Last night, I watched Onward on Disney +. Since I was balls deep in Instagram as is tradition while watching a movie; it only took me about three and half hours to finish.
About 15 minutes in, I stumbled upon the IG story of yet another young lady from a dating app that I can blame corona on for never getting the chance to sexually disappoint her irl. I came across this bingo board grid in her story. "Fill in the blank" culture. We all know what the word culture means in an internet sense. I.E. Furry Culture, Punk Culture, Feminist Culture etc. It's a pretty straight forward dumb-fun IG story meme that I spent two hours on making with Onward paused in the background. I'm going to share that with you in hopes that at least one square makes you chuckle. These are all things that come to mind when you think of Ole Dozo and dozonlife.com.
If you run a blog and want to make one for yourself.
Let's crush this week! CONTENT CONTENT CONTENT coming your way. Watch me play in the Hot Garbage Madden League on twitch (FOLLOW OLE DOZO) this week!
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When I woke up four hours ago, the first thing I did as is tradition was evacuate my bowels from the evening before. Well, technically today it wasn't the first thing since I had to relive my days as a sub waiting for bathroom because my roommate was in the shower. When I finally got into my office just in the nick of time I opposite-of-perused all the various notifications I had amassed since my last visit three hours prior. I had nothing but options, but was drawn to my favorite of the mobile apps; Instagram. In a group chat there was a clip of Richard Jefferson and Gilbert Arenas talking shit to each other about the 2000-01 Arizona Wildcats just waiting there for me.
Originally this blog's intro was completely centered about how I saw this Vontae Davis clip when I officially started my day. I had everything typed intro wise. I was just about to say how I wanted to blog it earlier, but linking IG clips can be a bitch. I thought that was the clip sent to me in the GC, but upon further investigation to get the evidence needed for this blog; it's clear I misremembered.
It must've been the second video I watched while taking my morning meeting with Porcelain, Charmin, Greene and Brown. Could've just lied but hashtag good guy.
In case it's slipped out of your NFL memory....... Week 2 of the 2018 season featured many notable match ups that I'm sure you could find in < 20 seconds of legwork on your end, but the one I remember the most is Bills-Chargers. That's because during halftime of that game (28-6 Chargers at the time) Bills CB Vontae Davis retired. That's right he just straight up retired AT HALF TIME. Said I'm good and dipped. I remember a lot of people shitting on him. I probably did too, but after looking at this and taking five minutes to figure out why he retired; I actually respect tf out of this move.
As a former football player I will defend its importance to my grave. While violent and dangerous, the lessons it teaches you and bonds you make are unlike any other sports. I love the game. If I wasn't a bum I would've played longer. Those guys on those "special" teams are your brothers for life or until you beat them in the fantasy playoffs. PC culture and my own anxieties/fears make me worry about even joking about making fun of someone's voice, but fuck it, nobody reads this + we all know how life really goes. When you play sports (or are just a regular human) you make fun of each other for way worse. It's how you show love. Sure, I could've just said watch this clip, but I wanted to paint a picture for you during these trying times (tbh I'm sick of having to make a disclaimer. It should be assumed we all know wtf is going on. We can still try to laugh and exist)
I don't know what it is about Shady & Tre'Davious (my guy needs a nickname for typing sake) doing their Vontae's, but I have watched this no exaggeration a dozen times today and keep laughing.
I think with Chappelle's Show on my mind recently the fact that they both are basically doing a Tyrone Biggums impression makes anything fucking hilarious, but a behind the scenes look at one of the most bizarro moment's in NFL history is icing on the must watch cake. I love stories like this and the RJ-Agent 0 playful beef referenced mere sentences ago. Obviously I would rather there not be a pandemic rn, but if a side effect of it is more and more behind the scenes looks at hilarious stories from sports history then mad at me (not a typo) for trying to make lemonade out of rat soup.
P.S. Here's the Richard Jefferson-Gilbert Arenas story I'm talking about.
These "you can only pick three" grids are everywhere during the Rona. As is the American way, you best believe Ole Dozie tried to get in on the action.
Not only is Chappelle's Show the greatest comedy of my lifetime, but my brain has preserved enough references on said topic to write a scholarly article. 'Twas a no brainer to create a one with skits from Chappelle's Show and free-week trial of a photo frame app. A little inside baseball for ya: I finished this at like 2:30 am on the 7th, but tweeted it out after I woke up in hopes of more engagements.
It took a little while to pick up steam, but then like Emeril BAM my mentions were flooded.
My ego reading the tweet below this gif.
Thank you, Jonathan!
Hesitated retweeting this, but I respect the rights of African-Americans in this country.
We're going international!
Which three skits are you picking? For the record your boi ole Dozie is going 1, 4, 3 ;)
In these uncertain times it's more important than ever to keep things light and not let fear govern your consciousness. Do the right things, stay safe, but try to live life as normally as you can; if you can. I know not everybody is so lucky. It's important to check in on your friends and loved ones. Google hangout/ zoom chill sessions are a must. People are home, they're scared, they're bored, they're lonely etc. A little light can shine a long way.
Enter scene left, Mr. Prince of Indie himself; Mac DeMarco. Mac doesn't have any social media (allegedly) to let his fans know how he's doing ever; forget during COVID, Luckily, Thundercat aka Stephen Bruner does and he posted this yesterday.
Looks as if Mac is really enjoying It is What It Is (Thundercat's third album that just came out on April 3rd) Thank you steeEEEEEve. Thank You STEE VEN for giving us this quick laugh to kill 5 seconds (10 minutes if you start looking at Mac's nipple hair) during the big C.
