Song: Bronco (2022) Artist: Orville Peck Album: Bronco Orville Peck's sophomore album Bronco dropped Friday, and the first time I heard the title track, I listened to it three straight plays. Nobody in music (that I'm aware of) is making music like Orville rn. I can't wait for the real video because there's no way in hell this doesn't end up a single, or in this album's case a "chapter."
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The OFFICIAL #DOZVSTHEDOZEN RULES
I don't know if it's an homage to Opening Day, but we've got ourselves a good ol' fashioned trivia double-header tonight. These matchups have massive playoff implications! Our first match, (15) Fellas vs. (16) Troops, is a quasi-play-in game with both teams fighting for that final 15 seed. Then (4) Smocking takes on (7) and defending champion Honkers in an important seeding play.
I don't know if you saw or not, but ya boi couldn't miss like Lil Sas on Tuesday. 10 for 10 to start the show. Nineteen points in total which smashed my previous career-high of 16 (I thiink).
I've got a lot to do today before our double-header, so I'll make this quick. I am guaranteeing at least one victory between these two shows. Call me Dozie Namath.
I probably should've already submitted something, but I'm going to film an audition tape for Barstool Idol 3 before the matches, so probably no more blogs today, although that could easily change!
How it'll work tonight: I will host two IG lives (one for each episode). #DozVsTheDozen 51: Doz vs. The Fellas and The Troops. That will end (hopefully with a Dozo victory); I'll stop the stream, then immediately start a second one for #DozVsTheDozen 52: Doz vs. Smockin and Honkers. There is one place and one place only to catch live episodes of #DozVsTheDozen, and that's my Instagram page. You can follow it at @dozonlife for notifications whenever I go live with #DVTD! That'sIG/dozonlife, or if you're watching on a desktop, www.instagram.com/dozonlife. Again, the show will start at 7:05 pm EST. We'll have a brief intermission to start the second stream and probably take a quick poo; then, we're right onto the second leg of our Thursday Night Trivia Double-Header. I can't wait to see ya in the comments! PS. We'll probably end a little before 9 pm, which is a perfect rollover to episodes 7 and 8 of Minx...then I'll finally check out the newTony Hawk doc. HBO should start paying ME! Song: As It Was (2022) Artist: Harry Styles Album: Harry's House This song fucks. It gives me a little bit of a Postal Service vibe in the beginning.
Think twice before you toot. House lawmakers are weighing whether to ban "aggressive" horn-honking.
The omnibus bike and traffic safety bill, sponsored by Representatives Rebecca Kislak, Michelle McGaw, Liana Cassar, Brandon Potter and Teresa Tanzi, was presented to the Judiciary Committee on Tuesday night. If enacted, it would institute a host of initiatives, such as: -Allowing cities and towns to reduce speed limits on state roads in densely populated areas -Establishing a training program to rehabilitate reckless drivers -Requiring the development of a school curriculum on traffic laws and bike safety -Outlawing horn-honking deemed unnecessary. âAnything other than honking to warn wouldn't be allowed. According to the bill, that means no honking "to make an unreasonably loud or harsh sound" and no honking at bicyclists unless a crash is imminent. But the proposal is facing criticism from the American Civil Liberties Union of Rhode Island for what it says could be a violation of First Amendment rights. A violation of free speech? In a letter urging the deletion of that section of the bill, the ACLU cited a 2011 case in Washington state that struck down a similar law. The organization contended that such a "broadly worded ban implicates free speech rights when drivers honk their horns to convey messages unrelated to public safety--including political messages." In that case, the state's Supreme Court said examples of free speech via horn "might include: a driver of a carpool vehicle who toots a horn to let a coworker know it is time to go, a driver who responds to a sign that says 'Honk if you support our troops,' wedding guests who celebrate nuptials by sounding their horns, and a motorist who honks in support of someone picketing on a street corner." Kislak called the free-speech concerns valid, and said she flagged them to the Rhode Island Bicycle Coalition, which helped to draft the bill three years ago. However, Kislak so far has kept the honking rule in the legislation. "I have been on the receiving end of dangerous honking while riding my bike in another state, and so I know that aggressive honking can cause incredibly hazardous conditions for bicycles," she said. "So I was happy to keep that in so that we have a conversation, but I do want to flag that there are also First Amendment concerns, so an important conversation to be had there." The bill has been held for further study.
