Song: No Endz, No Skinz Artist: Big L Album: Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous (1995) He probably wouldn't have earned a spot on team hashtag good guy, but one of my favorite rappers and the king of wordplay died 24 years ago today. Big L, rest in peace!
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We recently passed the third anniversary of the Boston Red Sox trading away Mookie Betts for a ripped Stop and Shop bag, which effectively murdered my love of baseball.
I skipped the whole 2020 covid season essentially. I don't think I watched a single regular season game, so I missed all the gimmicks and changes, but I did catch a decent number of playoff games (s/o Robert Suárez) the last two seasons. I guess ghost runners are back in a move that stinks out loud.
I've watched my fair share of 15+ inning affairs, and get why teams want to avoid the possibility of that happening to them multiple times throughout 162, but I hate this rule change. It's fake baseball. Hockey OT at least has them play a shortened period before the shootout. I'd be fine with this rule if it started in the like the 12th to avoid super-long games, but this devalues the first nine innings. Is baseball gonna change its standing to a points system?
I also like this alternative. It's great for fans of situational baseball and gradually raises and guarantees tension. A free runner on 2nd with no outs where a single can score him feels cheap.
This is the kind of anti-capitalist rhetoric I can get behind. Greed ruins everything!
Even though I disagree with the ghost runner rule, I at least under the reasoning behind it. This rule change on the other name makes no sense to me. Maybe the game has passed me by, but why the fuck does there need to be any restrictions on when position players can pitch? Was this really a problem that needed solving?
Baseball's quirks are what makes/made it great. I love when a position player gets on the bump in a blowout, but why does this need regulation? Is this what it feels like to be in the NRA? But in all seriousness, this is as fucking stupid as America's gun laws. Sometimes you need to just get off a good old fashion "that's fucking stupid," and this changes qualifies.
You're fixing a problem that doesn't exist, like the mafia. If a team is down by 12 in the 8th inning, they should be able to throw a backup LF on the mound and give the people still at the game something entertaining to see. I always watch Twitter clips of position players on the mound. It's awesome when you see moments like Anthony Rizzo striking out Freddie Freeman. That happened in the 7th inning. Baseball has some legitimate issues. How about you require owners to have at least a 100 million dollar payroll, so there aren't seven teams winning 65 games? Weekends double-headers should be a thing again. You ruined the All Star game with fugly uniforms. Why don't you get rid of TV blackouts so fans can actually watch your fucking product? It's so damn frustrating when the Red Sox are on MLB Network, but they're blacked out because of NESN when NESN isn't even on fucking YoutubeTV anymore. Although, that problem's solved since YoutubeTV dropped MLB Network too. I look at baseball like an ex-wife that cheated on me, who I still love, but just can't seem to forgive. I don't know if I'll ever get over the Mookie trade. I mean, it doesn't eat me up like it did in 2020, but if I'm thinking about it for more than 30 seconds, I start getting furious. Major League Baseball may be doing well financially, but its fanbase is only getting older. The fact that they lost me speaks volumes because I used to be one of baseball's greatest advocates (in my hometown). I tried to get more people my age to see its beauty and care. I can't be the only person who's been disillusioned by scumbag owners. It sucks to see baseball make itself uglier by getting an awful haircut that nobody asked for. Hopefully, things will change for the better someday. At least hair grows back. Speaking of hair, the Yankees grooming policies should be fucking illegal. I'm all for making changes to the game that improve it, like replay or expanded playoffs. Even the new nets are ok. Yeah, I hated them at first, but I understand the liability. P.S. This is the only ghost man I want.
Double P.S.
I just read this article between finishing the blog and publishing. I guess a record number of position players were used last year. The article further explains the "risks" and why the change was made, but I still don't fuck with it!
What a wonderful V-day surprise! Apple TV+ dropped a Ted Lasso S3 trailer/teaser (what's the fucking difference?), and to quote one of my favorite celebrities, Lizzo, "IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!"
