Image Source; I was at this game with my dad. D-Mac returned a kickoff for a TD (the only of his career) and fumbled on another return..talk about a game of highs and lows..Pats ended up winning on a walk-off sack in OT. Tebow had 4 carries for the Jets!
I swear Devin McCourty's retirement news broke as soon as I got on the highway Friday, so I couldn't pay my respects on the blog or twitter since I was still in twitter jail. This news isn't super shocking, there were moments when Devin showed his age this year (I feel like he dropped 2-3 easy INTs), but this man gave the New England Patriots well over a decade of his life, and I'll always be grateful for that.
Devin McCourty was the Pats' first pick in 2010 (arguably their best draft of the double-dynasty) and one of approximately 940 Rutgers Scarlet Knights to suit up in New England under Bill Belichick. I remember watching that draft from a bar on a cruise I went on for Spring Break my senior year of HS. It was a wild first round between Tebow getting drafted, and for a split second, I thought I was too! I won't say my government name on DOL, but you likely know my last name. When the Chargers were picking, I said Ryan My-last name as, Ryan Mathews, was selected. For a split second, I was like, holy shit this was obviously a joke since I wasn't draft eligible (but was a key returner for a 1-7 team; at this point, the newspaper that also called me a "key loss" was months from publishing) but am I really about to be a first-round pick? Unfortunately, I was not, but that's a good thing in many ways because I would've ended up as a draft bust, given my playing ability. Key returners/losses for 3-8 (1-7) Rhode Island high school teams are rarely worth a first-round pick. But I'm getting way off track.. With Matthew Slater's old ass coming back, I thought we'd see Devin back for another year. Not only are the Pats losing one of the best safeties of the 2010s (IMO, he should've made the NFL's all-decade team), but a captain and leader in the locker room (and community!).
Once Brady left, the double-dynasty ended, but there were still a few holdovers from those days. Over the years, more and more have moved on. With Devin's retirement, there are only seven players left from the 2018 Super Bowl team, and two of them are offensive linemen (Trent Brown and Marcus Cannon) who left the team and came back.
After a stellar rookie year as a corner, D-Mac struggled his sophomore year, but a move to safety the following season saved his career. Devin, Pat Chung, and the closer, Duron Harmon, locked down the Pats' last line of defense in the 2010s during the best 5-year stretch in team history. You know what they say about assuming, but I think it's safe to assume winning a Super Bowl with his twin brother was D-Mac's favorite moment in New England.
In 13 years with the Patriots, Devin McCourty intercepted 35 passes, won 3 Super Bowls (played in 5), made two Pro Bowls, and was a three-time 2nd team All-Pro. D-Mac was also runner-up for Defensive Rookie of the Year in 2010 behind potential HOFer, Ndamukong Suh AND he scored the fasted touchdown of 2018. The Pats are losing more than just their starting Free Safety; they're losing a franchise icon. If you were to rank 2010s Patriots (blog idea??), Devin is easily top 5, probably even higher.
The Pats are also "losing" TE Jonnu Smith after two lack-luster seasons in a salary dump trade with the Falcons.
I had high hopes for Jonnu, but this deal was a complete failure.
I was at the Razor for Jonnu's lone Patriot TD. It came on SNF against the Bucs in Tom Brady's return to Foxboro.
Hunter Henry scored the other Pats TD that night. I really thought that might be the beginning of Gronk-Hernandez 2.0. Instead, it was its peak. This move clears up over 4 million in cap space but also has a massive dead money hit of like 12 million bucks. Hashtag not ideal.
I think Jonnu will bounce back in ATL. Of course, there's been plenty of "wow, the Falcons really refuse to get Kyle Pitts the ball jokes" on twitter rn, but as an unbiased football guy, this is an excellent move for Jonnu Smith. I don't know who tf the Falcons QB will be, but this reunites Smith with another Smith---Arthur, his TE coach and then OC in Tennessee, where he played well enough to convince the Patriots to pay him like he's Kellen Winslow SR.
P.S.
