Time is a lot of things; a bitch, money, something that punishes according to Hootie and the Blowfish, but one thing that time certainly is, is documented. Ever since the pendulum clock was invented to keep track of 18 hour shifts during the Industrial Revolution, time has been incredibly well-documented. Nowadays, our phones and computers track our every move down to the millisecond. Fun!
As a quasi-historian, time frames my thinking. I am constantly using it to reference how long ago things were. Have you ever done that with your friends or family? Seriously, without the aid of proper documentation, over the years it can be hard to remember exactly when something happened. The older you get, the more the years start to blend together. I have a hard time differentiating what happened in summer of 2014 vs the summer of 2015 to this day. Time can get confusing. Minutes and hours are like the only unit on earth that's measured 0-60. Days are 24 of those hours. Weeks are a collection of seven days. Months vary like crazy. Years only have the same amount of days 75% of the time according to calendars. People have been making jokes about the 90's feeling like they were only 10 years ago for so long that graphics like this exist.
The difficulty of year-math varies with the year. 2020 was objectively awful, but one thing it had going for it was how much easier it was to calculate how many years ago something was. Now in 2021 that extra digit can really throw you off. So part of me wants to let one of the two remaining living Beatles, Ringo Starr, especially at his age (80), slide for not remembering when what many people consider to one of the most important moments in the history of music; the Beatles American debut on the Ed Sullivan Show on February 9th, 1964 (which lit the fuse of Beatlemania TNT) took place.
One of the most remarkable things about the Beatles is the amount of success and cultural impact they had in such a short amount of time. They really only toured for like four years and were famous in the U.S. for about seven before they split. They were essentially the Terrell Davis of music. While there is a lot to remember, there aren't a lot of specific years to recall.
Drummers are usually great at keeping time, but according to Ringo, the Beatles made their Ed Sullivan Show debut 50 years ago. Only problem is 50 years ago is now considered 1971. It doesn't seem possible, but is somehow true. By 1971 the Beatles were already broken up. You'd think the drummer in quite possibly the most famous band of all-time would remember that, but according to Ringo nine minutes after he sent the tweet, he was simply too excited to remember specifics of quite possibly the most monumental moment in music history.
I blogged about Marty Shottenheimer's passing from Alzheimer's like 10 hours ago, so I know at Ringo's age that could be a possibility, but assuming he's alright and just bad at math and recalling history...this is just an insane mistake to make to me. Imagine if on February 1st, 2061 Justin Timberlake tweeted "Wow 50 years ago today I exposed Janet Jackson's nipple ring at Halftime of Super Bowl XXXVIII"?
Promise me, if I'm ever so old that I can't remember what year I started DOL that you'll put me out of my misery. Maybe since Ringo hasn't been getting any fan mail the last dozen years he simply doesn't know what year it is? Anyways, peace and love peace and love.
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"Killin' is Easy" a Documentary on the Life of Patrice O'Neal is Set to Debut on February 19th2/9/2021
If you don't have plans on the night of February 19th (and really why would you?) might I suggest a documentary on the life of late stand-up comic and actor, Patrice O'Neal?
Patrice's longtime girlfriend, Von Decarlo broke the news yesterday on her Instagram that a documentary that's been in the works since 2015 on his life, career, and legacy is set to debut Friday February 19th at 10 PM on Comedy Central. Immediately after the doc ends, Comedy Central is going to air his last and only one-hour special Elephant in the Room; exactly one decade after it premiered.
**ftr I wrote 99% of this blog before watching the youtube clip...makes me even more excited to see the entire thing. I found out about this story on IG h/t SW**
If you're unfamiliar with his work, I'm sorry. You've missed tf out. Patrice O'Neal was an absolutely hilarious, larger than life (standing at 6' 4"!) stand-up comedian and actor who I wish I got to see perform live. He was raw, brash, smart, raunchy and hit on real life issues while being fucking hilarious. He was well known and beloved in comedy circles, but wasn't exactly a household name; only releasing one stand-up album during his lifetime.
Patrice wasn't some nobody by any means and I don't want to make it seem that way in my shitty blog, I'm just saying he wasn't Chris Rock or Louis C.K. in terms of name recognition, so I understand if not everybody is familiar with his work. Patrice had his fair share of success with minor roles on Chappelle's Show (the first time I can remember seeing him), The Office, Arrested Development and movies like Head of State. He made appearances on the late night tv circuit and was a regular on XM radio. I was a fan of his and remember the shock of his death my sophomore year of college, even though he was telling you he was dying in his work. He had just appeared on the Roast of Charlie Screen in September of 2011 at the peak of his "Winning!" episode and tragically passed away from complications of a stroke and diabetes two months later on November 29th, 2011 right as he was starting to truly blow up. He was only 41 years old.
In the time since Patrice's passing, the policing of "off-color" comedy has multiplied and I worry had he lived he probably would've been "cancelled" for some hilarious remarks that touch on the most "sensitive" subjects by people too stupid to get the joke. I am all for making people feel included and making society better. It's something I'm actually pretty passionate about, but comedy is an art form that the world needs. Ruining careers because you disagree with a joke is the lamest shit of all-time. We can't have free speech without comedy. Was Patrice "going too far" or "getting too real"?
