corner Market has one uni-sex bathroom, but this one was fancy. I simply think the fact that I have a penis (legally) does not mean I should risk pooping my pants.
There’s no reason for one stall bathrooms to care what you identify as. If it’s only one person, who cares....just wash ya hands and don’t leave the seat wet.
Once more than one person is in the mix, that’s when things can get uncomfortable rather quickly. While I do think a simple "go where you feel comfortable" policy would be ideal; it's not practical with scumbags out there who use it as open season for being a perv.
So I see the "co-Ed" bathroom sign and because I know what that sign means.... I used that restroom. When nature calls, you answer. I don't think this makes me Billy the Kid.
The bathroom I'm referring to has two full-stalls and one sink. Classic two-person bathroom set-up. Once I opened the door I ran to the nearest stall as I began to drop heat. I had to go so badly that the fact this bathroom was unisex with multiple stalls didn't make me think anything out of the ordinary. I've been to bars with two stalls, a urinal and no dividers. So a set-up like this in a school built during the OG Prohibition didn't set off any alarms. Then as I heard the door open, I clearly saw women’s shoes enter the room through that 1/4 inch seem all public stalls have that ever-so-slightly reveals you to the world.
No more than 30 seconds later, another woman enters the room. I immediately start to wonder wtf is going on? Naturally, I fear the worst and ponder why the fuck does this school have a "co-Ed" teachers' bathrooms? How is this a good idea? They SUCK! How am I supposed to relax when I'm pooping if there's a mom that isn't mine 18 inches away? No amount of gender equality is going to eliminate hundreds of years of awkwardness associated with publicly defecating. It's incredibly awkward. Trying to not make loud noises either from the exit or the splash is an Olympic caliber feat of athleticism. Now throw a member of the opposite sex in the mix?? Pooping in public is already one of the most shameful experiences a human can have. (Personally will go anywhere, I'm just trying to be relatable) We as a society have found a way to make people feel horrible for doing something literally all people do. Sorry I don’t have a remote for my ass hole. As I’m trying to shit on mute in this “co-Ed” restroom, I now feel the pressure of trying to wrap up so others aren’t waiting, while also trying to take my time and leave after them. Talk about being caught between a shit and a fart.
I wait until the coast is clear and return to class. Acting like I didn’t just totally tear up the “co-Ed” restroom.
About 20 minutes later I get a call; if you’re a classic DOL reader you may remember how I feel about the phone in class.
It’s a women’s voice on the other end. She introduces herself and we chat for about 30 seconds before I felt the closest I ever have to an actual puddle. It is here when I learned this bathroom was anything, but “co-Ed". Two women complained that a man was in their bathroom.
See this school has two “co-Ed” bathrooms. I just was stupid enough to not realize there was the men's and women's "co-ed" bathrooms. Classic mistake.
Exactly. Makes no fucking sense. Apparently, this change was made solely to appease the transgender community, despite this school having zero transgender students. You read that correctly. At least that's what this lady told me on the phone. This school turned the teacher’s bathrooms into the men’s and women’s rooms into the "co-Ed"; male only and "co-Ed" female only restrooms because someday there may be a student when a student who can't use the teacher's restroom anyways, feels excluded.
Don't get me wrong, in today's day in age you need to prepared. Proper bathrooms will inevitably affect all school districts in the country, it'd be like not installing handicap ramps/stalls because no current students need them. But like all education problems it was solved without basic logic. This school really thought the best solution was to have fake "Co-ed" bathrooms? I must not have all the facts straight. Part of me thinks I can't be the only one who made this mistake, but considering the door looked like this the next day; I think it's safe to say I was.
Shit like this is why I need Barstool to save me. #hiredozo
Full disclaimer: I am hurt.
I'm fucking disgusted right now, but I can't say I'm surprised. Reading Howard Cosell has pulled my already open eyes Clockwork Orange style to the horrors of ownership in the sports business and how much they truly do not give half a shit about the fans. I mean how could any self respecting Red Sox fan be surprised? This move has been rumored for what feels like over a year and it actually happened. I can't believe this. Wave the white flag like Joseph. The Red Sox ownership chose not paying the luxury tax over keeping the face of the fucking franchise. Like what planet am I on because it sure as hell isn't earth?
In a way I guess it's good. At least the agony is finally over. There is no more holding on a slight glimmer of hope that the cancer wouldn't metastasize. Maybe that unapproved drug from Norway would work and the Red Sox would wake the fuck up and not make this franchise altering mistake I've been warning for weeks.
Nope. Instead the cancer spread to the brain, heart and soul of Red Sox Nation (a term I fucking loathe). The BOSTON RED SOX. Not the Tampa Bay Rays, not the Oakland A's, not even the Cleveland Indians....THE BOSTON RED SOX just traded away the face of their franchise for the next decade because this scumbag, two-faced, constitution hating, virtue signaling ownership group is so damn stupid that they managed to ruin the payroll and would rather cut salary to get below the luxury tax instead of competing to win World Series titles. It sucks because I love the Red Sox. I love the laundry and the history, but this is honestly a move that makes you wonder your future as a fan? I know the Red Sox don't give a fuck if they lose me. There's 50 dopey, "well if 300 million isn't enough, fuck him!", regurgitate what they hear Dale Arnold say morons that can take my place. This just hurts. It is a slap in the face. It makes me feel a lot of feelings I don't want to feel over a stupid fucking game.
In a baseball sense.....ladies and gentlemen that "championship window" just slammed shut and had an concrete truck drop back into it with that slide thingy spewing cee-ment to seal all doubt. I am sick to my fucking stomach. I don't know what else I can really say other than any blind to the laundry Red Sox fan that cannot see through this ownership group makes me ill to my core. â
Then there's people who decide to make a tough decision and do what's right; that's me. I am doing something drastic. I cannot just continue to take it. You heard it here first. I, old dozo will not be spending a single cent on the Boston Red Sox this year. I will buy no tickets, no more merchandise, nothing. Not in 2020. It sucks because I saw a Red Sox pop-socket at Marshalls for $3 the other day that I almost bought, but was like dude you have a pop socket....sure it's only $3, but those $3 here, $14 bucks there mindless spendings add up. Plus you have a working pop socket...now guess whose pop socket is getting loose?....
Anyways, I will reassess in 2021, but as of now I am protesting the Red Sox. It's not going to be easy. I love them. I feel like someone in an abusive relationship. I know they are not a good person, but I still hold on to something from the past that makes me unable to quit. Damnit, I still love him.
Well, after officially doing what seemed like the impossible and trading Mookie Betts, I have reached my breaking point. I have had enough. Sure we have won four World Series together, but that doesn't make it okay to punch me in the fucking face. I'm truly sorry to the fan bases that haven't experienced those, I know I must sound like such an ungrateful, spoiled brat. I don't really care. Rings are not enough to give away your principles, to make you a whore to heartless, big business that lies to your fucking face and then insults you hyping up fucking shipping baseballs to Ft. Myers.
I hate that I love this team, but I'm putting my foot down. Sorry if my fantastic references made you uncomfortable. I'll be the first to admit (including my own attached tweets) 14 fucks may have been a bit excessive, but I'm sorry a billionaire just told me and millions of other Red Sox fans to fuck (now we're at a nicer 15) and I am not going to let that stand. I am IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. this was only a joke, but I am contemplating either finding a different team or just becoming a true "baseball" fan until John Henry sells. I cannot believe I actually just said that but that's how much I hate this trade and think the Red Sox will forever regret this decision,
How is having to still pay a bunch of Price's salary and only getting two prospects in return even close to a fair value? I'd honestly have rather just played out the year, let Mookie walk and get the draft pick....too angry for a real research right now, but FUCK JOHN HENRY.