I guess it's a 3-4-1 blog. 2-year deal for Jonathan Jones. I'm about it. 31 has been solid AF when healthy. I glanced at an article while writing this blog that said the Pats may see what he can do at FS. Who knows about that, he's a great slot corner, but he's pumped he's staying in Foxboro. JJ is one of the seven guys left from the 2018 team.
Double P.S.
Other 2018 Patriots still on the roster as of today: LT: Trent Brown (spent 2019-2020 with the Raiders) C: David Andrews OT: Marcus Cannon (likely gone; spent 2021 with the Texans) ST: Matthew Slater DE: Lawrence Guy DE: Detrich Wise, JR OT: Isaiah Wynn was on the IR in 2018 so while he has a ring, he doesn't really count and was a fucking terrible pick---wouldn't be shocked to see him gone by the regular season. I'm pretty sure he's a FA.
0 Comments
Song: I'm In Love With You (Live on SNL) Artist: The 1975 Album: Being Funny in a Foreign Language Sketch-wise, SNL wasn't anything to write home about last week (it was great to see Fred, but there was not enough Sarah!!!), but musically it was no bias whatsoever, the best episode of the season. The 1975 (arguably my favorite band) fucking crushed it (so much so that a live version of I'm In Love With You is SOD for the second time in a month). Their live performances sound just as good, if not better than the studio versions. I've loved watching these guys grow since I first heard them in 2013. It's great to see them all so happy (especially Matty). Thank heavens they didn't play "Part of the Band." They truly are at their very best and only getting better! P.S.
The 1975 are far from unknown, but it's crazy to me that none of the members have their own Wikipedia pages; Matty Healy 1000% should. Obligatory reminder: all four core members have been friends since grade school and started the band as teens. That is soooo fucking cool.
On February 24th, I blogged about AppleTV+'s Shrinking being a must-watch program, and today it brings me great pleasure to announce that Shrinking has officially been picked up for a second season.
It'd be awesome to see Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein) make an appearance as one of Jimmy, Gaby, or Paul's patients next season. He must have some big deal with AppleTV+ cause I swear he's got his fingers in every Apple cookie jar. As for the show itself, last night's episode was great. No spoilers, but there was so much growth behind all the characters. I love the dynamic between these three.
And these three!
Hell, you can pick almost any three characters from this show and put them in a scene, and it'll be great.
It's not exactly shocking that the #1 show on AppleTV+ got picked up for a second season, but then again, you never know in this weird streaming climate. Ted Lasso is allegedly over after this year. Netflix loves to kill great shows like Mindhunter and GLOW. Those examples suffice. You get it. Luckily, fans of real-life dramedies get at least one more season of Shrinking. Episode #8 debuted at midnight. I'm guessing there are 10 for this season, but 12 would be a pleasant surprise. I already wrote a blog breaking down the show, and as I said in the SOD, I've got a busy schedule today. I just hate doing a SOD without a real blog (even though SODs count as blogs), and this was a quicky to bang out before I bang myself, take a shower, then drop off this sleep study thing I did last night; maybe get my brows did and drive people around all night. I cannot recommend Shrinking enough. I love it. Except for last night/today's episode, I've watched every episode at least twice. AppleTV+'s library is shit compared to other streaming services. There are only like 15 movie options from their small licensing catalog, but the original programming is fantastic. I'm batting like .800 in liking/loving shows I started, plus the 1971 music docuseries is phenomenal.
P.S.
I loved the J-Brekkie reference in ep #8. I would be sooo sweet to Alice's actress Lukita Maxwell irl.
Double P.S.
We got some more juicy Heidi boobies in this week's episode. I did my best to use them to market this internet program. Song: Glory Box Artist: St. Vincent & The Roots I have a bunch of shit to do today, so I wasn't even planning on blogging, but this song is so sexy that I had to give it a little DOL love. Everybody knows that Dozie loves a good cover song, and man did Annie Clark and the Roots fucking crush this. Annie is the present-day Bowie, and while I'll miss the Daddy's Home persona that made me fall in love with her music, the vocal performance here is bone-chilling (in a good way!). "Glory Box" is one of those songs I've heard countless times but didn't know the original artist. Sorry, Portishead! I've done a solid job curating my 90s music knowledge, but I never knew the name or artist since I was 2 when this song came out. Hand up; that's on me, but this version is incredible. I need it on Apple Music, pronto.
