Song: Man in the Box (1991)
Artist: Alice In Chains Album: Facelift
I've listened to more Alice In Chains in 2021 than any other year of my life (unless my parents were cranking them in their heyday before I had the ability to remember things; which I highly doubt, although my dad does like this song!), but I had zero intentions of using AIC as a SOD for the 3rd time in two months when I laid down at the blogging station. Sure, I'll peel back the onion and explain how we got here!
So I just watched (and by just, I mean like 45 minutes ago by the time I write and edit this) "Three Sad Virgins" from SNL and thought about using that, but I don't know if the world is ready for me to use a song that isn't available on Apple Music. What would I post to my Instagram story? I couldn't think of anything and since I'm a music binger, most of the stuff I've been listening to recently has already been featured as SODs. I didn't want to waste any more valuable blogging time putting way too much thought into something so trivial, so I went to Ryan Radio on Apple Music and kept skipping until I came across something that caught my attention. "Man in the Box" was probably like, I don't know, the 27th song that popped up, and I flew right by it and probably went by another half dozen songs before a lightbulb went off in my head. "Bro, you were planning on blogging about all the incredible buckets of flow in Man in the Arena and made a fantastic reference to this song in yet another one of your way too niche for your minuscule audience to understand tweets. This is the song."
So consider this SOD a little teaser of what's to come in my next blog. Despite zero likes, retweets, or replies, which I totally don't care about...that's a solid tweet. Maybe it's just my weird brain, but that grainy ass picture of 1997 Tom Brady gave me serious Layne Staley in the "Man in the Box" video vibes; like immediately.
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ICYMI: #DozVsTheDozen XVIII was arguably my best showing yet. I put up a 16 spot once against Kirk, but I'm incredibly proud of my performance last Thursday. I fucking crushed it.
Tonight we've got Match 153 between (8) Out of Office and fan-favorites (11) Chicago.
While I'm personally rooting for Chicago (I'm a huge Carl guy) to show my professionalism and integrity, I'm setting the line at OOO -3.5. Duggs seems like a nice guy, but has he ever gotten more than two questions right in a match? Luckily for OOO, Chris Castellani is a force. That man can play some fucking trivia. I tip my cap to CC. If you haven't heard his interview on The Dogwalk, you have to check it out. I listened this morning while I got ready for work. As someone grinding in the writng/content game, it's stories like Chris' that keep me going. The dude went from working at a fucking Speedway to blogging for Barstool and competing on The Dozen. There's literally no reason on earth that can't be me.
Until that day comes, you can watch me scream at my television while competing on the best game show in the history of Barstool Sports. â Where can you watch ya boi compete against real-life Barstool bloggers and personalities? Only at: INSTAGRAM/DOZONLIFE That's www.instagram.com/Dozonlife Show starts at 7:05...ish. I can't wait to see you in the comment section!
Song: The Bad Thing (2007)
Artist: Arctic Monkeys Album: Favourite Worst Nightmare
Today's SOD was inspired by semi-old news that I never got a chance to blog; Arctic Monkeys are releasing a new album next year!
Nothing from the "pretty much ready" album has leaked yet, so you're stuck with an '07 classic.
I know it likely won't happen since it's not 2006 anymore, but I'd love for a return to their early sound. I miss those blaring guitars and angsty lyrics, but I get that they've grown as a band. I gave Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino a C+ in a typo-ridden blog back in 2018, but the highlight of that piece was the story of a Tinder meet-up gone wrong. See, I had a super awkward encounter with this cute, emo-y young lady that ultimately ended when I knocked her bed off its frame whilst finger blastin' her as I prayed that my wien would fill up with blood. Earlier in the night, we were talking music, and I mentioned how I was excited that there were rumors of an AM album the following year (which happened). In her way too negative, boner killing way, she said Alex Turner hated the rest of the band, and they'd never make music again. She was cute but her Eeyore attitude was a vibe assassin. Once the bed slipped off the frame because it was supported by a 2x4 that had about 2 millimeters of slack on each end (ahhh, college houses), I put it back together, gave her a hug and said yeah this isn't gonna happen and wwe never spoke again! That was just one of many conversations gone wrong from that fateful night, and guess what, Kelsey? You're wrong again, biccccch! (respectfully) More Arctic Monkeys to come in 2022! FTR: Yes, I'd still hit if you want to finish what we started in May 2017. I'm only like twice the size I was then, but sadly I'm not talking about below the belt. As for today's SOD, The Bad Thing is IMO a Top 10 Arctic Monkey's song. If I ever come into an exorbitant amount of cash, I'd pay whatever it takes to have them play it live at a private show for my ever-shrinking squad since they have never played it live. Sorry if you read this Seanny boy, but as a former cuck-ee (which is one of my top 3 biggest regrets), I do sort of love the whole cheating wife story arc behind this song. It's sexy, sue me.
