Other than world peace, a job at Barstool, billionaires paying their fair share of taxes, a healthy relationship with my parents, real friends that hit me up to do things now that RI is open because I'm not a plan guy (but I am fully vacced!), and the mental strength to love myself enough to stick to a diet/lifestyle change so I can get laid again and my heart doesn't pop like a twisted up water bottle, there is nothing I want more in life than for this Kyrie Irving-Celtics-water bottle fiasco to go away.
THIS is an absolutely deadly weapon if put in the wrong hands.
ICYMI, like I did in real time because hand up, I watched maybe 14 dribbles of Celtics-Nets Game 4. (I went to my Grandmas on Sunday and didn't tune into the game until I got home late in the 3rd quarter when the game it as already out of hand, so I opted to play Madden and watch Mad Men on TV2) While leaving the court after a blowout win in Game 4, a Celtics fan threw a water bottle at Kyrie Irving. It did not hit him.
With TD Garden and many other stadiums fully open to fans for the first time since March 2020, unfortunately, this not the first instance of poor fan behavior at a sporting event in even the last week. Hawks PG Trae Young was spat on at MSG, and someone in Philly poured popcorn on Wizards PG Russell Westbrook.
Fans should not be acting this way, it's a huge bummer to see, and I totally get the anger from players, but at the same time, you cannot put all those events in the same class. You just can't. Yes, all three were fans doing things that are wrong and technically against the code of conduct, but it's like saying tickling, punching, and shooting someone are the same thing. You shouldn't do any of those three things to a stranger, but it goes without saying, even though I'm saying it now, that those actions are not equal. Nobody is serving a life sentence for tickling.
Spitting on someone is one of the most disgusting, dehumanizing, disrespectful things you can do a person. If you spit on someone intentionally (we've all accidentally spit while talking and instantly wanted to die from embarrassment) I'm fine with M.E.T.H.O.D. Man levels of torture. Pouring popcorn on someone is some clown shit; it's disgusting from a scientific and ethical stand point. Throwing a 85% empty water bottle at some one is wrong and I'm not condoning it, but's hands down the least dangerous and obscene act of the three. For the 84th time, I agree that it's wrong and I don't condone it, but it's crazy to me to put it in the same class as the other two.
I hope the Celtics get put out of their misery tonight so this stupid ass story can die. Hell, I wanted them to lose the play-in tournament just to avoid the Nets and inevitable Kyrie mess. I'm so over the Kyrie-Celtics drama, and this whole ordeal just adds to lazy narratives that Boston is the most racist city in America after Kyrie planted the seeds in a previous press conference. I'm not acting like everything is perfect here, but in today's climate, it's easy/lazy to say this incident was race-related when I think most people with a brain and knowledge of the Kyrie-Celtics feud know the truth; Celtics fans hate Kyrie and not because he's black. My future boss, Dave Portnoy, put it perfectly:
They hate him for how 2017-2019 went. They hate that he left for a division rival when this team has two young stars in the making after he said he was staying. I'm not saying that makes it okay to throw things at him, but it's not like Kyrie hasn't been poking the Boston fanbase for over a year. Then after the game, he stomped at the Celtics center court logo.
To paraphrase the great Chris Rock, "I'm not saying he should've thrown it, but I understand." People get way too fired up about sports, I know because I'm one of those people. So yeah, some drunk ass hole college-aged kid threw a bottle at Kyrie after he disrespected the Celtics. Again, I don't think this is okay, but to charge the dude with assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon is a fucking joke. I'm confused, as opposed to a non-dangerous weapon? Kick the kid out for a year and move on.
I get it they're just trying to make an example of this poor behavior in attempts to stop future incidents, but calling a nearly empty water bottle a "dangerous weapon" is a joke. This entire story is a joke. Much like the 2020-21 Celtics, I want it to die so we can move on with our lives to more pressing issues. Get healthy and focus on next season.
Kevin Durant was spot on about the entire ordeal. People are crazy from lockdown, but that's no excuse, and nobody's mother is proud of actions like these. I'm glad KD went there. Grow the fuck up. Treat people with respect. In case you're still confused after finishing this blog, I'm not okay (My Chemical Romance, 2004) with the actions of this Celtics fan.
When a Pats fan threw beer at Tyreek Hill in 2018, I basically said, "who cares?" Tyreek Hill was taunting fans, is a documented scumbag, and who doesn't love free beer? I stand by any Tyreek Hill slander. Fuck that guy forever!