I knew Kevin was always running around trying to cover his shadow, but I had no idea he ran half-marys! What a stud. It's such a bummer that he came so close to finishing before bowing out due to injury---not the greatest feeling ever. I guess it is not meant to be!
It's no secret that Tame Impala is my favorite solo artist who's also a band.
The first anniversary of ya boi seeing Tame twice in five days is quickly approaching (March 12th-16th), and I'm sad that Kevin had to celebrate that in the hospital, caught between the tides of pain and rapture. Stress fractures are scary, but you can't just spend your whole lifetime wondering when you'll have one. You gotta be in the moment and be above it. You never know when it might be time for your bones to break.
You'd think patience would be key when dealing with such an injury, but when you're living life in stages, there's no time to waste. Tame Impala's next scheduled concert is TOMORROW in Mexico, and despite his hip fracture, Kevin's feeling like a brand new person, and the show will go on---Tame's on track to not miss a single performance. Kevin Parker is no Zack de la Rocha. He's not quitting on you guys! A little fractured hip (at just 37 years old) isn't gonna stop him from performing. Maybe in a past life, but certainly not in this one! Hopefully, Kevin doesn't make these same old mistakes again and makes the necessary changes to improve his calcium levels. I know his weakness is the source of all his pride, but that should stop at bone density. They say people never change, but that's bullshit, they do. I don't need to gossip about how Kevin will handle it. The less I know, the better. Decisions are approaching, reality in motion. Let's not think about it. He's a grown-ass man and one hell of a musician. I just want him to be healthy. I know that he'll be happier that way. Eventually, Kevin will be all healed up, but for now, fans in Mexico and South America will get to watch a gimpy Kevin sing them mushroom lullabies. He's not gonna just sit around in a hospital bed and sulk. "Yes, I'm changing your bedpan" gets old quickly. Just breathe deeper and get well soon, Kev. Hopefully, you can grab a half full glass of wine and hit the studio. We will never come close to how you feel, and that's exactly why we need more Tame!
Elephant.
Song: Everyday Struggle (1994)
Artist: Notorious B.I.G. Album: Ready to Die
Sorry for the lack of blogs yesterday! Weebly (and many other websites) wasn't working on my laptop, but I unplugged my router, and everything seems to be back to normal. I should've done that yesterday, but I was panicking that maybe someone was trying to silence me!!! I'm only sort of joking, but since today's the sad-iversary of his passing, today's S.O.D. is from B.I.G.
P.S.
This was my spirit day shirt senior year of HS. Only mere hours after this picture was taken, the Narragansett Mariners lost 45-0 on Homecoming!
That doesn't change the fact that I was a key returner going into the season and a key loss after it ended!!!
One of the last blogs I wrote before a nearly week away from the keys was praising the Boston Celtics for their buzzer beater win against the Sixers and great play as of late. Things have since taken a turn for the worse.
The sky isn't fully falling (yet). Last night the C's were without Jayson, Al, and Rob, but b holes are def getting a tad tighter. Three straight losses, and in those L's, the Celts have blown at least a 14-point lead, highlighted by a 28-point blown lead against the Nets.