It's no secret that some truly terrible bills have passed across this country as the right tries their best to use 1930s Europe as a "how to govern" guide since they have no fucking clue, but for the most part, my home state hasn't been affected by the lunacy of the south.
This potential bill isn't as bad as attempting to legalize child marriage or a hateful clear-cut 1st Amendment violations against issues that don't exist (no teacher is actively trying to "convince" kids to transition, you fucking bigots) but its still a violation of the 1st Amendment. Freedom of expression, baby. While I do agree people who abuse the horn are ass holes, especially within the first half-second of a light turning green (FUCKING CHILL!). But if we're trying to legislate car horns, we might as well find a Click remote and fast forward until the sun explodes; we're done as a society. What even constitutes aggressive? Some people think spitting in your partner's mouth during sexual intercourse is aggressive, while for others, that's vital for their standing Tuesday lunch-break fuck sess. Is honking at some mother fucker who just cut you off aggressive? Is honking at some piece of shit riding your ass aggressive? Is a little toot-toot at a fellow "my jeep is my personality" person too aggressive? I'm just saying, where do you draw the line? How can a police officer enforce this? They already have enough on their plate. Now they have to determine the aggressiveness of a honk? I'm sure that won't turn into an issue at all! I mean, is this not the most Rhode Island bull shit you've ever seen? Classic Rhody, tackling the major problems in this state! Why have drivable roads when you can arrest people for honking their car horns?
Seriously, I know it's beaten to death, especially with a variation of road (Rhode) in our name, but the roads in this state are truly dog shit. They look like 19th century surgery scars. Every road in the United States should be pristine.
This feels like a bunch of loser bikers crying to get their way. Wahhhhhh, someone honked, and it scared me on my toy! Maybe if you weren't swerving through traffic like Joseph Gordon Levitt in Premium Rush (I had to search "JGL bike movie" to complete that reference, so I understand if it goes above your head), this wouldn't be an issue?
P.S.
I love to honk at idiot pedestrians in Newport that don't follow the rules of the road. Please don't take that from me. Someone has to teach them not to cross when they don't have the right of way. That picture is from 2015. Selena Gomez is celebrating the launch of her mental health platform Wondermind today— and the star is getting real about her own journey understanding her mental health struggles and getting to a better place. The singer was joined by Wondermind co-founders Mandy Teefey (Gomez’s mother) for an interview on Good Morning America. "Growing up in the spotlight has definitely taught me so much," Gomez started. "I can’t believe I am where I am mentally just because of how I took the necessary steps in order to kind of remove myself from that because it's just not normal. I really want people to be understood and seen and heard. It’s okay to not be okay." Gomez revealed she has stayed offline for over four years now and credits that to making her feel "normal" despite her A-list fame. "haven’t been on the internet in four and a half years," she started. "it has changed my life completely. I am happier, I am more present, I connect more with people. It makes me feel normal." Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder helped tremendously too, she added. "It was really freeing [being diagnosed with bipolar disorder] to have the information. It made me really happy because I started to have a relationship with myself, and I think that’s the best part. Like, I’ve probably been the happiest I’ve ever been. My mom knows." Gomez added that as she approaches her 30th birthday in July, she’s thrilled to embark on that new era in a very strong place. “I couldn’t be more thrilled to step into this chapter alone, independently, strong, confidently," she said. That’s all I really want you know? I’m excited [to turn 30]." You can watch her full interview below: I'm not trying to sound like a hardo, but I never really got into Selena Gomez (although I've been meaning to check out her show with Steve Martin and Martin Short on HULU). She may only be sevenish months younger than me, but I was already too old when she got her break on Disney or whatever it was to willingly absorb that content. Obviously, I'm aware of her music from existing in humanity during the 2010s, but it's not music I listen to or enjoy. I had no idea she had mental health struggles, but then again I totally did because so does every fucking person on this planet (ur boi included). If she's found something that genuinely helps her feel better, I'm all for it. I wish her well with this latest endeavor and believe her when she says being offline helps you feel happier, more present and connected. I'm not anti-Selena Gomez whatsoever. I hope she can help millions of people with their struggles even though the whole "it's okay, to not be okay" slogan makes my skin crawl. That being said: You haven't been online in FOUR AND A HALF YEARS???? Sure, and John Travolta loves crushing pussy. Look, I know people are starting to give up social media because it is one of the best and worst things to ever happen in the history of people. I can believe someone who says they deleted Facebook, Twitter, IG, etc., and legitimately doesn't look at social media anymore. I'm jealous of those people. I hate Twitter. I mean, I love lots of it, but it's so fucking stupid and infuriating. There's the whole witch hunt to see if you ever said something bad before social-acceptance standards changed aspect. People go viral for stolen tweets 58 times a day, which makes my blood boil. Meanwhile, I'm out here pouring my heart out, making dated references, and can't even get a cult that says I love you to love me (long live the Cheapies).
