 Thanks to too much snow in Buffalo we've now got three straight days of playoff double-headers. Maybe it's because I have Monday off thanks to the late great Martin Luther King, Jr., but I actually love this change. Now I don't have to worry about waking up for 1 pm on Sunday!!!! I mean, I probably still will, but it's nice to get a little more wiggle room. As a hashtag good guy, I feel for you if you somehow don't have a Federal Holiday to celebrate the life of a civil rights leader that was (likely) killed by the CIA, but it's Steelers-Bills. I'll get to that game later, but it's a 2-7 matchup and the 7 is missing their best player. It's not like they're putting Rams-Lions at 11 am on Tuesday. I need to get this blog out in time so 13 people can read it before kickoff! Let's look at the SUPER Wild Card matchups. If you've interested in seeing how well I've done in years past they're right here. Super Wild Card Saturday AFC: 4:30 p.m. (ET) (5) Cleveland Browns at (4) Houston Texans (NBC)  Houston's back in their Saturday afternoon Wild Card Game home way sooner than anybody expected. They're hosting the 11-win Browns, who won IN Houston (without C.J. Stroud) on Christmas Eve. DeMeco Ryans will probably win Coach of the Year, and C.J. Stroud, by default, may already be the best Ohio State QB in NFL history. Cleveland's back in the playoffs for the 2nd time in four seasons and the third time in the 21st century, and damnit, they deserve it. #1 defense, more casualties than G@z@. Joe fucking Flacco may have saved their season. Who would've guessed they're the only Ohio team in the playoffs? I hated Ravens Flacco, but I love Cleveland Joe and want him to lead the Browns to the Super Bowl. That would be one of the coolest stories of all time. Talk about an awesome narrative. His career looked O-V-E-R. Damar Hamlin's not the only guy who came back from the dead. IMO, Flacco should be CPOY. To me, it's all about Joe. Can he protect the football? Cause if so, the Browns are dangerous. Njoku's looking like 2011 Gronk with Flacco. Amari Cooper's been eating (but banged up). Jerome Ford's done a noble job in Nick Chubb's absence. Credit to the Texans for returning to the dance, but I love the Browns in this spot. If they survive today, the Ravens should be V worried. Kevin Stefanski gets his first real playoff win (he had Covid in their win over the Steelers in 2020). Browns 24 Texans 20 AFC: 8:10 p.m. (ET) (6) Miami Dolphins at (3) Kansas City Chiefs (Peacock)  T's and P's to anybody without a Peacock sub, but this is what you get living in a capitalist society!!! If you think this is the last time you'll see a playoff game behind a paywall, you are sadly mistaken. I'm sure Prime will find their way to finagle a way into broadcasting a playoff game, but I'm pretty excited for this matchup—Miami's #1 offense (yards) vs. Kansas City's #2 defense. We've got a potential Ice Bowl 2.0 with not nearly the same stakes but plenty of narratives!! Did you know Tyreek Hill used to catch passes, return kicks, and abuse children while donning a Kansas City Chiefs uniform? You may have heard that despite winning the Super Bowl without him last year, the Chiefs sure could use Tyreek this year. They've dropped more balls than a state full of 7th-grade boys, making Mahomes look like a mere mortal with stupid hair. The weather worries me for both teams, but Pacheco and his choppy steps will love it. I don't know what to think about this matchup. The weather is the ultimate wild card on this Super Wild Card Saturday night. Tua is terrible in the cold, and this game has a chance to be like Ice Bowl cold. These Chiefs stink, but with Patrick Mahomes, you're never out of it. Miami has never lost a playoff game to Kansas City, and even though that stat means nothing for this matchup, I'm sticking with it. I could see a few balls bouncing off Chiefs' hands and turning into interceptions. Miami pulls off the upset. Dolphins 26 Chiefs 23 Super Wild Card Sunday NFC: 4:30 p.m. (ET) (7) Green Bay Packers at (2) Dallas Cowboys (2) (FOX)  If the Cowboys are ever gonna get back to a Super Bowl or even an NFC Championship Game (they haven't been there since '95), this team is their best chance. They lead the league in scoring and were 5th in points allowed. Dak is playing at an MVP level, CeeDee Lamb's scored in a touchdown in what feels like 40 straight games, DaRon Bland had FIVE pick-sixes and Micah Parsons may be the best pass rusher in the league. Up until last week their kicker hadn't missed a field goal all year! From a narrative standpoint, the Packers seem to always beat the Packers in the playoffs and of course, Mike McCarthy used to coach them. Jordan Love has been sneaky