Image Source (sick graphic---dead ass)
The 2022 Major Baseball Season started last week; I think it was Thursday. My MLB preview used to be one of my favorite blogs of the year, but I haven't done one since 2019. The first blog I ever wrote on DOL was a prediction that the 2016 Red Sox would be good. As I typed that intro, it's still sort of hard for me to fathom how the game I once loved more than blood relatives has become so meaningless to me.
It all started with the Boston Red Sox (one of the wealthiest organizations in all sports) trading away their best position player since Carl Yastrzemski to save money. I am not going down that rabbit hole today, but if you wanna see what I've said in the past, I've gothcuuu. -The CEO of a Dodgers Fan Group (I Guess That's a Thing) Put Up a Billboard Outside of Fenway for Thanking the Red Sox For Trading Mookie Betts -As if the Red Sox Weren't a Big Enough Joke Already, Lebron James Now Owns (Governs) Part of Them! -I Want to Believe But I Don't Know If I Can -Well, This (Potentially) Changes Everything -Not Only Do the Red Sox Suck at Paying Generational Talent, but They Suck at Twitter Too! -It Looks Like The Dodgers Are About To Sign Mookie to a Giant Deal -Some Telling Stats About The Future of The United States of America -How to Induce Vomiting (in New England) -Mookie Betts Buys Groceries and Pizza For People Shopping and Working in Tennessee -John Henry FINALLY Addresses The Mookie Betts Trade (and I Address My Future as a Red Sox Fan) -After Nearly A Week of Hold Ups The Curse of Mookie Is Official (R.I.P. My Red Sox Fandom) -So You're Telling Me There's a Chance? -I Officially No Longer Love The Boston Red Sox
Despite trading away my favorite player and denouncing my fandom, I miss baseball and want to get back into the game. If you've watched #DozVsTheDozen you know, I still have a vast encyclopedia of baseball knowledge, but the last two seasons have been a wash. I recently switched cell phone carriers and got free MLB.tv from T-Mobile, but I can't use it to watch the Red Sox because baseball hates its fans and is greedy at Bezos levels. But that's another blog, for another day.
The ways the game has changed in the last five or so years annoys the fuck out of me too. I hate how big of pussies managers are now with starting pitching. We've seen it countless times on the biggest stages. Wahhh don't go three times through the line-up. Blake Snell getting yanked in the 2020 World Series comes to mind immediately, but Dave Roberts has been pulling pitchers who are cruising for years. Poor Rich Hill. So today, Clayton Kershaw, arguably the greatest left-handed pitcher of all time, who has had some injury issues the last few seasons, made his first start of 2022 against the Minnesota Twins. Through 7 innings, Kershaw was perfect and at only 80 pitches. 80! But that was enough for Dave Roberts, and with a 6-0 lead, Kershaw's day was over.
Now I get it; Roberts obviously knows his guys better than me and is a brighter baseball mind, blah, blah, blah, but come the fuck on!! Baseball is on life support. The fact that people like me are out on the game should terrify you (big baseball) because I used to be one of the people banging your drum. There was just a lockout because owners are greedy and don't want to compensate their players fairly. I know it's not on you to directly win the fans back, but a perfect game by one of the best players of the 21st century could've been the shot in the arm that baseball desperately needed.
Jeff Passan put it perfectly. If it was a regular no-hit bid, sure, who gives a fuck?
But we're talking about perfection. The one thing missing on Kershaw's resume. I just don't get it man. If he was at 95 pitches through 7, maybe I'd understand playing the long game, but were talking 80 pitches bro. Not even 12 pitches an inning. Kershaw was cruising. Let him go out there and as soon as someone gets on, you pull him.
Of course, Kershaw didn't throw his manager under the bus. Borderline hashtag good guy behavior.
But doesn't he want this? Have a little fight or bulldog in you one time, Clayton. Sure, you won a Covid Championship in Texas to get rid of that playoff choker label, but to me this is some heartless baseball by a guy who's struggled in the brightest moments. I understand playing the long game, but like my future co-worker Chris Castellani said, are these really gonna be the innings that make his arm snap??
Maybe we'll forget about this in a few days, but Dave Roberts robbed baseball (and its fans) of a potentially incredible moment that it desperately needs. Baseball is broken and a Clayton Kershaw perfect game wouldn't have made things worse. You gotta at least let him fucking try.
P.S.
The real ones know there's really been 24 perfect games.
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The OFFICIAL #DOZVSTHEDOZEN RULES
#DVTD might be struggling to pick up an audience of 10/1 million viewers (it's tough to compete with the NBA play-in tournament!), but ya boi is certainly not struggling with the trivia aspect of this hit internet-tv game show.