This teaser doesn't give us much to work with other than some cute team unity, but at least it's something, and the release date is within reach. My biggest concern, however, is if this will actually be the last season of Ted Lasso.
There's been speculation that season 3 will be Ted Lasso's last, but can that seriously be? It's hard to think of a more beloved series of the past 10 years. I haven't met a single person that's seen Ted Lasso and didn't love it. In these fucked up times, the world needs this show's humor and positivity (while still showing the horrors of reality). It's a beacon of light. I love this cast so much. I thought Roy Kent was the best before that was hot online. There are so many incredible characters; this can't be the last we see of Ted, Rebecca, Keeley, Sam, Roy, Higgins, Dani, Beard (I actually am kinda all set with him), ̶N̶a̶t̶e̶, Issac, Mae, Trent, and the pub hooligans. There are so many more! I love how they developed more of the roster last year. The Dutch guy's bluntness running gag all season was great. Colin always produces a laugh, and I need some more Sassy. This little teaser situation doesn't mention "the final season" or anything. So now I'm hoping Bill Lawrence, Sudekis, and Coach Beard realize how crazy they'd be to end this series so quickly. Three seasons is nothing. The Santa Clarita Diet (I actually loved that show) got three seasons. I get that you don't want to hang around too long and start to suck, but you'd be ending things so quickly that you're making it feel like Barry Sanders played 20 years. March 15th is a Wednesday, which is an interesting start date, but that gives us plenty of time to rewatch seasons 1 and 2. Fuck, season 3 could drop this Thursday, and I'd still have enough time #funemployed. Season 3 will be 12 episodes, just like last season. I hope Dr. Sharon returns and Jamie Tartt's dad gets hit by a double-decker bus.
P.S.
This vid is semi-related to Ted Lasso (s/o Jan Wouters) and just a hilarious little bit of American-British dessert that I wanna share with the readers. I hope Milly Pounds and Shirty become a reoccurring update duo (shwoosh, shwoosh, shwoosh). Song: I'm In Love With You (live) Artist: The 1975 Album: Being Funny in a Foreign Language (2022) The 1975 is (are? I always get in my head with band names) the best band in the world! I love them. I love love, and I especially love all the loyal DOL readers out there! P.S. Double shot Tuesday of The 1975 for V-day? Suuuure, why not?!
During my high school football days, winning a state championship was my #1 goal. I wanted a ring and to experience being a champion more than anything. Unfortunately, I never achieved those dreams during my illustrious key returner/key loss career.
But I'll tell you one thing. After my 3-8 (1-7 in DIII) senior season ended, I would have never transferred to a different school in the state championship, somehow gotten a spot on the team despite transfer rules, never played a down, then claimed that championship as my own like I had anything to do with it. Okay, 2009 Ryan Dozonlife prob would've pounced at that opportunity; I fucking became a teacher because I wanted to coach and get that ring, but 31-year-old Ryan Dozonlife would NEVER!
Melvin Gordon lived out that half-baked scenario at the highest level. I know I'm getting to an age where some sports news slips through the cracks, but I don't remember shit about Melvin Gordon signing with the Chiefs. Then I saw this shit on Twitter last night.
This tweet really stuck out.
That shit was shocking. What's Melvin Gordon doing with the Lombardi? Is he dating a player?? I had no clue he was a Kansas City Chief. A Chargers' fan blog that he quote-RT was talking shit with a recycled joke and he clapped back. I don't have any problem with that. Plus, he's self-aware that he didn't earn shit, which earns some points.
But it's fucking wild that Melvin Gordon is technically a Super Bowl champ. He's not a superstar, but he's had a solid NFL career. He's made two Pro Bowls and scored 69 touchdowns in eight seasons. Still, this dude literally never played a down with the Chiefs and signed there after week 13. Sure he's gonna get a ring, but he didn't earn it. I'd feel like a fucking fraud wearing it. It's almost stolen valor. He went from fumbling the Broncos season away (he was far from the only problem) to getting a participation Super Bowl ring. This story got me thinking about some other notable names that managed to steal a championship ring (or two). Let's look at some instances throughout sports history (off the top of my dome) of stolen rings. I'm not talking about stars who had bad series, but their teams picked them up. I'm talking about former stars who won championships while contributing little to nothing to their team from a statistical standpoint.