There were definitely changes that needed to be made and we evolve, but being able to make fun of everybody and everything is the most inclusive thing we can do. That's true equality; not saying what is and isn't off limits. There are people who can find legitimate humor in the most horrible of circumstances and I think policing thoughts is a dangerous game that we're already dealing with in society. If you disagree, don't listen. I don't listen to music I don't like, why would you do the same with comedy? Just because I don't fuck with country or most hip hop made in the last decade, doesn't mean those artists shouldn't been able to create. I think making light of tough and taboo subjects is a great way to bring them more attention, which is something I think Patrice did throughout his career. His bit on "high quality white woman" probably upset people from all demographics, but through all the jokes points a light on "value" in society. The part where he acts out looking for the football players who died at sea in 2009 is hilarious because of how fucked up, but true it is compared to the media craze and attention of someone like Natalee Holloway.
Comedian and friend of Patrice's, Bill Burr is a producer on the documentary, so you that alone should be a seal of approval. I'm sure the topic of political correctness in comedy will come up, but I had to say my piece because I know some of Patrice's material may not "hold up". Based off the Comedy Central promo video that I added to this blog at 11:53 PM after seeing it on youtube while in bed for the night and decided the blog must have it included (like the NFL local ad video)...there is a bunch of interviews and stories from other comedians like Dennis Leary and Jim Norton. I have the highest of hopes for this documentary. Patrice was an incredibly funny man and deserves to have his story and legacy live on. I'm glad it's happening. If multiple comedians are saying you were the funniest person they ever met that says more than my blog ever could. What a legend and not like the way he talked about Jeff Ross' funny at the Charlie Sheen roast. I cannot wait to watch this doc next Friday. R.I.P Patrice O'Neal!
Less than a week after it was announced he was moving to hospice care, Marty Schottenheimer, former head coach of the Cleveland Browns, Kansas City Chiefs, Washington and San Diego Chargers passed away Monday in North Carolina, with his family by his side, after battling Alzheimer's since 2014. He was 77 years old.
In 21 seasons as an NFL head coach, Schottenhiemer won 200 regular season games, good for 8th all-time in league history. Before his coaching days, Marty played linebacker for the Bills and Patriots from 1965-1970. He was an AFL all-star and champion his rookie year with the Bills in 1965. (#56, third from the right in the last row)
His coaching tree is one of the most impressive in NFL history.
But, the elephant in the room when talking about Marty Schottenheimer is his playoff record. In the regular season he went 200-126-1, good for a .613 winning % but in the playoffs his teams were just 5-13 (.278 winning %) and he lost his last six playoff games. He did reach three AFC Championship games (1986, 1987 & 1993) but was never able to get to the Super Bowl; highlighted by two of the most devastating losses in not just Cleveland, but American sports history with "The Drive" and "The Fumble". Marty's the only coach with 200 wins to have a losing playoff record.
It's part of his story and the history of the NFL. It has to be brought up, but there's better ways of going about it than publications like the Washington Post did.
I'm a push the envelop guy, but's just incredibly poor taste. The headline has since been changed.
Yes, Marty Ball seemed to always go south in the playoffs, but how much of it is fair to place on this man's shoulders? Genuinely curious because most of his success took place before I was alive/actively following football. When I think of Marty, I think of the Charger years. I've seen plenty of NFL Films footage, but none of that can replicate living through it in real life. Did Marty fumble or did Ernest Byner and Marlon McCree? Is it his fault that Lin Elliot and Nate Kaeding were allergic to making field goals in the playoffs? Either way, I'm not sure an obituary is the time or place to harp on the guy for not winning a Super Bowl.
What I do know is that Marty Shcottenheimer is a football guy through and through. His story is woven in the fabric of the NFL. He played in the AFL and NFL. He coached in the World Football League in 1974 and won his lone championship as a head coach with the Virginia Destroyers of the UFL in 2011.
In the NFL he turned around teams who were down. As coach of the Chiefs, he lead them to the playoffs seven times in 10 seasons, after they only made the playoffs twice between 1970 and 1988 after winning Super Bowl IV in 1969.
Prior to his arrival in San Diego in 2002, the Chargers had only made the playoffs three times since 1983. In 2004 he won AP coach of the year and lead the Chargers to a 12-4 record before they lost to the Jets in OT. His kicker, Nate Kaeding, missed a 40 yarder (a very makable kick, even in 2004 standards) in OT that would've won the game. In his final year as coach of the Chargers, they went 14-2, best in the NFL, LT was league MVP. If wasn't for Troy Brown and one of the most heads up plays in NFL history there's a chance the Chargers end up Super Bowl XLI champs and are still playing in San Diego.
Marty coached for 21 seasons and didn't have his first losing year until his 15th and only had two losing seasons overall (He went 7-9 in 1998, his final season with Chiefs and 4-12 in 2003 with the Chargers) in over two decades as a head coach. From all that I've read and watched, it seems like Marty Schottenheimer was a good man and incredibly well respected by his peers. He was married to his wife Pat for over 54 years, had two children, Kristen and Brian and four grandchildren. Brain coached under Marty and recently was added to Urban Myer's staff in Jacksonville.
As someone who lost their grandfather to Alzheimer's, I've gotten a glimpse into how cruel that disease can be. I'm sure his family is feeling a lot of pain that he's gone, but also some relief to know that he's no longer suffering from a such a vicious disease. I hope that Marty finally got to catch the gleam. R.I.P. P.S. After losing the Super Bowl Sunday night, Andy Reid payed his respects to Marty and his family following the news that he was in hospice care. Huge hashtag good move by Andy to give that message after such a tough loss for a great team on the biggest stage.
