Reflecting/Recapping My 30th Year
I don't know if reflecting/recapping age 30 would be reflecting on my 31st year since 0 through 1 counts as a year...either way, here's a blog reflecting/recapping my year as a 30-year-old.
I'm starting this blog at 9:19 pm EST on December 14th, which means I'll be 31 years old in less than three hours. If you want to be official-official, I'm not 31 until 8:22 am.
The first year of my 30s flew by. I feel like I didn't do much, but then when I look back I'm like damn, Dozie, you saw your favorite band twice in a week, went to the NBA Finals and managed to not even kiss a single woman. What a year!
I'm still trying to dig myself out of the hole I got into in 2020 and since March, I've been on a hiatus from teaching; I'm still unsure if I'll ever return. Life has been unquestionably better since I got out of the classroom, but I also need to keep my insurance that I feel like I could lose any day now. Some people think I'm crazy for still chasing my Barstool dreams, but as I told some friends and my ex-GF on Thanksgiving Eve at Pelly's, we only have one life, and I'd rather spend mine going after what I want than settling and thinking what if 40 years from now. I know I have what it takes; I just have to stop being such a pussy and truly go for it.
When I was in my mid-20s, I was one of those annoying people who was like, "OMG, I'm so old," but now I've completely flipped it. I'm still young. Outside of being fat, I feel young. Covid cost me my late 20s, so let's just say I'm turning 29. The best thing I did this year was start working out again, so hopefully, I've got at least like 58 (had to throw in a Dozah reference) more birthdays left, excluding tomorrow.
I won't lie, this year hasn't been easy. My dad moved to Florida, so now both of my parents live in DeathSantis land. It's feels like a precursor to the day I become an adult orphan like Funkhouser (may God bless his soul) and I am so not ready for that. Of course, I've had my battles with the depresh and I'm trying to best I can to just make it through the day. I feel so disconnected from people and it sucks, but I'm like so in my head that I think of a million reasons to not reach out (mainly the shame of the situation I've gotten myself into, fear of rejection, fear I'm a burden, etc.), but I'm hoping to get my groove back for 31. I want to spend more time with my friends. Between the panny and getting older, it's been tough to see people as much as I'd like and I just want to have better relationships with the people I care about. I hate being scared to text people I've now known more than half my life.
It took a while, but I'm starting to take care of myself again. I have a PCP now and started seeing a chiropractor about a month ago. I've been working out 4-5 days a week for the last five weeks, but I've got a long ass way to go. My size and mental stuff have definitely held me back from truly going after it with Barstool and by that I mean actively sending shit in. I want to meet someone too, I'm sick of being alone. I've used my weight and the panny as an excuse for too long, but also know I need to love myself before I can truly love someone else and be a good partner. I've bounced around building this blog and it's now nearly 3 am on my b-day and I've only gotten to mid-November so far, but yeah...this was a cool reflection on the year the was. My memory sort of sucks when I'm not like having conversations with people or looking at pics/videos to help joggle it, so there could easily be some cool stuff I simply forgot during blog construction or omitted for personal reasons (like I just added that second half of the sentence at 3:37 am). It's been cool to look through my camera roll and various other sources to recreate the last 365 days. Here are some of the highs and lows that was my 30th year/age 30/whatever the correct term is. I hope you enjoy. Yeah there's gonna be some fragments here. You've been warned.
December 17th, 2021: Went to my buddies' hockey fundraiser, then sang two songs at Celtica (r.i.p.) karaoke night. It was packed, so my first song was "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam, hoping to kill some vibes so people would leave and it'd be less busy for my friends and me to sing. That didn't really work (vibes were killed, but people stayed), but I redeemed myself with a little Panic!
also, I sharted ripping a bowl before karaoke...luckily I had spare boxers in my trunk
December 26th, 2021: Went to Bills-Pats (birthday present) with my dad and watched the first of nearly 13 straight quarters of football where the Patriots failed to force a Bills punt. This is the only pic I took of us together, and I used my scarf to cover up this nasty growth I had on my nose—S/o my sister for getting me that throwback Bruschi jersey for Christmas.
There's a smile!
December 28th, 2021: I got that nasty growth cut off my nose. Believe it or not, I was more self-conscious about it than my morbidly obese frame!
Spoiler Alert: It was crazy money. Apparently, I needed a referral from my PCP (something I didn't have at the time) and got charged like $650 on top of the 100ish it was to get it lasered off in about 10 seconds. Well worth it to get that monstrosity off my nose, but also utter bull shit.