I am officially typing my first words of this blog at 8:34 am EST on February 2nd, 2020
I have already had a FULL day.
Laugh, Think, Cry. I have done them all, long before I am an even contemplating being awake most Sundays. Like most mornings after an aggressive helping of bl smooths; I have that neighbor of anxiety I know all too well. The Mr. "oh boiii, I hope I didn't send an embarrassing messages" man. I think you could argue I met him well before I started doing mind altering substances. Back in the days of A. I. M. He eats away at you like Necrotizing fasciitis. He hits you the moment you wake up. quicker than me eating an OCP (Oatmeal Creme Pie for the lamez....all-time less than a dollar food.)
As I see two unopened snap chats from females; both prime suspects for said messages on my notification board... I stared to think, now is a perfect time to let my phone charge and bang out a blog that will be fantastic, but should've been written days ago. What can I say? I love the pressure.
I sit back on a ridiculously comfy couch that puts the actual Big Comfy Couch to shame, typing away, I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous all this is. I been playing this same song for over a decade. The platforms may have changed, but the anxieties of "omg, wtf did I say?" never do. Sometimes you look at your phone for the first time at 4 pm and laugh at yourself...Dude you were fine. Others you have the balls to look early in the morning only to now have to face the sins of drunk you ruin your entire Sunday.
I think and reflect on how lucky I am to be a Patriots fan in the era I have been. I've referenced my life ad nauseam on dozonlife.com (hence the name lol) and I can't help, but get a little emotional about awesome it's been as fan. Tom Brady really might leave the New England Patriots. That same team that he and the likes of Troy Brown, Ty Law, Grey Reugamer, Tedy Bruschi, Tebucky Jones, Richard Seymour, and Adam Vinatieri lead the Patriots to victory over the 14 point favorite, Greatest Show on Turf, St. Louis Rams when I was in 4th grade. I could flex even more and name probably 40 other guys on the team, but no need to spam this blog with any more, needless, unnecessary fluff. Know what I mean?
That was Super Bowl XXXVI (36 for those unequated with Roman Numerals) We are getting ready to watch Super Bowl Olivia. LIV. 54. Six Super Bowl wins and nine total appearances in between....a lifetime's worth of memories and moments in less than 20 years...
I have a well documented history with over-consuming; You can see all the excess energy I have stored across every nook and cranny of my body. I know how lucky I am to be a fan during these years of my life. The Super Bowl is such a gigantic part of American popular culture and the ultimate mountain top achievement in team sports. It's the ultimate goal. The men who have won Super Bowls will have the distinction with them for the rest of their lives; as will the men who lost in the most heart-wrenching ways possible, and those who never even get a taste of the big game at all.
Everybody in the NFL plays for the Lombardi Trophy, which of course is named after the Packers legendary coach. To get there you need to win your conference. In the NFC, it's named the George Halas Trophy after Papa Bear, George Halas, Mr. Everything for the Chicago. In the AFC, it's named after Lamar Hunt; the father of the AFL and owner/founder of the Kansas City Chiefs (originally Dallas Texans)
Think about that.... The Lamar Hunt Trophy until two weeks ago had never been won by the team its named after. (I wonder how many Stanley's have won the Stanley Cup?) The fans of Kansas City have been waiting half a century to get back in the Super Bowl. The Royals in my lifetime have been one of the bigger joke organizations in sports, but even they've won a championship, then went back to their ways...but at least the Royals have been to FOUR World Series (1980, 1985, 2014, 2015) since 1970. Today could honestly be one of the happiest days of millions of peoples lives. If not the happiest, one of. Those fans that have watched together for generations. The families that used football to bond a relationship. Even though I hate the Chief fans who chirp on twitter that Kelce is better than Gronk, which is like trying to argue finding $20 on the ground is better than $100. Finding $20 is fucking awesome. No denying that, but I mean the argument isn't even worth discussing. The Chiefs are a proud, important organization, despite their many, many lean years. I have nothing against them.
Their opponent is the San Francisco 49ers; one of the class organizations of the NFL. The poster child of dynasties and using intellect to build it. Similarly to my beloved Patriots (who I'm trying to not bring up constantly...but when you've appeared in 18.5 of all Super Bowls it's hard to not have them up come up for historical purposes) the 49ers won a liter handful of Super Bowls (5) in less than 20 years (1981-1994). While nobody is going to cry for the "futility" this team has faced since 1994....1994 is still a long time ago. It's 2020 broooooo. You'd realistically have to be at least 30 years old to have any legitimate memories of it. That's a whole generation of fans that haven't experienced the ecstasy that is winning a Super Bowl..and 25+ years that fans who thought their dynasty was nowhere close to ending have waited to taste a championship again.
Obviously I want the Patriots to win the Super Bowl every year, but the reality of life is that just isn't going to happen, despite how much Bill Belichick and Tom Brady may have made that not seem to be the case. A lot of great teams and players have not won championships and I am really happy to see a team that hasn't won in decades end that drought tonight.
I could flex my DOL Madden All 22 (available on instagram @dozonlife) muscles right now about the X's and O's of the game, but there's a bunch of people out there on the internet who are much better at that than I. Yes I know Joe Montana played for both teams.
You could to DOL for the story lines because I am the mother fucking narrative man. Before I tell you who I think is going to win we are going to have a classic DOL list. Top 5 People I Will Be Happy For if They Win The Super Bowl and Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
Top 5 People I Want To See Win The Super Bowl
5. Kyle Juszczyk
One of the most prolific fullbacks in the NFL. A true throwback to a former #44 great 49ers fullback Tom Rathman. He was drafted by the Ravens in 2013 just months after the Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII...missing out on a ring in Baltimore. The Harvard man is a truly unique talent in the NFL; that you have to think is partly responsibly for the mini-fullback Renaissance in the NFL the last few seasons.
In a backfield by committee, a h/t goes to Raheem Mostort (a guy I had the wherewithal to trade for in fantasy in week 3........only to drop him). What a journey for that guy.
4. Tyrann Mathieu
As the narrative man, there are many people with stories similar to the Honey Badger in sports, but not many with the highs and lows of this face of the 2011 LSU Tigers. Tyrann was the most polarizing figure in college football. You could not miss a punt return with him back there. After his dismissal from LSU for reefer of other things he fell to the 3rd round of the 2013 Draft.
The Honey Badger again balled out with the Cardinals, proving he still was that same player as he moved to safety in the NFL. The Cardinals were actually good, again. We all know he got hurt. It sucks. Especially late in the blow out. A torn ACL ended his rookie year. In 2015 the Cards were a game away from the Super Bowl and one of the most fun teams in the league that year. After getting cut in 2018 after refusing to take a pay cut, he signed a one year "show me" deal with the Texans for 7 million bucks. After a great year in Houston he replaced KC legend Eric Berry (bums me out he's not on this team) with a 3 year 42 million dollar contract.
Tyrann Mathieu is a straight baller on the football field and an easy guy to root for off it. Richard Sherman's story contract wise is similar but he already has a ring and his life together so he's not in the same "I really want to see this guy win" camp...but it would be a cool story to see him win so quickly with a division rival after the Seahawks gave up on him.