This isn't some attempt to spin zone, but I worked Friday during the Nets game and missed about 97% of it. I checked the score at some point, and the C's were up 14, and I was like, oh, word. I didn't know their lead was once double that. Since I barely saw the game, it's almost like it didn't happen, except it totally did. The C's lost to the Knicks again on Sunday night, this time in a double-OT heartbreaker where some dude nobody's ever heard of dropped like 45. The last night they blew a 14-point lead going into the 4th after Cleveland. Any of those three teams could be a 2nd round match-up for the Celtics. Grant's missed free throws may be the new low point of the year. Luckily, I couldn't tweet about the game (or any game or topic until Sunday afternoon). I mean, we're 45-21 and only 2 games behind Milwaukee, but with less than 20 games to go, the C's are running out of time, like the 3rd track on the new Paramore album, to get back in line for home-court advantage. Health is the most important thing going into the playoffs, but the #1 seed sure wouldn't hurt. Not to make things about me, but I feel partly responsible. I allowed myself to get cocky about the C's, and they immediately dropped 4 of 5 in painstaking fashion. I hate to give my fantasy league credit, but maybe I am a m*sh. This stretch could end up being just a blip on a championship season radar or the moment both ends failed, and the plane turned into dust. I love Malcolm Brogdon's attitude going forward. Beat the Blazers Wednesday night to get back on track for the road trip and return 6-0.
Happy 30th to one of my favorite recent additions to SNL, Sarah Sherman (Squirm). Math hasn't been my swag since 6th grade (and at that point in my life, the catch-all term "swag" was nowhere close to my vocabulary), but based on her Birthday Edition of Sarah New Saturday night three days before her b-day, that would make today the queen of body horror comedy's 30th birthday (confirmed on Wikipedia; I guess birthdays don't automatically change).
I've been watching SNL for like 2/3's of my life, and there's been plenty of cast members who are basically Costco versions of someone from a previous cast, but I can't think of anybody whose comedic stylings and persona come anywhere close to those of Sarah Sherman's. She's the siracha to SNL's boiled chicken---adding some much-needed flavor.
In only her 2nd season as a featured player, Sarah Sherman (along with James Austin Johnson..both are locks for promotion next season) has shined bright like a period blood diamond in her time on screen. Sarah Sherman nee Squirm can do it all. She can gross you out, make you pull a muscle laughing, and give you a boner at the same time. Whether she's dressed like an old man, hipster clown, Loonette from The Big Comfy Couch, leader of the Branch Davidians, 2019 Billie Eilish on acid, mafia wife or a Fox News correspondent, Sarah crushes whatever her role on screen may be (and I have a huge crush on her).
I fucking love this Garbage Pail Kid that grew up to be a Garbage Pail Bitch (I'm using that term in a respectful way). She's definitely not for everybody, but my God is she for me. Don't let the queer haircut fool you, Sarah Sherman likes boys, and I would v much enjoy being her's.
But this isn't just about being oddly attracted to her. This woman is an artist and a fantastic one at that. She could easily be another Chloe Fineman. I mean, look at this chick when she isn't cosplaying David Koresh.
But she's true to herself---a fucking weirdo and it's been a burp of fresh air for SNL. Sarah does her thing and I respect the shit out of her for it. Sarah Squirman is just fucking cool and hilarious. She's so talented; she's collaborated with Eric Andre and the Jackass crew. I want to hang out with Sarah Sherman; I know we would vibe. She's a DSA and definitely has great taste in music. Sarah is far from the only hilarious and gorgeous lady on SNL. I love Ego and Heidi, but today isn't their birthday. I love that I ate #43Burgers on her b-day in 2020. I feel like she'd appreciate my commitment to the bit.
Happy Birthday, Sarah! Welcome to your 30s. I hope you're on SNL for the next decade. Here are some of her best/my favorite skits with Ms. Quirm. Her delivery puts Juan Marichal's to shame. (that's a HOF pitcher with a legendary wind-up for people who don't get the reference. See, here I'm using the term in both its comedic sense and how a baseball pitcher sets up to pitch the baseball)
I FUCKING LOVE HER!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!!