January 4th, 2022: the world learns my students stared a rumor that I have an OnlyFans (I mean I have an account to help support small businesses, but they meant like I did porn/sex work on OF which is such a weird fucking rumor to start for a billion reasons)
January 10th, 2022: experienced frozen hair, a la Sanka from Cool Runnings (easily one of my 10 favorite movies)
January 18th, 2022: Anonymously donated to my friend's Haymakers for Hope cause (hashtag good guy). He'd end up winning the fight later in the year! fuck cancer.
February 2nd, 2022: witne22ed hi2tory
February 18th, 2022: Found a nice drawing on my desk.
February 24th, 2022: Went through my old Pokemon cards. WHY WASN'T CHARIZARD IN A CASE?!?
March 2nd, 2022: Officially put on Administrative Leave from my school department. I haven't talked about this much on the blog for obvious reasons, but it truly was one of the biggest blessings in disguise in the history of humanity. My life has been much less stressful, and I've made ends meet from ubin. Long story short, students were fucking with me for over 20 minutes, and I snapped and said something I shouldn't have and immediately apologized. A student recorded me when this happened and brought it to the principal later that day. The next day, I went in as normal, prepped during my free period, then before I went into my classroom, a sub told me to go downstairs and I knew I was fucked. I talked to the principal about what happened, went home early and came in the next day, did the same thing, actually taught for about 10 minutes before the same sub got me and brought downstairs and that's when I found out I was on leave.
The best part of the ordeal is that the incident occurred on the first day back from February break. The student who snitched on me was visibly poor and would often complain about it during class (while never doing any work despite being one of the brightest kids in his grade). On the last day before February break, he was complaining about being hungry, so I took him aside privately after class and told him that I heard him and that I know we don't get along super well, but I didn't wanna see him go hungry tonight and gave him $7 (that's all I had in my wallet) to get something. At first, he refused, but I insisted (hashtag good guy). I don't regret helping him out, but it's fucking crazy that legit the next school day after I did something nice for him, he basically entrapped me. Sometimes I wonder if he did that on purpose to free me from the hell that was that position, but I think it was just kids being kids, fucking with me. I can return to this district. I ended up getting in no trouble because the recording showed how much they were fucking with me and how I immediately apologized after I said what got me in trouble, so it turned into a medical leave because I mentioned being dead by the end of the year from how the kids treat me, but honestly, I don't wanna go back and have avoided it this long. #HireDozo, so I don't have to.
March 3rd, 2022: watched Tatum go off on his birthday against Ja & the Grizzlies (my first in-person Celtics game since Game 2 of the 2018 ECF). Ja had a nasty dunk on the hoop by our seats.
March 10th, 2022: Surpassed the 3000th level of Candy Crush (currently at 3702)
March 12th, 2022: Saw Tame Impala (my favorite band/solo artist who is also sort of a band) for the first time with five of my friends. [Mohegan Sun]
watching that wave crash on drugs was siiiiick
March 16th, 2022: Second Tame Impala show in less than a week [TD Garden]. Sadly, they didn't play "The Moment" at either concert, but both were fucking incredible.
March 19th, 2022: Saw Tom Segura live with my sister and her husband. R.I.P. Bob Saget. We went to Guy Fieri's place before the show, but I don't have any pics from that meal. I do not remember what I got. Probably a burger.
March 21st-22nd, 2022: Crushed it on Twitter Showtunes; gained 100ish followers that seldom engage with my content!
March 23rd: Got a double fortunate cookie with my order from one of the many local Chinese restaurants near my house.
April 24th: Caught a quick 1000 piece paying homage to the best character on Barry. I love Noho Hank.
April 28th: Threw away $351 believing in Matt Ryan. The worst part is, the Titans are frauds like I expected (they're 7-6 and have lost 3 straight), but the Colts ended up being one of the most disappointing teams in the league.
April 29th, 2022: I'm just out to fiiiind, the maaaaan in the box
May 8th, 2022: Nearly died laughing watching this SNL skit. Benny Cum crushed this episode. The ice cream skit is gold too.
May 13th, 2022: did my part to save the world. tough love.
May 16th, 2022: best email I've ever received (until I'm #hireDdozo). Idk if I'll ever teach again, but kids like this make wanna go back. This is what it's all about.
May 23rd, 2022: Watched the Celtics win Game 4 of the 2022 ECF (their only home win of the series) from like 10 rows back en route to their first Conference Championship since 2010 (the year I graduated HS).
May 29th, 2022: Celtics win the East. I took one of the least flattering selfies of all time.
May 18th (giving myself one out of order post): took this gorgeous selfie in the bathroom of some random jam band show at Fete--hard to believe these are the same person!
June 2nd: Spotted a brown bowl in the wild.
