Song: Dancing in the Dark (2021) [Bruce Springsteen Cover] Artist: Bastille As much as I think (most) remakes are lazy and lame in film and television, I LOVE cover songs, and specifically, cross-genre covers, but you've been reading DOL for years and already know that!
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Absolutely heartbreaking, unexpected news late on a Thursday night; Demaryius Thomas, former Pro Bowl WR and Super Bowl 50 champion, passed away at the age of 33.
Thomas was a first-round pick (22nd overall) in 2010 out of Georgia Tech and broke onto the scene in 2011 as Tim Tebow's primary target. He had a string of five straight Pro Bowl seasons from 2012-16 and was one of the most productive receivers of the decade. From 2012-2015, he averaged 100.5 receptions, 1447 yards and 10 touchdowns a year. Including the playoffs, he scored 69 career touchdowns and holds countless Broncos records.
His playoff production dropped in 2015, but that was not his fault, as Peyton Manning was a shell of himself, but his most notable career moment came in January 2012..with another "shaky" quarterback.
In the Broncos 2011 Wild Card win, Thomas had four receptions for 204 yards (for an absolutely unheard of 51 yards/reception) and a walk-off touchdown in the first playoff game under the new overtime rules (even though this touchdown still would've won the game under the old rules).
At this point, no cause of death has been announced. While we all have that morbid curiosity, but it really doesn't matter; 33 is 33, and that in and of itself is such a tragedy. I remember watching him get drafted on a cruise my senior year of high school, he just officially retired this year. This isn't supposed to happen, not for a long time. Demaryius Thomas' birthday is Christmas Day, and with it being so close, I can't even begin to imagine what his family and friends are feeling right now. It's just another "this can all end in a second" moment that stops you in your tracks. I was watching Thursday Night Football when I found out from a buddy, and the game instantly felt meaningless. It's just so fucking sad, man, only 33. I'm sure more news will come in the following days, but now it's just shock and sadness. R.I.P. Demaryius Thomas. My thoughts are with his loved ones.
At some point in the last 18-22 months, news broke that Adam McKay is making a series about the rise of the Showtime Lakers for HBO. Today, a trailer for the series came out, and as a lover of that 70s grainy look and sports history, I cannot fucking wait. It just shows the type of man I am, I'm not a Lakers fan at all, and much of their success came at the expense of my Boston Celtics, but I can be a nearly 30-year-old adult about it and admit that this looks fucking siiiiiick.
Bo Burnham was originally supposed to play Larry Bird, but he dropped out and now Larry Legend is getting played by someone who doesn't even have a wikipedia page.
As amazing as I'm sure Winning Time will be, it's also a little bit of a bummer because this project directly led to the Will Ferrell-Adam McKay creative partnership to crumble (The Other Guys is one of the most underrated comedies of all-time). I hate to see friendships end, but at the same time, I can't help but respect Will Ferrell for getting this upset that he's not included in the project.
According to McKay (via: People) this is what lead to their creative break-up.
According to Vanity Fair, the pair had talked about disbanding Gary Sanchez Productions prior to the split, but according to McKay, the breaking point came when he decided to recast the role of the Los Angeles Lakers' former team owner Jerry Buss for an upcoming HBO series, hiring their pal and frequent collaborator John C. Reilly instead of Ferrell for the part.
"The truth is, the way the show was always going to be done, it's hyperrealistic. And Ferrell just doesn't look like Jerry Buss, and he's not that vibe of a Jerry Buss. And there were some people involved who were like, 'We love Ferrell, he's a genius, but we can't see him doing it.' It was a bit of a hard discussion," said McKay. He added, "Didn't want to hurt his feelings. Wanted to be respectful. ... I should have called [Ferrell] and I didn't. And Reilly did, of course, because Reilly, he's a stand-up guy."
Will Ferrell is a "die-hard" Laker fan, and if one of my friends and creative partners was making a series about the Patriots Dynasty and was like, "ohhh yea sorry, bro, nothing for you," I'd probably terminate the friendship too. Like wtf? Although, McKay is sort of right...John C. Reilly looks like Jerry Buss.
