From the guy who brought you "Getting Kicked Out of Fenway the Same Night as the Adam Jones Incident for Simply Cheering for the Red Sox" brings you "The Guy Who was Banned From Twitter the Same Day (within 24 hours, but that doesn't flow as well) as Donald Trump".
What a sick, cruel joke that I found out with 11 hours and 58 minutes to go. IYKYK.
One told some subpar jokes and gave social commentary on the inequalities in our society and the other incited a riot. Like John Mulaney once said about lobster and skittles "those are equal in my eyes".
I honestly don't know what I even said to get the same treatment as a maniacal wannabe dictator. I was firing off tweets like the Capitol Police weren't firing off rubber bullets at Domestic Terrorists; just trying to laugh my way through the horror nbd lol.
Based on my research, I guess this sequence is what set me in? Or should I say set me out?
I legitimately don't remember the tweet that got taken down. I don't know what I said that twitter deemed boot-worthy. I wish I did as it'd only help this blog, but I have this problem of putting my brain on the cloud. If I can look something up, it doesn't stay in my brain. It's why I still need to use my GPS to get home from work everyday.
As ugly, disgusting, terrifying, maniacal (such a fitting word that I have to use it twice) and disheartening yesterday's attack on democracy was, I wasn't gonna just sit there and not try to profit* off of this terror. [*try to grow my brand by catching some likes, maybe even a follow or two from some shitty jokes to help achieve my dream of writing for Barstool Sports] After all, that's what being an American is all about!
After returning to teach "in-person" to an empty school and hating my job more than normal, all I wanted to do after work yesterday was blog. I was so excited to finally blog about the Barstool Fund on DOL and how incredible it was that The Today Show had El Pres on to promote this awesome charity. I was looking forward to some positivity during not so awesome times. I was so souped to see "mainstream" media finally giving Barstool the respect and credit they deserve for helping countless small businesses.
That was my plan until about 1:30 PM when I saw what was going down in our nation's capital and Capitol Building. Things changed drastically. My entire focus shifted to D.C. and using my microscopic platform (92 twitter followers as of 6:09 PM) to provide some comic relief and genuine thought during this horrific day.
I left work early and was glued to my TV, watching what looked like a scene out of Olympus Has Fallen. I tried to blog what was going on in real time, but just couldn't take the time to look away from the TV. I've been dealing with some serious writer's block/anxiety for what feels like months and was able to get this far before diving into more coverage of this failed coup d'etat.
More DOL tweets from my currently suspended twitter account during the siege on the Capitol.
During all of this I put up (what is now) the most successful post in the history of @dozonlife on instagram.
And that got fucking taken down too.
Luckily my post was eventually put back up. Sucks I wasn't able to cash in all the internet clout that your bigger, more established accounts did, but check the timestamps!! I know I've got what it takes to be where I want to be.
Unlike the South, Dozo will rise again.
Good thing I've got a back-up account with a decent following.
Had to drop a URI zinger after nailing that joke formula earlier.
The numbers show that I've still got, I just can't get my DOL following to grow. I know that will change eventually. #FreeDozo #HireDozo
I have found the tweet that did me in. Shame on me for saying I canât get over the President of the United States of America saying he loves domestic terrorists and thinks theyâre special. My bad.