Yesterday I decided enough was enough and went to get my eyebrows done. I couldn't push it back any further. The thing with eyebrows are the longer you wait, the worse it is going to be, once they start filling in your in for worlds of pain. But little did I know I was about to get bamboozled by Consuela from Family Guy. This wasn't the first time this year I've had an issue with eyebrows. i-think-im-a-feminist-now.html
Usually I go to the Warwick Mall in one of those little middle of the mall koisks, near those assholes that try to spray you with perfume and sell you vapes. But honestly the ladies there fucking suck, and I'm sick of giving them my business. Tbh it's also kind of embarrassing to just be some giant guy sitting in the middle of the mall during Christmas getting judged by scumbags going shopping in pajamas for being a man getting his eyebrows threaded. Really don't need that in my life so I decided to switch it up and venture into a different location. Plus I know getting your eyebrows threaded is painful no matter where you go but I'm convinced they do a bad job with me on purpose because I'm a white man and deep down they probably blame for inequalities in the world when I have little-to-nothing to do with them. I mean what else could they be talking about in their native tongue that is so secret that it can't be said in front of me?
Anyways I go to this salon down the road from my place because I had seen an advertisement that said "eyebrow threading $9" a few weeks back and was excited. Not only could a save a whole dollar but it's also a shorter drive. You put that type of thing in the win-win category.
So I'm in this salon, getting my eyebrows threaded by what who at the time seemed like a sweet old woman from take your pick in the Pacific Rim who couldn't have been an inch over four feet tall. I think she could sleep comfortably in a crib.
Not granted she was doing a great job, can't deny that. Yeah it kind of took too long but as they say "you can't rush art" so I'm fine with her taking her time. Rather have that than those hacks at the Warwick Mall who seemingly are trying to break a speed record with every client so they can go back to huddling around an iPhone 5c watching YouTube videos of God knows what.
So we're trying to have a conversation, which obviously I hate. If it were up to me I wouldn't talk to anybody in the service industry. Not that I think I'm better than you or anything, it's just if I'm paying it should be my rules and in my rules there is no talking. You do what you gotta do, I pay, end of transaction. I'd just rather not have some uncomfortable small talk with someone I can barely understand. Sorry.
She asks me how old I am, where I normally go, then all of sudden she lowers the thread down from my eyebrow toward my cheek. I had no idea what was about to occur. This is where she starts ripping out beard hairs and I let out a minor shriek. Depending on your location in the salon you may have not heard it, but I 100% made a pain sound. Granted most of the pain I've dealt with in life has been emotional, not physical so there aren't many instances to compare this to but no lie this was probably after ruining my back in high school football the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. What sucks is with stuff like this you can't just stop. Once you've taken a little off you gotta even it out, not only for aesthetic purposes but also to even out the grow back process. So here I am getting my beard lined up via threading against my will. I feel like after that I can say #metoo.
After she finishes up I go to check out and to my surprise the bill is $20. Little steep IMO. I was shocked, my jaw nearly hit the ground. $20 for an eyebrow threading? What is this like Toms where it's a little overpriced because you're also buying a pair for a child in need? Was I pay for the threading of a poor 14 year old girl with a unibrow? I asked why is this my bill? She said men's eyebrows are $15 (which is fucking ridiculous why should men pay more? #equality?) and $5 for the beard. Now in my head I'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me? Granted my beard looks awesome but I 1. never asked for this service 2. had it happen to me against my will. If anything I felt like I was owed some money for the pain, or at the very least a piece candy, and was given neither. In reality I just begrudgingly said okay and paid. The more I think about it though that is some fucking bullshit. Here I am thinking this lady is "hooking me up" as a first time customer with a beard threading to try to get me to come back and do it more when he reality she's just being essentially an eyebrow mechanic adding shit to the bill that I didn't know exists. It's not right. On the day before my birthday no less. Worst part is it looks fucking incredible so I'm probably going to go back.
As 2017 comes to a close it means one thing: best of 2017 lists. You'll see them everywhere, best movies, books (who actually reads books?), tv shows, songs, moments...you get the point.