Double P.S.
Marty was an all-time hat guy and rocked the hell out of 90's starter jackets. R.I.P.
With the 2020 NFL season now over and the league year ending in about five weeks, it's officially time to do some reflecting on the gambling year that was.
2020 saw the birth of the Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week. What began as a self-depreciating joke after I had a six-leg teaser go 5-1 (thanks to the Jaguars lone win of the season), ended up being a massive success.
A 3-0 start on 8-leg teasers allowed me to build up a nice little bankroll to be able to let it ride throughout the season at a guaranteed profit.
Even though it only hit 6 times over 17 weeks (35.29% of the time) #TML finished +47 units on the season which some handicappers would say is "amazing" or "incredible". One of my followers told me I should have picked up hundreds of followers from the success of TML, so it's not just me knowing that I'm under-appreciated online. There's a documented second person! In baseball standards .353 is Hall of Fame worthy, but I hit .353 at +1000 clip (well one week was +800 because of a push, but still). It's like every hit was a 3-run bomb. It took until Week 17 to for me to have a truly bad beat on the teaser. I'm fine with a 4-4 stinker off week, but Week 17 saw TML go 7-1 with the one leg that failed to hit losing by a single point in a game that featured a missed extra point and five empty Panther drives into Saints territory. We were a point away from +58 units on the year. I did this while doing minimal research because I didn't want to waste valuable time breaking shit down only to have a player be abruptly ruled out due to COVID or have a game moved/cancelled entirely. It's the same reason I didn't lock bets in until after 11 AM or noon most weeks. I also didn't play fantasy football for the first time in a decade because my former friend group has the collective backbone of a jelly fish. You don't realize how much that affects your knowledge of what's going around the league until you're not playing anymore. I really didn't gamble a ton out outside of the teaser this season either. I've won thousands and blown it all before and didn't want to see that happen again. When TML lost from weeks 8-12, I was only betting TML (plus I'm pretty sure that lined up with the NBA "offseason") to gamble responsibly. I say that because after won a bet on Celtics LIVE ML +140 against the Miami Heat on January 6th, my fortune turned for the worst. I knew I was cold, but I didn't realize how cold I was. I've always been sort of a head in the sand guy when things are going fine and even more so when they aren't. It wasn't until this morning when I decided to actually look at the records and see how long it had been since my last win that I realized just how cold I was.
That's right. I fucking went 0-26 on bets placed from January 6th until February 7th; a full month of losing tickets. I made Susan Lucci look like Tom Hanks.
Now, before you look at the ledger, please know that most of these bets were props and I wasn't even throwing half units at them, but L's are L's and I had 26 straight. Key: Italicized=prop bet; bold=live bet (bet placed after the game began) 0-1. January 9th: TML Super Wild Card Edition +500 0-2. January 9th: Jacob Hollister First TD in Rams @ Seahawks +2200 0-3. January 10th: Tennessee Titans ML +170 vs Ravens (Up 10-0 and lost after the softest punt in NFL history) 0-4. January 10th: Anthony Firkser First TD in Ravens @ Titans +3300 0-5. January 10th: Johnnu Smith OVER 3.5 REC +140 (two catches on opening drive and nothing for the rest of the game) 0-6. January 10th: Dez Bryant First TD in Ravens @ Titans +1800. 0-7. January 10th: Drew Brees OVER .5 INT vs Bears (had an INT called back after a penalty) +160 0-8. January 10th: Bears FG First Scoring Play in Bears @ Saints +450 0-9. January 11th: Ohio State ML +270 in the National Championship Game (lost 52-28) 0-10. January 16th: Robert Tonyan First TD in Rams @ Packers +800 0-11. January 16th: Cole Beasley First TD in Ravens @ Bills +1300 0-12. January 17th: Browns ML +340 @ Chiefs (Lost 22-17) 0-13. January 17th: Kareem Hunt First TD in Browns @ Chiefs +800 0-14. January 17th: Browns FG First Scoring Play in Browns @ Chiefs +480 0-15. January 17th: Browns LIVE ML @ Chiefs +1100 0-16. January 22nd: Celtics LIVE ML @ 76ers +180 0-17. January 22nd: Celtics LIVE ML @ 76ers +800 (final score 76ers 122-110) 0-18. January 24th: Stefon Diggs First TD in Bills @ Chiefs +700 (I fucked up and thought the Bills-Chiefs game was first) 0-19. January 24th: Bills ML @ Chiefs +130 0-20. January 24th: Aaron Rodgers First TD in Bucs @ Packers +1800 0-21. January 24th: Packers LIVE ML: +100 vs Bucs 0-22. January 24th: Packers LIVE ML: +180 vs Bucs 0-23. January 24th: Stefon Diggs First TD in Bills @ Chiefs +650 (peppered again before kickoff at worse odds...) 0-24. January 24th: Travis Kelce First TD in Bills @ Chiefs +600 0-25. January 24th: Tyreek Hill First TD in Bills @ Chiefs +600 0-26. January 24th: Bills LIVE ML @ Chiefs +400
Mood:
As a Patriots fan who grew up as the internet did, I can remember being in sports chatrooms on myspace and early facebook where people would shit on Pats fans for being "bandwagon" or "fair-weather" which to me at that point in life was the equivalent of a slur. I swear I've seen 500+ photos of Steve Grogan with a caption about how most Patriot fans didn't know who he was.