If you haven't heard any of It Is What It Is I GOTCHU!
P.S.
For real check in on people. I've face-timed more the last month than I have in the nearly nine years I've been an iPhone user. Double P.S. I know this isn't from the new album, but I still have to apologize for omitting this from the end of decade playlist. Last week I played this song at least five times a day. It's perfect.
Even without "work" a man can only sleep until noon so many times before he starts feeling like a complete piece of shit. For me it took nine until I was like, okay maybe this is corona induced-depression moonlighting as sleeping in?
Then it hit me! Just because most people are idiots and the world is medium-key ending doesn't mean you have to stop living; you just have to adjust! Find a new normal, Dozie. I adjusted by organizing my bookshelf. I wish I took a before-photo so you could truly see the mess I was dealing with beforehand.
Over the course of seven hours my bookshelf went from a pile of boxes, sweaters and unopened envelopes shoved in/stacked on top of books; to just books, a cup of colored pencils and five picture frames (removed for privacy). Throughout organizing said BS (bookshelf) I came to the realization that I haven't read the vast majority of these books! I'm talking 4 out of 5 like a disappointing Arctic Monkey's album (I do like that song tho).
If you've ever read a previous blog on DOL; especially pre-2019 that may not come as a surprise to you. Reading books isn't exactly my thing. My college GPA of 2.75 and four+ years of blogs on dozonlife.com support that point. I can read over a line 10 times and somehow miss the typo 12 times. My "New Years Resolution" for 2020 was to read 12 books (one per month) and so far I'm at 2.1 (The two Howard Cosell books that I got for Christmas and started Gospel of Wealth). I've just never been interested in reading; especially novels. When I did have to read in school, I was fascinated with biographies and autobiographies. In fourth grade I read 25 books (single-season high). After Hatchet, most were biographies. Jackie Robinson, Muhammad Ali, and Thomas Edison stand out in particular because my brain can remember that, but not my cousins' names. Who knows if any of these other books make the finished list in 2020, but without further interruption; I present you the Top 10 Books I Own and Haven't Read.
10. What the Dog Saw: And Other Adventures by Malcolm Gladwell
Gifted to me by aunt last summer, this book sat in my backpack for about a month (hence the water damage) until it somehow worked its way onto my bookshelf. Hand up, like two years ago I thought Malcolm Gladwell was dead; wicked dead. Like Gladwell hung with Mark Twain dead. All I knew about him was that he's the 10,000 hours guy. I feel like I first heard that in high school and again on Pardon My Take. Like I've said many-a-time, I don't really read. I was shocked to find out that Mal's not only still alive, but relatively young. As of 4:25 PM on April 7th, 2020 Gladwell is only 56 years old.
After further research, it appears this book is a collection of articles Gladwell wrote and not a novel (IDWF novels). I feel like that elevates the chance of me reading this purely so I can look down my nose and say I've read Malcolm Gladwell from 0.04% to 30%.
T-9. Conspiracy: The Greatest Plots, Collusions and Cover-Ups by Charlotte Grieg and Conspiracy Theories: The World's Biggest Mysteries Uncovered by No Listed Author
If you haven't been to a Five Below, I cannot recommend it enough. It's a dollar store that maxes out at $5.55; so everything is responsible AF and the selection is actually kind of gas compared to your Dollar Trees of the world. Sadly they're all closed during the pandemic, but you can still shop online (why I am I writing this like it's copy?) They've got everything; magnets, blu-tooth speakers, Ryan's World notebooks, slime kits, diet coke, Nerf balls, eyeliner, licensed-t-shirts, and mugs! You name it, if it's a cheap trinket, they've got that shit in spades.
Well, goT damn, if Five Below doesn't also carries books. When you're offering HARD COVER conspiracy coverage you best believe I'll impulse buy not one, but two versions at once. As a conspiracy guy I can promise you these books will be read someday. It's just hard to compete with the internet and PBS. 91.1% chance I finish both these bad boys.
8. Just-In-Time: Algebra & Trigonometry For Calculus; Third Edition by Guntram Mueller & Ronald I. Bent
When I was at URI freshmen orientation in the summer of 2010, I signed up for all the appropriate 100 level education and history classes with one of my best pals from high school. We were both going to be history teachers. By the time college started in the fall, he had changed his mind, so I sorta thought about switching my major too (for the first of many times) since your boy was a #follower. I was like "okay, I'm gonna switch into pre-calc so I can transfer into business". After about two weeks of being more lost than Andy Dick in Love in this class I knew I made a huge mistake; despite getting an A- on a quiz. An eagle eye can only get you so far. I ended up dropping the class; setting in motion my five-year plan that was college.
I kind of regret selling every college textbook I could for whatever money I could get at the time; there's a lot of stuff I didn't pay attention to in school that I'm actually genuinely interested now approximately a decade later like psychology, economics and 18th century politics. Any non-education textbook I still own is purely because the University of Rhode Island wouldn't offer me 14% of what my dad paid come the end of the semester. I probably should've thrown this book away years ago, but on principle and those bad ass mustached trapeze artists it'll likely stay on this bookshelf until the day I die. <1% chance I read this.
7. Young Believer™ 365 by Stephen Atreburn & Jesse Florea
I think everybody's religious journey or whatever term you wanna use is their own thing. It shouldn't be forced upon you by anybody. I fundamentally don't know if there is a God or not and neither do you; no matter how much may think you do. Are you uncomfortable yet?