Well here at DOL things are no different, and since it's been a while I figured what better way to jump back on the horse than with an easy blog literally about my favorite songs of 2017. Allow me to push my tastes on to you. Kept it to one song per artist so this list wouldn't be made up of four artists. Since I'm I'm trying to crawl before I run I literally got as basic as it gets by having a top 17 of 2017. How original!
"Bank Account": 21 Savage
Truth be told this song is fucking horrible, like most trap-rap or whatever the hell the culture is calling it. But with Bank Account it's much like The Room (timely reference, I'M BACK) where it's so bad that it's good. Can't help but rap along to this jibberish. I also had to add this song purely because it reminds me of the lone good memory I have from teaching in Nashville.
17. "Doubt": Charlotte Day Wilson
(time to put on try to make it sound like I know what I'm talking about with music hat on)
That immediate symbol hit to whatever cool instrument makes that wave sound has me hooked instantly. Add in Charlotte's soulful voice and the content it's a receipt for a DOL song of the year. S/o Apple Music for having this stumble into my life.
16. "1-800-273-8255": Logic featuring Alessia Cara and Klahid
When I heard 1-800 for the first time I was like "holy shit depressed meme culture has crossed over into hip-hop!" Then I heard the whole song and was like "wow, this actually has a pretty good message". It almost feels kind of like the musical version of "Oscar bait" given the context, but all things considered it's a pretty catchy song with an uplifting message. Just don't sing it around your mom. Pardon my ignorance to the current state of the rap game but I don't think I know a single other Logic sound. Fuck with this though.
15. "Feels": Calvin Harris featuring Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry, Big Sean
Slide was without a doubt the bigger Calvin Harris song this summer but idk man, to me this was just better. Maybe it's because deep down I still love Katy Perry even though she's kind of fallen off and has a crew cut now, but Feels is just a classic fun summer song.
14. "Everything Now": Arcade Fire
Arcade Fire's Everything Now was the band's first album in nearly four years and while as a whole it didn't blow me away, I really enjoyed the title track "Everything Now". It has a very Bowie-esk vibe to it. Throughout the album Arcade Fire is basically looking down their nose at the way people live nowadays in regards to reliance on technology there's no denying that Everything Now was worthy of being the band's first #1 hit (adult alternative charts but still #1).
13. "The Gold": Manchester Orchestra
Manchester Orchestra is not a band I was too familiar before hearing this song but apparently they've been around for well over a decade. Honestly I wasn't too crazy about this song when I first heard it, but as it came on the alternative sirius station it grew on me.
12. "ELEMENT": Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick Lamar's "DAMN" is considered by most to be the album of the year. I'm not that into rap but did listen to it when it first came out over the summer and felt like I had to include a song from it on my end of 2017 list. "ELEMENT" was my favorite song off of "DAMN". Loved the chorus that I'm not allowed to type here.
11. "Baseball": Hippo Campus
Just absolutely love the energy in this song, it's infectious.
10. "Stuck": The Aces
Technically this song came out in the summer of 2016 but The Aces EP "I Don't Like Being Honest" that features the song came out in 2017 so I'm counting them for 2017. Plus I didn't know this song until this year. Kind of has a The 1975 vibe to it, absolutely love this song the little guitar riff is so simple yet so catchy. Great vocals as well. Man, I need a better vocabulary.
9. "A Little of Your Love": HAIM
One of the most fun bands in music, HAIM released their highly anticipated sophomore album "Something to Tell You" this year and while Want You Back has definitely been the most successful song off it this is my personal favorite.
P.S. I'd love to give Este Haim a little of my love.
8. "Sign of the Times": Harry Styles
I reeeeeaaaaallly wanted to hate this song when it came out, but I just can't it's incredible.
7. "Never In My Wildest Dreams": Dan Auerbach
Just a beautiful song by a beautiful man. Loved this album.
6. "Safari Song": Great Van Fleet
Led Zeppelin reincarnated.
Greta Van Fleet rocks and rolls all night long, Sweet Suzy. A true throwback to the 70's. So hard to pick just one song by these guys. I'm usually a pop-punk/alt-rock guy but these guys fucking shred. Very excited to see what comes from them in the future, they're going to take over the world.
For all the sad people who don't get that Kung Pow reference.