Now there is so much more to the internet than social media, and this is where I just don't believe a word she's saying. Maybe this is just some big rich person loophole because she can pay someone to do it, but the way we consume information has completely changed throughout her lifetime. Do you mean to tell me in the last approximately 1643 days, Selena hasn't once watched a movie or tv show and got curious about how much it made, the name of an actor, what year it came out, who scored it, what the budget was, or if that chick (you can pick who!) was in something else? And if she did watch something it better be on DVD or VHS. Cause baby, streaming is the internet. Even Blu-rays can be the internet. So, she hasn't checked the news or what time a movie is playing? She didn't look up any recipes? Selena never got a little lonely and wanted to Jill off to some beefy man meat? You mean to tell me Selena Gomez hasn't played a single Sporcle quiz in the last four and a half years? Selena, I know you live a life unlike anything I could imagine, but you went through a worldwide pandemic and didn't once go on the internet to, IDK, check things out or pass the fucking time? Theoretically, with her kind of money (85 million dollars according to Celebrity Net Worth), she could pay someone a solid yearly salary to be her personal "Ask Jeeves." Still, I find that highly unlikely, even in a world where it's accurate...I'm sorry, that doesn't fucking count. You're still online by proxy. It's like someone saying, "I don't watch TV" because they stream on their laptop. I can let having THREE HUNDRED AND TEN MILLION Instagram followers slide because she allegedly doesn't run the account, but I'm sorry, I'm calling bull shit. What about TikTok? Is it possible to make those videos without her somehow using the internet? Even if she somehow didn't make the videos herself? If you send someone an iMessage with the video clip for the TikTok, guess what, sweetie? You just used the internet. Don't get me wrong. I'm a person, I've lied for no reason millions, if not billions of times, but usually, it was to avoid getting in trouble or for the thrill of it. But they would at least be sort of believable. "Hey, Ry. What did you do at Matty's house last night?" "Oh, we played Madden and watched the Sox, dad." Yeah, I omitted that we smoked his dad's weed all night. But nobody got hurt. It was fiiiiine. Sure, her lie isn't like an "I really won the election, and now I'm gonna have a coup in plain sight" kind of lie, but it was still destructive because some idiots will believe this shit and then feel bad about themselves when they only make it 17 minutes without impulsively checking eight apps.
Your boi is still riding Higher than Scott Stapp in 1999 after last night's record-setting performance in a very special 50th episode of #DozVsTheDozen. No spoilers, but I started out hotter than Heather Graham in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.
I guess we're really honing in 1999 references today? You never know where the keyboard will take you! I feel like I've used that line about my girl HG before, but that's okay. One, she's perfect, and two, comedians don't have entirely new sets at every show. Plus, as a 30-year-old man, Felicity Shagwell played a significant role in my character development.
But back to the matter at hand, I'm going to get way too distracted thinking about Heather Graham if I don't get back into what this blog is truly about: my INCREDIBLE performance in a very special 50th episode extravaganza. No spoilers, but we had a 10/10 start for Ole Dozie!!! If this were Beer Pong, the other team would've never gotten a chance to shoot.