Relax. I truly hope the whole Jesus thing is true. I really hope there's quote unquote some sort of meaning to life. That would be sick, but of course I have my doubts. That being said, over the years I've developed my own views on faith and developed my own relationship with God. If I'm wrong, oh well. Like Drizzy, I'm doing me. I don't need these corny ass books my mom has not so subtly been giving to me the last 15 years to get into Heaven (if it doesn't shut down too due to the big C). I know she'll read this and that's okay. Speaking of reading 0.00% chance I ever read that shit. I'm almost 30, momma!
6. Faithful: Two Diehard Boston Red Sox Fans Chronicle The Historic 2004 Season by Stewart O'Nan & Stephen King
Up until the Mookie Betts trade I ate, slept, lived and breathed Red Sox baseball. My personality was being a Red Sox fan. From like 4th grade until really now, I've receive a lot of impersonal Red Sox and Patriots related gifts. It's what I liked and they were free, so I guess it's cool, but I've gotten so much stupid stuff over the years that I'm supposed to pretend to like just because it has a logo slapped on it. Makes for even more awkward Christmases. Thanks for the Patriots wallet. It's just what I wanted for my 26th birthday.
When Faithful came out I was in middle school. Aka the peak of my Red Sox fandom, but more importantly at the peak of my hatred of all things reading. My grandma used to work a gift shop at Jacksonville INTL Airport and I'm 99% sure she got this there even though it's a somewhat regional book. One day she gave it to me with a mistaken ridden note on the back of a business card from presumably a relative of one of Boston's most despised Big J journalists. Good job blocking out the contact info.
Even though I'm in a trial-separation with the Sox, I may actually read this book someday because of how much '04 still means to me. 20.04% chance!
5. The Kingdom of Matthias: A Story of Sex and Salvation in 19th Century America by Paul E. Johnson and Sean Wilentz
I honestly cannot recall how this book was acquired. It's clearly a used book I got from the URI bookstore, so if I attack this backwards....Given the title and knowing when the 19th Century was (1800's FLEX) I think it's from my sophomore year of college. TBH "A Story of Sex and Salvation in 19th Century America" sounds right up my alley given my recent independent research. Wouldn't mind having Jackie Q read me this sexy story. At a light 253 pages I might have to spark Sean Bong and have myself a night. 65% chance I crack this dame open.
4. Easy Guide To The U.S. Constitution and Other Important American Documents by Spark Publishing
You ever walk into Barnes and Noble and think today's the day I start really reading? Like you're in prison representing yourself level reading? Just jam as much information in your brain as possible? I wish I didn't take the sticker off, but that very day came for me last summer when I saw a pocket guide to the Constitution for like $5.99 at B&N. I was like this is perfect, I can finally get down all those pesky Amendments and other important American documents; I'm gonna crush this. Then for some reason or another I did not crush this. Considering I actually have some interest in this topic I feel confident saying there's a 78.9% chance I exercise my first amendment rights in my soldier free home.
3. 1,200 Words You Should Know To Sound Smart: Essential Words Every Sophiscated Person Should be Able to Use by Robert W. Bly
Technically I've read up to B in this book.
On the same day I thought I'd crack the Constitution, I figured I'd improve my vocabulary for the sake of my career. I mean look at this fucking title, bro. It's like this was printed just for me. I want to sound smart without actually putting in the work. I need to streamline this process. This is the perfect book for me; until you open it and it's basically like reading the dictionary with your pinky extended. For the furtherance of this publication the probability I absorb said scribe is grander than 98% .
2. Working Towards Whiteness: How America's Immigrants Became White: The Strange Journey from Ellis Island to the Suburbs by David R. Roediger
When you look at that title; it's a lot. At first glance that spine wakes you up.
During the second semester of my first senior year and first semester of my second senior year, my history capstone (class) was all about immigration. My head in the clouds ass didn't even know I needed to take a capstone until the first day of class. I just picked a number on my registration form that fell within the threshold. I wrote my thesis on the economic impact of illegal immigration. That whole paper and how I wrote it is worthy of a blog in itself, but without question those two classes were the biggest academic challenge of my life. It's the only class in all my schooling that I legitimately thought I was going to fall and it just so happened to be the most important in terms of me graduating. I could no longer skate by half-assing it. In years 17 and 18 of my education I actually had to read. Now as I sit back and really think about that time in my life a lot is coming back, but none of that was in my consciousness when I was cleaning and first saw that spine. Seeing that title at first was a real wtf moment. It catches your attention like Julian Edelman. Especially when my copy doesn't have the cool sleeve.
I forgot how I even had this book. I had to dig deep in the files of my brain to recall this.
If my memory serves me correctly, we would read excerpts of this book in class, but have to read the majority of it on our own. Needless to say you know what parts I "read". The premise of the book is actually pretty interesting. It goes into how white Europeans used to be racist towards each other and all that fun stuff I.e. how they worked towards collective "whiteness". While interesting, there's literally thousands of hours of free music and basketball highlights on Youtube that I'd rather watch than read about how Italians and Irish didn't fuck with each other. 17% chance I read this.
T-1. Maus I and Maus II by Art Spiegelman
If you thought I was surprised find Working Toward Whiteness you can only imagine how I felt finding not one, but two swastikas on my BS. I think we can all agree that symbol stinks out loud.