I say that because since the Bucs are the new flavor of the week for bandwagoners/have been an irrelevant franchise for 93% of their existence, I wonder how many people know the team's history? It's not all poaching GOATS and Warren Sapp, I'll tell ya! Did you know the Tampa Bay Buccaneers infamously lost their first 26 games in the NFL? I'd hope so because it's quite possibly the most well known futility stat in all of sports, but when you get DOL level clicks you can't be too careful.
Are we seeing the parallel?
I knew my luck was bound to turn around eventually. Like I said in my prop blog yesterday, I was due. You cannot keep the Doz Man down forever, unless you're his brain or basic social conversations. I was going to keep fading the Chiefs because I've been saying all year they're frauds and wouldn't you know they go full 1983 Redskins in the Super Bowl after a 14-2 season.
I just find it incredibly fitting, ironic, poetic, serendipitous and many other words that I know how to use correctly about 70% of the time that it was all my Bucs centered bets that ended my 0-26 streak. Technically it went to 0-27 when the coin toss was heads, but we're not counting that because it totally ruins this blog idea that I've spent more time than Mahome's spent running around last night on.
After my 0-26 streak, I went 6-4 on my Super Bowl bets last night for a modest +4.12 unit showing. In addition to what was covered in my blog, I added and won Gronk first Bucs TD +650, Tampa to receive the opening kickoff -155 and live bet the Bucs +165 when it was 3-0 Chiefs (and lost on Tyreek Hill first Chiefs TD; they had zero). Not exactly TML success, or enough to make up for an 0-26 streak, but damnit it's just nice to win one, or in my case six, to get some confidence going into a soft retirement now that football is over.
P.S. If you didn't get that incredible Susan Lucci reference:
While watching Mookie, Rondo and possibly Brady & Gronk all win championships outside of the Commonwealth has been metaphorically kiiiilling me, there has been a Mr. Brightside to 2020 in sports for Ole Dozo and his first name is #TooManyLegs.
I'm probably going into a soft gambling retirement after the big game, but if you're looking for a last minute prop or four and want to ride someone who is freezing cold, thus likely due to break out of their Ice Age like gambling funk feel free to tail the boi!!
Result of Opening Coin Toss: Tails -102
You can tell me it's a 50-50 shot until you're blue in the face, but tails never fails. Even when its heads. I haven't played roulette in like two years because of COVID and I miss watching that wheel spin. This is the closest thing to betting black or red in sports. -102 is basically even money and when you consider there's no green for a coin toss the odds may technically be better. Plus two of my friends are on this and I wanted to ride the wave for that shared excitement in a group chat since we respect COVID/it's a blizzard in RI rn.
Opening Kickoff Will Not be a Touchback: +190
I saw an awesome stat on twitter earlier that I thought I liked so I'd have it to use in this blog, but I guess I didn't and I can't find it fucking anywhere. Basically said something along the lines of the Bucs being on of the worst teams at "forcing" touchbacks. Idk even know how to word that, but I think you get what I'm saying? It also mentioned something about the Chiefs taking it out of the endzone frequently. Again these are vague AF but when you combine that with the opening jitters of the Super Bowl, as long as the ball isn't over 5 yards into the endzone I loveeee these odds at +190. Hopefully the return man on whichever team gets the ball first tries to have his own Devin Hester moment and win the boi some coin.
Patrick Mahomes to throw an INT before a TD: +340
Long shot, Mahomes is a beast and has only thrown 6 picks all season, but tipped ball INTs count just as much! In Super Bowl LIV Mahomes threw two picks before his first passing touchdown. I wrote this blog in reverse and have another bet where I already mentioned something that happened in last year's Super Bowl which kind of worries me because the odds of things playing out in the same fashion two years in a row are slim, but you'll see that shortly and even though I just said that I fucking love the next bet.
Will Patrick Mahomes Have a Rushing TD: Yes +240
In 7 career postseason games, Patrick Mahomes has scored 4 rushing touchdowns; including one in last year's Super Bowl. In fact, the AFC Championship Game was the first playoff game he didn't rush for a score since the 2019 Divisional Round. I know he's been battling turf toe, but when you're rocking these shoes I think your feet are fine. Love the value +240.
Bucs ML: +135 and Bucs ML parlayed with OVER 56: +349
Not props, but I wanted to include these too. Fading the public with the Bucs, but being basic AF taking the over with >70% of the bets. I might take some player scoring props too, but wanted to give everybody a chance to get their action in. Plus I tried to add Gronk to scored at +110, but those odds kind of suck and for some reason the app rejected my bet which feels like a sign to stay away.
Not really much of a "preview" there's no real statistical analysis or breakdowns in this blog. All emotions and opinions.
Honestly, I'm not super pumped to be writing a blog about a Super Bowl that features Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski playing for a team that is not the New England Patriots. 2020 has been the worst year of my life and my one of my favorite escapes from reality, sports, has not made it any easier to deal with (respect the league year).
I've been sitting/laying at my laptop for the last threeish hours getting in my own head every time I punch a key; debating how to attack this blog, while trying to avoid all the emotions that this game brings up and how my weird brain is making this shit so much bigger than what it actually is. Knowing that going deep into my emotions will lead to better writing, but wanting to avoid doing so because I'm really not trying to unearth all that right now.