3. George Kittle
Greg/George Kittle is a big stoolie and absolute freak of nature on the field. In the Post-Gronk Era of NFL football I believe Kittle is the torch bearer of keeping the Gronk legacy of a lovable caricature of tight end alive. Wicked easy to love this guy.
T-2. Paul Rudd and Rob Riggle
These two are really figureheads for the Chiefs Kingdom. I love what Paul Rudd has done with his Kansas City fandom. I wish more celebs were as open about their sports allegiances; it makes them that more human. I’m rooting for their happiness! If I was a publicist that would be one of big sticking points to potential new clients. There are a lot of teams with big celebrity followings, but my hungover brain cannot think of many currently that compare to the Chiefs. Rudd, Riggle, Melissa Etheridge, The bald dude who plays Champ and Packer, the gay dude who's not actually gay on Modern Family, Sudeikis, Brad Pitt. It'll mean a lot to them, and even more to the regular folk of Kansas City and the rest of the dust bowlish area.
1. Andy Reid
Andy Reid has gotten dragged by the media, internet, and sport talk shows over the years for his mishandling of clock management and buffet of conference championship game defeats, but he's damn good coach. Without question the greatest coach in the Big 4 without a title. He's a big beautiful walrus of a man that will be Canton five years after he retires regardless if the Chiefs win today or not. I hate to get morbid and the Lizzo apologists don't want to hear it, but as a large man myself I worry for Andy's health. I just heard on NFL Network on a segment where they were already fucking asking if Mahomes-Reid could be next Brady-Belichick...that he's not going anywhere....You can never say that above somebody who is both greater than 50 years of age and 250 pounds....that being said I want to see Andy Reid get his moment. He deserves it. He's had so many great teams, but has never won it all as a coach. He deserves this.
Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
5. Jimmy G.
One of two of these five that I don't actually have any personal issues with as a man. I love Jimmy G. I don't think it's fair that people are trying to take away from him as a QB. Football is a team game, smart coaches know that you have to be able to win in different ways. I don't think anybody was saying Jimmy is the problem when they beat the Saints? The Packers could not stop the run, so why should they?
I just am so fucking disgusted with how the Patriots handled the Jimmy G situation. I don't need to unearth it all, but the fact they got a single second round pick for his services is ass. The Patriots could've parlayed JImmy G into a hell of lot more than what they've gotten from the players he became through trades. I just don't want to see him win a Super Bowl this quickly. The narratives will be annoying for me to deal with.
4. Tyreek Hill
The cheetah is undoubtedly one of, if not THE fastest player in the NFL. He's shown it multiple times this year catching up to teammates on long touchdowns. He's fun to watch.
Also a HUGE scumbag off the field that I feel like people have totally forgotten about. Combine that with how annoying it is to play against him in madden (they made it too easy for scrubs to just bomb it up to him...anybody can do that..takes zero skill) I fucking hate Tyreek Hill. I am trying to get better with that using that phrase, but I genuinely do not fuck with this guy.
3. Travis Kelce
Unlike his brother, he's a fake tough guy. Not a real tight end. Nowhere compared to Gronk. Sick of the idiots who do not understand that tight ends are supposed to block. He talks with that unnatural to any region, I'm trying to sound black accent that I and I would imagine many African Americans, hate. I cannot put into words (yes I can I'm great fucking writer) how much I hate Travis Kelce.
2. Terrell Suggs
The fact that Terrell Suggs is falling into a Super Bowl after signing with the mother fucking ARIZONA CARDINALS is some bull shit. I actually used to like Suggs many, many moons ago I thought the Ball So Hard thing was kind of cool when I was a young idiot, Then I learned who this guy really is; a literal piece of shit. I loathe Terrell Suggs. When he boasted about the arrogance of the Patriots after the Ravens beat them in the 2012 AFCCG the irony of the situation could melt a school bus. He almost makes want to root for the 49ers all by himself.
1. Damien Williams (what he represents)
The tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven others dominated the news-cycle this week and certainly took the wind out of the Super Bowl sails. Alas the show must go on and the cliches about life and its fragility have transformed into cliches about Kobe wouldn't have wanted us to mourn...to keep going... That may true, but what is factually true is his death brought a lot of feelings out of people. It caused some to put the differences aside and realize how nothing is promised. If there's anything "good" to come out of this tragedy it's this; It caused people to reconnect.
When I drafted Damien Williams in the 3rd round of my fantasy draft back in early September I did so unaware that the Chiefs had added LeSean McCoyk but still hated the selection even when I had the sticker in my hand. I went WR (Michael Thomas), WR (Odell...) in the first two rounds and needed an RB. Well I was late in the 3rd and everybody before me just plucked every back I had mocked...Once did I take Damien Williams in a summer of a hundred mocks. He was not on my radar all off-season despite the images of him running through the Patriots defense in the AFCCG and his emergence after the release of Kareem Hunt. I knew the Chiefs offense would be high-flying and figured he'd scored A LOT of touchdowns this year so I picked him. If I could change anything about my fantasy career it's that move.
Damien Williams was a major disappointment this season from a fantasy perspective. I hated having him on my roster. I tried to flip him. When I was approached with a trade of David Johnson for Damien Williams straight up, I jumped at the opportunity. It could've been for Lawrence Maroney, I would've accepted. Well this set in motion the eventual destruction of not just my fantasy football league (that I would have won had this not happen) and more importantly, what I thought was a good friendship that went back to 2007. I was kicked out of the league for a week for challenging the league commissioner and person I'm referencing throughout this excerpt. He had done a trade that included AB who wasn't even on a team. How that's okay, but this wasn't? .... I'll never understand. I am not blameless in this battle. I complain a lot, but I think usually with just cause. Fast forward to the final four. I won 5 straight after reinstatement. It's me against the commish for a chance at the finals. Neither of us have ever even made the Finals, and given the drama of the season it was a #narrativeguy's wet dream. When I beat him by less than a point in the final 4 (thanks to Michael Thomas and Jared Cook) he changed the settings so I lost, then deleted the league, venmoed everybody there money back, deleted the group chat. We have not spoke since.
I fucking love football, readers. It is my favorite sport and a major part of my identity as a man. I might have only played sub-part swiss-army OL (I started at least one game at LT, LG, RG and RT) for the smallest high school in my state, but god damn I loved every minute of it. Even my super disappointing senior season. I thought I had a friend for life. We were teammates, and frankly I was responsible for a lot of his social life. Granted a QB doesn't need a ton of help...but we've been through a lot and a know a lot about each other; skeletons included. The fact that I was treated how I was gave me no choice but to terminate the friendship. It sucks. I wish it doesn't have to be this way. What makes it suck more is that person appears to not give less of a fuck about the situation, That definitely hurts. He's a 49ers fan and given how he killed the league, our friendship and has a very successful year outside of football fandom I do not want to see him get the joy out of winning a Super Bowl. Call me petty. I don't care. I'm a man of principle. I do not think it is ethically right for his behavior to be rewarded this way. Should he apologize and give me the money I rightfully earned from making the finals, I would be 100% receptive towards putting this past us.
As for the game itself..