My sophomore year of college I took ENG 160 to fulfill my one English requirement. Little did I know this class was all about the Holocaust. I still have about a half dozen books from that class because I guess the resale value of Holocaust Graphic Novels isn't good enough for URI. Much like Working Toward Whiteness we would read some of this in class high school style. So I technically read some of it, but never completed Maus I and certainly not Maus II. Apparently there is a third and final Maus III. If you're easily offended/stupid a graphic novel about the Holocaust may seem in bad taste, but the symbolism of animals as people is quite powerful if you know about thing about the final solution. My final solution is to be nicer to people and read more, but it's not starting here. 3.9% chance I ever read Maus or Maus II. Thank you for reading this blog.
P.S.
Not to show off but these are some of these books I have actually read.
Of course the one day I leave my house news actually breaks; the NFL released their All-Decade team for the 2010s today.
Everything you're about to read until fullbacks was already written before today.
This blog was originally meant to be part of the #DOL2010sCloseout series from the end of 2019. However since I respect the NFL league year, I decided to wait until the 2019 playoffs concluded to finish it. I am not a fan of end of decade lists that don't understand how a decade works. Per example; the 2009 Saints are part of 2000's NFL lore even though their Super Bowl was played in the 2010s. League year ends in March. Get with the program. The Saints didn't win a Super Bowl in the 2010's. It was the 2009 league year!
Originally, my plan was to format my "best of the NFL super blog" like I did with baseball. Dead ass facts, B that will take me too long to write and you too long to read. As a man of the people I present you the The DOL All-Dozo 2010s NFL All-Dozo/Decade Team, What does that mean? Pretty simple this is my All-Decade Team for the 2010s. When I say 2010s that means 2010-2019 NFL seasons. Only what these MEN accomplished during the league decade counts. Meaning this list may surprise you! You didn't have to play the entire decade to make the list, but it obviously helps. Also if I saw some of myself in these players or oogled over how they'd fit in the Dozo-system they may get the nod. There will be a 1st and 2nd team award for all positions; except O-line (which is such a shame as a former lineman) and special teams. I'm going to take advice and try to make blogs shorter.
First-Team Quarterback: Tom Brady (New England Patriots, 2010-2019)
In what ended up being his final decade in New England, Tom Brady somehow topped his accomplishments from the 2000s in the 2010s. Brady's decade looked like this: Three Super Bowl rings; 5 AFC championships; 10 AFC East Titles; 2 MVPs; 316 TD passes.
While it's fucking disgusting Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr is actually going to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I'm trying to lie to myself that there's more important things than football given the whole big C situation. I think once the world starts to get to normal it'll really hit me that he's gone, but in the 2010s Tom Brady was the best QB in the NFL. If you say otherwise you're simply wrong and likely were a victim on the other side of one of his 16 playoff wins.
Second-Team Quarterback: Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers, 2010-2019)
If you like empty stats and highlights with little to actually show for them, Aaron Rodgers is your man. While that was somewhat tongue in cheek there is no denying the talent of A-a-ron. It feels like a decade ago (because it nearly was!) but Aaron Rodgers did win a Super Bowl in the 2010s. (2010). Rodgers threw 305 touchdowns in the 10s, and won league MVP in 2011 and 2014. 2015 was the year of the Hail-Mary for Rodgers; highlighted by his two Hail Marys to force OT (and never get the ball back) in the Divisional Round. I said they should've gone for two after the TD then and still do til this day.
The ring this decade and MVPs is what gives him the edge over Drew Brees for second team although TBH his performance in the 2011 Divisional Round alone makes me want to leave Rodgers off. Like Brees, Aaron Rodgers was stripped of a second Super Bowl appearance due to some questionable decision making.
First-Team Running Back: Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings, 2010-16; New Orleans Saints, 2017; Arizona Cardinals, 2017; Washington Redskins, 2018-2019)
AD is a throwback to running backs of the 70s. He's powerful, gives you almost nothing in the passing game and he makes his kids pick their own switch; I ain't talking bout Nintendo.
Say whatever you want about the man, but he ran for over 2000 yards coming off a torn ACL in 2012 and for over 1,000 yards in 2018 at 64 years old for the Redskins. Two First-Team All Pros (2012, 2015). 11,628 scrimmage yards. I'm done wasting my time here.
Second-Team Running Back: Marshawn Lynch. Buffalo Bills, 2010; Seattle Seahawks, 2010-2015; 2019; Oakland Raiders, 2017-2018
While Beast Mode did retire twice, few running backs are still standing from 2010. (As of now he's technically still active) Marshawn Lynch added to his legacy as one of the most beloved players of the decade when he came back week 17 in 2019 for the Seahawks after every single RB on the team was hurt. Marshawn only happened to score three touchdowns (on 1.8 yards/carry) in the playoffs in his 2nd comeback.
Before that he had four straight seasons of at least 1,200 rushing yards & 10 rushing touchdowns (2011-2014) and helped the Seahawks win it all in 2013. When you own the most famous run of the decade and the decision to not give you the ball is the most debated call of the decade you earn a spot on the DOL All-Decade Team.
First-Team Fullback: Kyle Juszcyzk (Baltimore Ravens, 2013-2016; San Francisco 49ers, 2017-2019)
Drafted out of Harvard in the 4th round of the 2013 Draft, Kyle Juszcyzk is our first of two Ivy League fullbacks #spoileralert. You'll have a hard time finding a more explosive FB in the passing game; Kyle made 180 receptions in the decade. Widely considered the best FB in the NFL. Somewhat a victim of poor timing and bad luck. Juz joined the Ravens the season after they won it all and despite scoring a touchdown in this year's SB; Kyle along with the rest of the 49ers saw a 10 point 4th quarter lead disappear quicker than Lamar Jackson can embarrass a d-tackle in space.