I've been pretty vocal from the start of the season that I am not rooting for the Bucs to win the Super Bowl. I've made fun of Pats fans who bought Bucs jerseys; it's embarrassing. Then again maybe there's people who think it's embarrassing I abandoned my love of the Red Sox after they traded Mookie Betts? Who's to say what is really "right"?
Going into the playoffs, I posted a blog about my personal power rankings going in postseason and had the Chiefs at #11 and the Bucs at #12 out the 14 team playoff field for who I'd most like to see hoist the Lombardi. Based off those rankings you'd think I'd be rooting for the Chiefs today, but I've had aChange of Heart like The 1975. Mainly because I think I Mandela Effected myself. I thought for sure I had the Bucs at 11 and Chiefs at 12 and was shocked when I reread that blog last night to see I wrote it the opposite way. My hatred of Travis Kelce outweighs my heartbreak of seeing Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski in Tampa. I cannot root for the Chiefs in this game, even though I know it will be painful af to see two of my favorite athletes of all time win a ring elsewhere. Here's why I'm betting on the Buccaneers and genuinely want them to win today even if I wasn't wagering. For one thing, the Bucs are an underdog. I love home dogs and this is the first time a home team is hosted the Super Bowl incase you haven't watched a second of football coverage this season and didn't already know that. I fucking crushed #TooManyLegs this season, but have been on an arctic cold streak and am using the Bucs +135 or whatever it will be when I punch it in to try and make up for an 0 for that dates back to possibly 2020. Keep chasin! I love the opening kickoff not being a touchback at +190 too. Also, I saw a sign in the shower yesterday.
There's a difference between what I'm doing and Pats fans that were rooting for the Bucs all season. Had it been Bucs vs Bills, Colts, Browns or Titans I'd be leaning AFC, but when it's Brady vs. Mahomes, I'm going Brady every time. He's still my guy. The main reasons I've gone full Matty Healy and "changed" my choice based on the power rankings is exactly what I wrote in that blog.
I love Tom Brady and truly appreciate all the great years and memories he provided me, and a lot of my family/friends. Maybe I'm being selfish. I had him from 4th grade til I was 28. Perhaps he has earned the right to do what it best for him. Even though I do believe Super Bowls are a team accomplishment and it may be a little unfair to grade QBs solely off something that takes an entire team, I do think QBs have more to do with the outcome than any other position. That being said. I do not want to see Patrick Mahomes already get to 1/3 of Brady's rings before his 5th season in the league. If the Bucs win this game and Brady gets to 7 it would seemingly be almost impossible for Mahomes to surpass him. If the Chiefs win today it becomes low key likely or at the very least mathematically obtainable.
Plus the more I think about it, it's wicked selfish of me to root against these guys for doing something I'd probably do if I was in their spot. Brady took team-friendly deals his entire career and If Bob Kraft is putting out ads like this I think it's clear he didn't want to lose him.
I get why they both left. This is all about Bill Belichick never giving Brady the love and praise he deserves and wanted. Had the Pats drafted better and there was a better offense around Tom maybe he's still a Patriot? They were in cap hell because they drafted so poorly and had to try to patch things up with free agents.
I just had to get the record straight. I'm rooting for the Bucs because they're playing the Chiefs. It's like if I had 14 options for dinner, but was ultimately left between brussels sprouts and motor oil. I don't want to eat either, but there's an obvious choice.
P.S.
I cannot wait for The Weeknd's halftime show. He's probably my favorite non-rock artist in music right now. Dude's voice is like velvt. (I added my personal favorite Weeknd song)
Tonight was the 10th annual NFL Honors ceremony and I have to start this blog off by being the bigger man and giving credit where credit is due; adding this night to the NFL calendar is one of the best things Roger Goodell has done as commissioner. TBH, I really don't even know if it was his idea or not, but since it started under his watch I'm going to give him credit. If there's someone else responsible please let me know because I will gladly Washington Football Team give this recognition and show love to the rightful person.
NFL Honors is a huge night for current players. It's where they find out who is taking home prestigious awards like NFL Fan of the Year and Bud Light Celly of the Year, but it's even bigger for the former players as NFL Honors night has become the de facto Hall of Fame announcement ceremony. Back on January 5th, I wrote a blog about my Pro Football Hall of Fame ballot where I submitted six names I thought were worthy for enshrinement and wouldn't you know five of the six in my blog got the call. Not too bad, it's like I know wtf I'm talking about. I know this is a big night for all these men who spent years of their life practicing, watching film, training, playing, scouting, all that jazz, but it's also a big night for bloggers who correctly predicted 83.3-repeating % of their ballot. Ronde got robbed!
If nobody on the internet is gonna metaphorically s my d for great takes I'm gonna have to do it myself (fuck Marilyn Manson for being a scumbag piece of shit and ruining a lay-up reference). Five out of six!
The league constitution says that each class will be between four and eight members so I split the difference with six selections. Ya boi missed out on Alan Faneca, John Lynch and Bill Nunn, but I agree with all threes induction. As a former key returner AND key loss Rhode Island DIII high school offense lineman, I'm not happy with forgetting about a fellow big ugly. There's no excuse. I've been falling asleep to NFL Films documentaries for years and have heard Bill Nunn's story many times and it would've been the ultimate feather in my cap to include him, but I wasn't even thinking about non-players/coaches when writing the ballot blog. I even admitted I probably should've added John Lynch to my ballot, but was being a lazy bones.
