via: Delish Recently, Taco Bell cut a bunch of fantastic diarrhea fuel from its menu. Unfortunately, loaded grillers and quesaritos were not the only items on the TB chopping block. Come November 5th, Taco Bell's menu will no longer include Mexican Pizza, Pico de Gallo or shredded chicken. Hopefully these won't be the only major changes in November lol. Unlike the previous menu modifications, I support these (even though I'm sad to see shredded chicken go). When it comes to Mexican (or any other foods) I am picky AF. Idfw vegetables, so Pico de Gallo and I have never formally met. Plus in my 28 years of existences I've genuinely only seen someone order a Mexican Pizza once. The article said they're a "fan favorite", but that can mean a lot of things. Lebron and Delly were both "fan favorites" in Cleveland, but only one is going to the Hall of Fame. I've conservatively gotten Taco Bell with at least 18 different people in my life and my aunt in like 1999 was the only one who dared to mix Mexican and Italian. "Fan Favorite" to describe Mexican Pizza feels like that John Mulaney bit on crime news. Taco Bell is saying yo soy arrivederci to the Mexican Pizza because it's packaging isn't super-eco friendly. According to the linked article where I got this information from (via a friend) this change will eliminate over seven million pounds of paperboard waste; so it's hard to bash this move, even if you prefers your items to be unnecessarily difficult to eat while driving. The Bell is getting rid of Pico for the simple reason that sliced tomatoes are basically the same thing. Credit to them for being like a dad from an 80's movie forced to make dinner that one time and saying "you can get a similar experience" with sliced tomatoes. Oh you wanted lasagna? Well here's a cup of tomato soup with two slices of wonder-bread; it's a similar experience. The change that is the toughest for me is the death of shredded chicken; solely because the Shredded Chicken Quesadilla Melt. In the eyes/taste buds of Ole Dozo it is the best item on the value/$1 menu whatever they wanna call it, today. For a dollar you get basically a flat chicken burrito that felt about 60% of the size of a regular quesadilla. It was added bonus to feel like you were pulling one over on Taco Bell by ordering three of those for $3 instead of a chicken quesadilla and getting more food for less money. #stonks To replace the eliminated items Taco Bell is adding a drink and a regional green sauce! I feel bad for the 17 Mexican Pizza fans out there. That must be a slap in the face to get replaced with fluids and not even a new menu item. "The next menu item, the Dragonfruit Freeze, will be available on September 24. It's described as "a tropical frozen beverage swirled with a burst of dragonfruit flavor." Finally, two regional items will be joining the menu in select locations. First up: A Green Sauce made with fire-roasted green chilies, pureed jalapeño, and hatch green chiles is coming to select markets this fall. The Quesalupa (which hit the chain a few years ago) will also be getting another test in Knoxville, TN." I don't know why Knoxville gets first dibs at the Quesalupa, but I do not remember this thing that apparently used to exist at some point in human history and want one immediately (no lettuce or tomato obvi).
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I never understood the Sanu trade for the Patriots. On what planet is a 30 year old WR with zero 1,000 yard (or even 900 yard) seasons worth a 2nd rounder? Maaaybe on the asteroid that created Bill O'Brien's chin divot? but certainly not on any planet.
Last year when the Pats acquired Sanu I thought it was an horrible deal! You should read this for proof! I may not always be right (example: thinking the Eovaldi deal wasn't awful...but in my defense I was under the impression the Red Sox didn't care about payroll....) but I'm batting 1.000 in knowing that a 2nd rounder for a WR whose best plays are all passes is not a smart trade. Today Mohamed Sanu is no longer a Patriot. While it does prove my intelligence and football guy acumen, I'm not excited about it...just means the Patriots have fucked up yet another transaction...only now we don't have Tom Brady to hide the mistakes.
Rap might've been first to report..
..but Tom E. Curran put I-an in his place! (no offense)
Textbook example of a great tweet that will end up with < 5 likes.