Many are saying it's fate that I put up such an impressive performance the day before Barstool announced Barstool Idol 3, and I agree with all those people! #HireDozo
I started writing this blog as a preview for tonight's match, but apparently, there is no match tonight. Instead, we've got a double-header tomorrow. Hand up; I missed that IRT when I looked at the graphic.
That gives you plenty of time to watch, like, and subscribe, then watch more of my videos and follow that pattern. Can we please pad the stats one time for the boi?
DOL Youtube Song: In My Dreams (1985) Artist: Dokken Album: Under Lock and Key I cannot stop listening to this song (ELITE harmonies) and am obsessed with the low-quality mid-80s computer graphics that must've absolutely blown people's minds IRT. S/O Sean Wrong. P.S.
I use "IRT" a lot in blogs and am worried some might not know that it's shorthand for "in real-time." Now you do!
I guess HBO Max is going by just Max now? Whatever the streaming service may be called, they and HBO have been knocking shit out of the park in 2022. If I ever lost access to my buddy's account, I'd definitely bite the bullet and get my own subscription.
It's not for everybody, but I loveedd The Gilded Age. As a low-key historian, I'm a big period-piece guy, and that terrible era is one of my favorites. Righteous Gemstones season 2 was hilarious and heartfelt at times. Winning Time: the Rise of the Lakers is fantastic. I love how they splice in 70s quality film to make it feel like you're there, even though it'd be crisp footage if you were. But Minx is my favorite of them all.
I'm gonna do my best to avoid spoilers and major plot points because I'm a hashtag good guy.
Starting in 1971 California, Minx tells the story of Joyce Prigger, a Vasser alum trying to get her feminist magazine The Matriarchy Awakens published. Right away, that might scare some people off, and I get it. I used to scoff at that f word like millions if not billions of others, but during my real-life character development, I've grown and swapped teams. But this blog isn't about why you should support EQUALITY between the sexes; it's about why this show is fucking incredible and hopefully gets at least four seasons. As an aspiring writer, I can relate to Joyce's story. How she's trying to produce the content she believes in with minimal support from friends and family (her boyfriend basically tells her it's the magazine or me). Joyce has been working on her dream for years and gets caught in the classic creative dilemma: how much of my baby will have to change for it to be embraced by the masses? If Joyce wants her feminist message in the masses, she's gonna have to have her articles wrapped in a 6 inch soft cock....which is unfair for multiple reasons!
But the show is so much more than just Joyce and her vision for the magazine. Her housewife, vibrator loving sister Shelly (Lennon Parham) steals the show as comedic relief (who you might recognize if you're a big Documentary Now fan).
Then there's Jake Johnson. I've loved him since his time on New Girl, but this is the role he was meant to play. JJ was cast perfectly as Doug Renetti, the head of Bottom Dollar Production (the porn company that agrees to publish Joyce's magazine..with a twist!). It doesn't even feel like he's acting. If Jake Johnson was born in like 1943, I could totally see this being the life he led. Doug is a combo of the changing, forward-thinking psyche of the day while also knowing how the game was played in the early 70s. I wouldn't call him sleazy, but I'm sure some prudes would.
But Doug doesn't run the show at Bottom Dollar alone, his "secretary" slash silent (not by choice, remember it's 1971) partner Tina is the "good head on her shoulders, let's put some actual thought behind this decision" ying to Doug's fly by the of seat his leather pants yang. I thiiink they're just friends, but the show also makes it seem like they're undercover lovers. That's not a fucking spoiler.
I'll be honest with you (I always am, that's just the peanut butter for this medicine); there are a ton of dicks in this show. Like, a lot, far too many for me. I haven't sat there and counted 'em, but I'd conservatively say you see triple-digit dicks throughout the first six episodes (especially the first one)...which reminds me... I loveee how Minx drops two episodes at once. (I watched the first four in one sitting, then saw the most recent two last Friday and already rewatched them all) That's probably more of HBO saying we'll give it a chance, but not a 10-week chance, but I love the format. I wish more shows did it (like IASIP's most recent season).