Second-Team Fullback: James Develin (New England Patriots, 2012-2019)
The former D-end for the Brown Bears helped lead block the Patriots 2nd dynasty; mainly from 2013-2018. During those years the Patriots won 3 Super Bowls and played in a 4th just for fun. His absence was greatly felt in 2015 and 2019 (both years the Patriots didn't win it all). Scored 4 touchdowns during the Patriots 2018 Super Bowl season.
First-Team Wide Receivers: Julio Jones (Atlanta Falcons, 2011-2019) & Antonio Brown (Pittsburgh Steelers, 2010-2018; Oakland Raiders, 2019 (never appeared in a regular season game); New England Patriots, 2019 (one whole game)
Julio Jones: Since Julio debuted in 2011 he's amassed over 12,000 yards and nearly 800 grabs. If his coaches had half a brain, he'd have a ring and maybe the best catch in SB history. It would've ended the Pats comeback if the Falcons simply knelled on the ball lolol.
Antonio Brown: Fucking nutcase with at the very least a personality disorder; likely CTE. But from 2010-2018 Antonio Brown led the NFL in either receptions, yards or touchdowns five times. 100+ catches and over 1280 yards every year from 2013-2018.
Second-Team Wide Receivers: Calvin Johnson (Detroit Lions 2010-2015) & Julian Edelman (New England Patriots 2010-2019)
Calvin Johnson: His 2012 alone deserves inclusion. Lots of empty stats on bad Lions teams over the course of his career, but that's not his fault. Probably the most dominant WR in the history of the NFL from a pure physical stand point. Barry Sanders 2.0 with his career arch.
Julian Edelman: Edelman's decade contains zero All-Pros or Pro Bowls, but three rings! Why do you play the game? Is it for stats or is it to win? Because Julian Edelman is the only WR of the decade to win Super Bowl MVP and worked his way to 2nd behind only Jerry Rice in both playoff yards and receptions by producing when it matters most. Jules is 8th in the NFL in receptions since 2013 when he became a full-time WR and he's missed nearly two full season (29 games) during that span. He's one of the most important pieces of the decade-long dynasty; he deserves the credit he's been overlooked for. 2nd-team all-Dozo/Decade!
First-Team Tight End: Rob Gronkowski (New England Patriots, 2010-2018)
Greatest tight end in NFL history. His 2011 is the greatest single season by a tight end ever. 3 rings; 4x All-Pro. We get it.
Second-Team Tight End: Jimmy Graham (New Orleans Saints, 2010-2014; Seattle Seahawks 2015-2017; Green Bay Packers; 2018-2019)
Back in 2011 (the year of the Tight End) Jimmy Graham had 99 receptions for 1310 yards and 11 TD; prob the 2nd best TE season ever. Over the course of the decade Graham caught 74 touchdowns, but was never the same player after he left New Orleans.
First-Team Tackles: Joe Thomas (Cleveland Browns, 2010-2017) & Tyron Smith (Dallas Cowboys, 2011-2019)
Joe Thomas: Widely considered one of the greatest offensive linemen of all time. Joe Thomas came into the NFL as the third overall pick in the 2007 Draft and went on to play 10,363 straight snaps before an injury ended his career. TBH I feel bad for Joe, even though he's had a siccck life. The guy comes into the Browns in '07 and they go 10-6 but miss the playoffs. After that his teams averaged 4.22 wins a year from 2008-2016. 0 in his final year. He'll have to settle with 6 All-Pros and HOF bust.
Tyron Smith: Anchor of one the best offensive line units of the decade. DeMarco Murray and Zeke Elliot are very rich men because of him. 7 Pro Bowls and 4 All-Pros (2x first-team, 2x second-team) in the 2010s.
First-Team Guards: Marshal Yanda (Baltimore Ravens, 2010-2019) & Zack Martin (Dallas Cowboys, 2014-2019)
Yanda: I wrote about his retirement when it happened a few weeks ago (man what a different world). One of the most versatile linemen ever. Helped the Ravens win a Super Bowl in 2012. 8 All-Pros and 7 Pro Bowls in the 2010s.
Martin: Pro Bowler every year since he's entered the league. Another key piece of that elite Cowboys o-line. I know this was in college, but the dude won MVP of a bowl game as a fucking offensive lineman. That alone is worthy of inclusion.
First-Team Center: Maurkice Pouncey (Pittsburgh Steelers, 2010-2019)
Other than Alex Mack is there anybody even close to the discussion for this spot? With 8 Pro Bowls and 5 All-Pros Pouncey is hands down the most decorated center of the 2010s and one of the most respected lineman in the league.
First-Team EDGE: J.J. Watt (Houston Texans, 2011-2019) & Von Miller (Denver Broncos, 2011-2019)
Watt: 3x DPOY (2011, 12, 14); 96 sacks; face of the Houston Texans. It's such a shame he's battled so many injuries in the 2nd half of the decade. J.J. is still going to make the HOF, but for a time it felt like he had a legit chance to break Bruce Smith's sack record (74.5 through 2015).Sort of the defensive version of Gronk where injuries really took away from his greatness and counting stats. Unlike Gronk, J.J. is still playing, but at the wrong side of 30 with only one full season since 2015 I think it's safe to say J.J. won't be on the 2020 All-Decade team.
Miller: Super Bowl 50 MVP. I won't say he single-handled won the Broncos a Super Bowl, but in the 2015 playoffs Von Miller was the Broncos team MVP and responsible for more points than Peyton Manning (hyperbole, but possibly true). Through nine seasons the 2011 DPOY has 106 sacks and 25 forced fumbles; 8 Pro Bowls and 7 All-Pros. Plus he rocks the 5-8. Easy choice for Vonny on the All-Dozo team even if the Broncos winning the 2015-16 AFC Championship Games cost me $600 that I definitely didn't have at the time.
