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A full day's passed since the Boston Celtics won the Eastern Conference, and I still almost can't believe it. I mean, I do. I saw it with my own two eyes, but it's been a remarkable run. We all know about the 18-21 or 25-25 mark, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way, even with their incredible second-half turnaround. They've put themselves in challenging situations these playoffs and fought their way out. I thought we were dead after the Game 5 collapse vs. Milwaukee.
I get a little 2014 Patriots vibe from this squad. I watched most of the infamous Chiefs game at a now-dead pub called Rhody Joe's (which inspired my also dead Twitter @RhodyDoz) and remember asking myself if Tom Brady really wasn't going to ever win another Super Bowl (remember at this point, the Pats hadn't won since 2004), then they went 13-2 the rest of the way en route to a 4th Lombardi. With this year's Celtics, the whole 18-21 thing is sorta their Chiefs MNF moment. I never wanted to split up the Jays, but the season (until January) was so frustrating because they kept blowing games and not playing up to their potential. It felt like a wasted year of two young studs career. Now they're in the Finals. I love this team. It's homegrown. I've watched them grow up and get stronger from all the playoff heartbreak of years past. I saw a freshly drafted Marcus Smart outside Dockside in summer 2014 and got denied a photo op because he wasn't supposed to be out. I remember drafting Jaylen Brown and being like, "who the fuck is that?" because I don't watch Pac-12 basketball. Jayson Tatum was only 19 when he got here, and now he's the inaugural Eastern Conference Finals MVP. I'll muck it up with my friends and talk shit into the internet void about and to fascist politicians until the cows come home, but I am a non-confrontational guy by nature.
But I am also a brutally honest fellow, sometimes to my detriment. I just believe true friends tell each other the hard to hear stuff. If my boys were like, "nah, Dozo, you look great; you didn't put on a quick hundo during Covid," that would piss me off. If my fly were down or I had shit in my teeth, I'd want my friends to let me know. I'd do the same for them. I mean, don't tell me to give up the Barstool dream because that's the quickest way to a lifetime shun, but I think you're getting my point. Honesty is the best policy (which is one reason why I hate fascist politicians).
It's tough because I love Jayson Tatum, and even though he's signed through the 2025-26 season, I'm terrified he'll end up elsewhere. I don't want him to leave because I mentioned how his tattoos are grammatically incorrect or that this whole Kobe text thing is fucking WEIRD. But if the niche bloggers of the world don't tell those truths, what's the point? What's this all about? What am I working toward? #HireDozo 
Now I get it, Tatum is a Kobe guy. I have zero issue with that (apart from some allegations). We all have heroes.
But his tragedic and untimely death really brought out the weirdness in people. It was the clout chasing Olympics. Nobody exemplifies that better than failed URI basketball coach and 1x @Dozonlife blocker David Cox with the most unnecessary photoshop of 2020.
After the Celtics won Game 7 of the 2022 NBA Eastern Conference Finals, Tatum posted a 10 picture thread of the celebration. That's expected. I'd do the same if I were him, but he ended the post with a poorly cropped screenshot of a text he sent to a very dead Kobe Bryant prior to tipoff.
You're an NBA (borderline) superstar JT. We know this shit means a lot to you. You're a fucking hooper, my guy. You can miss Kobe, love Kobe, and worship Kobe. That's all well and good, but this was a weird fucking move.
It's okay. My whole life is one big weird fucking move. We all post weird shit online. Sometimes you end up fishing for likes, but the people who condone this behavior are troublesome. Just because you can shoot a ball into a hoop super well or throw that shit DOWN doesn't mean people can't tell you the truth. Do you want a bunch of yes men telling who don't tell you there's spinach in your teeth or niche bloggers with fantastic hair spitting straight facts? There's literally no point in sending a text to a number that's been disconnected for over two years. It didn't go through. I actually sorta take that back. Sometimes it feels good to get shit out, but to post it publicly...idk, very strange move. Like you wanted people to see that. Again, I love you and please never leave us, but this was bizarro. Corn, if you will. You've got the life, JT. And again, I'm not trying to ruffle feathers (your hair looked great Game 7), just give you some friendly advice/use this story to hopefully grow my brand. Keep that shit to yourself next time. Believe it or not, there are plenty of thoughts I keep in the chamber. I haven't dissected all the interactions that post garnered, but tons of people,,, enjoyed it and thought it was cool???!! Also, "hits different" is one of my least favorite phrases in the English language. When I use it, I'm making fun of people who say it genuinely...just like how I started saying swag and now it's one of my go to word *shrug emoji* 
Okay, so I did a little dissecting, s/o @thefunkopappii.
My linked tweet says it perfectly and I put here again.
You're my fucking guy, JT. I support you, regardless. Go win a ring. Do that and idc what you post online (as long as it doesn't support fascist politicians). #BLEEDGREEN and yes I intentionally referenced Korn after calling that corn. I've been hooked on that song lately.
1 Comment
Mamba
6/1/2022 11:44:06 pm
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