I guess I was trying to avoid a Patriot-centered bias in my writing. Same reason I left Richard Seymour off.
Like the last blog, it's almost midnight (now after post-proofread). Congratulations to all eight members of the Pro Football HOF Class of 2021 and me for predicting five of eight inductees in my ballot of only six names. Again, you were robbed, Ronde!
P.S.
What the fuck is up with the pictures they chose for these graphics? You got Charles Woodson looking like he just took a step and a little poop came out but he's trying to play it off tough, Calvin Johnson looking at what I would assume is a scoreboard (I don't know why, but I am irrationally angry at the selection of that picture..there's gotta be something better of MEGATRON) and Peyton Manning staring off into space thinking about his next commercial and how much better Tom Brady is than him. At least the Hall didn't do Drew Pearson any more dirty than they already did making him wait all these years and gave him a solid headshot.
I might be alone here, but I don't fuck with conflict. I have a history degree from an accredited state university, but I don't even have a favorite war and it's not because I didn't read any of the required materials; it's because I don't fuck with conflict!
I just want everybody to get along, so it should come as no surprise to you that I can't stand these "who's more responsible for the Patriots' Double-Dynasty? Brady or Belichick" discussions that have been littering sports talk/written media looong before this season, but have elevated to New York City in the 1890's levels of trash as of late with the divorce of the greatest Head Coach-Quarterback duo in the 101-year history of the National Football League.
As a child of divorce, I've always hated having to pick sides between people I love and this Patriot break-up has felt like one where you have to pick a side and I simply refuse. Football is a team game and it's not as simple as "Brady took a loaded Bucs team to the Super Bowl" and "the Patriots went 7-9 with the worst QB, TE and WR production in the league during a Pandemic season where half of their league-leading defense from 2019 opted-out" for determining who was more important for a nearly 20 season run of success that will likely never be duplicated in any major American sport. I'm just not ready to call it after one year.
Enter scene, Daniel James Amendola, better known as Danny Playoffs or "Playoff 'Dola" in New England. The undrafted slot receiver out of Texas Tech played with the Patriots from 2013 to 2017 and is a member of the team's 2010's All-Decade Team; almost exclusively for his playoff prowess. Amendola is 7th all-time in Super Bowl receptions AND receiving yards, but only amassed 2,283 receiving yards (476.6/year) in five seasons as a Patriot. You may have forgotten because of the emergence of Julian Edelman over that same time frame that Danny Amendola was signed to "replace" another undrafted slot receiver out of Texas Tech who's a member of the team's 2010's All-Decade Team, Wes Welker; technically signing his 5-year 28.5 million dollar contract with the Patriots before Welker signed with the Broncos in 2013.
Thanks to COVID, media week for the Super Bowl has been pretty tame compared to year's past, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been any headlines. The last two days, Danny Amendola has made his way across the virtual Super Bowl coverage finding ways to stay relevant as a 35 year old free agent coming off a solid sub 700 yard receiving season.
On Monday, Danny said Tom Brady is the Patriot Way, not Bill Belichick and that none of the coaches caught a pass or made a tackle (something Belichick has acknowledged multiple times).
The way he said "spend all their time at the facility" really "wore me" the wrong way. THAT'S WHY THE SCHEMES WERE SO GOOD. That's the exact kind of pettiness you'd expect from someone who posted this.
Then yesterday on Cowherd, Danny made it seem like he had a gun held to his head when renegotiating his contract with the Patriots and then got left with minimum wage.
It sucks to have to write this because I greatly appreciate all that Danny accomplished in New England, but he just sounds bitter AF and frankly, it bums me out. You were a part of one of the greatest dynasties in the history of sports. Look at the numbers you put up in the regular season then look in the mirror. After you stop flexing, you'll know deep down that you weren't worth that deal. If you really thought you were wouldn't you have been like "okay cut me" and go somewhere else?
I hate to bash Dola because even though he might've been a huge disappointment from a regular-season production standpoint after signing that big deal in 2013, he was the GUY in the playoffs. Ironically, he embodied what the Patriot Way is all about; stepping up when your number is called and performing at your best in big games. Because there is no denying Danny did that. He has never had over 700 yards in a season, but again, this dude is 7th all-time in Super Bowl receiving yards and receptions. When he scored two touchdowns in the 2014 Divisional Round against the Ravens; including the most famous non-Brady pass of the entire double-dynasty, nobody cared about his dismal 2014 regular season where he only had 27 receptions and 200 receiving yards.
Then in the Super Bowl against the Seahawks, Amendola had 5 receptions for 48 yards and a touchdown. In 2016 he scored a touchdown and two-point conversion in the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history.
In 2017 he was even better; 11 receptions for 112 yards against the Titans in the Divisional Round. He scored two 4th quarter touchdowns (including the game-winner) in the AFCCG against the Jaguars and in the Super Bowl (his final game in New England) he had 8 receptions for 152 yards.
