As I mentioned earlier today, I haven't paid much attention to the Olympics. I was interested in watching Skateboarding, but I was out ubin when that took place, and by the time I realized what was going on, it was all over.
I suppose I should say I haven't watched much of the Olympics because that's a more accurate statement; Peacock is not on my laundry list of streaming subs. I'm somewhat aware of the big stories, but like Peter Gibbons, I just don't care. I'm not trying to be cool or edgy; I simply don't have the energy to fake care about fake sports in the 2020 Olympics held in 2021. That's as honest as I can be about it without being disrespeeeectfuuuulll *Akon voice*. As a blogger with a microp̶e̶n̶i̶s̶following, I respect the athletes who have dedicated their lives to niche sports that people sort of care about for a few hours every four years. I'm a big follow your passion guy, but I'm going to have some fun with a "topical" blog. Every Olympics, there are discussions about the legitimacy of some sports/events. Seemingly everybody on earth thinks they could finish 5th in the Four-Man Bobsled. Of course, there's the age-old debate that if the U.S. forced its top athletes to learn soccer that we'd be a top-tier nation. Frankly, we'll never truly know unless Jeff Bezos wants to finance that fantasy to afford top athletes' salaries. Still, even that would be a little too beneficial to the American public. I'm currently in the worst shape of my life, but that's only because I'm incredibly unhappy and unsatisfied with every facet of it with the social skills of a staple-remover in the wake of a global pandemic. If you told me I could win $50 milly by simply getting onto any Olympic sport podium, I'm going to stop eating ice cream at 3 am and care again. Of course, I don't think with four years of non-stop training, I could have a puncher's chance at medaling in anything, but in honor of this tweet I saw seven hours ago and the Olympics, I'll give you my podium of potential answers.
Bronze: Rugby
I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I was a key returner AND loss for a 1-7 football team in the 3rd division of the smallest state in the country my senior year. Even as I approach a dozen years since my last game, I think transitioning from football to Rugby would be easier than, say, Equestrian Jumping.
Live look at me preparing for the 2024 Olympics.
I always thought I'd make a great option QB, which is basically 80% of this sport (I have phenomenal option pitch in my bag). I don't know much about Rugby, but I did see Invictus in theaters. If you gave me four years, I could certainly learn the rules to this inferior (to American Football) sport and maaaybe get in good enough shape to be the last guy on the bench.
Silver: Handball
I've got a throwing arm that makes Chuck Knoblauch, Johnny Damon and Tim Tebow look like Bob Gibson and Patrick Mahomes, but I'm not training to be one of those dodgeball type handballers. I've got a better chance at sport climbing than fixing nearly 30 years of poor throwing mechanics, but I was a lacrosse goalie in high school. Not a good one, I used my body to make saves more often than my stick/butterfly net/morning spoon, but I stood there terrified getting bukakked by 90+ MPH lax balls (yes they were that fast). Compared the Handball balls that's literally a walk in the park. Plus much like lacrosse, I don't think you're actually expected to make saves, which is ideal.
I lied, I actually think I could do this with the proper training.
Gold: Shooting
As many national tragedies have shown, you don't have to be athletic to do some severe damage with a firearm. So I already don't have to worry about wasting valuable training time trying to shed a couple hundred pounds to compete. I don't know how long basic training takes, but it sure as fuck isn't four years. I think I could figure out how to hit a target in this time frame.
Ironically I wasn't allowed to play violent video games growing up, so I don't have much first-person shooter experience, but I was decent at laser tag at my 11th birthday party. Being an American citizen, gun skills are already in my DNA. I've never shot a real gun, but if I picked one up, it'd be like Token picking up a bass guitar. I'm sorry, I'm getting too real, and as we know, it's against the rules to express your beliefs according to the IOC. In reality, I'm a white male, so as the...everything would tell you, I've got a lot of bottled-up rage (oh shit, now I'm making fun of both sides) so I would just channel said rage at the target like I'm Bobby Boucher.
To any Olympic athletes reading this, I'm sorry if I disrespected the niche sport you dedicated your life to. What sport(s) do you think YOU'D have the best chance to medal in given four years of non-stop training while financially incentivized? Be sure to sound off in the comments!