Honorable Mention: Tracy McGrady
Don't get it twisted; T-Mac never won a championship during his NBA career. He infamously never made it out of the first round. But in 2013, he signed with the San Antonio Spurs for their playoff run, where they were a rebound away from an NBA Championship. That's technically the only time McGrady made it past the conference quarterfinals. Still, those six appearances in garbage time for the 2012-13 Western Conference Champion San Antonio Spurs earned him an honorable mention spot in this blog.
T-Mac didn't play in a single NBA regular season game during the 2012-13 season. He actually spent the 2012-13 season with the Qingdao Eagles in China's CBA before signing with the Spurs right before the playoff deadline in April 2013. The 2002-03 and 2003-04 scoring leader didn't score a single point in his six-game playoff stint in San Antonio, averaging 0.0 points, 1.3 boards, and 1.2 assists in 5.2 minutes. Had Ray Allen not hit that shot, T-Mac would legally be considered an NBA champion.
Honorable Mention: Brian Scalabrine
Unlike T-Mac, Scal won a ring and was never anywhere close to being considered a star (making him ineligible for this list), but he was a part of the team. Scal was there all season and worked hard during practice, and I just needed an excuse to post that video. I am NOT a Scal guy. He stinks on Celtics broadcasts, but this speech was awesome.
LeSean McCoy
LeSean McCoy was one of the best running backs of his era. Shady is a borderline Hall of Famer. He made the 2010s All-Decade team and literally outscored, out-gained, and out-rushed everybody in the NFL from 2010-2019, but by the end of the decade, he wasn't the same guy.
After the Bills cut McCoy before the 2019 season, he signed a one-year deal with the Chiefs in an Andy Reid reunion. Shady didn't play much but managed to total 646 scrimmage yards and 5 TDs in 13 games. That's not nothing. He definitely contributed during the regular season, but in the postseason, he played a single down in the Divisional Round. McCoy accumulated no stats during his one playoff down, but he was still a member of the 2019 Kansas City Chiefs and awarded a Super Bowl ring for his contributions to the team. The following year is when things got ridiculous. McCoy signed with Tampa and appeared in 10 games. In those 10 games, McCoy had 10 carries for 31 yards and 15 receptions for 101 yards. He dressed for two of Tampa's four playoff games, playing a single down in the Divisional Round and NFCCG, respectively. In LeSean McCoy's final two seasons, he won two Super Bowl rings while not appearing in either game, yet his rings still shine. Dan Marino weeps.
Terrell Suggs
Shady McCoy wasn't the only washed-up star of the early-2010s that ended up on the 2019 Kansas City Chiefs. That year, noted bleach pourer Terrell Suggs' tenure in Baltimore ended after 16 seasons (where he was a vital piece of the 2012 Ravens Super Bowl squad). He then signed with the Arizona Cardinals before being released after 13 games.
Suggs went from one of the worst teams in the NFL to the Chiefs and appeared in 2 regular season games where he amassed three tackles and a sack. In the playoffs, "Sizzle" contributed to the Chiefs D line rotation. He played 33-38 snaps a game, highlighted by 57% of the snaps in Super Bowl LIV. Suggs totaled four tackles and two QB hits in these three playoff contests. He played more than Melvin Gordon, but that's not the highest bar. I can't stand Terrell Suggs, and it's a fucking disgrace he stole a 2nd ring to help boost his resume.
Jose Canseco
Steroid-era whistle-blower Jose Canseco won a World Series in 1989 with the Oakland A's, and while he and many teammates were juiced out of their gills, we're not here to talk about that championship.
Eleven years later, 35-year-old Canseco was claimed on waivers by the New York Yankees and appeared in 37 games, hitting .243 with 6 HR. During the 2000 Yankees semi-surprising World Series run, Canseco had one plate appearance, a strikeout in Game 4 of the World Series. That, however, was more than enough to earn Ozzie's brother a 2nd career World Series ring. Take that, Ted Williams.
