It's quite fitting that the internet collectively loves puppers and woofers sooo much since it (the internet) ages in fucking dog years. It's race to get your take(s) out before everybody else, in hope that strangers will click the appropriate part of their screen in approval. Being an hour late to a story can feel like a week online. Ironically, I've spent way too long building this blog while battling undiagnosed ADHD and contestants on Name That Tune.
One of the biggest problems I face as an aspiring Barstool blogger is the time sensitivity of blog topics; especially while wasting my life away at my current job. More often than I can even quantify, I'll want to write about a topic, but feel like its time in the internet sun has passed by the time I get a chance to blog and that I need to move on to the latest thing.
Luckily, this Phoebe Bridgers guitar smashing story is the Kraft Punk of meaningless news. We're four days out and this is somehow still a thing.
It all started Saturday night (obviously), I was trying to do the right thing and be timely AF about the newly elected members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame that were revealed during NFL Honors. You should be proud of me. I made an adult decision to not watch SNL live in order to finish my blog.
Even though I'm not big fan of the current state of SNL, I was raised on the program and want to see it return to its former glory. I'll hate-watch in hopes that it's actually funny. After I finished my blog, I ended up catching Weekend Update with my roommate.
Seriously, get Mr. Johansson some pomade!
I ended up watching the next skit, then went back to my room, but after like 15 minutes (or whatever it was if you want to use the clues from this blog to calculate the exact amount of time) I went to get a fuckin' beer! and caught musical guest, Phoebe Bridgers' second performance.
Now full disclosure, I don't listen to Phoebe Bridgers. I thought her last name was a typo for months; essentially everything I know about her I've heard secondhand or read online, but I think I've got a pretty good understanding of what her whole vibe is after 45 minutes of internet research.
During her performance of "I Know The End" the 24 year old singer "smashed" her guitar and has since been analyzed like the Zapruder Film.
In real time I joked with my roommate about how weak of an attempt it was....because it was. Are we living in the Jon Hamm 30 bubble where we cannot be honest? Objectively, she did not do a good job of smashing the guitar even with everything set up for her do so.
It was more of a chippin' than smashing and was about as organic as Cheez Whiz. She literally planned it. She was choking up like Ichiro with the power of Jerry Remy. I thought about tweeting a joke about it, but knew it wasn't worth the potential backlash because any criticism would undoubtedly be painted as sexism by people just looking to get angry.
I just can't think of something less important, it's like they're trying to make this is a bigger thing than it actually is. WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HER SMASHING A GUITAR? Who is actually mad? The former President is literally getting impeached (again) for inciting a riot. 3,000 people are dying a day from COVID. Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. There are bigger issues in this world! 14 people on twitter is not "the internet"!!!!
Did a few people who clearly know nothing about music history make some stupid remarks on twitter? Yes, but just because you don't think this was "EVERYTHING" doesn't means you're a sexist or think women shouldn't be allowed to smash guitars. I'm in the Dave Crosby camp. I don't like when dudes do it either. I know the Pete Townsend history, it all started by accident, but even as a kid I thought it was wasteful. Lots of people think it's cool. I don't. It literally doesn't matter either way. It's as much a part of Rock'n'Roll as bad record deals and heroin. Does everything need to be dissected into something problematic? I feel like most people who saw this already moved on. Is it really just because this dude started his tweet with "why did this woman," instead just saying "why did Phoebe Bridgers"?
SNL has had some legitimately serious controversies with musical guests before. John Belushi let Fear cause a riot (yay two riot references in one blog), Sinead O' Connor ripped up a photo of the Pope decades before Spotlight, Ashley Simpson pulled a fucking Milli Vanilli. Those are controversies. This is a whole bunch of hype to get people talking about someone nominated for four Grammys and an $85 guitar. Who is seriously saying women can't smash guitars? I'd love to know how the media would be reacting if this exchange was reversed. Alt Press is a fucking joke.
This story needs to die. I thought about talking about it Sunday, but it was the Super Bowl. Then the last two days it was still in the news so I decided I might as well give a take that will sink to the bottom of the internet. Let her smash a million guitars. It literally doesn't matter. I wish people would think about that before getting so worked up. It's like people are trying to get upset. Always ask yourself..
Phoebe Bridgers isn't the first female to smash a guitar and she sure as hell won't be the last.
This shit is fucking hilarious though.