Back when the Pats were 1-3 and we were talking about moral victories, I said that this team was legit and their future was bright. Now less than two months later the New England Patriots are currently one of the hottest teams in the NFL. They're just a half game back in the AFC East and if the season ended today they'd be the AFC's 6th seed. They're tied for 2nd in the NFL (with the Arizona Cardinals) in point differential (+98). They've won four straight and five of their last six (and that one loss came in OT). During their current four game winning streak they're outscoring their opponents 150 to 50, which if 4th grade math serves me right reduces to 3:1. Not bad for a rookie QB and group of over-paid free agent reaches, right?
With Tom Brady at the helm from 2001-2007; 2009-2019, you may have heard that the Patriots were in the midst of a double-dynasty. Six Super Bowl wins and three more appearances just for fun. Even with a 10 year Super Bowl ring drought, the Patriots were still annual Super Bowl contenders with an elite offense that constantly reinvented itself. During Brady's two decades in New England, the Patriots finished in the top 5 of points scored 11 times (2004, '07, 2010-2018) and total yards 7 times (2007, '09, 2011, '12, '16-'18). What you're about to see is unquestionably a tad cherry-picked, but it's still a fucking remarkable stat. Tom Brady, the greatest QB of all time made 283 regular season (and 41 playoff) starts as a Patriot. That's a reasonably large sample size. Yesterday, the Patriots had three 90+ yard drives, which had never happened during the Belichick era, who I'm sure you know, coached Tom Brady from 2000-2019.
Since I have a stathead subscription, I did a little research. Since 2001 (including the playoffs), the Patriots have had 54 total drives of 90 or more yards and those 54 total drives occurred over 48 games. Three drives came yesterday, one is from Drew Bledsoe, and surprisingly Cam led one (1) 90-yard scoring drive in a 38-9 loss against the Bills on MNF.
That means Tom Brady lead 49 drives of at least 90 yards during his time in New England. He "only" had multiple 90 or more yard drives in four of his 324 starts as a Patriot. Patriots vs. Saints 2005 (24-17 W) Patriots vs. Jets 2010 (45-3 W) Patriots vs. Chargers 2011 (35-21 W) Patriots vs. Titans 2017 Playoffs (35-14 W) Again, this is a decently cherry-picked stat that has a ton of factors outside of the offense's control. It's like how people used to complain that Brady's game-winning drives were "only" field goals as if it was his fault the team only needed a field goal to win. I know that special teams play a huge role in starting field position, but in nearly 20 years of elite offensive production (or even 15 because I know the 2001 and 03 teams weren't exactly lighting it up), a Brady team never accomplished this specific niche stat that Mac Jones and Brian Hoyer did yesterday. This stat is quirky and cute like Zooey Deschanel, it doesn't mean that Mac Jones is going to be the next Tom Brady, but from a purely mathematical standpoint, it's pretty mind-blowing it didn't happen at least once in his 324 starts as a Patriot. Not a bad little note to add to Belichick's 250th regular-season win.
P.S.
And Jakobi finally scored!! What a win for the Patriots! SoFi here we come???
Double P.S.
Just like how the Patriots have had a good-to-great offense for the last 20 non-Covid years, the Cleveland Browns have had their fair share of losses over a similar time frame, 173 between 2005-2020, to be exact. The last 20ish years have not been kind to the Cleveland Browns; from 2015-2017, they went 4-44, but yesterday's 45-7 defeat was their worst loss since December 24th, 2005 (Merry Christmas!), when they lost to the Steelers 41-0. When you're giving a team that regularly put up 11+ losses a year their worse loss in 16 years, that's something.
Semi-rare TRIPLE P.S.