very good this year with a bunch of dudes you've probably never heard of (Jayden Reed is my guy). Sporting a top 12 offense and top 10 defense, this Packer team could make some noise and seemingly has a bright future. While and upset wouldn't shock me. I mean, Mike McCarthy is in charge of the Cowboys, and them losing in this spot would be hilarious, but I think the Cowboys take care of business and low key roll. Cowboys 31 Packers 17 NFC: 8:15 p.m. (ET) (6) Los Angeles Rams at (3) Detroit Lions (NBC)  I am terrified for the city of Detroit. I don't know if the stakes of a wild card game have ever been bigger. This is not just a game. This is gonna redefine Detroit. Are they gonna take the next step or lose their first home playoff game in 30 years to their former favorite son? From a fairness standpoint, the Rams just won the Super Bowl and have like 49 real fans. They need this. Detroit needs this like American citizens need universal health care. I'm worried the city may be underwater from all the tears if Matthew Stafford's first playoff win at Ford Field is for the LA Rams. That being said, I think the Rams are primed for an upset. The Lions defense is ass and stud rookie TE Sam Laporta is banged up. Kyren Williams and Puka Nacua have been unexpected stars for the Rams and even though my brain says they're gonna win this game, I don't have the heart to pick against Detroit in this spot. Lions 27 Rams 23 Super Wild Card Monday AFC: 4:40 p.m. (ET) (7) Pittsburgh Steelers at (2) Buffalo Bills (CBS)  These are two franchises that I don't like, but I guess I respect them. You have to give it to both of them for making it to this point. The Steelers lost back-to-back games to double-digit loss teams in four days in early December. When they went from 6-3 to 7-7, it looked like Mike Tomlin's impressive .500 or better streak was in jeopardy. Then, with Mason Rudolph of all people, Pittsburgh won three in a row to finish at 10-7 and snuck into the playoffs. Per usual, the Steelers had a great defense in 2023, allowing the 6th fewest PPG in the league. That's why they're here, cause Steelers QBs have COMBINED for 13 touchdown passes. There was a point where the Steelers were outgained in like eight straight games, but they still yielded a winning record. Then there's the underachieving Bills. They were 6-6 at one point, with the point differential of a team that should be 10-2. Josh Allen is a walking turnover (18 INT, 7 fumbles), but when he's taking care of the rock..watch out. Buffalo's won five straight to save their season and somehow get up to the two seed. They're hot at the right time, and as a narrative guy...it terrifies me that they were 6-6. If the Bills can take care of business at home on a Monday afternoon (admittedly weird), they have as good a chance as anybody in the AFC to make it to Vegas. It's gonna be an ugly ass game. If T.J. Watt were playing, I'd like Pittsburgh's chances a little better, but I don't know if they'll have the firepower to keep up with Buffalo. I like that the playoffs have expanded, but these 2-7 matchups haven't been much of a contest to this point. Of course, a 7 seed will eventually win a playoff game, but it's not this game. Bills 23 Steelers 10 NFC: 8:15 p.m. (ET) (5) Philadelphia Eagles at (4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (ESPN/ABC)  The Eagles are sinking like lead balloons. From 10-1 to 11-6, now they've gotta go on the road in their attempts to get back to the Super Bowl. These are not your last year's Eagles. Their defense is in disarray, finishing 30th in PPG (clearly the worst of all playoff teams), and while point differential isn't a perfect stat...it tells a decent story with a point differential of +5...this Eagles team isn't nearly as good as their 11 wins would tell you. They're 1-5 in their last 6.
Somebody had to win the NFC South, and Tampa took the division on a tie-breaker over the Saints (who would've been way more fun in the playoffs). Tampa's season has been a roller coaster. They started 3-1, fell to 4-7, and ended up at a respectable 9-8. Baker's played well this season. Only 10 INT, and I'm not being sarcastic. You'll take that from Baker. I don't have high expectations for this game, which means it'll probably be a classic, but it feels like a coin flip. The Eagles beat the Bucs early in the season, but that was a long time ago when the Eagles weren't broken. Whoever wins this game loses in the divisional round, but fuck it, let's go crazy. I'm kinda picking with my heart here cause I wanna hear how Max reacts on PMT (if you don't listen to that pod, you're probably lost af). Buccaneers 20 Eagles 17
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