June 6th, 2022: Got my first ultrasound
June 14th, 2022: Weighed in at the fattest I've ever been. It's fucking gross, but a spot I got myself into and something I'm currently fixing. I have a follow up Dr. appointment on the 22nd and am pretty sure I'm well back into the 3s now, but I'll know for sure then. My goal is to be back into the 200s by my 32nd birthday. It's a goal I hope to shatter well before 12/15/23.
June 16th, 2022: Watched the 2021-22 Boston Celtics season come to a screeching halt at Game 6 of the NBA Finals: Presented by YoutubeTV. We'll always have those first few minutes.
June 18th, 2022: Had the first puker in my 6+ year ub** career.
June 29th, 2022: the driver's dilemma...she had a great ass too...it would've been my honor to eat it (consensually of course)
July 2nd, 2022: Steely Dan live at Mansfield with 2 buds! I was too embarrassed to ask them to take a pic in front of the sign and ended up with this.
I get why they didn't, but man would I have loved to hear "Only a Fool Would Say That." I love so many Steely Dan songs, but that's my all time fave.
July 5th, 2022: Witnessed the most pointless spare "tire" of all time.
July 6th, 2022: Sold my Pontiac to some randos from Facebook Marketplace. The dude showed me a knife he brought and mentioned that he had a gun in his car! High key thought I was gonna die during the test drive, his wife was weaving through traffic at like 60 in a 35.
(continued): hit 5,000 career ubies--currently sit at 6,242...sadly that 0 ticket stat would die by the end of the month.
July 14th, 2022: drove a wine bottle the size of a 3rd grader.
July 19th, 2022: Years of white privy finally caught up to me. I got my first ever speeding ticket while on a call with my therapist. Before this, I had been pulled over at least 20 times with warnings thanks to being a pizza delivery guy and ubah driver. Oinker was camped at the bottom of the Jamestown Bridge smh. That's not speeding, it's gravity. Technically, I got a ticket for an illegal u-turn in 2009 after I got in a car accident where I crashed into my junior prom date, but I wasn't pulled over then, so this was the first time I got a ticket after getting pulled over. Of course it was Jamestown.
(later rescinded thanks to my good driving record)
July 21st, 2022: Went to KFC Radio live and pussied out at an opportunity that could've been my big break (but I had a legit excuse)
July 22nd, 2022: Was a piece of meat for some passenger (I loved it).
July 26th, 2022: Went to Cobra Man in Boston with a bunch of friends and had a panic attack during the skate video portion of the show, but rallied for the main event.
After the show ended, I was omw to the bathroom when this dude asked me to take a pic with him, then the chick jumped in. They took a bunch, but I only got this massive quintuple chin one via airdrop (which took like 3 minutes irt, which felt like years).
July 27th, 2022: Had what was hopefully not the last Choco Taco of my life.
August 3rd, 2022: Got reaaally into craiyon (former Dall-e 2)
August 6th, 2022: Posted my most successful (likes wise) tweet of my career. The video I replied to is fucking hysterical. Top 5 funniest short videos I've seen in 2022.
August 8th-9th: Went to the ER because I took a melted edible leftover from Cobra Man that had me thinking I was a goner. I legit thought that was it for ya boi. I felt my head pop and soul get sucked out of my body. I haven't an eddie since, but full disclosure...I've been ripping the bowl while building this blog. It's currently 1:30 am on my birthday and I haven't gotten a single "happy birthday" message yet which I'll let slide since it's late and I'm 31. Nobody cares about single 31 year olds bday and that's how it should be. Besides I'm 29.
I was at the ER so long that I came down and knew I was good, but got wrapped up in precautionary tests. Like when I first got there, I got my vitals taken, a few other things and sent back to the waiting room for like an hour and thought I was gonna go home. Then three hours later I'm getting my 2nd ultrasound of 2022...did not see that coming going into the year. But as a big dude, I've had a ton of anxiety about my heart and just like dropping dead, so it was worth the $100 co-pay for peace of mind. It's weird, I've had nights were I've taken way more edibles and nothing happens and this night I have 50 mg and spend around five hours at Kent.
August 13th, 2022: Went to my 2nd Jimmy Buffet concert. TBH, I consider it 1.5 shows cause I passed out at my first one in 2016 after I got QB sneaked. Sorry again for sleeping too late for your pick up Z & Em!
August 17th: Got my first anxiety meds. I think I started them on the 22nd though. They've worked wonders so far.
(continued): and gave Netflix some much needed constructive criticism---if you watched that doc you know exactly what I'm talking about.