I have gone back and forth all week, I could see either team winning this game. What I love is how different they are; the Chiefs do airing the ball out. They're basically a track team. Defensive they are nothing special and can be run against despite what they did to Henry in the AFCCG. The 49ers run, run, run and run some more. Sure they have a lot of razzle-dazzle with all the motion and inclusion of the fullback in the vertical passing, but their bread and butter is running the ball and great defense. Everybody is talking about how interesting the match up with be and I cannot wait to see what happens.
Recently we saw the Eagles throw a wrench into the white supremacy of Super Bowl champ uniforms this millenium. Then the next year we saw the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever in a year that saw more points than any season ever (I think...). I have a feeling this game that has been sort of forgot ends up being somewhat forgettable. I really just think the Chiefs make it a laugher. Their story is too much man. The way they lost last year never getting the ball (stop crying....make a stop), the 50 year drought, NFL100, Andy Reid, getting slept on after Mahomes went down (which may end up being the biggest blessing in disguise), saying fuck you to the Madden Curse... I just think it's the Chiefs year.
The 49ers have been unbelievable; 13-3. One seed in the NFC. But they also were literally inches away from being the 5 seed. Credit to them, they made the play they needed to and it was an epic one. They have won the games they needed to and are here. Kyle Shannahan is back in the Super Bowl less than 5 years after 28-3; good for him.
To me they just scream "Super Bowl loser" based on the way this season has gone. I've watched a lot of sports in my day, of course the narratives don't always play out, but EVERYTHING is pointing the Chiefs for me. That in itself almost makes you want to fade the public, but sometimes the public is right. Analyatical dozo saw that the 49ers have 18 of the top 25 Pro Football Focus graded players in this game, so that definitely scares me and shows how legit the niners are...but #1 was Pat Mahomes. Soon to be the face of the league after he wins Super Bowl MVP tonight. I think the Chiefs end up making the game not very close. Yeah I took them -14.5 too, so what?
For the first time in four years, the New England Patriots are not preparing for the big game (Super Bowl)
The 12-4 2019 New England Patriots season ended in the wild card round; the Pats earliest playoff exit since 2009. Coincidentally, that's also the last time a CB (Charles Woodson) won this award. That's right boys and girls. There is a silver lining to the 2019 Patriots disappointing crumble after starting the year 8-0; Stephon Gilmore is the the 2019 Defensive Player of the Year! Making him the first Patriot to ever win the award.
I'll gladly eat crow and say I was way off on Gilly Lock. I didn't like the signing at the time. I was firmly in the pay Malcolm camp. I think Gilly’s definitely in the conversation for best free agent signing in the double-dynasty. I mean who else is there really? I think the Pats' number of Super Bowl wins (6) is greater than the amount of big money, long-term deals they've given to free agents. It's basically Rosie Colvin, Adalius Thomas and Gilly Lock. Roosevelt was solid, but missed a lot of time to injury and Thomas is widely considered a bust even with this high quality highlight. When you look at Stephon Gilmore's resume in New England already; this award cements his legacy as one of the best signings in the history of the franchise.
Game-ending swat in 2017 AFCCG
His interception over former Patriot Super Bowl GOAT [the bad kind that everybody used until like 8 years ago] Brandin Cooks halted the Rams threat of tying the game late in the 4th quarter of Super Bowl LIII. It set up the field goal drive that essentially won the game.
It's easy to catch the Super Bowl or bust mentality with the Patriots; especially lately. A majority of Patriot fans are terrified about the end Brady era (myself include) and given the frustrating loss (still can't believe the Pats punted) there's a lot of weird feelings in Pats Nation rn that 31 other fan-bases are relishing. None of that should take away from how dominant Gilmore was in 2019.
I'll end with this.
It is kind of stupid that I almost made this blog; considering how NFL Honors isn't on for another hour.... The NFL has already spoiled all the awards. Big ups to my guy Michael Thomas. You really couldn't guard Mike in 2019.
I don't understand the tactic at all....totally give away any reason to watch NFL Honors live. Smart! All the clips that matter will be on the internet almost immediately anyways. I do not get it, but then again this is the same organization that hates the arts.
Case and point: this monstrosity. (holy shit I can't believe I spelled that correctly first try)
Super Bowl pick will come tomorrow.
With the Tame Impala's highly anticipated fourth album; The Slow Rush set for release on Valentine's Day, it makes plenty of sense for the "band" to release a music video for promotional purposes. I mean why release one during the first 313 days between the release of its first single and today? Luckily, Tame did not disappoint; Existential synth-rock fans are for a treat with Tame Impala's Lost in Yesterday music video.
Lost in Yesterday has been in my elip (elliptical for the lamez) rotation since its release. Finally there is a visual stimuli to go along with this groove. Back when used to get on it, four out of sevennnnnnnnnnnnn hits different. I grew up a slave to TRL. Every school day I would be glued to the kitchen TV shielding videos I wasn't supposed to watching. Despite the death of music videos on M(usic)TV around 2007; Youtube has been able to keep the art of the music video alive and kickin!
Normally Tame Impala videos are either really trippy, or really sexy; sometimes both.
Lost in Yesterday is nice change of pace, where Kevin Parker stars as Ombre Jesus in this period piece set at a shitty 70's wedding with not so subtle references to the lyric "eventually terrible memories, turn into great ones" plastered all over it like the wallpaper of era.
I've watched it three times already for this blog and it gets better every time. Here are some of my favorite characters so far.
As of now, Lost in Yesterday is far and away my favorite song released so far. It should be a top 10 hit, but I'm not holding my breath.
How crazy is it that less than two years ago the Red Sox and Patriots were both champions of their respect leagues? Now their manager is gone and the Red Sox.....THE BOSTON RED SOX are crying poor and trying to flip a generational talent after mismanaging the payroll for the last decade. Unbelievable! The owner of the Red Sox, Boston Globe (still don't understand how that's legal) and Liverpool can't pony up a measly 400 (million) bucks? Blank checks to unproven Cubans and Pandas are rearing their ugly head.
To make matters worse, now I have to decode some cryptic ass bull shit by Tom Brady. Like, really Tom? What the fucking fuck is this? No caption like he's Jon Cena. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?
I am not trying to be dramatic; I understand that Tom Brady has every right to leave the Patriots. He's done literally everything they could've asked the last 20 years; pay cuts, restructures, multiple (9) Super Bowl appearances. He doesn't have a ton of time left. The penny pinching Patriots have not made things easy for him the last few season with the draft misses and a lack of weapons. Sure they tried with AB, but even that was out of desperation after just not replacing the greatest tight end to ever step foot on a gridiron football field. Maybe I'm overreacting? I haven't had my "you survived another day" bowl yet and need to relax, but like wtf, dude? Can a guy take his "I just got home shit" without having to worry about decoding cryptic-ass caption free black and white photos, in an empty, rainy, (presumably Gillette) stadium? I wish he was just retiring, I can deal with that, but he's made it perfectly clear that's not going to happen. If Tom Brady leaves the Patriots you might as well start planning my funeral. In lieu of flowers, venmo my mom.
All is well....except for the Red Sox horrible, scumbag ownership.
As far as I can remember; Every Super Bowl week is pretty much the same from a media stand point. You have the radio row car wash; your regular who's who of HOFers from the days of 14 game seasons and Marching Band Half Time shows. They're telling/selling the same stories they've told for 40+ years, pitching an app they don't know how to download.