3-2-1 in my last six matches, 3-1 in the past four (13.25 PPM in that span); talk about getting hot at the right time as the tournament approaches. We've got another match tonight, 193 of the Dozen and 54 of #DozVsTheDozen. (9) Out of Office vs. (17) Foreplay.
OOO has a solid 1-2 punch with Chris and Reags, but this is a must-win match for Foreplay; who you might remember was on the losing end of my World Record 19 point showing in #DVTD 50. OOO -2.5, U/O: 18.5. I like the Foreplay crew; they were great on Monday's Dog Walk Draft, Trent had me dying, but this is a tall order for them. I never give actual score prediction, but fuck it...let's go crazy, OOO 11, Foreplay 7.
In 2022, I'm 7-13-2, but a win tonight would be our first three-match winning streak since my Covidcation in December '21. Can lightning strike again? I am out of work! The only way to find out is to tune in LIVE on my IG (@dozonlife). That's www.instragram.com/dozonlife. Following that account would be a great idea, IMO, so you'll get notifications whenever the show starts. I can't wait to see ya in the comments! Oh, when does the show start? At 7:05 pm EST, of course. Let's win three in a row and reach that elusive double/seven-digit mark! #HireDozo Song: Life During Wartime (1979) Artist: Talking Heads Album: Fear of Music I've watched this video at least once a day for a week straight. It's mesmerizing. P.S.
Fuck Putin
I wrote the preview blog for #DozVsTheDozen 53 earlier but still needed to re-watch Thursday night's double-header matches before posting. So I turned the brightness down and listened to both omw to and from BJ's to get gas ($3.57 & 9/10 a gallon, NBD) and some household paper goods. That's when I found out the horrible news via a group chat that comedy legend Gilbert Gottfried had passed away. He was 67 years old.
— Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert) April 12, 2022
Gilbert Gottfried had perhaps the most recognizable voice in all of entertainment. You could seemingly confuse Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell if you're not a music person, but there was no confusion about who Gilbert Gottfried was once you heard that voice. Whether it be Aladdin, the voice of the Aflac Duck for 11 years, or his hilarious, side-splitting sets at the Comedy Central Roasts, there was no duplicating GG.
Like fellow Comedy Central Roaster Norm MacDonald, I had no idea Gilbert was sick. It's another massive blow for comedy and even more heartbreaking when you see old Gilbert tweets like this.
My favorite Gilbert Gottfried story has to be at the Hugh Hefner Roast when he told a 9/11 joke just weeks after the event, lost the room, then won them all back and then some with his rendition of the Aristocrats.
That's what I love about Gilbert Gottfried. He was never afraid and didn't back down. He was a comedian's comedian. As more and more losers and crybabies attempt to destroy the art of comedy, he never backed down. Nothing should be off-limits in comedy, and Gilbert Gottfried lived that every day of his career.
Not only was he one of the funniest, most unique talents to ever walk this planet, but he was also a hashtag good guy, using his unique voice to help the efforts in Ukraine.
It's such a shame he's gone. Both of Gottfried's kids are both under 15. My thoughts and love are with them and his wife Dara. Rest in Peace.
The OFFICIAL #DOZVSTHEDOZEN RULES
After a bit of a cold stretch, your boi is 2-2-1 in the last five matches, averaging 11.6 PPM. (my scores are in bold in the far right column)
Dozie Namath pulled off the guarantee!
But now it's back to the matter at hand. We've got ourselves another three-match week, starting with (5) Experts vs. (15) Booze Ponies [hardo ass name]. The last time the Booze Ponies played, I broke a world record for most points in a #DozVsTheDozen match with19 (#DVTD 50).
The Experts are playing short-handed tonight, but I still like their chances. Experts -3.5, O/U: 21.5.
If you missed either of the Thursday Night Double-Header matches, I've got you. The energy in the audience for the nightcap match was incredible! S/O all 700K people.
Let's keep it going tonight (and the rest of the week...scratch that...for the rest of this series' run)!!! The only place you can catch #DozVsTheDozen 53 live is on my Instagram (@dozonlife). That's www.instragram.com/Dozonlife for those watching on a desktop computer. One more time it's IG/dozonlife. I can't wait to see ya in the comment section! #HireDozo
P.S.
Tonight's match will be played in the honor and memory of Gilbert Gottfried. R.I.P. (more to come in my next blog) Song: Pretty Noose (1996) Artist: Soundgarden Album: Down on the Upside
Age and general laziness have stopped me from figuring out TikTok to help grow my blog and the Dozo brand in general, but with all this time on my hands, I think this is the week I finally bite the bullet. I'm sure you're on pins and needles as to what inspired me. The following sentence should answer all questions. I saw this embed clip on legitimately a dozen different Florence Welch fan accounts on my IG's discover page this weekend. Queen/King Florence's stripped-down vocals pushed me over the edge (in a good way!). SHE HAS THE BEST VOICE IN MUSIC!!!! I can't wait to see FATM for the third time (well, second and a half; IYKYK) this fall.