I made this chart to figure out the Patriots offensive rankings during the Brady-Belichick era if you wanna go down memory lane in the most boring way possible. Despite what my actions may cause you to believe, I don't like to complain and be so negative, but I'm at a breaking point. What's the point of running a blog about yourself and the world around you if you can't get a little real? All I want to do with my life is write for Barstool. That's why I sabotaged months of hard work doing #43Burgers. I know for a fact that I have what it takes; I'm a knowledgable (despite my sub-zero gambling cold streaks) sports fan with a solid awareness of pop culture that can make people laugh. I have a weird brain that would fit like a glove at BSS. I write for DOL almost every day after work. Of course, I'd like to do more in my free time when I get home to help achieve my dream, but recently (like since my first day 5 years ago) the stress teaching causes me is like an atomic bomb to my creativity. I know people work more physically demanding jobs, but the constant shit storm I deal with is killing me faster than my eating habits. I can feel the years coming off my life. Every day when I'm at work, I'm like, "I just want to get out of here and write." Then by the time I get home after all the garbage that happens throughout the day, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is nothing and just decompress. That makes me hate myself for not having (to steal a line from baseball) my "best stuff." Believe me; I'm sick and tired of being miserable and not feeling like myself. Some of my friends told me I'm still funny and it means the world to me, but I just don't feel it at all anymore and that terrifies me. I've put on well over 100 pounds since lockdown and have completely lost myself. I'm fucking broken. I try my best to fight through, but it causes this vicious cycle of self-hate and doubt. Like today, I am completely drained and just wanna relax, but I know that's not going to get me out of this situation. I should just "keep grinding" and write...even if I'm not there mentally and my craft suffers because of it. In case you've joined recently, I've been running Dozonlife since February of 2016. Despite subpar grammar and reading comprehension, I've always enjoyed writing. In college, I took a stab at blogging a few times, but it wasn't until early 2016, a year after I graduated and was still "just delivering pizza," that this blog called "The Diehard Diaries" reached out to me to write about the Patriots. That's when I began to take my craft seriously and think about it as a potential career again. (After wasting five years lying to myself that I wanted to teach---I wanted to coach football because I love the game and wanted to chase the ring I never won as a "key loss" offensive lineman.) When I wrote for Diehard Diaries, I wanted to write about topics besides the Patriots, but they wouldn't let me, and that's when the light bulb went off that I should start my own blog. Ever since high school, I've wanted to be a sports writer. I didn't care if it was traditional journalism, blogging, or another outlet; I just knew I wanted to write about something I have a passion for. During my Senior Project, I wrote about my high school's various teams for a defunct website called "scoutRI.com," but in true slacker, high school Doz fashion, I didn't do any of the required mentoring. I met with my mentor maybe twice in person, and he just forged all my hours. I don't know if I can retroactively lose my high school diploma, but I do regret not taking full advantage of the opportunity (although, in my defense, my mentor wasn't exactly dying to teach me the skills I wanted to learn). When it was time to go to college, I wanted to major in journalism, but my dad, who I thought was paying for my school, essentially said I wasn't allowed to because newspapers were dying. Since I didn't realize how much of my education I paid via student loans, I didn't fight for my freedom to follow my passion. Now over a decade later, I'm stuck teaching in a failing school district, slowly dying by the day, getting next to no fulfillment from my life. I'd love to quit, but I have no other skills, nowhere to turn and have lived the last 5+ years with Barstool as my only way out. With officially one month left of my 20s, I can't help but get upset about wasted time and potential. Regardless of whether or not I ever reach my goal of writing for Barstool, running this website has undoubtedly made me a better man. So despite a microscopic following, I don't consider this blog a waste. This outlet has forced me to grow up and look a lot of my flaws in the mirror. I think, scratch that, KNOW that writing has made me a more understanding and knowledgeable person. As much as I miss my life in 2016 and being 24 years old, even that "late" in life, I had a lot of growing up to do, and I'd like to think that writing has helped me evolve and mature. Despite how shitty and unlivable life feels right now, I fucking fight through and go after my dream (despite almost no recognition or support). I need more energy to truly chase it which is why I'm trying to get my health in order (again). Unfortunately, blogging isn't my full-time job. I've kept this job that I hate for years because it helps me pay my bills and have insurance that I never use since I'm terrified of going to the doctor. Plus, it gives me the flexibility to write. What I've been trying to say over the last 900ish words is that I'm never giving up despite how dark shit might get. In this era where there's this fake emphasis on mental health (I'll believe it when I see it IRL), I want to be transparent about the shit I'm dealing with (I haven't even scratched the surface). Like I know I should write tonight, but I just don't have it in me right now. For a million reasons, I feel defeated. There are reasons why I don't make as much content as I'd like to; there are things holding me back from truly going full-send. I don't want to bombard Barstool with applications until they're like, "okay, we'll give you an interview." I genuinely don't want to be annoying, but I'm getting to a point where I think it's worth a shot. It's gotta be better than whatever I'm currently doing. I'm well aware that I don't have much of a following and that I'll do 40+ minute live streams without a single person popping in, but episodes like #DozVsTheDozen XVIII are why I still do this. I had so much fun during that match. Maybe I'm just sucking my own dick here, but I think #DVTD XVIII showcased a little bit of what I could bring to The Dozen and Barstool in general. I want to be a part of the Barstool team more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. Do I wish I had the love and support of more people? Of course, but that can all change in the blink of an eye. Brandon Walker was doing Facebook Lives with like 16 people in them two years ago. Sorry for the word vomit, but I had a rough day/year at work and just needed to vent. Thanks for reading all of this; I hope you enjoy the video! #HireDozo Song: Family Affair (2001) Artist: Mary J. Blige Album: No More Drama Happy Birthday to my 23-months-to-the-day-younger seeesta Meeeeeagan!!! I have difficulty recalling our childhood due to repression lolol, but I'll never forget that you had this single when we were kids because dad was too cheap to buy you the entire CD. You're very handsome & I love you! This concludes my Song of the Day blog about your Birthday. 0-9 is 0-9. If you've been tailing me all season, you're probably reading this at a public library or on dial-up internet. No excuse I can give you makes up for this disgusting and disheartening start. -9U (honestly a little more for me, but we grade as a 1U play for math's sake). Sure, my legs go 5-3 or 6-2 every week, and if I didn't keep swinging for the +1000 fences, we could be highly profitable, but that means about as much to you, the DOL diehard, TML tailer about as much as JPEGS to Helen Keller. We're 0-9 and #TML's 2022 fate is up in the air. Unless I win 3 of these next 9 weeks, I don't see this bet living to see to next league year. It's only Week 10 and Dozie didn't hear no bell, the road to recovering units starts now. It's bounceback Sunday. Britney is free. It's time to be stronger than yesterday/every Sunday this season and give the people an if you seek amy-ing winner. Here's this week's teaser: Best of luck and ALWAYS wager responsibly!