Adam Morrison
Adam Morrison wasn't a star as a pro. Most people would consider him a massive bust, but he was a star in college, and despite a disappointing pro career, he had name recognition during his time in the association.
During parts of two seasons with the Los Angeles Lakers, Morrison appeared in just 39 games, averaging a little under eight minutes a night and only 2.4 PPG. Despite his lackluster career, Morrison is a two-time NBA champion. He even played two games during the Lakers' 2009-10 championship run!
Brandon Phillips
This situation differs from most because Brandon Phillips didn't appear on the 2018 Red Sox postseason roster. If you look at his Wikipedia page, it doesn't include him as a 2018 World Series champion, but he did receive a ring for his time in Boston. The three-time All-Star and four-time Gold Glove winner appeared in nine games with the Sox, hitting .130 with one super memorable home run. He helped the Red Sox win one of their league-high 108 games, but Brandon Phillips is technically a World Series champion, and Barry Bonds is not.
Juwan Howard
Juwan Howard is the only Fab 5er to win an NBA championship, and Hannibal Burress has a funny bit about him. Star may be a stretch, but he's definitely a notable name.
After a long career, the one-time All-Star won two rings thanks to Lebron James, Chris Bosh, and D-Wade. During the 2012 playoffs, Howard averaged 0.9 ppg. The 39-year-old did not appear in a single playoff game the following season. The dude still has two more rings than Patrick Ewing, and Charles Barkley combined.
Carlos Beltrán
Carlos Beltrán is a borderline Hall of Famer and had some outstanding moments during his postseason career, but none came during the 2017 World Series.
Even though he was an All-Star the year before, the now 40-year-old OF/DH hit only 14 HR in his final regular season. Beltrán was a nonfactor in the playoffs, going 3-21, highlighted by his 0-3 effort in the Fall Classic.
Jeremy Lin
Linsanity was a wild time and there's no denying Lin's role in NBA lore, but by the time he got to Toronto, he was barely holding on in the NBA. In the regular season, Jeremy scored a respectable 7.0 PPG, but come playoffs, he was out of the rotation averaging 3.4 minutes and 1.1 PPG in eight mop-up appearances.
Robert Parish
The all-time leader in games was a key piece of the Celtics big three of the 1980s, but by 1996-97, the 43 year old was nothing but a veteran leader on the Bulls bench. During the playoffs, the Chief saw action in two games scoring exactly two points.
I'm sure that I'm forgetting a bunch of guys, but that's all I've got off the top of the dome right now. Yeah, I looked up stats to back it up, but all those fellas have rings off the back's of their teammates. Let's wrap up with some lesser names.
Non-Stars That Deserve a S/O
Kenjon Barner
The Oregon speedster has bounced around the NFL since 2013, but this RB/return man has four career touchdowns and three Super Bowl Rings (in a four season span).
Terrance Gore: Three time World Series Champ
Terrance Gore has appeared in just 112 regular season games over 8 seasons. His first position on baseball-reference is "pinch runner." This dude has ONE career RBI and three World Series rings (2015 Royals, 2020 Dodgers, 2021 Braves).
Who did your boi forget? Sound off in the comments which stars stole championship rings!
This blog features a ton of video resources and while I'd prefer people watched them all to accompany my article, if you're only gonna watch one...watch this one.
I wanted to write this blog from a sarcastic POV about how of course, it's more important to dehumanize trans people and craft legislation that attempts to eradicate them from society in the name of freedom, but that is not my swag and frankly, it's too early for my brain to try that. I'm still adjusting to fixing my sleep schedule, so I'll have to skip the games.
I haven't written as much as I'd like in the last few months, and the main reason behind that is depression. It's hard for me to find a purpose or meaning for anything with how fucked up humanity is and how WOKE I am to its horrors. I'm on multiple meds that are helping me cope with life, and I feel much better, but they aren't miracle pills. They might be able to alter brain chemistry, but they don't affect the toll being a halfway decent person with empathy that continues to see horrible, hateful news on the daily and stupid people bragging about their lack of decency and education in the name of "owning the libs."