Obviously, the vibe of the Super Bowl varies year to year. There have certainly been some with more buzz than others. Super Bowl XLIX (IMO the most important Super Bowl of the 21st century) immediately comes to mind with all the Deflategate trashola.
Sadly, between the Kobe tragedy and the Pats taking a gap year, it feels like there hasn't been much buzz about the big game. Very somber mood and rightly so. I'm sure it's different across the country. One can presume the fly-over states are pretty happy the Kansas City Chiefs are in the Super Bowl for the first time post AFL-NFL Merger. The 49ers have one of the biggest bandwagon followings around the country after the Cowboys. They move the needle, historically. That's all well and good, I'm just not all the jazzed up about the Super Bowl this year. I'm more excited for the party than the game. #DSM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but there weren't any notable moments at media night and there hasn't been too much going on from a buzz stand point from all the pointless 10-minute interviews this year. That was until Deion Sanders basically said on the Dan Patrick Show the nightclub, that is the Pro Football Hall of Fame fired the doorman in the last 15 years; now anybody can get in. The guys that had bring 10 girls are heated!
Gottt damn, Dozo you did it agian.
I love that Prime said this because it had to be said and it had to be said by someone of Deion Sanders level. Mick Tingelhoff couldn't say this. Deion Sanders is PRIME TIME. He’s an NFL icon. The opinions of the all-timers should matter. It’s all about self-awareness. The Hall has some serious flaws. Like most awards it's just becoming a popularity contest. The media bias needs to be taken out of the equation. A HOF w/o Barry Bonds is a joke. This is fairy tale, shoots and ladders, dream land thinking by me, but it's a eutopic approach sports desperately needs. Numbers and achievements should matter more than your likability and disposition.
Let's be frank.
This all about the recently retired Eli Manning. Pedestrian statistical career, yes he's in in the top 10 all time in TD and yards, but again numbers are inflated in this era. Only five of the top 20 passers in terms of yardage retired before the year 2000. Nine of the top 20 debuted after 2000. With two iconic Super Bowl runs against the greatest dynasty in the history of professional sports, he’s the perfect mix lightening rod debate because each side has fantastic support backed by facts.
A few days ago I had a twitter thread to myself about the very topic!
I'd say I brought up incredibly valid points. It's unfortunate some fans can't be like me and put bias away quicker than a key bump to just talk about the great game of American Football; as an objective student of the game.
My thesis is completely valid; Eli Manning really is the line in the sand for what the Hall of Fame is really about. Is it the best of the best or the best two two-month runs ever? How much are we going to move the goalposts?
Alex Smith has more passing yards than Troy Aikman. Carson Palmer has more touchdowns than Joe Montana. Fitzmagic has more yards than Kurt Warner.
Until the rule changes of 1978 you could hit a split end (they weren't even really called wide receivers yet) until he was fully undressed in the locker room and it wasn't a flag. That was if the quarterback had gotten up off the Astroturf after getting body slammed by Deacon Jones three full seconds after he released the ball; once he got by the left tackle he slapped in the head.
Let's play the what if game; If LT doesn't sit on the bench crying with his visor in the 07 AFCCG and the Chargers win (not only are they still in San Diego) but pull a 2015 Wisconsin Basketball seven years earlier (remember game was played in 2008) losing the Super Bowl.... Then a few years later in 2011 Lee Evans holds on in end zone....Giants still win both Super Bowls...now it's over the Chargers and Ravens....is Eli a Hall of Famer?
I am smart enough to understand how the world works. He's a Manning...Football's Kennedys. Eli is going to get in. I'm wasting my time here saying he shouldn’t or won’t .
The Hall of Fame just should mean something and Deion is entirely right there.. It's a popularity contest and the sports writers/media people use it their chance to play God. It's v similar in baseball. Mike Mussina making the Hall of Fame while Curt Schilling is on the outside looking in is a bigger joke than the the aristocrats (timely reference; ☑)
It's a point that's been beaten to death, but the fact that T.O. wasn't a first ballot HOFer sort of makes a mockery of the entire organization. I mean what are we doing when a guy who's top 3 in every important stat isn't getting in 1st ballot?
Media markets matter too. If Eli didn't bitch and whine his way out of San Diego and had the exact same career there would this conversation even be happening? If Todd Helton was a Cub is he already in Cooperstown?
Winning multiple Super Bowls as a starting QB has been an almost surefire HOF ticket, but not 100% of the time. There is another QB that has two rings and no Gold Jacket; another man taken 1st overall.....with a .500 career record.....Jim Plunkett.
Deion Sanders isn't the only HOF defensive back that agrees the gate is too wide open. I low key love this panel of four. Charles Woodson preaching the truth in that first minute. James Harrison saying he's not sure about himself is likely just being humble, but I suppose there's a point. He has the iconic moments on the big stage, just like Eli...so it would be really hypocritical to use his pick six as that, but it really is IMO a top 5 play in the history of the NFL. James Harrison was for a period one of the best defensive players in the league...but I think his amount of true peak years are right on the cusp of enough. Eli was never once in the decision for MVP or even a top 5 QB any year of his career.
Despite not having the support from the crowd; Stephen A. was spot on. It should come as no surprise that Max Kellerman is the biggest Eli apologist of all time....but has been trying to put Tom Brady in a casket for five years...what a fucking loser. I have zero respect for Kellerman has a human. Saying Eli Manning didn't have offensive weapons is just a flat out line.
Just because you show up everyday doesn't make you a Hall of Famer!!!!! Availability and production over a long period of time are obviously valuable assets; but they don't make you all-time. That's what the Hall of Fame is supposed to be.... the all-timers.
I don't agree with Prime in the sense that Hall of Famers need to be some sort of era defining game changer. It is a nice quality to have; but it's not always that easy, especially at certain positions. What left guards changed football? I do think the set number a year is stupid. It should be a year-by-year thing. If one year there's nine guys worthy; it should be a class of nine. If one year it's three....you guessed it...three. I think that's how all Hall of Fames in all sports/other facets of life should go FTR. If you aren’t a HOFer 5 years after you retired how do you become one 30 years later?
To me, it's simple; the gun to your head test works well. Do you need to think over 3 seconds? If you do, I'd say 7 out of 10 times the guy probably isn't worthy. Obviously guys fall through the cracks; a Jerry Kramer type for example.
Look, I know DOL is a mixture of sports and comedy and I'm a still bitter Pats fan, despite three rings since 18-1 and the Welker drop, but football is a team game. Eli just isn’t a HOFer. I know the six rings argument helps cement my guy Brady as the "Goat" but in all nine Super Bowls the Pats have played with Brady they could easily be 9-0 or 0-9; they've all been one score games; and in many cases all-time games. Brady lost when he threw for 505 yards and won when he didn’t throw a touchdown. It’s a team sport as much as we all know how much the QB can dictate things.
Just look at these numbers. If they weren't Eli it'd be a clear nah.
I'll admit what I'm about to say is very cherry picked, but even in his Super Bowl years they weren't great teams or regular seasons by any stretch of the imagination. 10-6, 5 seed in 2007. 9-7, 4 seed in 2011. Eli has ONE 12 win season in his career. So does Derek Carr.
The obvious feather Eli in his cap iss the Super Bowl runs. But is that enough to make up for 16 years of middle of the road numbers? From 2010-2018 the Giants averaged 7.33 wins a season. That's HOF?