love, Ole Dozo Song: Lost Without You (2023) Artist: San Cisco This track is a single, and that's why there's no "album" spot in the description. Pause the video at 1:44 for a cheeky surprise! I've been diggin' San Cisco the last few weeks. I'm pumped to see they dropped some new music. Before today, I hadn't written on DOL since February 27th, which looks much worse than it is since February is so fucking short, but I am pumped to be back. My mom was in town for her 60th, and it was a jam-packed week. I missed writing and had a solid February from a production standpoint after a slow start to 2023. I only wrote 18 blogs in January and more than doubled that in Feb with 39. I still want to write for Barstool more than almost anything in life and know that I'd fucking thrive there, but I'm also getting to a point where I must accept that that dream may never come true. As long as I'm breathing, I'll never give up. I'm gaining more of my confidence back every day and am so excited about what's in store for me this year. I stay getting in my head, and my lack of conventional success sometimes (every day) makes me wonder if I actually suck at this thing, but I refuse to believe that. I sometimes miss typos in the editing process (even in the Grammarly era), but I have a good voice. People have reached out about my writing in the past. I've just done a poor job marketing DOL, and the written word is one of the most challenging mediums to go "viral" in as an unknown in today's world. I haven't even gotten to the whole reason I'm writing this particular blog, so let's get to the facts. I am currently in Twitter jail. I was sentenced Sunday morning after suggesting that Michael Knowles have a bullet for lunch after having the balls to lash out at Rolling Stone for covering his trans-genocide diatribe. Since I can't embed tweets as part of my sentencing, here's me speaking the truth in a tweet that did not get me in any trouble. Fuck Michael Knowles & anybody who supports him and that hateful ideology. I fucking love sports and comedy and everything that DOL is all about, but I also love freedom, and that hallmark of American life is under attack from far-right extremists. I will never stop speaking my mind and sticking up for what I believe is right. I'd rather never "make it" being true to myself than reach the levels of success I dream about by compromising who I am.
To say I've grown throughout DOL's seven-plus years would be the understatement of the day. There was a time not all that long ago when I openly bashed "SJWs" or anybody who cared about anything. I was like the all too many ignorant people who refused to believe there were still real social issues in this country because they weren't affecting me firsthand. I slowly lost my identity and beliefs from trying to get approval from others. I'm super ashamed of who I used to be, but I'm no longer hiding from it. I had a brief encounter with conservativism. It's gross, but I went from the left to "moderate" before taking a sharp left back into the right side (the left) after some much-needed life experience outside of my hometown. It's all part of my journey as a human, and I'm far from a finished product. I still have a long way to go in becoming the person I want to be, but I can proudly say here today, on March 6th, 2023, that I am happy with who I am (from a non-physical standpoint, but that's going in the right direction too!). As a depression guy, I know you shouldn't tell people to kill themselves, but I also feel like you also shouldn't openly advocate for the eradication of a population just because you don't understand them or feel threatened by their existence even though they're not a threat to you in the slightest. I've said it a million times, but let me be clear Dozie stands with the trans community. Rhonda Sandtits will make her debut on stage once I'm back in the 200s. There's tons shit I don't get/understand too, but it doesn't stop me from giving people the basic respect and dignity they deserve. I used to think the they thing was stupid, but if that's who you believe you are. Fucking go for it. There are literally billions of more important things to get worked up about. I don't know if you've been paying attention to what's going on in red states right now, but there's a full-fledged war on history, reality, the black community, women, queer people, and the LGBTQ+ population (just to name a few examples) by the love thy neighbor crowd and it's both terrifying and exhausting. It's one of my biggest concerns in life rn. You are free to believe in whatever you want, but when your beliefs start impeding on the lives of others, you're in the wrong. The craziest thing is I have a tiny bit of experience in the church and know enough about Christianity to see how these awful interpretations of words written by MAN are fucking up the world for everybody. From what I know about that interpretation of God, he loves all his children and it's not their job to determine who is and isn't worthy of life and civil rights. Gun to my head, I believe in God. I hope there's a higher power; I really do. I'm just also super skeptical, given the state of the world and how awful people can be to each other. I know there's the whole "free will" argument, and that's