In case you're unaware, the United States is on the fast track to fascism thanks to pieces of human garbage like Ron DeathSantis and countless other GOP scumbags actively trying to dismantle public education amongst many attacks on the American people and freedom as we know it. They prey on the unintelligent, which, unfortunately, this country (and their base) is loaded with because public education is intentionally not a priority because that would be terrible for the ruling class. Also, capitalism will be the downfall of society. We live in a country that caters to the wealthy and their interests. They use cultural war bull shit to divide the working/dissolving middle class to distract them from the true enemies. The 1% loves that you're more worked up about Mr. Potatohead dropping the Mr. than being exploited and a victim of their wrath. Yeah, post about the "woke M&M's" and not how Wal-Mart and Amazon are worth billions but pay employees so poorly that they still need government assistance to survive. Your tax dollars are subsidizing billionaires, but who fucking cares when a history teacher is trying to explain to children that slavery was evil?!? They want to take your gas stoves!!!
You might've seen some coverage about rail strikes in the past few months, it was hot during the holidays, but you've likely already forgotten. It's easy to with how our news cycles work and the day-to-day worries of managing your own life and your family if you have that responsibility. Do you even know why the rail workers were striking? Sick days and better working conditions. Like countless historic disasters, the derailment in Ohio on February 3rd, 2023, was not surprising to some. There were fears something like this could happen, but in the name of profits, corners get cut, there are concessions, then BAM, tragedies like this happen. Who gives a fuck about air quality when there's people who simply want to be themselves???
This tweet has some typos, the video attached to it is what matters.
Great explantation here:
The video below shows what happened to a journalist trying to cover the disaster. I know we're amidst a significant democratic backslide, but we're still a free country, right? At least on paper? What happened to freedom of the press? That seems like a low key essential aspect of being an American and might've even been covered in this document that everybody gets so worked up.
But who cares? There are trans teenagers on hormones! And some even have parents who still love them. Oh, the horror! These same "don't tread on me" assholes are more worried about how someone who has literally no effect on their life presents themself to society than actual problems in this country and abroad. I don't need no woke ass clean air!
My heart breaks for the trans community and the attacks they've been under by hateful pieces of shit. Love thy neighbor, my flat ass! As a low key God guy, I find their behavior appalling.
I love sports and comedy and want to write for Barstool more than almost anything I want in life, but my morals and beliefs trump (lol how ironic) everything. I used to be lost and hate on "SJWs" and "wokeness" before that was one of the biggest buzzwords in America. I was selfish and a piece of shit. If something didn't affect me, I couldn't care less. I am so ashamed of who I used to be. That's why I'm so vocal now about showing people how fucked up that mindset is. I don't care if my friends or family disagree. It fucking kills me that people I love believe this trash and have been brainwashed in the name of "faith." No decent person can call themselves a conservative in today's climate. Pay attention to history. These people are following the Nazi's playbook like a bad coach who can't develop their own plays. The fact that fucking drag shows are such an "essential" issue with all the real problems Americans face is fucking ridiculous.
Every accusation from the right is a projection.
These jerks claim queer people want to "force their live style" on you because that's what they do. These same people who sign up their four-year-old daughters to get spray tanned and prance around in a bikini claim they don't want children to be "sexualized." Then they bring their eight-year-old son to Hooters after little league. I could go on for fucking hours, but this shit is exhausting and literally breaks my heart.
The state of the world has done all it can to destroy my will, but I won't let it (at least I'm trying). All I care about is trying to make the most out of my time, whether it be another 60 years or 6 minutes, and doing all I can to be the best person I can be. I want to do what I can to leave the world a better place. I want to spread/experience love and spend time with the people I care about...IN A FREE COUNTRY where you don't have to worry about getting gunned down anytime you leave the house (or even while you're home). People shouldn't have to pick between food or medicine, while billionaires who cheat on their taxes decide what 84th car they want. I don't care who has my back or not on these issues cause I know, at the end of the day, I'm on the right side of history. Speaking of that.... NO BOOK BURNERS/BANNERS HAVE EVER BEEN ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY!!!! Maybe if we didn't let fascists write curriculums, more people would know that?