I know I'm picking on Eli here, but he's Sam Smith, not the only one. I like Kurt Warner, but he's a very interesting case too. He made three Super Bowls and is already in, but he won 8 games from 2002-2006. Two MVPs make it a much easier case.
I really would have loved to hear any of these guys name other named, if you're gonna say this, go all the way. Who are the Harold Baines' of Canton?
I apologize ahead of time if DOL cannot handle the amount of attachments. Please bare with us. I appreciate anybody that takes time out of their day to absorb my art. Like I said there's a lotttt of attachments...all that had to be personally embedded by me. I understand that the blog has some length and you may not sit and watch everything...but at some point you should take the half hour that you already do on your phone and see the things people had to say about this man....and the other parties involved.
Last night the entire NBA and internet world was celebrating current Laker, Lebron James on passing Laker legend, Kobe Bryant for 3rd place on the all-time NBA scoring list. I really hope Kobe got to see this.
Not even 15 hours later, Kobe Bryant (along with eight other people; including his 13 year old daughter GiGi) is/are (depending on how you interpret parenthesis) dead. The helicopter bringing Kobe, his daughter and seven others to a travel-league basketball game crashed in Calabasas, CA on a foggy Sunday morning; unfortunately, there were no survivors amongst those aboard.
Mere days ago (January 12th) Kobe and GiGi were going viral as Kobe went full Kobe intricately explaining exactly what was going on during a Nets-Hawks game.
Oh how quickly it can all end. This is a blog I would've never thought I'd be writing. I hate that I had to write this. Kobe Bryant joins a list of sports icons nobody wants to be on; Knute Rockne, the 1970 Marshall Football Team, Roberto Clemente, Thurman Munson, Brook Berringer, Cory Liddle, Roy Halladay and many more that have died in aviation accidents. Devastating.
There's been a lot of conflicting reports since the original news broke. My immediate reaction:
One of my most hated cliches "X, Y or Z broke the internet" was entirely valid today in the worst way possible. I've never seen my entire twitter timeline revolving around a singular event like this. Obviously he wasn't a President; but I don't think it's that crazy to say this is like my generation's JFK, in the sense of shock and sadness amongst people from every all walks of life. All while the ever important Pro Bowl was approaching kickoff! (had to sprinkle in some D+ jokes on such a somber day....but seriously wtf took ESPN so long to acknowledge the news??....here's two (2) A+ jokes before shit gets extra heavy)
Originally it was five deaths; all of Kobe's children aboard; then none aboard; oh now Rick Fox is aboard. It was absolute madness. In an era where journalist integrity is dissolving in hexafluorosilicic acid in exchange for retweets and the oh so important "credit" of being first; today we saw the dangers of posting without proper verification. Fake news city.
âIn an eerie (a word I am going to use at least 20 times in this blog) twist of fate, this ended up being Kobe Bryant's final tweet; congratulating Lebron on his historic achievement. "Move the game forward" given the circumstances is bone-chilling.
It's such a perfectly, twisted, poetic, fucked up example of how beautiful and precious life is and how quickly *fails at trying to snap* it can all be taken away. A few hours have passed since this tragic news broke. What happened today still hasn't truly set in. Kobe Bryant is dead.
âBefore I go any further to pay my respect to the Black Mamba, I would be a fool to not mention their were eight other people on this helicopter that lost their lives. Two barely teenage girls. While they may have not been five-time NBA champions, they were still human beings and their tragic, untimely deaths should not be overlooked because of Kobe's status.
Ironically, the next confirmed victim is another person with an elevated status job; a college baseball coach and father of one of the girls on the team Kobe coached and his daughter played on, John Altobell.
R.I.P. John, his wife Keri and daughter Alyssa.
As the news comes out it'll be here.
I'm doing this blog in regular frankstein fashion; the paragraphs were not written in the order you're reading them.... I just saw that tweet of Gigi and Aylssa. I'm in fucking tears right now. As a teacher (as much as I shit on it) I care about kids. Those girls could be kids I have in class. The sad thing is 13 year old kids die every day. But they're fucking gone. God damn man. The picture makes it that much more real. This is not a well written piece I am sorry but I'm just spitting. Doing this with the Grammy's on in the background is just fucking weird and kinda wrong. It's nice they've paid some respects. Music is (one of) the greatest healer.
I mean if this didn't create at least one (1) tear...wtf??
Death is a reality of life and something we all will have to deal with countless times throughout our own. It's messy. Everybody's story is different. In my life I've been pretty lucky, for the most part. Two people I went to high school with have died in the last three years. That's pretty much it for me for people I've had a relationship worth grieving about. Both were heartbreaking in their own ways and make think a lot of shit. Both were guys at times, I had been closer with and for whatever reason we lost communication. It makes both passings that more tragic. Life is really just a series of decisions. You can think about the things that seem so mundane and maybe if I had said or done something...with the butterfly effect?..... who fucking knows? But other than guys I had been friends with dying young, I've been pretty lucky. Both my parents are still alive; so is my sister. None of my close friends or immediate family have died. I only have one grandparent alive but it's one I am unquestionable closest with, As a 75 year old two-time cancer survivor you appreciate all the time you have, but know the inevitable is a lot closer than you would like. Those that I have lost have almost exclusively been expected; either old age, or a long bout with fill-in-the-illness. Lots of people I know are not as lucky. I have friends who have lost parents as early as 7 years old; friends that have lost siblings; friends that have no living parents. I feel like at least two people my mom knows die per month. It's fucked.
It's nice to see at least one person use this tragedy to let bygone be bygones.
The scene outside Staple Center; not much after the news broke and not much before the Grammys were scheduled to begin.
All deaths are sad in their own ways in a very elementary train of thought; a human life has ended. As much as some people may claim they know what happens when you die; NOBODY DOES. Even if you say you're okay with it, or accept it...Death is horrifying, terrifying, other various -fyings,
That being said not all deaths are the same. It may not be pretty to say, but we know it's true. As is popular to say some "hit different" from others.
The "as a _________fan" preface when talking about shit bigger than sports (ie. life and death) the preface is ridiculous, but sometimes necessary to tell your story. Everybody yells Kobe! Even theatre kids.
I've said it many times on the blog, twitter and most importantly, IRL; the older I get the more I see the world for how it really is. How much sports is a business and "allegiances" don't mean much. My last blog detailed how Robert Kraft saved the Patriots from moving mid-west. It's a business.
Love him or hate him; there's times of done both. Kobe showed the power of the good in sports. He simply transcended the game of basketball. Many athletes have died in my lifetime. I haven't talked to my sister or grandmother about many of them, but they know Kobe.
The death of Kobe really fucked me up, as it has to millions of other people. Sure I'm a Celtics fan when I was a sophomore in High School and in the process of graduating I fucking despised Kobe and the Lakers in those Finals, but as the years go by you mature and respect the adversaries. I hated Peyton Manning more than any human being on earth for a few years and now his ESPN+ show is legitimately my favorite show on streaming.
Although I haven't lost a ton of people close-close to me, it's something always on my mind. I'm terrified of of horrible things happening. How will I go on? What if we were in a petty fight at the time? When's the last time we said "I love you"? It's kind of fucked up, I know I shouldn't think that way, but when you have the twisted, depressed, hilarious, demented, genius, possibly on the spectrum brain of Ryan M*********** that's how it operates, baby.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming; you mature. At least I have. You start to truly become "you" and gain your own moral compass. Some are similar, but everybody's is their own snowflake ;) I know who I am and what I want out of life. I know how I want to do it my own. I want to live my life my way.