From the few things I've read, it looks like they'll make amends at some point, but for now, this series is the straw that broke the camel's back and a reminder that all things eventually end. There's no official debut date yet, but Winning Time is set to debut in March of 2022.
ICYMI, last night I had a walk-off trivia victory (s/o Martin Sheen) to clinch the first winning streak in the history of #DozVsTheDozen. I'd like to direct a massive thank you to my future boss, Dave Portnoy, for his successful challenge that earned both Ziti and Dozo an extra point, making this victory possible in the bottom of the 12th round. Ya boi's now beaten some future co-workers in not one, not two, but three straight matches, and tonight we go for four in a row!
With all due respect to all the teams I've outscored in the last three matches, tonight will be one of my toughest tests yet. Crown holder and defending champion Honkers vs. (3) the Yak. It's like back when the college football de facto National Championship game wasn't between the 1 vs. 2 ranked teams because the winner tonight takes "the crown." Since I'm writing this a little earlier than usual, this individual match's graphic hasn't been posted yet.
AND WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT???? We've got the official BATTLE FOR THE CROWN post!!
The line is set at Honkers -1.5, O/V: 22.5. I'm expecting another tight, high-scoring match. I'd be shocked to see either team finish this game in the single digits.
I 100% believe my higher scores in the last three matches are directly impacted by me being out of school and just generally happier and less stressed from not dealing with kids who don't respect me as a human.
Tonight's match is my last match before I go back to work next week, so hopefully, I can get the winning streak alive before my spirits are metaphorically and actually crushed! The only way to find out if I do is to tune in LIVE on my IG at 7:05 pm EST. You can catch all live #DozVsTheDozen's @dozonlife, that's www.instragram.com/dozonlife. Tonight is #DVTD XXVII, the JC Jackson episode (#PayJC).
I can't wait to see you in the comment section!
Song: B-Side (2021) Artist: Khruangbin & Leon Bridges Album: Texas Moon This is swag personified. No recency bias---this is my favorite match I've ever played. That last round was a RUSH. Tomorrow we go for four straight! #HireDozo
Last year, I watched the HBO classic series The Sopranos for the first time. I was in high school when it ended, so I knew about the whole controversial ending situation, but outside of the theme song (which my dad had a cassette tape of that I must've heard 1000+ times), I knew almost nothing about the series
As a Portuguese/Irish American, there are plenty of cultural differences I was ignorant to as well. I had no idea how important ziti is, but the one that shocked me the most was how according to big bad Mafiosos, eating pussy was for lack of a more enlightened term "gay," and I don't mean gay in the way that everybody used to use gay to mean dumb. I mean gay as homosexual and weak (which is also outdated, Carl Nassib would kick your ass!). It's crazy to think about how performing a sexual act on the opposite sex could be perceived that way. It literally makes no sense, especially by a group that makes out with the cheeks of the same sex to show "respect."
Luckily, society has evolved over the last 20 or so years. There are gay mafia members now (if only Vito were 15 years younger). Not only is it no longer considered "gay" or weak to go down on a consenting woman, but it's encouraged! There are boxes of feminist anthems about the very subject. In fact, eating pussy is no longer enough. Nowadays, if you want to please a woman, you're expected to eat the booty like groceries, which I'm sure would've made Tony's head explode like one of Ralph's whowas.
This whole discussion got me thinking, "which NFL QBs eat ass?" They're not exactly made men, but there are few jobs with more admiration and responsibility in today's society, and our society LOVES to glamorize the mob. As a QB, you're supposed to be a leader of men and do whatever it takes to win, but what about off the field? Are you willing to do everything to please your woman? (when there's an officially open NFL QB, we can change the terminology, but for now, let's not get wrapped up in heteronormativity, k?) Are you willing to get dirty both on and off the field?
I don't know why my weird brain has been fixated on this topic for the last week or so, but this is a blog I've been dying to write. Thanks to my covidcation, I've got the time. We can compare QBs based on boring things like arm strength and pocket presence, but I'm more focused on who's willing to toss a salad instead of a pigskin. Without further ado, here's the official DOL NFL QB Ass Eater Power Rankings (based on Week 13 starters). This power ranking will be tier-based, the later you see the name, the more likely they're down to go down.