How fucking stupid is this shit? It reeks of closing public pools once they were open to black people. This town in Michigan closed their fucking library instead of letting queer people have representation.
Actually, I lied. I do care who has my back. I care a lot like Faith No More. It kills me to see people I care about be so hateful and close-minded. I can't wrap my head around why anybody would want to make life worse for large groups of people (especially when they likely never impact your life). I understand hating individuals who wronged you, but focusing all your energy on an entire group is wrong (that doesn't count with hating bigots and oppressors). It's crazy to me how many people hate the trans community and have literally never met a trans person, or better yet, have but didn't know.
This blog was super therapeutic for me, and like nearly everything I write, I'm sure I'll get no feedback and minimal views, but in my heart, I know what's right, and I'm proud of the man I am. Writing has helped me grow and mature more than any other avenue in my life. If you agree with what you just read, that's awesome. If not, hopefully someday you come around. It took me longer than I'd like to admit, but it's never too late to improve yourself. P.S. I am dead serious about this. Once I'm back in the 200s, this is happening. Rhoda Sandtits/Santos is gonna fight fascists by being fabulous lol.
**as a big fuck you
Double P.S.
R.I.P. Brianna Ghey and all other LGBTQ+ people who've lost their lives due to hate and ignorance.
Congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs (and me) for ending the 2022 NFL season on top!
While prepping for the Super Bowl, I missed most of the Celtics game (I caught the 4th quarter at the gym..nbd), making a TikTok.
Here's a little inside baseball: I updated a 2018 classic Dozie blog about the death of the unique Super Bowl logo in a short video form for the popular yet controversial video-sharing mobile phone application TikTok in hopes of gaining recognition for the untapped talent I am! #HireDozo. As of 8:52 am, said video is baby viral with 116 likes and counting. Sorry, that I miss some words like my boy Big John in PA. What you're saying is more important than how you say it!
P.S.
Now that I'm losing weight, as is tradition every 3-4 years, I'm getting some confidence (and dare I say swag?) back and hope to make more TikToks. Once I learn how to talk it's over for you bicccches.
Song: Lost
Artist: Linkin Park Album: Meteora|20 (2023)
I heard this Meteora-era unreleased track on Friday after I had already posted a SOD, but I am sooo happy this exists. The youtube video already has 10 million views, and when I looked at the comments, I saw like four different languages in maybe seven posts. My LP fandom started to die out when I was in high school, so it's easy to forget how fucking huge these guys were. "In the End" was a #1 hit on the pop charts when that still really meant something.
I was obsessed with Linkin Park at this point in my life. I mean, what tween boy wasn't in the early 2000s? LP transcended genres; rock kids, rap kids, and pop kids all fucked with them. Apparently, there are like seven more songs that LP saved for this 20th-anniversary release, and I wouldn't be being true to myself if I didn't mention how fucked up it is that Meteroa is 20 years old. The math makes sense; it's just crazy. Twenty years back is 2003, not 1980!
