I should save this topic for the 18th, as that is the 44th "anniversary" of the Jonestown Massacre, but it's best to strike while the iron is hot.
This blog will shine a light on the inner workings of my weird brain that literally nobody asked for, but I still feel it necessary to share in hopes that I make strangers laugh on the internet. #HireDozo
Yesterday was Halloween, but since it fell on a Monday and I'm 30 years old without children, I celebrated over the weekend. I was Argyle from Stranger Things if he hadn't stopped eating Surfer Boy Pizza since 1986. I didn't get a lot of pics, but I did take this cool guy joint selfie at a party, which I shared online in hopes of people being like, "Hey sweet costume, Dozie. Unlike your body, your hair looks incredibly healthy."
A few minutes later, I had a semi-viral tweet (>50 likes) that was further proof that my tweets are good, just usually not seen by people, which is why they typically get no likes, retweets, or replies. Thanks for the RT to get the ball rolling, @ITYSL_memes!
So last night, I was home, waiting to give children Reese's so I wouldn't eat them all. Even though I wasn't at a party or trick or treating, I was in the Halloween spirit. Feeling a little self-conscious that my fat/fuck self caught a singular like with my costume that got plenty of love IRL and from people who heard about it, I ran it back, hoping to pad the stats by giving people who might've missed it Saturday an opportunity to provide me with the attention I was craving.
(proof that I'm not lying for the sake of a blog that will be lucky to be read by 10 people)
Fast forward to 2 am-ish (not to be confused with Amish, R.I.P. Coolio) on November 1st. I'm getting ready for bed and watching an episode of Big Mouth. MNF kind of sucked, and the World Series was rained out, so I hadn't tweeted since reposting my costume picture (that caught a modest 3-piece).
While I watched episode #3 of Big Mouth's 6th season, I got up to take what was hopefully my last shit of the night (it wasn't) and realized my most recent tweet was a desperate cry for Twitter interactions. Right then, I knew I needed to shoot off another one before falling asleep. God forbid my heart were to give out while I slept; I didn't want my last tweet to be a self-conscious, really been going through it the last three years, Dozie desperately begging for internet validation. Since I was watching Big Mouth and appreciated their niche-ass reference to a douche ad from the 70s in an episode about vagina shame, it joggled my brain, and low-key felt like they were paying homage to my recent foray into the Time Magazine Archives.
***feels like a little hat tip to the boi**** it was 2:11 am, MY BAD for the typo!
Obviously, I knew they weren't paying homage to my recent Time Magazine research, but it still was right up my alley because I love weird shit like that from history. Their reference to an old ad reminded me of a tweet I shared in September about an advertisement from Time's Jonestown issue (seen above).
This brought me down a rabbit hole where I re-read some of my Jonestown-centric tweets and realized that, like most of my regular tweets, they were much better than their zero-like status would indicate. You'll see some of the tweets I'm about to feature in this blog caught a like or two, but for the most part, they sunk to the bottom of the internet ocean like the rest of my content. Maybe it's just me, but these are funny, or at the very least interesting, and I am going to share some with you with a bit of added detail that couldn't fit in 280 characters.
Here are my Top 15 Unappreciated Jonestown Tweets (bangers).
To appreciate this, you need to know that Jamestown was the first permanent Colonial settlement in the present-day United States. Jamestown and Jonestown sound similar and would be confusing on a quiz for students who don't pay attention.
This one isn't dark humor but rather correcting an inexcusable mistake by HBO. This tweet should've at least reached double-digit likes. Get your shit together, HBO, and yes, I'm available as a full-time fact-checker.
Generic trademarks are quite interesting! This thread doesn't count towards the list.
White Nights were one of the most fucked up parts of the Peoples Temple. Jim Jones would orchestrate these sick (not the way I use sick as in cool) loyalty tests that were essentially mock poisonings. Infamously, the night before the Jonestown Massacre, Congressman Leo Ryan gave a speech to the members of the Peoples Temple that had similar vibes to the reactions of the Duke fans here after Coach K's final home game (a loss).
Here we have a classic Twitter joke format where you put the name of an event and the year it took place in parenthesis but post a different yet similar picture to said event. Usually, people do it with movie titles, but in this case, I'm referencing Jared Leto's current cult and its resemblance to the Peoples Temple Agricultural Project at Jonestown.
Similar vibes to #11 (people in a cult). Vote blue.
In September of 1979, it was more than fair to still be shook up from the horrors of what took place in Jonestown, Guyana on November 18th, 1978. Bob Ley looks sad/shook af here.
This was after the Call Her Daddy breakup, just a solid reference about consuming content. Alex Cooper is talking about Sofia; I'm talking about my vast knowledge of Jonestown from all the media I've consumed regarding it.
I jokingly did #masters because they were going on at the time, but seriously. It's fucking crazy that two things so polarly opposite happened on the same day (and that the makers of The Nice Guys weren't true to the timeline of the 1970s).
Facts. Look at the Chicago in 1968. Everybody from 1/6 should be in jail and it's fucking terrifying that Trump and all GQPers involved with the insurrection aren't rotting in cells. Fascism is on the doorstep. Vote blue.
Further detail from #7 with a great joke about the size of Earth, Wind and Fire compared to the number of Peoples Temple Agricultural Project members.
Unfortunately for JFK, he never got to hear Darlene Love's classic (or come home).
Similar format to #11. Here, I referenced the deadly cyanide laced flavor-aid used to poison the men, women and children (unfortunately, not in that order) whom comprised the population of Jonestown to this heinous concoction that is likely just as deadly.
"Ball is life" is a slogan about loving basketball that goes back to at least the 1990s. In this case, playing basketball literally saved Stephan Jones' life, as being away for a tournament made him absent from the poison punch party. BANG(ER)!
I mean, this is maybe one of the best tweets I've ever written. See, Leonardo DiCaprio is staring in a movie about Jonestown and apparently so is Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I was asking the question if he was replacing Leo or getting his own Jonestown movie. Similar to two mall cop movies with Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report in 2009 AND 2011 rom coms about friends with benefits that end up falling in love like No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to pad the stats and like my tweets so more people can see them. I can't believe they're actually making two Jonestown movies (one with Leo and one with JGL like I asked about in that fantastic tweet).
11/2/2022 03:31:19 pm
mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother
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