Song: Don't Stop Believin' (1981) Artist: Journey Album: Escape I don't love the board today, but #TML is due to hit eventually; hopefully, like 8 hours from now.
The dogs have been barking the last few weeks in the National Football League, so it should come as no surprise that the Dolphins are hanging tough leading 9-3 in a game where they were laying 8.5 when I started this blog.
The Dolphins had to settle for 3 after a 1st & goal from the one-yard line on a drive that featured FOUR different penalties by offensive linemen (not ideal!). While the letter of the law clearly states that offensive linemen are ineligible receivers..wouldn't the game be a little more fun if they weren't? Imagine if you had to account for a screen to a guard, a LT seem route, or when to draft your flex G/T for fantasy? Classic No Fun League keeping that from us! I mean, who can blame Robert Huntin in this spot? As a former o-lineman, I sure as heck can't. It's so cliche, but it really is every lineman's dream to score. When you're going out to block for a screen and see the pigskin coming your way, it's easy to get lost in the moment and forget you're not that guy. Robert Hunt thought he was that guy.
Nothing is actually real in life. We let this special paper based on nothing that like 70% of people don't even use anymore dictate our every move. NFL contracts are written on toilet paper. Are you telling me Goodell can't make an in-game call like it's Buffalo Wild Wings and say it counts, or just force the refs to say it hit another player before the big man grabbed it? It wouldn't be the first incorrect call after official review and won't be the last. I mean, that was too simply gorgeous not to count. We're evolving as a species as much as half the country wants to delay that. It's almost 2022, let offensive linemen touch the ball. There used to be a time where incomplete passes were a penalty and you couldn't score a touchdown on a pass. Things change.
The Ravens just punted away down 12 with 10 minutes left. Are they about to lose this game? Nothing makes sense, so you might as well let that earth-shattering touchdown gallop stand. P.S. By the time I finished this and gave it a quick Grammarly read-through, the Ravens scored to make it a 15-10 game...now Dolphins have 1st & 5 from the 6...ya don't see that much...touchdown Dolphins... After a Controversial Tie on Tuesday #DozVsTheDozen Returns Tonight @ 7:05 PM ONLY @ IG/Dozonlife!!11/11/2021
If you missed Tuesday's controversial tie, you can watch right here and determine for yourself whether or not I should've gotten points for *NSYNC.
Regardless, it wasn't a win. I'm not some stolen valor ass hole, especially on Veterans Day, but as a guilty conscience and hashtag good guy, the fact that I'm even considering taking points off the board shows the type of character I have. If 10 people comment on Youtube that I should've lost, I'll officially make #DVTD as a loss.
As for tonight! I apologize for the late posting. I had therapy this afternoon then went to grab some groceries (Bud Light and peanut butter M&Ms), but it's Thursday, and we already know the deal. Tonight is #DozVsTheDozen XVIII, and I say this in basically every blog, but we've got two great teams tonight: (5) and defending champs Honkers vs. (6) Smockin. We definitely got some weird brains mixing it up tonight (just like me), and I'm more than up for the challenge. It's been a long time since I caught a W, but a W tonight would more than make up for all the losses, ties, and questionable ties.
My lines have been awful the last couple of weeks, so I'm just calling this a pick 'em. Smockin might be undefeated, but Honkers arguably has been sabermetrics and may be hungrier for a W with a 1-1-1 record as defending champs. I haven't won since, I believe, episode IX, and it's going to be a tall order tonight, especially with the niche categories these guys will have, but it should be a fantastic match!
Where can you watch ya boi compete against real-life Barstool bloggers and personalities?
Only at: INSTAGRAM/DOZONLIFE That's www.instagram.com/Dozonlife Show starts at 7:05...ish. I can't wait to see you in the comment section! |
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