R.I.P. Chester. I'd conservatively guess (the only time I ever am) that I spent over 15 hours on this graphic this week because I am obsessed with making them and never feel finished no matter how much detail I put in. The 2022 NFL season ends this Sunday when either the Kansas City Chiefs or Philadelphia Eagles wins their 2nd Super Bowl of the last decade (unless Christian McCaffrey has anything to say about it). Whoever wins Super Bowl LVII will become the most recent franchise to win multiple Super Bowls (surpassing the 2nd leg of the Patriots' double dynasty that won Super Bowl XLIX, LI, and LII). The Eagles last won in 2017 ('18), and the Chiefs ended their 50-year title drought in 2019 ('20). Both teams still contain some core pieces for their last championship while mixing in plenty of key contributors that weren't around the last time they hoisted the Lombardi. Super Bowl LVII marks the first time since the Eagles' last appearance (SB LIII) five seasons ago that both #1 seeds reached the year's final game. Since the NFL first implemented playoff seeding in 1975, #1 seeds have met in the Super Bowl 13 times, with the NFC holding a substantial 9 to 4 edge. Of course, all the narratives and history mean nothing once the ball is kicked off. Everybody who pays attention to football knows this is the first-ever matchup between brothers ON THE FIELD. Who could forget the Florence + the Machine "No light, no light" Harbaugh Blackout Bowl in 2013 (2012 league year)? Even though I just said narratives mean nothing for the sake of blog structure, I don't believe that for one second. Narratives matter, and we've got some great ones going into this game. This season, en route to leading me to my first fantasy championship, league MVP Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce have been a lethal combination, showing that the Chiefs will be just fine without Tyreek Hill. MVPs, of course, have not fared too well in 21st-century Super Bowls. League MVPs are 0-9 in the Super Bowl since Kurt Warner and the Greatest Show on Turf won Super Bowl XXXIV. As a Patriots fan, I want the Eagles to win. Even though there's a different coach and quarterback from Super Bowl LII, there are enough returning pieces where it can make the Pats' shady loss easier to take. If that core of Jason Kelce, Lane Johnson, Brandon Graham, Fletcher Cox, the kicker, and surely a few others guys too (nope..it's just them...s/o my brain for knowing all five without looking it up), win again it won't exactly be like losing to a dynasty, but like a dynasty adjacent. Meanwhile, if Mahomes gets his second ring at just age 27, he'll have a chance to match or beat Tom Brady's record seven Super Bowl rings. I respect Mahomes as the best QB in the league, but this game is huuuge for his legacy. Yes, he's already won a Super Bowl, but he wasn't Patrick Mahomes good in it, and then in 2020, his Chiefs got their asses kicked and didn't even score a touchdown, despite boasting the league's 5th highest-scoring offense. If he plays poorly and falls to 1-2 in Super Bowls, obviously, there's still plenty of time to turn it around, but you know the media talk heads (and yours truly) will milk that storyline. Who would've guessed Aaron Rodgers would still have just one after 2011? Mahomes could easily follow the same path. There's plenty at stake for Andy Reid as well. Probably more so than Mahomes since he's got age on his side. Yes, Andy's high key lost a lot of weight, but the man is still nearly 65 years old with a track record of loving burgers. That's not ancient by today's standards, but a 2nd ring, in addition to the 5th most wins in league history, would put him in the conversation for one of the best coaches of all time (if he's not there already). He's gonna pass Tom Landry on the all-time wins list next season. A second championship would do an awful lot to help erase those big-game choker labels that still haunt Reid, even with a ring already. That second ring is what separates you from the pack. Then there are those Philly scumbags. I've been discounting them all year, and here they are...back in the big game again. Jalen Hurts played like an MVP this year. Philly's D has a record four guys with double-digit sacks. AJ Brown and Devonta Smith are probably the 2nd best WR duo in the NFL after Chase and Higgins. Unlike KC, the Eagles can run the ball conventionally. Kansas City finished 20th in rushing yards but 7th in rushing TDs, while Philadelphia's ground game was 5th in yards and 1st in TDs. The Eagles have looked dominant these playoffs. They've only allowed 14 points (although they got lucky to play a QB-less 49ers). Hurts hasn't had to be who he was for much of the regular season and, like Mahomes, is banged up. Philly's going to need more out of him to compete with the Chiefs' offensive firepower, although you can run on this Chiefs D. On the