No Chance in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks: Carson Wentz, Andy Dalton, Trevor Lawrence, and Kirk Cousins
This is the "sex is only for procreation" crowd, and if some of them are unwilling to get vaccinated to protect their teammates, coaches, and communities, they're likely selfish lovers too. Like, there's no chance on God's green earth that Kirk Cousins has ever made a woman cum. He screams, "YOU LIKE THAT?" after three minutes of missionary.
Too Childish to Eat Ass: Patrick Mahomes
If you put ketchup on your well done steak, you clearly have no taste for the finer things in life.
Tried it Once and Didn't Like It: Baker Mayfield, Mac Jones, Josh Allen, Kyler Murray, and Justin Herbert
Just because you're young doesn't mean you're hip. The only thing these guys want to burry their nose into is the playbook.
Secretly Wants to but His Wife is Against it: Ryan Tannehill
He's been begging for years (even though there's not much to munch on).
Too Painful to Try: Mike Glennon
It's not that Mike Glennon is against eating box #2; it's just physically uncomfortable for him to do so.
Why Would You Eat Ass When You're Packing a Pool Stick?: Teddy Bridgewater
Teddy would eat some booty if he had to, but sadly, nobody's ever asked. Can you really blame them? Instead of "Teddy Two Gloves," we should call him "Teddy Two Foot."
Says He's Down, but Always Finds an Excuse: Aaron Rodgers
He claims he used to do it all the time but then had an ex who didn't like it, so now he's always finding an excuse. "I can't, babe; my pinky toe is killing me." "I swear I will after Rogan," then he falls asleep.
BYU Wildcards: Taysom Hill and Zach Wilson
At first glance, it's easy to write off Taysom Hill and Zach Wilson due to their affiliation with Brigham Young University, but at the same time, the Mormons have always been a crafty bunch. Much like soaking, could anilingus be the perfect loophole?
Willing Participant ONLY if the Favor is Returned: Joe Burrow, Dak Prescott, and Cam Newton
All three were superstars in college that are used to getting treated like royalty, two of the three had all-time seasons that ended with a Heisman and Natty, but these guys are only licking that fatty if you return the favor. It's about power to them; how badly do you want it?
Grinders Willing to do Whatever it Takes to Get the Job Done: Taylor Heinicke, Gardner Minshew, and Tyrod Taylor
These are all guys who know their next start could very well be their last. They're willing to do whatever it takes to stay on the field. They'll get dirty, make the tough plays and sacrifice their body for the good of the team. Plus, did you see how Gardner Minshew hugs his FATHER? This dude likes it rough and weird. Even if these boys aren't about the ass-eating life, they'll pull up their bootstraps and at least give it the ole college try.
Reformed Non-Ass Eaters: These guys used to be against it, but have since changed their tune.
Jared Goff
He'd be a fool not to.
Russell Wilson
Russ is a medium-key prude, but when your wife is famous for singing about "her goodies," it's time to get with the times (even if that song is nearly 18 years old).
Matt Ryan
Matty Ice has been in Atlanta for like, 15 years at this point. Boston College Matt Ryan didn't even eat pussy, but ATL Matt Ryan slurps ass like it's lean.
Tom Brady
Bridget Moynahan-era Brady didn't even know this was an option, but after a dozen years of marriage to Giselle, as long as she hasn't eaten any nightshades in the last 48 hours, Brady's chowing like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.
Certified Ass Eaters:
Tua Tagovailoa
His name basically translate to "two tongue lover." He was born to eat booty.
Lamar Jackson
He's a duel-threat QB who's not afraid to take chances in and outside of the pocket (or bedroom). Between his time in Florida, "the ville," and now Baltimore, he'll eat anything with a dab of hot sauce on it.
Derek Carr
Why do you think he's been wearing eyeliner for his entire career? Gotta counteract the pinkeye!
Jimmy Garoppolo
This dude openly dates porn stars and lives in San Francisco. He's obvi down with a lil' b-hole play.