Amendola was fucking awesome in the playoffs, but that doesn't make him immune to criticism. Dude, you averaged less than 500 yards a season over your time in New England. I'm not some side with the man or big business guy, but based on that production you weren't worth the higher salary to the Patriots. Now you will never hear me argue that the Patriots spend too much money, but you cannot have it both ways. You can't be all bitchy and say "he put rings on Bill's fingers" as if there weren't 50+ other guys who helped contributed and you VOLUNTARILY took less money. Sure, the alternative may have been getting traded or released, but you didn't "have to" take the pay cuts. I don't love the current set up either from a player's perspective, but that's just how it is right now. If you were a 1,000 yard, 80 catch guy I'm sure Bill wouldn't have been renegotiating. Did Belichick not let you have an agent around? If that's the case then maybe I'll change my tune, but of course, the guy who has stated how much he loves Paul Brown is going to nickel and dime talent. You could've said nah bro and seen what happened, but you didn't....I'm guessing cause deep down you knew you either couldn't get more elsewhere or loved being a part of this dynasty. And for someone who plays ball for one reason RESPECT...maybe you should have more respect for the greatest coach of all time who was the architect behind this dynasty. I'm sure his ways can be annoying, but this dude was holding the 1990 49ers and 1990 Bills to less than 20 points while you were learning how to read. I'm sure you can pawn a ring if you're really hurting for cash.
Thanks to hard-work, a strict diet and osteotomes, Tom Brady has aged like a fine wine throughout the course of his NFL career. Just look at him at Media Day for Super Bowl XXXVI (2002) vs Virtual Media Day for Super Bowl LV (2021). Dude went from looking like Vince Vaughn at 24 to Brad Pitt at 43.
Brady's about to play in his 10th Super Bowl and if he wins this game he'll personally have more rings than any other franchise in the history of the National Football League. There's literally millions of other ridiculous stats like that about this man and his success, but that may be my favorite (potential) Brady trivia nugget.
Even though I was actively rooting against the Buccaneers all season (unless I had money on them; they were a weekly favorite in #TML) because of my personal feelings regarding the second worst divorce I've ever personally experienced; I've been able to take a step back and appreciate how great the GOAT truly is. Given the way the playoffs worked out I am rooting for the Bucs to win this game. It's a good thing my twitter following is currently microscopic, otherwise I could be a dead man.
I've mentioned it ad nauseam over five years of DOL blogs, but I've loved this man for the vast majority of my time on this planet. He became the Patriots starting QB when I was in 4th grade and left when I was 28. Brady is responsible for more positive memories in my lifetime than almost any other person to ever live. I've studied his career like Galileo studied sciences. I can list of more information about Tom Brady than any topic I/my dad/the federal government paid for me to study in college. I've seen every look this man has sported the last twenty years. I was talking about how I thought he got hair-plugs before you even took Tom out of your Top 8 on Myspace. I was going out of my way to say I'd let him fuck me out of respect (even though he'd have zero interest) when Osama Bin Laden was still at large. This guy denied me an autograph at Training Camp in '03 or '04, which shaped my fears of rejection and ridicule to this very day and I still had his back through multiple cheating scandals and one of the most disappointing episodes of SNL until it truly fell off during the major cast upheavals from 2012-13 to 2013-14.
That's why it fucking sucks so much to see him not only playing incredibly well in year one in Tampa, but looking FANTASTIC while doing so. Isn't that always the worst part of a breakup? When you're looking like a bag of shit, eating peanut butter with a spoon in the middle of night; while your former lover is out there getting hotter and absolutely crushing it. Luckily, I've never personally experienced that, but ya know? Gotta try to be relatable to the reader...
Most people have been in agreement for years that TB12 is a TB10, but there's always been an Achilles' Heel to his look; his hair....ESPECIALLY at Super Bowls. Brady has saved some of his lamest cuts for the biggest stage. Tom's had model good looks with cop-level bad hair for the lion's share of the last three decades. Just look at these crimes against handsomeness Brady used to rock as if he wasn't chiseled by the Gods of Himalayan Pink Salt and plastic surgeons who aren't even posted on Yelp for Plebs like you or me. It's like putting a bumper sticker on a sports car. It's insulting. I know some of these were taken after games, but he wasn't looking much better before kickoff. Brace yourself.
I'm serious when I say this....what the fuck is that bro? Honestly. I get it, he's got bigger things to worry about than his flow or lack there of, but when you get plugs, you'd think you'd wanna sport something a little better than this.
Believe me, I'm well aware that Tom's changed his looks over the years, but at the end of the day this Caesary/over-grown Buzzcut has always been his default haircut. When Brady's hair isn't super long its always looking like a choppy mess with absolutely no style. It's like he tried to get a buzzcut with scissors. Does he use a #12 buzzer attachment? How does he even describe that cut to a barber? "Just make it just long enough on the top so I can't do anything, but not short enough where you'd call it a buzz." Maybe I'm just super out of the knowing the names of hairstyles game, but seriously what on God's green earth was Brady doing with his hair for like 11 of the last 19 years?
Then he moves into the swamp of America's anal wart...Tampa, Florida and all of sudden has more volume than the amps in Spinal Tap? WTF?!
I'm even willing to give you that his current cut would be optimal at about a 1/4 inch shorter, but this is a massive improvement from anything we've recently seen in Foxboro. At least there's a little something you can grab onto or style. No more of that sad caesar bs. I'm dead serious when I say Brady's hair may have never looked better and this is coming from someone on the record saying 2010 Brady was the best. I gasped when I saw this tweet today.
I'm still putting the pieces of my heart back together and even I'm enough of a professional to tip my cap and say Brady is looking like a fucking snack with this Florida hair. Not only is Tom Brady out here living his best life, showing the world that he's the best to ever do it, bringing the lowly Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl, but he's doing it looking better than he ever did winning a Super Bowl in New England. Pain like you read about, but what else can you say besides this dude is the fucking GOAT and that I miss you, miss youuuu.
