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I Have Been Temporarily Banned From Twitter Dot Com #FreeDozo

1/7/2021

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From the guy who brought you "Getting Kicked Out of Fenway the Same Night as the Adam Jones Incident for Simply Cheering for the Red Sox" brings you "The Guy Who was Banned From Twitter the Same Day (within 24 hours, but that doesn't flow as well) as Donald Trump".
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What a sick, cruel joke that I found out with 11 hours and 58 minutes to go. IYKYK.
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via GIPHY

One told some subpar jokes and gave social commentary on the inequalities in our society and the other incited a riot. Like John Mulaney once said about lobster and skittles "those are equal in my eyes".

I honestly don't know what I even said to get the same treatment as a maniacal 
wannabe dictator. I was firing off tweets like the Capitol Police weren't firing off rubber bullets at Domestic Terrorists; just trying to laugh my way through the horror nbd lol.

via GIPHY

Did the feds panic buy all the rubber bullets in June or something? https://t.co/FgLgLyihs0

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021
Based on my research, I guess this sequence is what set me in? Or should I say set me out?
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I legitimately don't remember the tweet that got taken down. I don't know what I said that twitter deemed boot-worthy. I wish I did as it'd only help this blog, but I have this problem of putting my brain on the cloud. If I can look something up, it doesn't stay in my brain. It's why I still need to use my GPS to get home from work everyday.
As ugly, disgusting, terrifying, maniacal (such a fitting word that I have to use it twice) and disheartening yesterday's attack on democracy was, I wasn't gonna just sit there and not try to profit* off of this terror. [*try to grow my brand by catching some likes, maybe even a follow or two from some shitty jokes to help achieve my dream of writing for Barstool Sports]  After all, that's what being an American is all about! 

After returning to teach "in-person" to an empty school and hating my job more than normal, all I wanted to do after work yesterday was blog.   I was so excited to finally blog about the Barstool Fund on DOL and how incredible it was that The Today Show had El Pres on to promote this awesome charity. I was looking forward to some positivity during not so awesome times. I was so souped to see "mainstream" media finally giving Barstool the respect and credit they deserve for helping countless small businesses. 

Many small businesses are struggling during the pandemic, but now some of them are getting much-needed help in an effort spearheaded by Barstool Sports founder David Portnoy (@stoolpresidente). @HarrySmith has the details. pic.twitter.com/d4MxX0zkJw

— TODAY (@TODAYshow) January 6, 2021
That was my plan until about 1:30 PM when I saw what was going down in our nation's capital and Capitol Building. Things changed drastically. My entire focus shifted to D.C. and using my microscopic platform (92 twitter followers as of 6:09 PM) to provide some comic relief and genuine thought during this horrific day.

pic.twitter.com/drmtXN4WlG

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021
I left work early and was glued to my TV, watching what looked like a scene out of Olympus Has Fallen. I tried to blog what was going on in real time, but just couldn't take the time to look away from the TV. I've been dealing with some serious writer's block/anxiety for what feels like months and was able to get this far before diving into more coverage of this failed coup d'etat.
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More DOL tweets from my currently suspended twitter account during the siege on the Capitol. 

When the looting starts, the shooting starts unless it's the United States Capitol

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021

pic.twitter.com/7yLp6knBDJ

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021

Nobody is happier than Von Miller right now

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021

It's harder to get into The Finer Things Club than it is to get into the U.S. Capitol.

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021
During all of this I put up (what is now) the most successful post in the history of @dozonlife on instagram.
View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ole Dozo (@dozonlife)

And that got fucking taken down too.

It’s back. All is forgiven IG. While you’re here, person reading this tweet, you might as well follow mine □ pic.twitter.com/j4F31zOqbm

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 7, 2021
Luckily my post was eventually put back up. Sucks I wasn't able to cash in all the internet clout that your bigger, more established accounts did, but check the timestamps!! I know I've got what it takes to be where I want to be.

Proof that just because I don’t put up huge numbers doesn’t mean I don’t have a creative, curious, @barstoolsports worthy weird brain. I made @URIprobs after all #HireDozo pic.twitter.com/tACl3XhtgS

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 7, 2021
Unlike the South, Dozo will rise again.

Tweeting to let you know that @DozonLife has been temporarily banned from Twitter for an unknown reason but it mostly likely had something With a very Classic prank. He’ll be back eventually. Please visit https://t.co/x8cd0E1BJ0 or follow him on Insta during these trying times.

— Michael (@mphyou) January 7, 2021

Tweeting to let you know that @mphyou has been temporarily banned from Twitter for jokingly wishing death upon a US senator. Classic prank. He’ll be back eventually.

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) December 18, 2020

Tweeting to let you know that @mphyou has been temporarily banned from Twitter for jokingly wishing death upon the son of the Lame Duck President (even though Twitter seems to think it has to do with depression). Classic prank. He’ll be back eventually. pic.twitter.com/ALx6rnRYnS

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 6, 2021
Good thing I've got a back-up account with a decent following.

Some blog account (@dozonlife; #HireDozo) was banned from Twitter for making jokes. It’d be a real shame if during his college days he created URIprobs, which (at its peak had nearly 6K followers &) still has over 4K great people holding it down from its 2012-14 hayday to use

— URI PROBLEMS (@URIprobs) January 7, 2021
Had to drop a URI zinger after nailing that joke formula earlier. 

It’s harder to get into Bon Vue than the U.S. Capitol

— URI PROBLEMS (@URIprobs) January 7, 2021
The numbers show that I've still got, I just can't get my DOL following to grow. I know that will change eventually. #FreeDozo #HireDozo 

Free @DozonLife !! #FreeDozOnLife pic.twitter.com/Vv9HzO4e4a

— Sean Wrong (@SeanTWright_) January 7, 2021
****UPDATE****

I have found the tweet that did me in. Shame on me for saying I can’t get over the President of the United States of America saying he loves domestic terrorists and thinks they’re special. My bad.
 
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