Nobody did that more than Kobe Bean Bryant. He embraced who he was; a fierce competitor; dictionary definition of the word. Many may even have said "an ass-hole" before noon today. KG prob still would. Kobe was everything you wanted out of an athlete. Win at all costs. He would not have been trading jerseys after playoff games like guys do nowadays (which I fucking HATE). On the court he was a killer. Cold-blooooddeed. He was the fucking Black Mamba, for God's sake. 5 rings; one at the expense of my beloved Celtics in 2010****. 81 points. A bunch of other accolades. I said he wasn't a top 3 Laker in my Kobe Finale blog. I was dead-wrong (unintended). Kobe Bryant is face of the the 2nd most successful organization in the history of the NBA in it's brightest star studded city. Kareem wasn't a career Laker. Magic was all-time, but his career was tragically cut short because of the HIV. Jerry West went like 1-20 in the Finals and is a victim of playing before the majority of us were alive or watching the NBA.
There are teams that are greatly associated with their city, after New York and the Yankees; if not at, or above that level is Los Angeles and the Lakers. They encapsulate the vibe of the city. The perfect marriage of sport and exposure. The city of angels, where dreams come true. Mixed with basketball... the one sport where you can sit inches away from the court; where the athletes entire face is visible (Rip Hamilton withstanding), usually wearing a tank top and at times in NBA history nut-hugging shorts.
Like all humans, Kobe had his flaws. There are really shitty people who think his and eight others untimely death is an appropriate time to bring them up. The ugly side of liberals; and not to get political, why crazy people win elections.
All I know is that Kobe Bryant was beloved by his teammates, competitors, friends and family. He was the face of the Lakers, but there was sooooo much more to him than basketball. (R.I.P. have no limit on cliches) He won an Academy Award for one his short animated film "Dear Basketball" less than a year after his last NBA game.
I wrote that blog in 2016 (obviously) when DOL was a baby and my brain was still not fully developed as I was not 25 years old...please do not hold any igginess against me...I did not re-read before posting. I love Kobe.
After a pretty ugly car accident in September of 2018, Kobe jumped in as traffic cop until authorities came.
Kobe was married since 2001 and had four daughters; his youngest, Capri was born in JUNE. He was a loving family man as a father.
THIS is fatherhood. Jesus Christ, this isn't fair.
In a move that has only been seen by the Miami Heat honoring his Airness, Michael Jordan; the Dallas Mavericks announced today no Maverick will ever wear the number 24 again in honor of Kobe. A fitting gesture by one of the most respected owners in all of the big four. I would not be shocked in the least bit to see other teams follow suit; if not league wide. Kobe was such a baller he had two numbers retired for the same team.
That's what Kobe meant to not just the NBA, but American popular culture.
When the news broke I was with my family and we spoke almost exclusively about his passing for over two hours. I told them if there was a Mount Rushmore of the Stern-Era-NBA it's Larry and Magic (they're so intertwined, and this is a hard list...they count as one), Michael, Kobe and Lebron.
Not exactly Dee Gordon hitting a home run on Jose Fernandez day or the Angels combined no-no on Tyler Skaggs night emotions given the circumstances...I doubt the majority of people watching realized all the eerie nature of these numbers in Trae Young's stat line when he wore #8 Sunday night in honor of Kobe...but it's kind of like the Tim Tebow playoff stat line with the 3:16 comparisons. This is higher power type "coincidence" shit...
The love and respect Kobe has received in the hours after his death cannot be understated.
As a spread eagle, open book; I have been open about my own demons and battles. Mental health is no joke. As much as I love and appreciate life.... it's 44.4repeating of this website's name; there's been countless times where I felt like I couldn't go on. My mom (and many others) have always said suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The ones I love are what kept me going. I've also had my close calls with death doing dumbass shit as recently as weeks ago. It's so fucking cliche and true, it all can be taken away in an instant. The Grim Reaper doesn't care how much money you have, how great of a person you are, what you've accomplished, who you are. Children get cancer, scumbags live forever. It makes you question a lot of shit. I don't know if there is a God. I hope there is for the sake of humanity because if there isn't then life literally has no meaning...other than the relationships we make with the people we love and care about. Jay Williams had one of my "favorite" clips to come out of today. He knows better than most how much life can change in the blink of an eye.
I hate to end on a negative note, but as I am authentic in all facets (that I can be) of life. Look at how shook up these men and women around the league were. It is fucking disgusting to me the NBA did not reschedule tonight's games. I get that it's tough call but again.. see my tweet.
Others' thoughts and feelings on all things Kobe and the actual NBA games played hours after his death.
I understand the logistics of the 4 pm games going on as people were already in the stadium as the news was breaking. That would've been a nightmare. But in the opinion of Ole Dozie...the NBA should not have played tonight. You can use the bs "Kobe would've wanted them to play" line...which I'll gladly concede it's probably true....sometimes it's just too much to go to fucking work in a time like this. Not to flex my historic knowledge of American professional sports but to circle back to the JFK comparison.
R.I.P. to the unnamed victims
R.I.P. to the Altobelli Family
R.I.P. Kobe Bean Bryant
August 23rd, 1978-January 26th, 2020
R.I.P. Gianna Bryant
I'll never forget Game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals as long as I live. I don't mean in a play-by-play sense; in an emotional sense. What a roller coaster that night was. Does not stink anymore...but for a long time it did.
June 16th, 2010, I was was at my college orientation at URI; Five days after I graduated high school. My first and honestly, even after five years there (and v successful twitter account), one the biggest memories of my experience at URI was that very first night.
The way my orientation lined up meant that Game 7 was the night I was set to sleep in the dorms on campus. This was my biggest concern. I knew this was a possibility going into a devastating blow out in Game 6 where Perk tore his ACL early in the first quarter killing and chance the C's had that night emotionally, and in a basketball sense defensively and on the glass.
Well after a day of team building exercises...Speaking of...URI fucked up big time and placed somebody I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL WITH with in my orientation group. Like 15 people. Nothing against that person at all. I like her, very nice girl....this is a #URIprob (LOL) how the fuck do you manage to have two kids from the same high school.....a high school a stone's throw away from campus....in the same orientation group when there are HUNDREDS of kids there???? There must've been 20 groups AT LEAST. I think maybe five kids from my class were there.