So yeah, lots of dicks, but this show is about leveling the playing field, which is why I wouldn't hate them sprinkling in a titty or two for the straight men/lesbians in the audience, but we've also had our turn, so I get it. Minx isn't perfect, but it's entertaining and addresses the real issues of the era that, unfortunately, are still "unsettled" today (I'm looking at you, Oklahoma), over 50 years later....with fantastic set design and costumes and at least one Steely Dan song so far. I've always been a character guy with shows, and this show is chockful of characters you can't help but love. I've already mentioned Joyce, Shelly, Doug, and Tina, but there's also Richie, a gay man discovering himself as he transitions from make-up artist to his role behind the camera.
And lastly, "Centerfold Coordinator" Bambi, a former model who's finding her niche in an office setting. I love her developing friendship with Shelly.
These six characters mix like a Harvey Wallbanger to bring IMO one of the most promising shows on (hbo?) Max. Growing up in an era where magazines went from a massive part of our lives to something nobody buys anymore, it's incredible to see the process of getting an issue to print. It's like a fictional, combo of A Futile and Stupid Gesture and the Big Brother magazine doc on Hulu wrapped in a tampon (which should be free!) string. So not only is Minx funny and informative, but you learn something along the way...which I guess is just another way of saying informative, but in this case, I'm talking about production and not the sexist ways of society. Between Minx and Winning Time, HBO has both ends of the 70s covered.
Six of the ten scheduled episodes have already aired. I haven't seen anything about a second season yet, so please check it out, so that can happen. New episodes premiere on Thursdays.
The OFFICIAL #DozVsTheDozen rules:
Tonight is a very special edition of your favorite game show about a game show. It's the 50th episode of #DozVsTheDozen!!!!
We made it to episode #50! That's a major milestone in American internet-television. Mulaney only lasted 13, and Emily's Reasons Why Not aired for a single episode on January 9th, 2006.
Everybody knows my PPG as solo contestant is highly respectable, but the win-loss record leaves a little bit more to be desired (4-12-2 in 2022). Even though season 2 is nearly over, we've got two new teams battling it out tonight. Now I'm a tad worried because one of these new contestants went to college outside of Boston, but I mean look at this motley crew. O/U: 16.5
There is no data for these two new squads, but I love our chances to get win #5 of 2022 tonight. What else do you want me to say? I think I'm gonna lose??
I'll give Foreplay the slight edge because of the whole H*rv*rd thing (-1), but the best part of tonight's match (apart from the 50th episode celebration) is the return of actual music for music trivia! LFG. No more looking like an idiot reading lyrics I've sung for > 15 years and not knowing who it is!!
And guess what else? Here are episodes 48 & 49 from last week; no more waiting for the backlog of #DVTD episodes!
Episode 50 of #DozVsTheDozen debuts at 7:05 pm EST. Let's make tonight the first night we surpass that elusive double/seven-digit milestone! The ONLY place to catch live episodes of #DVTD is on my IG, that's short for INSTAGRAM @dozonlife. If you're watching on a desktop computer, that's www.instagram.com/dozonlife. Tune in tonight LIVE at 7:05 on IG/dozonlife. I can't wait to see ya in the comment section! #HireDozo
P.S.
In honor of turning 50. Song: Alive (1991) [live at Pinkpop fest] Artist: Pearl Jam Album: Ten Today is April 5th which is the date that Kurt Cobain's life ended in 1994, but his body wasn't discovered until the 8th (dozaaaah!), so we'll hold off here on DOL. I thought about using some Nirvana for today's SOD (song of the day if this is your first DOL rodeo), but this site is called dozonLIFE and today is Mike McCready's 56th birthday (which I learned on Instagram during my morning meeting). Oh, sick, I can't post this video on my blog. WTF, PJ? I'm not ticketmaster!!! Whatever, you can click a link. I believe in you! Ya boi hasn't blogged since Thursday, and I don't wanna waste any more time picking another song. I need those McCready solos today. Remember, we're all still Alive...well, except for Kurt. |
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