5. "List of People (To Try and Forget About)": Tame Impala
While Tame Impala didn't release a new album in 2017, Kevin Parker's brainchild did come out with a five track EP titled "Currents B-Sides & Remixes". As one of my favorite bands there was no chance I'd leave them off the list.
4. "Redbone": Childish Gambino
If you're staying woke you know that technically this came out in late 2016 but Redbone absolutely bangs. I was shocked when I found out this was Childish Gambino aka Donald Glover. The falsetto reminds me of my boy Dan Auerbach in the Black Keys "Everlasting Light" where it's an absolutely incredible performance, you're just shocked when you realize who is actually signing it. Redbone was one of those songs that transcended genre, all music fans could enjoy this one. Wouldn't be surprised if this took home the Grammy for Record of the Year.
3. "Hard Times": Paramore
All things considered "After Laughter" is probably my favorite album of the year. "Hard Times" and it's tropical sound just brings me back to spring when times were much better. Fucking love this song and Hayley Williams. This song is FUN!
2. "Bad Boy": Dan Croll
Dan Croll first came onto my musical radar with "From Nowhere". This British hipster fuck sure does have a set of pipes.
1. "The Outfield": The Night Game
Reminds me of the Police soooooo much. It's crazy to believe the man singing this Martin Johnson, the former singer from Boys Like Girls. No denying that the Great Escape was high school emo gold. Just would've never guessed this is the same guy. Digging those harmonies hard core. You just can't help but sing along to this one.
As many of you may know (thanks to facebook telling you) today is my birthday. Ole dozo is getting quite old indeed, 26 years old; my Wade Boggs year if you will.
Instead of drinking 64 beers on a cross country flight, I'm just like a lot of people, trying to figure out how to play this game of life. It's no secret things haven't gone as planned.
Many people were asking me in the weeks leading up to this day kept asking what I wanted for my birthday and I didn't know what to tell them. The only things I really want are things that cannot be given to you by a family or friends, or really anybody I guess. Your aunt can't go to Target and get you a time machine and a pill that makes you lose 40 pounds. Mom can't go to the girlfriend store (at least not in this country) and pick you out a nice lady to stay in, drink shitty wine and watch The Office with. Dad can't give you health insurance anymore. Guess I'm stuck with fucking socks.
So I decided to get myself what I wanted most: the gift of blogging. It's something I absolutely love, and have really missed doing. I want to spend the one day of the year that is supposed to be "my day" blogging.
Unfortunately from the Nashville disaster, and my premature return I haven't either had time to write, or the desire to. Ya boy has been in massive rut. I feel like I've kinda a lost a step on my writing. Blogging is not like riding a bike, when you stop doing for a while you can't just jump back on and be the same as you were when you stopped. I know that the quality of my product has suffered and then that just compounds the rut because I feel like I can't even do the one thing I was kind of good. It stinks because despite what the haters (of which there are many) say I know in my heart of (probably enlarged) hearts I know I have the takes, brain, and sometimes sense of humor it takes to get where I want to be. I don't want to name names or bash anybody but it's a straight up fact I'm better than some people currently working at Barstool. But instead of focusing on this I have to conform to the pressures of normalcy and "adulthood". I mean I'm closing to 30 than 20 now which is absolutely bananas to think about and what do I have to show for it? All I've done is not get laid and work in a ghetto essentially pre-prison for two months.
I get down on myself because I know my goal is frankly unrealistic, but then I think about what I've accomplished. I had a phone interview for a non-blogging position at Barstool in January, and was behind the popular twitter page URIProbs, damnit! I feel like Mugato screaming about inventing the Piano Key Necktie.
Although the late Aaliyah (RIPIP) would tell you that Age Ain't Nothing but a Number, that is not really the case, besides the only people who believe that are ones involved in statutory rape. Age is most currently more than just a number. Here's so a day that hopefully will be like the golden era of DOL and to finding a real boy job in the meantime. I'm 26 years old and there's nothing I can do about that. Just gotta keep moving forward.
Artist: Blac Youngsta
Happy Birthday to me!
Yesterday Gronk did what he always does against the Bills: Dominate.
9 catches for 147 yards.