I digress, so that night I am watching Game 7 of the NBA Finals....mind you this is 2010....Flat Screen HD tvs were not the norm; especially at cheap ass URI. I grew up upper-middle class in high school and we only got our 52' flat screen TV in early 2008. (The first major sporting event I watched on it was Super Bowl 42....I'm getting very off track as it's not past the 1 AM hour and I need to be up in < 6 hours....my who, despite an attached tweet I have a good relationship with...I'll never forget as long as I live...in my heartbreak and embarrassment of 18-1, and how it all ended on that final drive and subsequent squander of potential OT only needing a FG with 30+ seconds and all 3 time outs.....I went on our deck and took the Patriots flag down..same flag I have hanging in my room behind me as I type this...down from the deck. My dad told me to put it back up and made put it back. Says a lot about loyalty. I was heated, disgusting, every bad/angry feeling you could feel. I was a sophomore in high school and that team was my LIFE. You want to talk about living with teams as your identity..Jesus Christ...anyways...back to Game 7....) I'm watching this game in the rec room of Barlow Hall on a MAYBE 32 inch tube standard def TV with idk the exact amount of people...but it was easily over 120. 98% of us standing....all of this after a campus wide chant of Beat LA/ FUCK The Lakers. It was beautiful. I thought this was what college was going to be like for me. (Boy was I Chris Stapleton, wrong) I was so fucking pumped. What a way to start it off. The Celtics are going to win it all for the second time in three years. This summer is going to kick ass (it still did FTR). URI has a large population of NJ/NY students so mind you in this sardine packed rec room there was fair amount of people rooting for the Lakers/Kobe. They're all talking hella shit as I'm triggered AF before knowing the terminology. One of my best friends in the world was there with me and at the time we were still huge in-your-face frankly, douche bag sport fans. Lots of shit being talked that night. As the Celtics 13 point third quarter lead began to dwindle (the Warriorization of the NBA makes that lead not seem big..but mind you the game ended 83-79.....it's a huge blown lead, that I feel like has gotten slept on in the annals on NBA history...should this tweet go viral and that can of worms be opened in Kobe's untimely death; so be it) the vibe altered drastically. What made this oh, so more frustrating; Kobe didn't have a classic Kobe game. He went 6-24. Yeah, he was the leading scorer...but he only had 23 points. By no means a masterpiece. But he did what he had to win. Exactly what Kobe was all about. He's why Ron fucking Artest, the Motor City Mad Man himself, was able to get Paul Pierce to hesitate for second...AND STILL clutch again to hit the hands down, most devastating shot of my entire basketball fandom life. I honestly can say a piece of me died that night. My love for the Celtics, and that Celtics team itself would never be the same again. I'll never forget that night. Kobe was a cold blooded killer basketball player and hell of a dude off the court. I think the fact that I, Ole Dozo, spent HOURS writing this, until nearly 2 am of a fierce rival...shows just how much respect Kobe demanded. There will never be another Mamba.
You have to watch that video for the context of this blog.
On this day in 1994, Robert Kraft officially purchased the New England Patriots for $175 million dollars from James Orthwein. Inflation is a bicccchhh! In the 26 years since, it's safe to say RKK made the right call going against everything he knew in business by purchasing the team. (graph)
I could go on and on like the fault in our stars song about the success of the franchise; not only since Tom Brady became starting QB week 3 of the 2001 season, but since 1994 when Mr. Kraft bought the team (every game has been a sell-out). I could talk about how the Patriots used to have games blacked out or how they only hosted one playoff game (a 31-14 loss in 1978 Divisional Round to the Oilers) at Foxboro Stadium prior to his ownership or how the Patriots were basically orphans until the 1970s. I'm not going to do that; I've spent years of my life doing that. You can read plenty of other blogs or articles for information on that topic.
This post is an appreciation of Robert Kraft literally saving the New England Patriots as a professional sports franchise in Massachusetts (and New England in general). It's about the horrors of what the owners of professional sports franchises do to the cities and regions that so loyally support them. How RKK saw his boyhood team the Boston Braves leave the city; how much that hurt him growing up and shaped him. He stopped that from happening again to an entirely new generation of fans.
I don't think many people, especially my age and under understand that had RKK not had the foresight to buy Foxboro Stadium when the Sullivan family lost basically everything trying to fund a Michael Jackson tour there would be no professional football in New England; at least not the Patriots. It may be impossible to fathom given the success of the organization today, but there are no more New England Patriots without Robert Kraft. They were going to move to St. Louis.
In 2020 I swore I'd learn how to read and the basic rules of punctuation. In attempts to hold up my end of the bargain, I've been reading I Never Played the Game by Howard Cosell.
I'm about 200 pages in and loving it. This is a quick, relevant tangent... I am currently obsessed with all things Howard Cosell. As a sports historian, he is my sports media hero. He's one of the most important people in the history of sports IMO. The NFL would not be where it is today without him. He's gotten a horrible wrap for being authentic (sound familiar?) and it's an absolute travesty he's not a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame for his contributions to the growth of the sport. My admiration for Howie is for another day, but entirely relevant to this post.
In I Never Played the Game, Cosell goes as my contemporaries would say "in" on the hypocrisy and idiocy in sports. Three of the first four chapters of the book are about how owners will turn a blind eye to communities that supported them. The battle between Al Davis and Pete Rozelle over the Raiders moving to Los Angeles is fascinating. Davis challenged the legality of the NFL constitution when he moved the team to LA against the approval of the other owners. As someone with an 8th grade history textbook's worth of knowledge on anti-trust laws and monopolies I feel like I learned so much. Al Davis isn't the only owner who's moved a franchise, and he sure as hell won't be the last. My bigger point is that we think of sports as this part of us that will never leave, but these billionaire owners will jump ship as soon as there's a sexier offer across the country. While I referenced Al Davis; he is nothing like these slithering owners I'm referencing.
If you're my age or younger you may not even know that the Brooklyn Dodgers were the most profitable team in the National League when they left Brooklyn for Los Angeles. Or that the Indianapolis Colts were the Baltimore Colts from 1953-1984 before they moved in the middle of the night to Indy like cowards; turning a blind eye to a community that loved and supported them for over 30 years. It may be difficult to fully wrap your head around it now because so much time has passed but the Baltimore Colts were a classic NFL franchise with a passionate following. The Miami Dolphins and Philadelphia Eagles are historically relevant franchises that would seem impossible to play elsewhere, but both nearly did. Imagine the landscape of sports without the Philadelphia Eagles. Like many teams, the Colts had an aging stadium that wasn't able to compete with the modern cookie-cutter multipurpose stadiums of the time. When the city didn't give him what he wanted, owner Bob Irsay just up and left; basically told millions of fans to fuck themselves because of the new stadium, the Hoosier (later; RCA) Dome in Indy. This could've been the Patriots fate had a few things gone differently.
The perplexing issue with sports is that of their importance. What I have learned the last few years is that sports don't really matter; at least not like I used to think they do. It's absurd to think the outcome of a game played by strangers has such a heavy impact on our day-to-day lives, but then again they totally do. To a certain extent I love it and despite what I just said; I'm just as guilty. I mean it's why this blog even exists in the first place...my love of sports.
You can call them silly little games all you want, but the fact of the matter is sports are a multi-billion dollar industry in this country; at times they seem bigger than religion. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it's reality; at least for now. They matter.
Sports are such a big part of community, the economy, family and self-identity. The memories and moments can shape our upbringing. I vividly remember watching the entire 2004 Red Sox playoff run with my mom. Those are moments and memories that shaped me into who I am today.
You can use almost any sport or city in the country as an example. Even if they haven't had the success of the Patriots (nobody has). I'm sure there's people in Denver who fell in love with baseball during the 2007 Rockies World Series run or kids in New Orleans that watched the Saints win the Super Bowl with their parents who never thought they'd see the day AND HAD THEIR CITY DESTROYED BY A FUCKING HURRICANE. There are "kids" in every nook and cranny of America that have used college or professional sports to bond and connect with a loved one. What I experienced that fall with my mom is not uncommon. Sure, I (along with all Boston sport fans under the age of 30) were born in the golden age of dominance. Luckily, the Patriots and their historic, nearly 20 year long, double-dynasty were able to be apart of those memories because without Robert Kraft there's a great chance they'd be somebody else's.