other hand, Kansas City is low-key lucky to be here. If it weren't for a terrible late hit in the closing seconds, it could easily be Cincy representing the AFC for the second straight year. But the Chiefs have been resilient. I hate to say it, but I get severe Patriot vibes from this team. Five straight AFCCGs. They lost one of the most dynamic playmakers in the league and arguably got better offensively. Patrick Mahomes is a magician with a football. Since he hasn't dealt with the wear and tear of having a role in the blocking game, Travis Kelce's been running wild in the middle of the field all year. Man, what a great pick by your boi at 15 overall. I still don't know how I'm gonna bet. I don't like to put my action in too early. I've picked the first TD scorer correctly in the last two Super Bowls and am much more concerned with that, and my other props than this essentially pick 'em. I've been on the Eagles all week, and I guess I'd rather see them win to make the Pats' loss to them look better and keep Mahomes further behind Brady, basically what I said a few paragraphs ago, but I'm also a narrative guy til I die. The MVP streak has to end eventually, and if it's going to be somebody, Patrick Mahomes is a decent choice to pull it off. The Eagles' defense shits on Kansas City's, which makes me lead toward the Philly scumbags, but I am a plus-sign chaser. Even at +105, it's crazy to get Patrick Mahomes as a dog in the Super Bowl. It's currently 9:34 am, and I still need to figure out who I'm going to pick; as I said, my ticket will be prop heavy. Mahomes and Kelce losing the Super Bowl after winning me a championship would be tremendous. Everybody is picking the Eagles, fuuuck am I really about to choose the Chiefs? Damnit, I think I am. I hate this pick. I could very well change it by kickoff, and if I do, you know I'll be tweeting about it (FOLLOW ME HERE). I'm leaning toward either Kelce or Miles Sanders for first TD scorer, but I know their odds won't be that juicy. Even though he's sorta gimpy, I don't hate Mahomes to rush it in, either. He's more apt to run in the playoffs. As we all know, I'm a great undiscovered writer and love this game, but rn I'm much more concerned with people appreciating my art. Yes, my photoshop collages are art because they make you feel, and I pour my heart and soul into them. Do you know how long the object selection tool takes to highlight the parts of the image I want? If it's a white dude in a white uniform or a black guy in a black uniform, forget it. That bitch loves to cut off hands and feet like it's frostbite. For example, the AJ Brown pic in the collage has no legs because the photoshop machine copied it weirdly, but you can't tell, thanks to my keen layering ability. Before I give my picks, let's look back at all the collages I've made these playoffs. Super Wild Card Weekend Divisional Round Conference Championship Sunday Football is a game of matchups, and one that will dictate this game is the one in the trenches. I can't wait to see Jason Kelce vs. Chris Jones and the Chiefs' o-line to face a defense with four double-digit sackers. It's such a cliche, but the front four is one of the most significant factors in Super Bowls. It's why the Patriots lost to the Giants twice and why Mahomes and the Chiefs didn't go back-to-back in 2019 and 2020. Let the record show that I want the Eagles to win. Even though there's bad blood between Boston and Philly (the sixers are a joke), I have a lot of respect for those greased-up scumbags. Both cities have similar vibes, and we both hate New York sports. While I don't consider myself a mush, my friends, mainly the ones in my fantasy league (that I won), say otherwise. Chiefs 27 Eagles 23 MVP: Patrick Mahomes P.S. I'm gonna make a TikTok about it later today once I get my brows did (ya boi is looking like Eugene Levy rn), but I wrote a blog in 2018 about how lame it is that the NFL got rid of unique Super Bowl logos. While the league still has a long way to go, at least this one has a little color and swag to it. I love the southwestern vibe. It's easy but plays. Double P.S.
Don't be scared to comment compliments about your favorite details in any of my football collages. Not to toot my own horn, but I think Cory Matthews in an Eagles t-shirt was a nice touch. And yes, that's KC BBQ and Philly Cheese Steaks as the background on the top. Song: Deacon Blues (live) Artist: Steely Dan Album: Aja (1977) Paramore's This Is Why dropped this morning, and while I plan on listening to it at some point today, ICMYI, I'm out here defending Steely Dan's honor. Steve Albini can kick rocks, and so can anybody who thinks the people behind Steely Dan are anything less than musical geniuses. R.I.P. Walter Becker. I know my boi Z loves this one, and it's one of the millions of reasons I love him! |
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