DOL Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week (Week 5)

Disclaimer: Please only gamble legally AND responsibly. I don't want anybody losing their sporting goods store because I'm trying to show Barstool how many hats I can wear #HireDozo.

It's Week 5 of the 2020 NFL Season and the DOL Too Many Legs Teaser has still literally never lost.

Week 4
Week 3

Like Queen and David Bowie in 1981, I'm Under Pressure.  The DOL Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week has hit three straight weeks and if I want to continue to beat this meme into the ground, then I have to make it four (straight weeks).  If you're familiar with beer pong jargon, I am on fire; The DOL Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week is 3-0. I have balls back and people are counting on me to hit that island cup so they can pay their mortgage and straighten their daughter's teeth. Does it matter that I don't love the board today? Not even a little bit because if you give me six points of wiggle room I am going to produce at an unfathomable clip. Let's not forget for the Too Many Legs Teaser to be 3-0 it has to go 8-0 every week, simple math 3x8=24 that means I am 24-0 teasing spreads and totals. This streak will end someday so please wager responsibly.

Let's take a look at Week 5's Too Many Legs Teaser.

• Seahawks -0.5
  • I love Seattle as basically a pick 'em at home. No need to reinvent the wheel here, it's Russell Wilson vs. Kirk Cousins in prime time. Seahawks will win this game.

• Browns +5
  • This is a a game the Browns have to win if they want to be taken seriously and the fact that we can get the let down insurance at +5 makes me feel great. Cleveland has scored 30+ points for three straight games, running the ball great and the Colts are missing Darius Leonard. On the other side of the ball, Phil Rivers will have a new LT as Anthony Castonzo is out as well. Could be a BIG Miles Garrett Day. 

 

• Cowboys -1.5
  • The Cowboys have looked dreadful this season, they're a recovered onside kick away from being winless, but they're still very much alive in the NFC East race. If they can't beat the Giants by 2 with the amount of talent they have you might as well fire Mike "Pro Football Focus' McCarthy. This should be a get-right game in Big D.

 

• 49ers -2
  • 49ers are getting Jimmy G back and after a disappointing performance on SNF against the Eagles I expect a rebound. 49ers-Dolphins is rematch of Super Bowl XIX so you know the Niners will come out hot to prove that wasn't a fluke.

 

• Steelers -1.5
  • After the Steelers kneeled it out against the Texans I promised I'd never speak badly about the Steelers again. They'll take care of business against an inferior opponent today in the Quaker State Cup.  In a game we only get once every four years, the Steelers will be playing in front of 5,500 screaming Yinzers when they take on the Eagles at the big ketchup bottle. I hate to say this, but I think the Stillers are legit Super Bowl contenders. 

 

• Rams -1
  • The WFT is a mess. They might've changed their name, but everything else remains the same in Washington as the team is still a dumpster fire. After 11 starts they've decided they've seen enough of 1st Round Pick Dwayne Haskins, so Kyle Allen will start. It's Rams all day. 

 

• Bengals +18 and over 43
  • Joe Burrow will be able to keep the Bengals within 18 points of the semi-fraudulent Ravens. I expect this game to be in the 20's both ways so over 43 should be very much in play.

Sorry these come out so close to kickoff, I'm just not a big believer in putting in bets early. ESPECIALLY with Covid. Before I was just paranoid that someone important would get in a car accident or slip on a banana peel, now games are straight up getting rescheduled; it's a mess.  You'd hate to place a bet and then see the starting QB and CB who is the reigning DPOY are out, ya know? It makes me almost glad that I'm not playing fantasy this season. Good luck and Go Seahawks, Browns, Cowboys, 49ers, Steelers, Rams, Bengals and over 43 points in Baltimore! #HireDozo