Second-Team EDGE: Khalil Mack (Oakland Raiders, 2014-2017; Chicago Bears; 2018-2019) & Chandler Jones (New England Patriots, 2012-2015; Arizona Cardinals, 2016-2019)
Mack: Look at the numbers this man has put up and it's pretty clear why he's here. 2016 DPOY; 5x Pro Bowler, 3x All-Pro. Completely changed the Bears in 2018. If they had a kicker he could've carried them to the Super Bowl...
Jones: Fake smoked his way out of Foxboro, but had two double digit sack seasons and helped the Patriots win Super Bowl XLIX (where he had a sack). In Arizona without the pressure/expectations Jones has produced at HOF clip. 60 sacks in four years in Arizona compared to 36 in four seasons with the Pats.
First-Team Interior Defensive Line: Aaron Donald (St. Louis/Los Angeles Rams, 2014-2019) & Geno Atkins (Cincinnati Bengals, 2010-2019)
Donald: Everybody blows him and for good reason. He's one of the most impressive defensive players in the game today. 2X DPOY (2017 & '18), Defensive ROY in 2014, Pro Bowler every year of his career, All Pro every year since 2015. Obvious choice. Didn't do shit in Super Bowl LIII though.
Atkins: Over 75 sacks in 10 season at DT. 8x Pro Bowler, 3x All-Pro. The Bengals get a bad wrap, but in the first half of the decade when they were losing wild-card games every year; Atkins was a major reason why they got there in the first place. Future HOFer. V underrated and underappreciated because of the uniform he wears to work.
Second-Team Interior Defensive Line: Fletcher Cox (Philadelphia Eagles, 2012-2019) & Ndamukong Suh (Detroit Lions, 2010-2014; Miami Dolphins, 2015-2017; Los Angeles Rams, 2018; Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2019)
Cox: 5x Pro Bowlers, 4x All-Pro. Matchup nightmare. Major reason why the Eagles won Super Bowl LII.
Suh: Scumbag, but the numbers alone earn him a spot on this team. I can't wait until he hurts Brady in practice and ruins the Bucs season because he just can't help himself. Zebra doesn't change it's strpes!
First-Team Linebackers: Luke Kuechley (Carolina Panthers, 2012-2019) & Bobby Wagner (Seattle Seahawks, 2012-2019)
Two of my favorite defensive players in the NFL, but even if I hated their guts they both belong on this list. It makes all the sense in the world for Luke to retire, but the league will miss him. Bobby Wagner is the face of the Seahawks defense now that the LOB is long gone.
Accolades: Luke: 7x All-Pro, 7x Pro Bowler, 2013 DPOY, 2012 DROY, 2x NFL tackle champ Bobby: 6x All-Pro, 6x Pro Bowler, Super Bowl XLVIII Champ, 2x NFL tackle champ
Second-Team Linebackers: Patrick Willis (San Fransisco 49ers, 2010-2014) & Dont'a Hightower (New England Patriots, 2012-2019)
Willis: While he only played 8 seasons and 3 were in the 2000s, Patrick Willis is worthy of a spot on this list. One of the first early-retirees in the new-era of calling it quits before 30. During the 49ers run from 2011-2013 he was the heart and soul of the defense. Nearly won a Super Bowl, but Harbaugh forgot he had Frank Gore. Things that did happen: 3x All-Pro and 4x Pro Bowler in the 2010s.
Hightower: Like his Patriot counterpart, Julian Edelman; Hightower doesn't have the off eye popping stats or outspoken recognition from his peers. However unlike Edelman, Hightower has been All-Pro and a Pro Bowler before. He achieved both feats in 2016 (and made the Pro Bowl in 2019) the same season he made the signature defensive play in the greatest comeback in the history of the Super Bowl. If winning matters; Dont'a Hightower is an All-Decade performer. Should be noted in 2017 when both Hightower and Edelman were gone the Patriots lost the Super Bowl.
First-Team Cornerbacks: Richard Sherman (Seattle Seahawks, 2010-2017; San Francisco 49ers, 2018-2019) & Darrelle Revis (New York Jets, 2010-2012; 2015-16; Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2013; New England Patriots, 2014; Kansas City Chiefs; 2017)
Sherman: As I've matured I've learned to respect him, but man I hated him at his peak. Damnit if Richard Sherman was the best corner in the game for all of Obama's second term. There was no better shit talker in the game than Sherm. The Stanford grad backed it up on and off the field. Key piece of the Seahawks SB 48 team. After he got hurt, took a prove it deal with San Fran. He proved it (not in the Super Bowl though!) 5x Pro-Bowler, 5x All-Pro.
Revis: Revis Island was the baddest man in the NFL for like six years; 2014 Super Bowl champ with the Pats. Stats might not be eye-popping, but that's because teams simply didn't throw his way. 5x Pro Bowler, 3x All-Pro in the decade (7x, 4x respectively for his career)
Second-Team Cornerbacks: Chris Harris, Sr. (Denver Broncos, 2011-2019) & Patrick Peterson (Arizona Cardinals (2011-2019)
Harris: Super Bowl 50 Champ, 4x Pro Bowler, 4x All-Pro. 20 INT may seem low, but then when you see this it makes sense. The receiver he's responsible for has only been targeted 664 times in 132 games (4.87 targets/game) This is straight off of wikipedia, but absolutely mind-boggling. As of the end of the 2019 NFL Season, Chris Harris Jr. has been thrown at 644 times in 132 career games. Over that span, only 10 wide receivers have ever caught a touchdown pass against him. Only eight times has a player ever totaled more than 50 yards against him in any game, and only once has a player totaled over 85 yards.