I don't want to wait (s/o Paula Cole) for the latest TikTok of my favorite redhead goddess to make its way onto another form of social media. I need to see that shit IRT.
So I reactivated the TikTok account I made in 2019! (and followed Florence)
Last week I guaranteed at least one win in the #DozVsTheDozen double-header and delivered (they'll be on Youtube soon). This afternoon, I said I'd write at least five blogs today, and baby, this is #5.
My latest guarantee is that I'll post at least one TikTok by the end of the traditional American work-week (5 pm, Friday). Follow @dozonlife on TikTok to see that shit.#HireDozo
John Hinckley Jr., the man who attempted to assassinate President Ronald Reagan in 1981, will play a concert in Brooklyn this summer.
In 2016, after spending 34 years under institutional psychiatric care, Hinckley was released into the custody of his mother. In the time since then, Hinckley has pursued an interest in music, releasing more than three dozen videos to YouTube, including originals and covers of Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and Elvis Presley. At one point, Hinckley even petitioned the court for permission to move to Los Angeles so that he could pursue a career in the music industry. Now, Hinckley has announced his first-ever public gig: it'll take place on July 8th at Brooklyn's Market Hotel. What's more, he'll be joined by "special guests," according to a tweet posted by the concert's promoter, Scenic Presents.
I saw this news on Instagram this Saturday, and needless to say (even though I'm about to blog it), I was taken aback. This was not a story I expected to see!
Thanks to I Love the 80s, I learned about Reagan's assassination attempt at an early age, but for whatever reason, the name John Hinckley Jr. never stuck with me like a successful assassin like your Sirhan Sirhans and Jack Rubys of the world. Before Saturday, I wouldn't have been able to identify Hinckley as Reagan's attempted killer. Outside of his love for Jodie Foster, I knew nothing about this guy, including his name.
41 years later, Hinckley is a relatively free man (these are the conditions of his 2016 release. h/t Wikipedia...no porn seems excessive!) and using his newfound freedom to pursue a career in the arts.
Hinckley's Youtube channel has over 26,000 subs and ten videos with over 20,000 views.
Attempted murder is almost always unfunny, but this wiki-bio that includes all his Youtube stats under his criminal record is an objectively hilarious juxtaposition (second straight blog I've peppered that into today).
Now Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity, and after listening to him speak for two seconds, you can clearly see he's not all the way there. Based on the titles of his songs like "A Different Side of Me," "You and I are Free," and "Can't We Get Along," it's apparent that he's trying to put his Presidential assassination attempts in the rearview. Who could blame him?
In a way, this story is sort of beautiful. The man paid his debt to society (34 years in psychiatric care) and is trying to make the most of his life on the outside. Isn't that what the criminal justice system is supposed to be all about?
On the other hand, this dude tried to kill the President of the United States of America, but since he was in love with a lesbian, he gets to freely strum his guitar in a room with at least four clocks?
I mean, I have a soul, so of course, idfw Reagan, but even I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. We have people rotting away for dime bags while Psycho Killer over here can run, run, run, run, run, run, run, all the way to Brooklyn's Market Hotel to perform live? That doesn't seem right. I hate people when they're not polite.
But I started this conversation, and I can't even finish it. Blog over. Weird story complete. Buy tickets if you want. Don't kill people.
P.S.
People abuse the term "break the internet," but if John's "special guest" is Jodie Foster, I genuinely think that would break the internet.
On March 5th, 2021, I blogged about The Wiggles covering Tame Impala's "Elephant" in one of the most unexpected cross-genre covers of all time. Since then, The Wiggles cover has taken over down undah, topping triple j's Hottest 100 of 2021.
Over the weekend, they teamed up with Kevin Parker to perform their smash hit (and Hot Potato, too!) in Perth.
Parker had this to say on his latest colab, “When I got the invitation I knew it was a once-in-a-life time opportunity so it was an obvious yes. The Wiggles are the real rockstars in this world. I was pretty nervous!”
Kevin spoke about how surprising The Wiggles cover was in a January interview with triple J.
I mean, it's no secret that right now isn't exactly the most chill time to be alive, but amidst all the chaos, there is still plenty of good in the world, and these performances are proof of that. This is good ole fashioned fun for the whole family; you just wish they'd appreciate it more. Look at that audience; it's a hilarious visual.