Nothing new there, the product of Western-New York has absolutely owned his hometown team over his career, in 12 games against the Bills Rob Gronkowski has 61 receptions for 960 yards and 12 touchdowns.
This "Mossing" of Bills CB Tre'Davious White (we'll get back to him later) should've been the highlight of the afternoon.
Unfortunately that was not the case, as late in the game Gronk lost his cool, and body slammed Bills CB Tre'Davious White after he intercepted a Tom Brady pass with a little over three minutes left to play. The Patriots were leading 23-3 at the point. Why they're still throwing the ball I'll never understand. I know that's what Pats do, but this team has already had it's fair share of devastating injuries, why play with fire? One of these times they're gonna get burned.
Now don't get me wrong, it was a stupid play Gronk shouldn't have done it, blah, blah, blah. It was late so yeah technically if you wanna call it dirty it was, but people are acting like this is Kiko Alonso against Joe Flacco.
Gronk jumped on him after the whistle, maaaaaybe there was a little elbow to the back of the neck, but who's really to say? After the game Gronk claimed the hit came from frustration over a lack of calls going his way over not just today, but the last seven seasons.
Bills coach Sean McDermott spoke to Bill Belichick about the play and even Bill acknowledged it was a bad play, calling it "bullshit".
Honestly I think it was fucking stupid of Gronk, you need to know when you play for the Patriots and are arguably their most polarizing player that you're going to be held to a different standard. There's already a target on your back, and this play just slaps a fresh coat of paint on it.
I get it he was frustrated, I can remember White holding him and getting away with it throughout the game. I'm also pretty sure I remember a questionable hit Gronk earlier, but I digress. You just can't do that. I understand where Gronk is coming from though, I'm sure he's sick of never getting any calls. As someone who's watching probably 95% of his career snaps you know that because of his size and sheer dominance as the best tight end the league has ever seen Gronk gets man handled, officials let guys get away with a lot on Gronk. If anything, Gronk is usually the one getting called for pass interference. So Gronk snapped and laid the wood on this kid.
Now everybody is calling for Gronk's head acting like this is the most despicable late hit in NFL history. Not even close, but since it's Gronk and the Patriots it's a hate-crime. Gronk is probably going to get suspended and honestly I'm more than okay with that.
Next week the Patriots play the Dolphins have are a notoriously dirty team, they have Ndamukong Suh who has a masters degree in late hits, and Kiko Alonso who is just a few credit shy of getting his degree as well. The Patriots are doing what they always do, win. They're 10-2 and are going to get a bye, and more than likely will beat the hopeless Dolphins regardless if Gronk plays or not.
They don't need to expose Gronk to any unnecessary hits. Have Gronk sit out against the Dolphins, you're actually doing the Patriots a favor. Honestly, I'm really fine with Gronk playing the Steelers game and then just sitting until the playoffs. Yes, the Patriots have been with without Edelman, and Hightower, and they did win the Super Bowl without Gronk last year, but I don't want to just count on that happening again. You cannot afford to have Gronk go down.
I think that's my biggest takeaway from this whole ordeal, stop exposing Gronk and Brady to unnecessary hits late. I get it Tommy is pliable AF. but he's also 40 years old, there's nothing good that can come from him playing late in the game against a bunch of guys who hate his guts. I know we'll hear the same cliches from Belichick that it's a 60 minute game and they're gonna compete all 60 minutes, but there's nothing good that can happen from keeping them in the game when it's out of hand. With Gronk we know his injury history, I've said on multiple occasions he's made of wet papier-mâché, he's had three seasons ending injuries in seven years. Realistically he could've sat after Tyrod Taylor threw that redzone interception in the first quarter because after that happened the game was over.
So if you wanna suspend Gronk, suspend Gronk it's going to make no difference against the Dolphins, honestly while we're at it, maybe they should rest him against the Bills too. They will definitely be looking for payback.
Artist: Charlotte Day Wilson
Omg a Song of the Day that isn't pop punk or classic rock, say it ain't so Dozo! I just discovered Charlotte Day Wilson last week and boy am I glad I did. Absolutely obsessed. That voice could make a deaf dude cry. Dare I say baby making music? Not that I know anything about that.