Peterson: Absolutely dynamic corner and return man early in his career. 8x Pro Bowler. 3x FIRST team All-Pro; 2nd team All-Pro in 2018 in his 8th season. Still not 30 years old.
First-Team Safeties: Earl Thomas (Seattle Seahawks, 2010-2018) & Eric Weddle (San Diego Chargers, 2010-2015; Baltimore Ravens; 2016-2018; Los Angeles Rams; 2019)
Thomas: 7x Pro Bowler, 5x All Pro. 30 interceptions. Super Bowl XLVIII champion. LOB founding father.
Weddle: Most of his damage was done in the early half of the decade as Weddle debuted in 2007, but the guy is a future HOFer. Face of the San Diego :( Chargers defense. 2011 INT leader, 6x Pro Bowler, 5x All-Pro.
Second-Team Safeties: Kam Chancellor (Seattle Seahawks, 2010-2018) & Eric Berry (Kansas City Chiefs (2010-2018)
Injuries derailed both careers. Chancellor may have been the most unappreciated member of the Legion of Boom. Bums me out Eric Berry wasn't a part of this year's Chiefs.
Accolades: Bam-Bam: 4x Pro Bowler, 2x All-Pro, Super Bowl XLVIII champ. Berry: Cancer survivor, 5x Pro Bowler, 3x All-Pro, 2015 Comeback Player of the Year.
First-Team Kicker: Justin Tucker (Baltimore Ravens, 2012-2019)
Absolute model of consistency since entering the league in 2012.
The 4x All-Pro and 3x Pro Bowler is 265/292 (90.8%) in his NFL career. In the playoffs Tucker is 11/12; including a perfect 4/4 in the Ravens run to the Super Bowl in 2012-13.
First-Team Punter: Johnny Hekker (St. Louis/Los Angeles Rams, 2012-2019)
The 4x All-Pro and Pro Bowler is 13/22 passing for 184 yards 1 TD and 1 INT in his career. He's also a perfect 1/1 kicking field goals with a long of 20 yards! Hekker's punts have covered exactly 16 1/4 miles in his career if my math is correct.
First-Team Kick Returner: Cordarrelle Patterson (Minnesota Vikings, 2013-2016; Oakland Raiders, 2017; New England Patriots, 2018; Chicago Bears. 2019)
Probably not worth the first round price tag the Vikings got him for in 2013, but Cordarrelle is the runaway return man of the decade. 7 kick return TDs since 2013.
First-Team Punt Returner: Darren Sproles (San Diego Chargers, 2010; New Orleans Saints, 2011-2013; Philadelphia Eagles; 2014-2019)
It's crazy to me Sproles made it to the end of the decade considering his size and the amount of injuries he battled late in his career. It bums me out he couldn't have at least played in the Super Bowl that the coach of the decade gifted to the Eagles by benching Malcolm Butler. In 2011 he broke the record for all-purpose yards. 2x All-Pro, 3x Pro Bowler. 4 Punt Return TD in the 2010s.
First-Team Head Coach: Bill Belichick (New England Patriots, 2010-2019)
Greatest coach of all time, even if he gift-wrapped a Super Bowl to the Eagles in 2017. During the decade Bill lead the Patriots to the AFC East title every season; 8 appearances in the AFCCG; 5 AFC Champions; 3 Super Bowls. Like Brady, he outdid himself from the decade previous. Only won one coach of the year (2010) though :(
Second-Team Head Coach: Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks, 2010-2019)
Pete Carroll is the only other coach to appear in multiple Super Bowls this decade so he sort of makes it by default; even though I do find him worthy of this spot. Of course it's easy to second guess the call to pass in Super Bowl XLIX, but I still think Russell Wilson deserves at least half the blame for the poor read/throw. People forget there was like 26 seconds left and the Seahawks only had one time out. Whatever. Let's focus on the positive. In 10 seasons in Seattle, Carroll is 100-59-1. I'm not a math guy, but you can basically pencil him in for 10 wins a year. 10 is also the number of playoff games the Seahawks won in the 2010s. Easy choice for coach #2.
Who do you think should be on the All-Decade team? Who did the NFL get wrong? Sound off in the comments!
News is just breaking today, but legendary musician Bill Withers; one of the greatest songwriters of the 70's passed away on March 30th at the age of 81 from heart complications.
The three time Grammy winner and 2015 inductee of the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame served nine years in the United States Navy before heading to Los Angeles in 1967 to seriously pursue music. In 1971 Withers released "Ain't No Sunshine" which peaked at #3 on the Hot 100 and won a Grammy for best R&B song.
If you're around my age and have an understanding of music before your days it's likely because of family. I can thank my parents, aunts and grandma for exposure to the classics at a young age. I learned that "Just the Two of Us" by Will Smith was not exactly "his song" as a tadpole.
Bill Withers may not have 20 household hits, but he was like the Adam Dunn of his day. When he really made contact the dude knocked out of the park. Four top 3 hits on the Hot 100; 3 in a two year span. 13 songs made the top 20 on the R & B charts.
