NFSW: If you're in my family, sit this one out.
Yesterday, in my Jonah Hill blog, I referenced some data that shows how after five years of blogging, my Jonah Hill Fattest Movie Performance Power Ranking blog still gets "substantial" views every week. In that same post, I promised to explain why my Super Bowl Logo blog from September of 2018 put up such astronomical numbers last month, and as a man of my word, that is exactly what this post is about!
Let's go back in time to February 11th, 2021.
It's a Thursday; I had just blogged about Arlo Parks (to go full-circle, she's on Jimmy Fallon tonight) and was in a solid-to-thriving headspace for at least two reasons that I can recall 18 days later:
#1. It was a Professor night on The Chase.
#2. I was mere hours away from February vacation and a week away from living as an imposter; a week away from being COVID police during lunch duty; a week away from wasting my life trying to make a difference in the world when I should be using my weird-brain to help Barstool Sports get to the fucking moon. I was beyond excited for 3:15 PM Friday.
At 8:50 PM EST, Barstool Blogger, Movie Database maker, and The Dozen Trivia Host, Jeff D. Lowe tweeted about Super Bowl LVI's logo. FTR, I did not see this tweet on my timeline in real-time.
At 9:28 PM EST, I replied to that tweet to build off Jeff's take by explaining that it's a lame corporate move by the NFL and posted a link to my blog that goes deeper into the topic.
If you're a returning reader to DOL, you know it is my life's goal to blog for Barstool Sports. I have put all my eggs in the Barstool basket. I have no back-up plan. I would quit teaching today if it weren't a pandemic. I'd spin "the die or get hired by Barstool Roulette wheel" without blinking an eye.
I go back and forth with how to use Twitter to interact with Barstool bloggers and personnel. On the one hand, it's the best way to reach out to bloggers and make contact. I'll reply with blogs relevant to what they're talking about, but I also don't want to just spam with "#HireDozo" posts or seem like a fan-boy. I have in the past, and I don't want to be annoying...while also knowing I would be a perfect fit if given the time of day—textbook anxiety. I over-think the entire ordeal.
Well, wouldn't you know, over an hour later, at 10:48 PM EST, Jeff D. Lowe quote-retweeted my tweet about Super Bowl logos that included a link to dozonlife.com? I'm not sure if he actually read the post or not, but his tweet does reference a point I made in my blog.
So to answer why my blog got so many clicks it's simple; exposure.
Normally my tweets get somewhere between 100-300 impressions. This was a tad more than that.
Hoooooolllllly shit!
Finally, some eyeballs on DOL! I've gotten likes and RT's from bloggers in the past, but never with anything regarding a blog I wrote. This is exactly what I've been waiting for all these years! My writing finally got some recognition (sort of). You'd think I'd be foaming at the mouth to pounce at this opportunity to keep the conversation going, right? NOT SO FAST. 
Remember, his reply to me was over an hour after my original tweet. Sure, it was a Thursday night, but it was still a school night, and I was trying to get a good night's sleep by falling asleep before midnight. A maintenance pipe cleaning is necessary to power down after another day of existence.
In case you still don't get it, I was applying the hand brake, choking the chicken, holding the sausage hostage, adjusting the antenna, calling down for more mayo, shaking hands with Yul Brynner, giving myself the low five, honkin' my horn; I WAS JERKING OFF!
Spoiler alert: 29-year-old man who hasn't had a girlfriend in two-years jerks off! Sorry for being so crass on my BARSTOOL SPORTS sample blog. At 10:48 PM that is a completely normal and humane thing to be doing. It's not like I was tweeted at mid-work day and had this issue pop up. So this whole situation caused ya boi to go into a straight-up panic. When I tell you I thought my heart was going to pop, it's the understatement of the millennium. Like most men in heat, I wasn't thinking straight. All I want to do is write for Barstool Sports and a blogger actually quote-retweeted my blog with nothing coming close to ridicule. What do I do? The lotion was already out of the tube. Do I finish and then reply? Do I break stride and reply? If I reply, do I go with a joke or build off of the lame corporate hatred of the arts stance of the National Football League? What happens if it turns into a full-on conversation? What if my reply sucks? I made the mistake of liking his quote-RT, so he knew I saw (probably not with 65.3K Twitter followers, but again; anxiety). The seconds felt like hours as I roughed up the suspect. As you may have guessed, I did not reach out to Jeff D. Lowe that night or any night that's since followed. Luckily, I still have <100 followers, so I doubt he saw this, but I had to acknowledge what had happened. I just had to get it out, ya know?
After 18 days, which includes an entire week of February vacation, I can laugh at the situation. Well, I mean, I was laughing at the situation the next day, but like my meat-beating panic, I didn't know how to approach the topic. Should I blog it? Do I let it die? Do I tell Jeff the story? Who knows?
I have to thank the data for inspiring me to overshare with my audience of no one (JK I have blogs that have basically 1,000 views). That Jonah Hill story was some serendipitous shit between all the dates, and it leading to the blog data being out there, forcing my hand to blog it. We've all gotten calls mid-jerk before, but nothing in my life has ever compared to the rush of anxiety that came with getting a notification that a Barstool Blogger retweeted one of my blogs while I was relishing my hot dog. I think it's just another added wrinkle to my eventual hireD Dozo story that we'll all laugh about someday; worst case scenario, my mom just read a blog about her son helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college on her birthday.
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