Before today, the last time I blogged was July 25th, when I wrote four articles about various happenings in the world of professional sports in the United States of America.
Yesterday, I had therapy and then an appointment with my chiro. When I got out of the chiro, I discovered that my right back tire was flat, which has added some unnecessary stress to ya boi's life. I'm really not trying to buy another tire rn, but it's looking that way since I don't think this hole is pluggable based on its location (AAA is currently on its way as I write, so maybe I'm wrong, and it's salvageable). But Tuesday wasn't all bad!!
With the incredible news that Barstool is going back to the Pirate Ship, some people who lost the 2022 league title (to me) in my fantasy league were giving me shit about my lack of blogs this summer #HireDozo, and I did not love that (although I do think it was coming from a place of tough love...that I may have needed).
I know it's easy to say, "I'm being lazy," but it's not that simple. Life isn't black and white! It's not like I haven't wanted to blog. I love blogging. It's my calling. Creating is everything to me. I've been in a funk the last few weeks and had a mean case of the blogging yips. To some, that may sound like an excuse, but it's also the fucking truth, and I know it is, so that's good enough for the Doz man. Plus, the back pain made it impossible to be creative. The only things on my mind were finding a way to alleviate the pain and fears about the consequences of our crumbling democracy.
Writing is my art form, and I know it's all about production in America, but sometimes you can't produce to the standard you want (for whatever reasons it may be). I don't wanna write "just to write" and put out garbage...like many creators do. PLEASE don't get it twisted. I've wanted to write. I've sincerely missed writing, and it feels good to be currently creating. A part of me is missing when I'm not using this outlet to express myself. When I'd go to bed at like five am every morning, I was like, I can't wait to wake up and make my return. Then, I'd wake up, feel like shit (my back has been in disarray all summer, but luckily it's starting to make some strides towards being alright the last weekish), and either go back to bed to sleep the pain away or get up and head to Newps for work. Also, I'd be lying if there weren't times when the self-doubt gets to me. I try to fight it, but low-dose meds and willpower only do so much!! I hover between having no confidence and thinking I'm America's best-undiscovered niche blogger (or at least Rhode Island). TBH, the news of El Pres regaining his stake in Barstool reinvigorated me. It def helps my odds vs getting hired by corporate Pennstool. There have been times when I've gotten close to giving up but writing for Barstool is what I want, and I know I have what it takes to thrive there. I just need the opportunity. Once hired, I guarantee a Rookie of the Year award in The Dozen. #DozNamath. My next step is to truly go for it and stop being so afraid of getting crushed. My confidence (or lack thereof) is the biggest thing holding me back, but with every pound I shed and compliment I get from strangers, I regain a part of myself. Most ubah rides are uneventful, but on a few, I've been lucky to meet some incredible and exciting people; those conversations have helped me immensely. I try not to get too high or low (metaphorically speaking), but I am not super good at enacting that in practice. My moods and self-worth fluctuate like my weight (and usually with my weight). During Folk Fest, I met this dude, Cody; he's a musician in a similar spot to me: grinding, trying to balance "real life," and chasing the dream. We connected, and that convo helped me regain my sense of self and knock off the cobwebs of doubt that had built up in my time away from DOL. Today, I woke up to this message from him, and it gave me a shot in the arm; knowing someone is still thinking about me and my dreams...especially after the tough love from some of my friends that did not win my league's 2022 title (like I did)...it meant a lot. 
I know my follower count is low, but that doesn't fucking matter. There are countless trash accounts with tons of followers. I have the voice. I am talented and intelligent enough to make it. I'm not like every fuckboi that's like, "Yeah, I'd be sick to work for Barstool," I've been fucking GRINDING on DOL since February 2016 AND created @URIprobs.
Buuuuuut, between the physical pain of my tin foil back and the stress of this summer being fucking terrible ubah wise (I was clearing well over $1400 a week last summer...now I haven't had a week that lucrative all 2023), I've been in my head like the Zombie from the hit Cranberries song "Zombie." I'm stressing tf out about my future. I don't wanna be an ubah driver anymore. It's too unreliable. Sure, parts of it are super fun and chill, but I hate being unavailable on the weekends to do shit with friends and family. Technically, I can not work (which I've done), but then I'm missing the "busiest" time of the week, which I can't swing right now. I've enjoyed my time on the roads, but it just feels like my days are numbered, and it's time to move on. I want to be able to afford the life I want to live. TBH, as much as the slower summer has sucked, it's sort of a good thing. Had I had another crazy busy summer where I was clearing stacks every week, I'd probably just rely on that for next year and be like well, worst case, I can always go back to the roads. Now there's more of a fire under my flat ass to figure shit out. It feels great to be back, and I promise there won't be some ridiculously long gap between my next blog. Maybe, I needed a little kick in the ass from my league. It's easy to get complacent as the defending champ!
P.S.
In my time away, A LOT has gone down. Here are some rapid-fire takes on events of the past few weeks.
1 Comment
Zeus
8/10/2023 04:28:00 pm
Sign this man to a long term deal already! Leave a Reply. |
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