To say life comes at you fast would be an understatement of the century, given the current status of the world. Two weeks ago, life was simple. I was showing up to work everyday, contemplating eating 43 McDonald's hamburgers to get some Barstool eyes on DOL. Just livin'. Today I am finally getting a chance to recap everything that went down leading up to Burger Day (3/7/2020) and the days since in the middle of a Wednesday since schools are shutdown due to a world-wide pandemic.
I guess we should start at the beginning.
On March 2nd, 2020 the prospect of Dave "El Pres" Portnoy eating 43 Burgers for his 43rd birthday arose on Picks Central (a barstool radio show).
This all was tied into Dave's 43rd birthday and the upcoming "Good Vibes Only" tour for March Madness. Remember that? It shows you how much the world has changed these last two weeks. Another excuse why I haven't been able to write this blog until now!
After weighing the pros and cons with friends, family and my mental health professional, I decided I would attempt this challenge. The goal was simple; use my evil "talent" that's normally reserved for my driver seat or bedroom for good in hopes of getting eyeballs on my blog, my writing, my social media and of course myself. I have plenty of experience in food challenges.
I've been saying for years how much I want towork for Barstool. No need to fluff this blog with all the backstory, but I often lay in bed at night thinking about how I haven't truly done all I could. You can always put in more effort. I grind, but I'm human. I have flaws. I can do nothing for hours and be completely content. I know could write more than I do, I look back at times when my depression was at it's worse where I barely wrote. I get mad at myself for not "powering through", when we all know sometimes it's just not possible. I've just been really apprehensive to put myself out there in fear of the effects on my actual paying job. For me, substitute teaching is a living hell, but it's a hell I to endure with. Gotta be able to afford to survive. Plus the flexibility it gives me while I pursue my Barstool dream makes getting harassed by 13 year olds all worth it. The whole "one leg in the teacher pants, one leg in the blogger (jogger) pants" thing was making it impossible for me truly succeed at either. I've known for a long time that teaching is not how I want to make a living. I've lived scared. I haven't taken the necessary risks in life to get where I want to go. 27+ years of that playbook wasn't working. It's time to implement a new system.
That's when I dropped this video on my IG (@dozonlife). Most of this was filmed in the parking lot of my therapist's office because I just went straight from work and had 45ish minutes to kill while I waited. 2010-19 Dozo would've just taken a nap or fucked around on his phone.
You can see how good I was looking when I was chowing that first practice burg. The damage I've done to my physical appearance from these burgers/days afterwards is no bueno.
After that there was no turning back. I was all in. It's crazy to think where my week went. I had just started the shakes again to lose the Christmas/Patriots wild card round loss weight I gained after my cleanse ended in mid-December that very morning. I was debating between taking my lunch shake or just starting to train that day. I had kept saying I was going to start back up and would keep pushing it back.
My battle food/weight/me is something I've very open about. I'm sure there were lots of people confused why the hell I was putting myself through this sort of potential health risk/physical pain? Especially after how vocal I've been in the past.
Two words: Calculated risk.
So by the 4th it was settled. I was doing this thing. With multiple days to plan I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I eat, we film it and put it online. Not exactly rocket science. Boy was I wrong. It wasn't a failure by any means, but I just think there was so much more stuff we could've done had there been an ounce of planning. I fucked up big time with organization. We should've had every burger in a thread on twitter. Oh well. Learning curve!
The chaos made the day fun. I cannot thank the people who came out to watch enough. It's wild to think people would actually dedicate put of their Saturday to watch me to do this. A lot were friends, a few were family, but there was a decent chunk of people I've never met before in my friend Sean's house watching me shovel burgers down my throat. Fucking wild! They all helped make the day what it was. I wouldn't have been able to do it with out them.
An even bigger thanks goes to my friends who actually helped make this day happen. Those who filmed, held things, got me water, laughed at shitty jokes, didn't leave after I projectiled on a burger and ate it (after rinsing it off), helped get the burgers, let me go to their house/bar and other things I'm surely forgetting as I try to finish this blog by the time CCK starts to finally follow up Jake's call.
The organization could've been better. I wish I could just post burgers 1-43 but the reality is I ate every single one of those burgers. Here's the incomplete countdown!
Most of the day we were at my best friend/ebro Sean's house. Without him the day would not have been possible. He will receive just compensation when I make it. Thank you Seanny for the 34820380284th time. Danielle is in the same boat. They deserve at least 5% of the credit ;)
After picking up the burgers around 11:45 am we drove back to Sean's to start crushing at high noon. I started eating burgers 1 and 2 the moment my car clock struck noon. I had two burgers (4.65% of the challenge) down before even leaving my vehicle. This was filmed shortly after I got inside, just posted a little later.
Sriracha was my worst call of the day. I don't know wtf I was thinking? Actually yes I do; I've watched A LOTTTT of Man V. Food over the years. It used to be on Netflix a few years back. Adam Richman said in challenges like this it's important to keep your pallet entertained. I figured it'd help break up the dryness.
For burgers 11-14 we went to the Ocean Mist.
I still can't believe that old guy reading the paper. Talk about not giving a fuck. There's literally two dozen people around you screaming at some fat fuck loser eating cold burgers and he just kept reading the paper. Outside on a windy day mind you! Elite IDGAFness from that guy. I said something to him at one point and he didn't even give me the time of day. Just kept reading. Unreal.
At this point in the day I had gone from an amazing pace (10 burgers in 1:17) to four burgers in about two hours. Your boy was slowing down for sure. As I write this and try to recap that day in my mind it's really hard to remember every burger. I had less than 3 drinks throughout the day and did take like 4 hits from the end of a joint because nobody wanted to hit it after me (understandable), but I was in a haze. I was food drunk. So much stuff was going on, thank God for video.
Burgers 20-21 are where the Kobayashi method was implemented to help me gain a little of the momentum I had to start the day. It helped! (sorry the footage is so shitty)
This is when we realized just save every live and post later. Would've been much easier to do this from the jump instead of having to screen grab videos.
Picking up burgers 26-35.
My Instagram live of burger #30.
27-29 is my favorite footage of the entire day, so of course that's one that IG took down for copyright infringement despite clear use of parody law. I will find a way to post it and add it to this blog in post.
We went back to McDonald's to grab the final Burgers then bounced around a party, Sean's and a bar to finish the night.
I finished up at my local watering hole; Pelly's Place for Burger 43. It was amazing. I was actually going to finish. When I wasn't even at 20 I felt like the odds were against me. Just the type competitor I am, I suppose? I would not have made it through the day without music!!! Burger 7 is all-time.
Last Wednesday my buddy called into CCK on Barstool Radio to talk about the challenge.
Kayce was not a fan of the Doz man!!
I am going to attempt to call into CCK today. I tried last week, but that whole sports stopping/pandemic thing sort of took the wind out of my sails. Felt like a bad time to call and be like hey guys did you see me eat 11,000 calories?
Was it worth it? We'll find out. My IG has gained nearly 100 followers. This blog still needs a little TLC, but I'm going to try to call into CCK rn and need this posted. #HireDozo
At the very least they know my name!
âI LOVE THIS GUY