That concludes the Week 13 NFL QB Booty Eater Power Rankings. Feel free to sound off in the comments if you disagree with anybody's placement! If Davis Mills starts this week, I think we know where he belongs.
It's just hitting me that I had a big-time missed opportunity not using a John Lennon/Beatles song today on the 41st sadiversary of his murder. Last year I wrote a blog about Howard Cosell breaking the news during Monday Night Football.
On a much brighter note, we get some Wednesday trivia this week! (10) Ziti plays for just the 2nd time this season, while (13) Spittin' Chiclets hits the trivia ice for the first time of the new league year.
There's not a ton of data for me to go off of, but I'll give Chiclets a minor -1 edge in Match 160 just because RA has an encyclopedic knowledge of various topics #vagueAF.
I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but if I'm able to pick up a win tonight, that's three straight victories for the boi and officially a new career high. Yesterday, in #DVTD XXV, I put up a 16 spot against Chicago and Uptown Balls, who blew a 5-0 lead in what is starting to feel like a weekly thing for them.
Tragically, half of the audio for #DozVsTheDozen XXIV is gone forever.
Can Ole Dozo continue his unrecognized trivia tear tonight? The only way to find out is to tune in LIVE on my IG at 7:05 pm EST. You can catch all live #DozVsTheDozen's @dozonlife, that's www.instragram.com/dozonlife. Tonight is #DVTD XXVI, the Eugene Wilson episode. I can't wait to see you in the comment section!
With the NBA celebrating its 75th Anniversary all season long (similarly to the NFL with #NFL100 in 2019), we've seen teams rockin' 1940s era throwbacks, and the association made a "controversial" NBA 75 team. I thought they could've done a better job unveiling it, like how the NFL had hours of programming dedicated to #NFL100, but not every league has their own version of NFL Films (how that's the case in 2021...I'll never understand, but Sabols don't grow on trees; R.I.P.). Yesterday, the Boston Celtics announced a ballot for their 75th Anniversary All-Celtics Team, where fans have a chance to submit a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd team of greatest Celtics from the NBA's first 75 seasons. I get that the whole 75 options for 75 years thing, but if I'm a guy like Brandon Bass, I'm almost embarrassed to be mentioned in the same sentence as Larry Bird or Bill Russell. Here's the C's official spiel: Welcome to our 75th Anniversary All-Celtics Team voting platform, presented by Arbella Insurance! We’re asking Celtics Nation to cast their votes for the top 15 Celtics players of all time. We have presented a list of 75 players who are eligible for votes – 30 backcourt players, and 45 frontcourt players. Votes should be cast regardless of position and based upon each player’s individual performance and overall contributions to the franchise while a member of the Celtics organization. As an added bonus, we’re allowing fans to place their list of 15 players into First-, Second- and Third-Teams, although every vote counts the same regardless of rank. The 15 members of the 75th Anniversary All-Celtics Team will be publicly announced later this season. Enter to win two tickets to a Celtics game and admission to the Celtics’ 75th Anniversary Welcome Home event later this season! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Must be 18+. See official rules for details. It's still football season, so admittedly I've caught about 30% of the C's action to this point this year, but as a sports historian, a list like this is right up my alley. The Celtics have one of the most storied histories in all of professional sports (granted, a solid chunk of it is from before color TV). According to the C's, we aren't held down by position restrictions, so if you want to make a list of a dozen 2 guards and three centers, that is your right! Not to s my own d, but for your average nearly 30 year old, I feel like my knowledge of Celtics history is at least in the top five percentile; you can trust MY ballot will be fair! No Ray Allen or HOFers that averaged 4.7 points a game on my list! I was gonna write a little something about all these gentlemen, but I only saw three of them play live, so that wouldn't be very fair of me, now would it?
If you want to submit your own 75th Anniversary All-Celtics team for a chance to win two tickets to a Celtics game and the 75th Anniversary "Welcome Home" event later this season, use THIS LINK!
Song: Yes, I'm Changing (2015) [Live in Brazil]
Artist: Tame Impala Album: Currents
I listen to this song almost every day, and it's probably been used as a SOD before, but that's okay; it's one of my favorite Tame songs and live performances. I'm using it to signify a tour that I MUST attend!!
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