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The 2016-17 Celtics are one of my favorite non-championship teams in Boston history. Sure, they were fraudulent AF as possibly the worst #1 seed in NBA history and probably would've lost to the Bulls had Rondo stayed healthy, but they were a ton of fun and truly brought the C's back into the national mix after the Brooklyn trade. They did as much as they could with the roster they had.
Despite the scumminess of how the I.T. trade went down, there's no denying the C's made the right deal, even with Kyrie not working out at all. When given that opportunity, you have to make that deal, and I.T. clearly hasn't been the same player since he left Boston due to a litany of injuries. But the little guy, as the late, great Tommy Heinsohn called him, is still beloved around these parts. How could he not be? The dude almost averaged 30 PPG at like 4 foot 10 and scored 53 in a playoff game after his sister died. I.T. is full of heart and easy to root for. I don't remember much these days (by design), but I cannot forget the countless calls to bring back I.T. I've seen on Twitter with how much he's bounced around since 2017.
It looks like Celtics fan might get their wish with an I.T. reunion. Apparently, the New Head of Basketball Ops is his biggest fan (this is Stan). I believe that some guys just perform better on certain teams. Look at Nick Foles in Philly vs. anywhere else. I have no issues with bringing back I.T. for a veteran minimum to see if the magic can be recaptured. This seems like a perfect low-risk, high-reward signing to me.
Isaiah Thomas might not be the only former Celtic who could return to Boston (Don't forget that Al Horford is already on the roster again).
I'm not sure if replicating the 2017 C's is best for the 2021-21 C's, but if you're a sentimental fan or hold on to old jerseys, this is excellent news for you. I wonder what Jared Sullinger is up to? At least he's not 30 yet (how crazy is that?).
My car is still in the shop, so I'm trying to make the best of this time away from the roads to get back in the swing of blogging, but the truth is I'm having difficulty finding stuff to write about, which then makes me feel like a piece of shit and doubt my incredible abilities.
I'm not gonna blog about the Olympics; I've collectively seen about six minutes of coverage and frankly don't care either way. I thought about touching on the Simone Biles situation, but again, I don't really care that much about it, and the internet has no room for gray areas. IMO it wasn't worth the risk. If someone who's literally the best in their niche-ass field thinks they're in a spot where it's not safe for them to compete, that's good enough for me. I've thought about dabbling back into America's Pastime. After all, I watched an inning and a half of the Red Sox last night since they were on ESPN, and I gotta say, their defense in the bottom of the 8th was the best I've seen all season, but when I can't even watch 90% of their games if I wanted to (thanks a lot Youtube TV!), that's not saying a lot. With it officially being August and pre-season football right around the corner, at this point, the NFL is my best bet. I thought about covering Mac Jones dressing up like Cam Newton for a rookie skit.
But again, the PC/comedy police have me scared of somehow getting canceled (because I have such a massive following with sooo much to lose) for making a joke like this....
Mac Jones showing up to the rookie skit show.
If you want to get mad at anybody, get mad at The Office for giving me the ability to reference that scene or Mac Jones for this bizarre Halloween costume that helps make the joke.
But that was nine years ago, and Mac Jones was literally 13 years old. I'm not a cancel culture guy, and clearly, he's moved past this error in judgment and a DUI relatively unscathed. I'm just saying this backstory is an added layer for people who realize that we're all going to die someday, and getting mad about what fucked up things people find funny to ease the pain of existence and the horrors of humanity is fucking idiotic.
Anyways, I guess I'll blog about this Carson Wentz situation because, frankly, it has me actually feeling bad for Carson Wentz. We all know Carson's been broken since he tore his ACL against the Rams in 2017 and watched Big Dick Nick Foles lead his team to a Super Bowl win. He's only played an entire season once (2019) since his rookie year, and even then, he got hurt in the playoff game, subjecting us to Russell Wilson vs. Josh McCown (who to his credit, played decently). Between that and Jalen Hurts' "emergence," he clearly needed a fresh start. It looked like teaming up with his former offensive coordinator, Frank Reich in Indy, was a match made in coaches-who-understand-you-heaven. Unfortunately for Carson, he's out for anywhere between five to 12 weeks after undergoing foot surgery (at some point today).