Mohamed Sanu's forever legacy IMO is being the dude who said the Falcons were about to "put up 40 something on they ass" before partaking in the biggest collapse in Super Bowl history. I guess he got the last laugh though by costing the Patriots a 2nd rounder. You could argue he's partly responsible for Brady leaving by being fucking awful/hurt in 2019. 2nd rounder for a grand total of 207 yards. Awesome! Can't wait to see the Patriots go empty backfield with Edelman, James White, Burkhead (if he doesn't get cut too), Gunner and one of those tight ends nobody has heard of. #InBillWeTrust
P.S. Time for N'Keal to shine. If he isn't ruled out of bounds against the Chiefs last year I'm convinced that Kansas City doesn't win the Super Bowl.
In 1971, The Persuaders told us about the Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Those two opposite emotions are actually quite similar!
In case you've never read DOL before, I have fully crossed that thin line. I despise the Boston Red Sox (or at least what they have become). My little wein used to rush with blood whenever I saw a woman above a 4 in a Red Sox hat. Now I can't even think about that team without wanting to die. The team I once loved has betrayed me and every other Red Sox fan with a brain in their skull (because there are actual morons who reiterate the company line and support this move). I truly wish it didn't have to be this way; despite how much I've hated ownership loooong before the Mookie Betts trade, but I can no longer in good faith support such a soulless, FAKE and greedy organization. What is the point of getting emotionally invested in a corporation (not a team) that treats its best employees so poorly? If you're not gonna break the bank for Mookie Betts wtf are we even doing here? You don't need advanced analytics to realize how value Mookie was to this franchise; on and off the field. How do you eventually expect fans back in the house to pay $13.25 for 12 ounces of warm beer in a 16 inch wooden seat from 1923? Ooooh that's because you don't care about the fans! John Henry is completely fine with Fenway being full of tourists making their first trip to Fenway. I mean why try to win in the future when you've won in the past? This is the same team who bashed the character of the greatest manager in team history (Terry Francona) on the way out and fired a beloved broadcaster (Don Orsillo) who is widely considered one of the best in all of sports. Trading away generational talent for pennies on the dollar to save a few million when you're worth BILLIONS was enough to wash away nearly two decades of diehard fandom for Ole Dozo. Mookie Betts did EVERYTHING you could ask out of a prospect and is exactly the type of player you want to build around. Instead the Red Sox traded him for basically nothing because in 12 years he won't be as fast. Got it! Instead of negotiating they threw him away like spoiled milk as if he wasn't directly responsible for the first Red Sox squad to ever win three straight division titles (and 119 total games in a World Series season). This same organization who once threw 72 million at dude who didn't play baseball for two years all of a sudden cares about being financially responsible???? FOH. How this team with less than zero pitching couldn't get Dustin May thrown into a trade for AL MVP, 4x All Star, 4x Gold Glover, 3x Silver Slugger Mookie Betts I'll never know. It'd be one thing if they got a king's ransom for Mookie, but they gave up him, David Price AND are paying like half of DP's contract for Malibu's Most Wanted. I equate my relationship with the Red Sox to that of a divorce. Not all divorces are created equal. Sometimes you just fall out of love, some are amicable AF, other times the partner that you loved through sickness and in health does something so heinous that you simply cannot overlook the act and you burn every bridge, bash them publicly, while deep down still having some love that makes you feel like a fucking imbecile. Trading Mookie Betts to save money falls directly into the latter. Before I go any further, as a sports fan I know how valuable championships are. I get how this can look like the rich kid crying cause his BMW wasn't the right color to a homeless peer. Some fanbases haven't experienced one championship and I've gotten like a dozen; I've been to three parades in three different sports. At this point in my life sports memories make up like 78% of my happiest moments in existence. They're what we all want, as fans. We want to see our teams reach the highest level. I know that I'm "super lucky" to have experienced four Red Sox World Series wins; especially if you know anything about their history prior to 2004. I'm sorry to all the fans who haven't experienced winning like Boston fans, but guess what...we have every right to be upset and say fuck this ownership group. It's been building up long before this move! Should we just say "thank you" take it? if you think so, you probably are anti-health care for all too. In another marriage comparison... Just because