When Withers retired in 1985 due to frustration with the recording industry his catalog included other classics such as "Lean on Me", "Use Me" (my personal favorite), and "Lovely Day". As previously mentioned; Withers won three Grammys; 1971 Best R&B Song (Ain't No Sunshine), 1981 Best R&B Song (Just the Two of Us) and 1987 Best R&B Song (Lean on me; covered by Club Nouveau)
This statement was released by his family (AP)
“We are devastated by the loss of our beloved, devoted husband and father. A solitary man with a heart driven to connect to the world at large, with his poetry and music, he spoke honestly to people and connected them to each other,” the family statement read. “As private a life as he lived close to intimate family and friends, his music forever belongs to the world. In this difficult time, we pray his music offers comfort and entertainment as fans hold tight to loved ones.”
It's pretty wild how right before Wither's death "Lean on Me" was becoming a sort of unofficial-anthem of the COVID-19 crisis. (gotta be the first time I've attached a Fox News clip)
If I was a gambling man (I am!) I'd say you're going to see/hear A LOT of videos of streets singing Lean on Me today.
Just a real bummer to wake up to. You hope it was painless and he was around family.
P.S. We all grieve in our own ways. R.I.P.
Double P.S.
We've all got nothing but time right now. If you need to kill a half hour there are worse ways. I watched this like a month ago. This Scene From Get Him to the Greek is the 2012 Washington Redskins Coaching Staff of Movie Scenes4/3/2020
Me after writing that title.
June 4, 2010 is a seminal date in the story that is my life; not only was it the final day of my public K-12 education, but Get Him to the Greek was released to the masses. In the nearly 10 years that have since followed, I've watched GHTTG at least 100 times. No hyperbole. 10 views/year seems more than fair; especially when you consider this next sentence! I own copies on both DVD and Blu-Ray because I thought I lost my DVD copy in... let's call it 2014. In reality it just fell behind my other DVDs!
Since GHTTG is technically less than 10 years old and I'm a hashtag good guy; I won't spoil the end. Along with The Other Guys this is IMO the best comedy of 2010. If you have read this far I'm assuming you have already seen GHTTG or a Washington R-words fan that wondered down the wrong internet alley; if you fall in the latter I'll help you call mom since I already have your click.
As GHTTG begins, we are introduced to Aldus Snow, Jackie Q, African Child, Aaron and Daphne. About eight minutes into the film we see Aaron (Jonah Hill) go into work at Pinnacle Records. After a brief discussion with a co-worker (whomst we'll get to shortly) about some glitter on his dick from the night before; one of the most important meetings in the history of cinema takes place! (WATCH THE FUCKING SCENE IT'S HILARIOUS)
Wow that's a lot to digest! Look at all those babies! I'm proud of every..
Get Him to the Greek isn't exactly Citizen Zane or even Law Abiding Citizen in it's praise or acclaim, but there's no denying the sheer assortment of talent in this scene. This scene is the 2012 Washington Redskins coaching staff of movie scenes.
In case that phenomenal reference went over your head like an RGIII pass after 2012; the 2012 Washington Redskins coaching staff featured three future NFL Head Coaches that have all tasted success early in their young careers. The meeting scene in GHTTG featured multiple actors whose careers were about to blow up like the South Fork Dam.
Look at all this talent just sitting here that the Redskins let walk. Three future head coaches; two have already been to the Super Bowl (McVay; 2018 Rams & Shanahan; 2019 49ers) and the other (LaFleur) made it to the NFC title game as a rookie HC. (2022 UPDATE: McVay has now won a Super Bowl)
When you consider where everybody in this scene was in their career at the time this movie was filmed to its release in June of 2010 it's pretty remarkable. In case you are unaware; movies are usually shot months, sometimes even years in advance of their release date. This scene was filmed sometime between late April and mid May of 2009. While all actors fame level in 2010 varied, everybody's career would never be the same once the world was introduced to GHTTG on 6/4/10. Much like how RGIII and the 2012 Redskins forever changed the football lives of our aforementioned coaches. All these actors together here playing basically interns for a brief moment in time, getting yelled at by Sergio (Diddy) before they really make it big. DOL is a chivalrous publication, so ladies first. Let's take a look at these future stars' résumés before the release of Get Him to the Greek.
Kali Hawk (zero lines)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
Ellie Kemper (zero lines; one aggressive head bob)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
Aziz Ansari (woke up with glitter on his dick)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
Jake Johnson (threw his phone out of the fucking office)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
Nick Kroll (proud of every unit/possibly having a panic attck)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
Jonah Hill (already pretty famous at this point but who would've guessed an Oscar Nom was like a year away?)
Notable Roles Pre-June of 2010:
(this is Jonah's movie he doesn't really fall into this same category as everybody else but let's have some fun)
Post-Get Him to the Greek Glow Up
I'm not saying Get Him to the Greek got these people their fame, but it all happened after this scene.
Kali Hawk
Ellie Kemper
Aziz Ansari (the American dream!)
Jake Johnson (is 41!)
Would've never guessed! I love that he does Drunk History
Jonah Hill
One for good measure?
Sure why not! T.J. Miller also had a minor role in GHTTG before "making it"
So there it is. After three days I'm done. Pretty neat stuff if you ask me. Hope you enjoyed this completely necessary deep dive into an obscure reference per the way only DOL knows how. If you haven't seen Get Him to the Greek yet it is on available on Netflix. If you don't have Netflix I could probably lend you one of my copies if you promise to ship it back. hashtag good guy.
**P.S. Best believe I have a Human Giant DVD too.
Double P.S.
The Jonah Hill blog is from the DOL infant days. Go easy on me.
VERY RARE Triple P.S.
Diddy should've won an Oscar for Sergio. |
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