why the world is how it is because God supposedly won't interfere with us because it defeats the entire purpose or some shit, but far-right Christians are the fucking worst. It's not all Christians. There are plenty of normal, accepting, loving Christians who actually follow Jesus's teachings. I love those people. They're cool in my book (as long as the right hasn't burnt it yet). Those are good people. It's your Fox News, MAGA, AR-15 Jesus, fascist sympathizer Christians who need to fucking go. That goes for every religion or group of people. Like most Muslims are good people, but the ones who wear suicide vests at malls or hijack airplanes are horrible ones who deserve the hate and ridicule they receive. It's the same for those Christians or fill in the name/group. I know Christians on the right love to act like they're persecuted and their way of life is under attack, but that's a bigger crock of shit than Ms. Cleo (what a timely reference by your boiiii). You can believe what you want, but it doesn't mean you can use your religion as a get-out of racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia, etc. jail free card (even though multiple fascist states are working to make that perfectly legal). The funny thing is, if I had to put a label on my religious identity, I'd say Christian, but I prefer to call it a relationship with God. I don't need to go to fucking church or even read the Bible. I've been praying before bed again for the past yearish (as the old saying goes, "there are no atheists in Foxholes or when you're morbidly obese and think you're dying every night"). But the way some people are with religion is so fucking cringe. Again, I'm still skeptical AF. I hope there's a higher power, but I wouldn't be shocked if I find out there's nothing after I'm dead. Side note: If it were up to me for best case scenario of what the after-life is I'd want to keep getting reincarnated as different people (maybe animals too) life that life, die, and repeat until the end of time, then officially have heaven once the Earth explodes and start all over again. This blog could be profound or terrible, but I don't care. Twitter is fucking toxic. Elon ruined it. Not being able to tweet every thought I have and like 4000 tweets a day for a few days may be precisely what I need to get my TikTok and other ideas going. I've been on Twitter in some capacity since 2009 and have little "success" to show for it (even though I created @URIprobs). But on the Tok, I've gotten more traction. I know the numbers aren't the same, and I joke about going baby viral when my MTG video got 10.2K likes before it got removed. Still, the way people consume media is changing. Maybe my written words have been arranged in a way that isn't good enough to create a livable income for me and hopefully a wife and 2.5 kids someday, as the ole American Dream promises. Now that I can't tweet until someday next Sunday, I can spend my time more productively chasing my career and life goals. While my mom was in town, she and one of my aunts helped me bring my room from 17-year-old swag to 31 but still fun. I only got to the gym twice last week, which is my worst week since I started going again on November 7th, but I'm gonna get back into the swing of things this week. What I'm trying to say in this ramble that I'm trying to finish before my shrink appointment (editor's note: I did not) is that I'm done half-stepping. I'm not gonna put things out there (intentionally) that get me thrown in internet time out. This isn't my first time in the Twitter sin bin. I did a 12-hour bid in 2021 after J6 for bashing fascists. FTR, I wrote everything above this line before 1 pm when I had therapy, then I ended up on another call for almost an hour. I really wanted to get this out before then, but I was in the zone, and then BAM, I saw it was 12:58 and had to stop because my session was about to start. There's a great chance that nobody is out there thinking like, "Dozie posted the SOD three hours ago; where's the next blog?" but in reality, I actually wrote today's SOD at like 2 am and just posted it once I officially started my day and began typing away at this piece. I'm well over 1500 words by now, so I'm gonna wrap shit up, but what I'm tryna say here is I do not regret what I said. It's not bigotry to hate bigots. Also—Elon is ruining Twitter. I thought you could say anything, but I guess you can't give lunch recommendations anymore. I'm gonna make the most of my time away from the cesspool and continue to move forward in every possible way. Despite how scary things are with legitimate concerns of fascism in this country, I cannot reiterate enough have happy I currently am with how things are going in my life. I am so excited about what's next. I still have a lot of household stuff to do today, so idk how prolific today will be from a writing standpoint, but since I'm gonna be off the bird, please be sure to stay up to date with my TikTok and IG. I'm gonna be using those a lot more this week. Eventually, I'll send in some writing samples to Barstool. Big things are coming (while I get smaller). I cannot wait for whatever's next. I'm so happy to be truly living again. For a minute there (try low-key three years), I lost myself. |
Archives
March 2024
|