August 25th, 2022: dunked on Curt Schilling
September 3rd, 2022: Went bowling for my boy Z's 30th. I think I broke 100 once in three games...and had double digit gutter balls.
September 4th, 2022: Drafted this team (pick 10 of 12) that ended up finishing in 4th place (8-6). I think my season ends this week, but regardless, I'm a great GM (even though Renfrow, Hines, and every pick after Mostert are no longer on team Cookin Up Sutton Good). Kelce was a ballsy pick that paid off. Sutton and Gabe Davis have been major disappointments. I picked up Watson from the Packers for $27 after the Cowboys game and he's been huge for me. Spent $21 on Curtis Samuel after week 1 and he's had some nice games for me as well; the same can be said for Cole Kmet ($4).
unfortunately, I broke a cone at the draft (luckily I salvaged the reefer).
September 12th, 2022: had a tweet making fun of Matt Patricia (who must be fired) featured on Barstool. This was great news to wake up to at 3pm.
September 14th, 2022: my 3rd Florence show, but sadly another show without a group photo. Actually I think we got a few, they just aren't on my phone and I'm not about to ask for them at this hour. Obvi Flo crushed it per usual, but I wish she played more of her classics and less of her latest album. I get that's how it's gonna go when you're on that album's tour; it's just fucking crazy that I've been to 3 Florence + the Machine shows and still haven't seen "No Light, No Light."
Like "Big God" fucking sucks, Flo should perform "Queen of Peace" at every show...it's maybe her best live song.
September 15th, 2022: helped my dad (handed him tools) change my brakes when he was in town for one wedding and a funeral.
September 16th: Outlaw Fest (Avett Brothers, Billy Strings, and Willie Nelson) with my aunt and Z. My roommate went too with his cousin and they tailgated with us beforehand. I bought a $50 Willie Nelson shirt because I was hashtag drunk. It's a swaggy T tho.
October 23rd, 2022: innovated better than Elon
October 29th, 2022: went to two Halloween parties as Argyle from Stranger Things. Would it have been better if I was with people also dressed as characters from ST? You bet, but I still looked great and my luscious locks got countless compliments (yes, that's the same bathroom as the viral brown toilet from June 2nd).
continued: Michael has since deleted his twitter (can't blame him), but I'm glad he got to be a part of this tweet
November 3rd, 2022: The 1975 at Mohegan. They're one of my favorite bands so I wasn't missing this show (especially at that price point).
It was my 3rd career solo concert (HAIM, 2018; Kings of Leon; 2021), but luckily someone I went to high school with found me and stayed with me for like half the show until she left to the go to the bathroom but couldn't get back onto the floor (which I had warned her of).
November 7th, 2022: started going to the gym consistently for the first time since before Covid. Got a major sign from my guys/possibly God??
November 10th, 2022: Nathan numbies
November 12-13th, 2022: went to Boston for my buddy's 31st b-day. Went to Senses Failed & rocked out like I was in 7th grade and saw a dude in a Wendy's uniform in the pit.
in the trenches
November 14th, 2022: posted a TikTok making fun of fascist Qunt MTG at Planet Fitness that went baby-viral.
November 18th, 2022: woke up to the devastating news that my baby-viral TikTok was removed. What a bummer on the Jonestown "anniversary."
November 20th, 2022: new high score...can I get a HASHTAG GOOD GUY??!??!
December 5th, 2022: admitted that I fucked up waiting so long to get my back played with
December 6th, 2022: Hit 45 minutes of cardio in one gym session for the first time since I started working out again. When I first started, I could barely make it 20.
December 9, 2022: Posted Shit Ubah Drivers Hear to TikTok. It has 1300 likes and counting. Not to suck my own dick, but I knocked this out of the park...especially when you consider that I didn't write a script.
December 14th-15th: Spent nearly 8 hours creating a recap of my age 30 season and didn't even mention that including this piece, I've written 378 blogs in 2022. Not bad for a passion project. I love writing and couldn't think of a better way to spend the first five hours of my 31st birthday. If you made it through this whole blog and actually watched the videos (I get it if you didn't watch all the concert stuff, but the content pieces really help paint the picture) thank you so much. Even if you didn't watch a single video, thank you for reading this blog. It truly means so much to me that anybody reads my stuff. I used Grammarly up to like March and gave this a couple read throughs, but I'll run it through Grammarly tomorrow. Sorry if there's some typos, I was just trying to include as much stuff as I could. I hope you laughed or learned something. It's now 5:12 am (and still haven't gotten a single hbd) and I need get some shut eye. Once I wake up, I'm gonna send this to some Barstool people and see what happens. It's time to truly go for it. #HireDozo
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