It feels great to be back behind the keyboard again. Ya boi has been a busy, busy Dozo the last couple of weeks. I truly apologize for the delay to those who need your slice of DOL to get through the day. Believe me, I've missed writing dearly, but I have to pounce during these prime Ubin hours, and after 9-12 hours on the road getting asked how busy it is, the last thing you wanna do is use your brain.
I low-key feel guilty for not driving as I type this, but I've been glued to the cobblestone streets of Newport like discarded "bride-tribe" sashes. My poor 'scape is aging at a Jack-like rate.
The grind will continue throughout the summer, but I can take a night off to preserve my ride. She needs a night to rest.
So, in the time between my last blog, a lot has happened. It feels like you could use this classic Jonah clip on the daily.
Things are not that chill right now in the good ole U. S. of A. We need a rallying cry that people of all creeds can get behind before Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo. Something to take the American people higher in the name of unity, if you will. It doesn't matter if you have a "don't tread on me" sticker below your blue lives matter one or if you've got some juicy pink-pubed they/them pussy, you probably agree that unnecessary waste is a bad thing (you can never be too sure, though) and you definitely agree that we all go to the bathroom. This blog tackles both of those topics. Believe it or not, something as simple as using the bathroom has been a major issue in this country for some time.
If you're not on the Supreme Court, you probably got a little disgusted looking at that image, but remember where we once were (not so long ago) before it's illegal to teach about why society was/is structured that way.
Bathroom norms and etiquette are kind of my sweet spot from a blogging and life perspective. As someone who denies his own lactose intolerance, I've conservatively spent about 8% of my life on the throne. As an Ub**driver who can go from "all systems go" to "the dam's gonna blow" at a moment's notice, I've gotta be aware of my surroundings. You gotta know where you can safely and quickly pinch a loaf and get back to sheepherding tourists to bars where you gotta pay a $30 cover to wait 20 minutes for a $10 beer.
Because time is money in a capitalist society, I gotta play by those rules, too; you can't fall even further behind! I don't wanna wait for some ass hole to literally get off the bowl, especially if I'm on the verge of exploding in my pants (and not in the fun way).
And that ladies, gentlemen and theys is how you perfectly pepper in a Heather Graham reference into a blog after two weeks away.
Unless you're in Pittsburgh or Ancient Rome, it's pretty common place to expect some sort of privacy protection around the toilet.
Stalls are what make multiple-person bathrooms possible. It's not WW2 anymore. We don't poop in each other's eye line or personal space. Sure your feet can touch if you have a wide stance, but thanks to dividers, it's entirely acceptable to shit in a row of 20 or more people at a sporting event, concert, or show.
The multi-person bathroom is one of the greatest inventions in the history of humanity. They allow multiple people to relieve themselves under the same roof. I'm always surprised that more establishments don't have them. They represent what America is all about, a big melting pot of shit from all over the world. It's absolutely bananas to me when you go to a restaurant with hundreds of people or a gas station with a dozen pumps, and there's one (1) toilet for all the men to drop hot, steamy shits in. At least sometimes, these places will have a urinal for someone just trying to take a quick piss, but you need the stall aspect for these to work in society as a multi-person lav.
Waste sucks, but all of our bodies create it. Everybody poops, and in my scouting of potential b-rooms while ubin I've come across a design so flawed that you'd think it's the electoral college. If you think the waste your bodies create to stay alive is gross, brace yourself for the multi-toilet one-person bathroom.
That's a picture of a one-person men's room at a Seasons in Middletown, RI, and it infuriates me. I hope it also angers others because it has to be one of the most wasteful designs I've ever seen. Outside of fucking around and trying to pee from Steph Curry range, what is the point of this urinal?
They could've put a little stall around the toilet and moved the urinal so multiple people could use this bathroom at once, but no, in a microcosm of American excess, there's one room for one guy with two toilets when the odds are multiple people need to use it. It makes no sense. How did a team of people, design, approve and build this without anybody thinking it's for lack of a more eloquent phrase, fucking stupid.
Seasons in Middletown is far from the only bathroom in the Ocean State to waste so much space with unnecessary toilets for one at a time usage. The Cozy Grill in Coventry has their own take on this discretionary design.
Luckily, you can see a little bit of the divider between the sink and urinal in case you get stage fright while peeing alone.
Sure, I could be like everybody else and talk about Zach Wilson fucking his mom's friends, but that trope is a tale as old as time. QBs fuck, duh. If I'm gonna return to the blog world after nearly two weeks away, I'm gonna tackle the real issues that not enough people are aware of, like the wasteful one-person, multi-toilet bathroom. If we as a nation can't agree that these are a fucking asinine (get it, like butts that you poop out of?) waste of space and resources, then we might as well all flush ourselves down the toilet a la Tyrone Biggums and call it a day on being a species.