How the fuck is he doing the Star Trek thing with his off hand while throwing? That cannot be good form.
I'm not going to act like your crazy fill-in-the-family-member on Facebook; I know I'm not a doctor or health care professional. I'm not going to deny the possibility that 5-12 weeks could genuinely be the timetable. I'm just saying from an optics standpoint; this is an awful look for a guy like Carson Wentz. You simply cannot put him in this situation. The way I see it, you gotta say something like, "Carson Wentz could be out for 12 weeks after undergoing foot surgery." It's classic controlling the narrative. Now, if it takes him the full 12 weeks, NBD, that's what people were expecting, but should he be ready in like 5-6, you can say how tough he is and how much he wants to get out there with his new squad, that he's hungry to compete. You can't measure his drive. You know, all that cringe-worthy football speak bull shit.
According to Reich, this is why the timetable for his return is so open-ended. Via ESPN: Reich said the reason for the wide recovery timetable is because players recover at different ranges. The team will possibly have a better understanding on Wentz's return once he starts the rehabilitation process between the two to four week range. The first two weeks after the surgery will be mainly rest. "Knowing Carson, I'm optimistic," Reich said. "Knowing this is the type of injury you don't have to be pain-free to play in. You have to get to an acceptable level of tolerating pain and then you can start playing. That could happen early."
This is EXACTLY why you error on the long side! Set yourself and your guy up for success. It's the same reason I tell my grandma I'll be there in two hours and show up in 80 minutes. If Carson Wentz is out for 10+ weeks now you're gonna have people thinking he's some pussy who can't handle the pain. You can't say it's 5-12 weeks and an injury where you don't have to be pain-free to play. I know I'm just a fake teacher/driver/blogger who's been paid for three of 1000+ blogs, but this is horrible PR. Then again, the Colts have never really cared about that.
Despite feeling genuine empathy for Carson Wentz, there are two hilarious takeaways from this situation. The first is how even though Carson Wentz has left Philly, he can still fuck them over by making their draft compensation worse (graphic via CBS Sports).
Secondly, look who might be moving from the Windy City to the Indy City to replace him for the next 5-12 weeks.
If Wentz is out for close to three months, the Colts need to figure out what to do while he's gone ASAP. Their roster is loaded (especially with the addition of Kwity Paye!); I think they could compete for a Super Bowl given the right QB, but with how intense their schedule is to start the year: Seahawks, Rams, @ Titans, @ Dolphins and @ Ravens, they're going to need to figure out something or else they could be out of the race by mid-October (even though the 2018 Colts started 1-5 and made the playoffs). Those five teams went a combined 54-26 last season, with four of them making the playoffs, and the Dolphins certainly could've in most years with their 10-6 record.
In short, I feel bad for Carson Wentz, plz don't kill me for a solid joke, and the Colts being in the AFC South is stupid.
P.S.
5-12 being a potential record in the NFL this year still fucks me up. It'd be a real shame if that's what the Colts ended up this year. Real shame, indeed.
Song: Skate (2021)
Artist: Silk Sonic Album: An Evening with Silk Sonic
Nearly five months after dropping "Leave The Door Open," Silk Sonic has finally followed their #1 debut with another super-70s sounding single in "Skate."
Full disclosure: I first saw this and the latest Ted Lasso at like 2 AM Friday when I should've been sleeping for a full day at Newport Jazz Fest. Part of me wished I blogged it then, but I was in zombie mode and didn't want to have two straight days of just SODs with no blog-blogs. Maybe that's why I'm not HireDdozo... :/ As for Skate, it's certainly no "Leave the Door Open," but I still fuck with this song and sound. (I am diggin' the violins, hardcore!) Way to bank in on the roller skate revival, fellas! I'd compare the two pieces to my future boss's One Bite Everybody Knows the Rules schtick. If "Leave the Door" open is a 9.4, "Skate" is like a 6.8. Still a solid track and enjoyable AF, but there's a substantial gap between the two. With still no album date in sight, it seems like the Silk Sonic boys have been procrastinating like an undiscovered blogger with anxiety issues. Hopefully, we don't get a John Mayer "New Light" and Sob Rock situation where the actual album comes out three years after the first single.
God I love Anderson .Paak. Slide yo ass right to ICU is gold.
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