Kevin Parker is the brain and heart behind one of the most famous psychedelic rock bands of the 21st century, shredding his ax in front of thousands of kids who don't have the slightest clue of who he is. The unified basketball team I coached in 2019 got bigger cheers from opposing crowds than Kev did in his homeland! Of course, it makes sense, I'm sure six-year-old Aussies don't listen to much Tame, but it's such a funny juxtaposition. One of the world's most revered musicians performing for a crowd who couldn't care less. I saw two stadiums go absolutely apeshit for Tame Impala last month, then he goes home to jam with the Wiggles, and you could hear a pin drop. All I know is we need Tame Impala to return the favor and cover a Wiggle's classic. My heart's set on "Do The Propeller."
Before we get into this blog, R.I.P. Dwayne Haskins. It's such such a tragic loss. He was only 24 years old. So fucking sad.
Friday night, I ended up ub**ing until about 2 am, then slept at my grandma's house because I had ambitions to drive for a little (sleeping there saves me about an hour round-trip) before going to a surprise party in the afternoon.
When I got up for good at 1 pm, that ship had sailed halfway across the world. By the time I saw the horrible news of Dwayne Haskins' passing, I had missed all the IRT outrage over Adam Schefter's less than ideal (since deleted) tweet.
Now what Schefter said was in terrible taste but also sort of accurate. That doesn't mean I support it. Not at all; it was utterly unnecessary and heartless in this situation. But honestly, I've come to expect that from someone who is in the business of being first. He wrote maybe the weirdest book in the history of the world. Schefter doesn't view athletes as people; they're just cogs in his information machine.
I love football and the NFL, but it is the athlete's JOB at the end of the day, and we need to remember that. It's not who they are, and their career struggles should not be in the first sentence of a tweet breaking the news of their DEATH! I bet Schefty already has a draft saved to dunk on Ryan Leaf's career when he dies (you should check out Leaf's podcast---it'll change the way you look at him).
Dwayne Haskins was only 24 years old; anyway, you slice it, it's a fucking tragedy. If you want to get mad at Schefter for a shitty tweet, that's your swag. I think it was a stupid fucking thing to tweet, but I'm not gonna waste my energy getting worked up about it (although I do think he should publicly apologize and admit he fucked up). If you were close to Haskins, I completely understand if your stance is different from mine. What I cannot understand is people getting worked up over the words of 90 YEAR OLD Gil Brandt.
I think I can safely assume that before his radio clip from Saturday, most people under the age of 40 had no idea who Gil Brandt is. I only know of him because I've watched over 10,000 hours of NFL Films in my day and am well aware of his role with the Dallas Cowboys. Brandt is so old that he's famous for being the first GM to use COMPUTERS to help with the draft, so yeah, he is probably not the most enlightened guy in 2022. I have no qualms calling him scummy. Brandt and Tex Schramm were notoriously cheap and underpaid stars like Roger Staubach and Bob Lilly, so "lesser" players had no leg to stand on in negotiations. Don't get it twisted; I'm not defending what this fossil said!
If you haven't heard Gil Brandt's clip yet, there's no sugar-coating it. It wasn't good and was a stupid thing to say. To quote myself from earlier in the blog, it was heartless. Shit was colder than the Ice Bowl. I was shocked to hear he has a satellite radio job; I thought he was dead.
As everybody knows, senior year of college is full of lessons about not jogging on the highway... (which is not what happened)
Fear of being branded a fill-in-the-blank-ist by idiots who don't understand my art has caused me to be more of a pussy in my writing the last few years, but I'm ripping the band-aid off for this one. Gil Brandt should not be on the fucking radio. The dude is 90 YEARS OLD. Let someone who'll see 2025 get a chance. Dead ass, fuck off if you're crying ageism. Do you mean to tell me his brain works well? Like his brain still, does a good job? No chance. There is no reason for a 90-year-old who is not 100% mentally there to be in this position. Whoever allowed him on the air should be charged with reckless endangerment. This man should be eating ice cream with his great-great grandchildren waiting to die. In textbook over the top outrage, some said to remove him from the Hall of Fame! You know, that place where O.J. Simpson still has a bust?
Just fucking chiiiiill. If George Preston Marshall (HOF racist scumbag) is still in Canton, I think Gil Brandt's bust is safe. FTR, I'm 1000% on board with removing Marshall from the Hall, and if Brandt had files on his 1971 takes-up-the-entire-room computer like "racial slur quarterbacks" then yeah, maybe we could have that conversation, but until then, just take a deep breath and remember his brain is basically pudding. I know people are emotional about Haskins' passing, but getting mad at a 90 year old for saying something insensitive is like getting mad at a baby for pooping their diaper. At least "he" apologized, unlike Adam.
There are soooooo many bigger issues in the world to get worked up about. Save your energy for them. Don't shit talk nonagenarian for fake internet praise by other dumbies. R.I.P. Dwayne Haskins.
UPDATE:
Adam Schefter has since issued an apology on his podcast.
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