P.S.
#HireDozo
Thanks to a "virtual" snow day, I'm able to break this news in a much more timely fashion than I would on a normal school/work day, but you wouldn't know that with the amount of time I've spent debating how to attack this blog.
Do I go boring, boiler place, "list of accomplishments, long time Red Sox 2nd Baseman, Dustin Pedroia has announced his retirement, blah, blah, blah" or give you that old school DOL realness that the people are yearning for? I'm gonna make the decision for the both of us and go with the latter.
See, I love Dustin Pedroia; I had a Muddy Chicken bumper sticker on my car for years. Dude was a fucking quote machine, I loved the La Luna saga with Don and btw, he played the hell out of 2nd base for over a decade. I reaaally want to give Pedey and his career the acknowledgment that they rightfully deserve, but at the same time, going down Red Sox memory lane when I cannot avoid the Mookie Betts sized hole in my heart that caused me to forget/black out almost 20 years of passionate Red Sox fandom brings up a plethora of unwanted emotions and feelings that I really wasn't trying to address today. Despite my current distain for this ownership group, I'll always love Dustin Pedroia and what he meant to the fans. In honor of his grit, I'm going to battle through it; just like he battled through countless injuries, leaving it all on the field day-after-day, playing the best defensive second base these two eyes have ever seen until his knees blew up like AJ Soprano's Xterra.
Can't teach that type of instincts and baseball IQ. That 4th of July play against the Rangers may have been the best of his entire career which is really saying something considering how broken down Pedey was at this point (2017).
At maaaaybe 5 foot 9, Pedroia had to truly battle to get to the big leagues. At Arizona State, he competed with future big leaguer and fellow "member" of the 2018 Red Sox, Ian Kinsler for the starting Shortstop job. Pedey won and Kinsler transferred. He left ASU as one of the best baseball Sun Devils ever.
I remember watching Dustin when he got called up in late '06 and was rocking #64 like a pulling guard. That following season when he was given #15, I couldn't believe the Sox would give away the great Kevin Millar's digits so soon. Then when he was struggling in early 2007, like most fans, I wanted Alex Cora in the line up everyday. After a rough April, Pedey went on to hit .315/.380/.442 with 39 doubles in a Rookie of the Year campaign that saw the Red Sox win their second World Series title in four years. Pedey and Youk during the 2007 ALCS
Pedroia won the 2008 American League MVP, four Glove Gloves, a Sliver Slugger and was a four time All Star; highlighted by three straight trips from 2008-2010 who ended up being one of the greatest Red Sox players of the last 50 years.
Pedey still put up solid numbers from 2011-2017, but a broken foot in 2010 the day after hitting three home runs against the Rockies will always have me thinking "what if?" with his career and the trajectory of those early 2010s Red Sox teams. He was on a HOF pace and could've easily been a 5-7x All Star. In 2013, Dustin Pedroia finished 7th in the AL MVP race while helping lead the Red Sox to another World Series title with a broken bone in his hand.
It's easy to focus on the disappointing ending to Pedroia's career where his body couldn't hold up anymore, but during his peak, Pedroia was one of, if not the best second baseman in MLB (graphic stolen from ESPN); he’s the very reason Mookie Betts plays RF and not 2B.
His willingness to keep competing and never quitting cost him the vaunted "career .300 hitter" label. It's an absolute shame he's going to end up a career .299 hitter, but I bet if you asked Pedey, he's glad he kept trying to earn that contract.... that Red Sox fans just can't help but harp on given the longterm effects it had on this suddenly penny-pinching organization.
It's utterly unfair to blame Pedroia for the Red Sox no longer caring about putting the best product on the field as possible. He earned every cent of that contract and twice in his career took less money to stay in Boston and famously said he didn't care because he's "rich as fuck". He loved being a Red Sox.
I'll always love Pedey and cherish what he meant to me and all Red Sox fans during his playing career. Personally, this really feels like the official end of my days where I lived and breathed Red Sox baseball. Dustin was that lone connection to the Theo and Tito days that made me fall in love with this game. After Trot Nixon left for Cleveland, Pedroia filled the role of "dirt dog" magnificently. Sure, there's still players on the roster that I liked prior to my divorce from the Red Sox fandom in 2020 like Rafael "Baby Beluga" Devers, but it's not even close to the same as Pedey.
Yes, you could say Pedroia probably should've retired three years ago or there was some "unnecessary drama" towards the end, but 15 earned the right to try and play after all he gave for over a decade. Even though his contract greatly impacted the way the Boston "don't wanna spend a Red cent" Sox go about business nowadays, I'm glad Pedey was able to take John Henry to the cleaners.
LOL JK he's a billionaire and that pocket change literally doesn't matter to him just like the luxury tax for one season wouldn't have mattered either.
Dustin Pedroia was exactly what you want out of a pro ball player and I wish him nothing but the best in retirement. I'm sure the Red Sox will find a way to squeeze every cent out of this news while also increasing prices, but Pedey 100% deserves his number retired. While I don't think he'll end up making Cooperstown, he had a legit chance if his body just held up. Goodbye, Pedey. Thanks for the memories, 15.
P.S.
Advanced numbers may say otherwise towards Pedey's HOF candidacy.
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