your spouse is attractive does it make it okay for them to treat you poorly? At a certain point personality matters more than a fat ole dumper. Obviously winning World Series is sick, but there's a reason the Red Sox finished in 5th place three times in four years; because this ownership group has no direction or mission statement. They'll blow money on bad free agents again instead of paying their own. It's like adopting a kid and paying for their Ivy League education and sending your own kid to the National Guard. What the Red Sox did should enrage every person on this planet even if they don't know the difference between OBP and ODB. It's not about sports. It's basic good vs. evil. Trading away the face of the franchise to save money is some disgusting ass Gilded Age bullshit that angers me to my core. Fuck John Henry, Tom Werner and this new GM who I'm not even going to waste time googling to spell his stupid name correctly. I have blogged about the Red Sox decision to trade Mookie Betts *John Mulaney voice* kind of a lot. -It Looks Like The Dodgers Are About To Sign Mookie to a Giant Deal -Some Telling Stats About The Future of The United States of America -How to Induce Vomiting (in New England) -Mookie Betts Buys Groceries and Pizza For People Shopping and Working in Tennessee -John Henry FINALLY Addresses The Mookie Betts Trade (and I Address My Future as a Red Sox Fan) -After Nearly A Week of Hold Ups The Curse of Mookie Is Official (R.I.P. My Red Sox Fandom) -So You're Telling Me There's a Chance? -I Officially No Longer Love The Boston Red Sox
Maybe not as much as I thought...but that's only because writing about this topic is wicked fucking draining emotionally. No hyperbole; I think about the Red Sox actually trading Mookie Betts when they are infamous for trading Babe Ruth and embarking on an 86 year curse at least 60 times a day. I cannot watch baseball anymore because of it.
I refuse to support this team while John Henry has anything to do with it. Despite the hate, deep down I'm still a fan and care, but fuck him and I do hope he goes broke. That's why I'm so passionate about this franchise altering decision. It angers me to no end because it was made by fucking idiots who don't actually care about this team or its history; just profits. Baseball is shortsighted AF. Much like Republicans, baseball is only concerned with making as much money as possible in the moment as opposed to caring about the impact of the decisions. When the planet melts from global warming it won't matter what your bank account looks like. Baseball (and the Red Sox) have done everything possible to alienate fans. Let's not forget that MLB could've returned about a month earlier from the COVID break if the billionaire owners weren't so worried about losing money this season when being the only sport for a month during a worldwide pandemic could've done wonders for the growth of the game longterm. I totally understand wanting to get under the luxury tax, but you fucking WAIT when the decision is between keeping Mookie "mother fucking 41.8 WAR through 5 and a half seasons" Betts and saving an amount of money that should not matter to a "first class" franchise like the Red Sox. I'll say it 10 million more times. These are the Boston Red Sox, not the Oakland A's, Tampa Bay Rays or Cleveland Indians...they are worth more money than God. Instead of having a potential Willie Mays like talent for the next decade to keep people interested in this team they've basically punted on 2020 and the foreseeable future. ICYMI this is what John Henry said in the wake of the Mookie trade.
Today is September 1st (assuming I finish this blog before midnight lolol). That means the luxury tax officially resets. Now the poor old penny pinching Boston Red Sox can spend money again without being taxed. Because of this joyous occasion, the Red Sox official twitter account tweeted out a meme.
You'll notice a clear "Tweets aren't loading right now" message because the ever image conscious Boston PRed Sox deleted this tweet like a bunch of pussies who can't make fun of themselves.
I actually respect the self-troll here by some poor 22 year old intern chick running this account just trying to be timely with the IYKYK (if you know, you know) slamming the reset button in response to trading away statistically the best Red Sox player since Ted Williams.
Yes, I know John Henry isn't the one tweeting, but you best believe he's got a big red button wherever he goes that he hits after he slithers out of his latest skin whenever something with an ounce of life or humor comes out of the Red Sox account.
With its internet tail between its legs @Redsox followed up with.
It warmed my likely enlarged heart to see the reactions. Sometimes I get worried I'm the only one who still cares.
At least own the troll, you cheap fucks.
P.S. Go Celtics and sorry for any potential typos. I actually did a few re-reads so my bad if I'm blind to my own mistakes while reading in my own voice in my head.
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