Today has been a huge day for new music. The song of the day was the fallopian stimulus package, Kings of Leon's new NFT album dropped, Drake and Justice Beaver had new stuff come out as well, but all of that pales in comparison to quite possibly the greatest cross-genre cover of all-time from down undah. Yes, it technically came out yesterday, but idc, The Wiggles performed fellow continent/countryman, Tame Impala's "Elephant" on Australia's Triple J Like a Version, and it kicks like a Kangaroo.
My roommate sent me the video this morning, and I was trying to blog it all day at work from my phone, but the Weebly app was making about as much sense as a $7.25 federal minimum wage. Random parts of old blogs merged into it. I didn't type a word of this today. So fucking weird and frustrating when you're trying to be a professional and get stuff out in a timely manner!
If you're a returning reader, you know how much I loooove cross-genre covers. Well, this one might be the most surprising one yet when you consider how far apart these two are on the musical spectrum, but it surprisingly works really well and sounds fairly authentic to the real thing.
Maybe it's just because I couldn't stop laughing at the elephant head and have a soft spot for keytars, but I was not expecting the fucking Wiggles to be such talented musicians. They're not just goofing around with an acoustic guitar like Andy Dwyer; this is actually put together really well like appliances in the 1940s. I think Kevin Parker would be proud. Plus, those baritone verses were awesome! The kids must love that guy.
I just cannot get over how well The Wiggles performed. I never really got into them; I was just getting to that "I'm too cool for kids stuff" age when they crossed over to the U.S. I was not expecting to like this so much. I hope it gets released on Apple Music. I loved how they just couldn't help but throw some fruit salad in. In an interview with Triple J, Emma Wiggle said they picked the song because The Wiggles love animals. I mean, how perfect is that?
Tame Impala is on my Mount Rushmore of most listened to artists 2015-present; I love them. I have a Currents tapestry on my wall like the biggest cliche stoner of all-time, but honestly, "Elephant" is one of my least favorite songs by them. Not to be a full music hardo because there's plenty of artists that I love where their most well-known songs are my favorites, but I rarely, if ever, listen to "Elephant". I'm much more of an "Endors Toi", "Mind Mischief" and "Feels Like We Only Go Backwards" guy on Lonerism (really everything, except "Elephant"), so I'm a little biased here, but I could see this turning into a Nine Inch Nails-Johnny Cash situation. Sorry, Kevin, "Elephant" is no longer a Tame Impala song; it's a Wiggles song.
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Song: Leave the Door Open (2021) Artist: Silk Sonic Album: An Evening With Silk Sonic Birth rates are the lowest they've been in over 35 years, but thanks to Anderson .Paak and Brunos Mars, who've joined forces as "Silk Sonic" that is about to change in a big way. These boys are dripping swag, and this song FUCKS. No two ways about it. Someone is going to get pregnant to this tonight; that's just a fact. These harmonies could destroy an IUD like an IED. I absolutely love the 70's aesthetic and sound. Makes me want to put wood paneling everywhere. "Leave the Door Open" is going to be a post-COVID anthem (fingers crossed). The choreography, in the beginning, forces a smile on your face. People overuse the shit out of the term "it's a vibe", but this song and video is literally a vibe. Everybody looks like they're having so much fun (remember fun?) and the way Anderson .Paak plays drums will always blow mind; just absolutely oozing swag from every orifice of his body. This video is so simple, yet satisfying and I cannot wait for the entire album. I was under the impression the whole thing was coming out today, but for now, we'll have to wait; unfortunately, there's no release date yet. If the rest sounds anything like this, Silk Sonic might've gone overboard and caused too many pregnancies. I know society is full of people with awful opinions, but how did 1.6K people dislike this video? David fucking Duke could vibe to this. Kentucky Passed a Bill That Allows Some High Schoolers To Return for a 5th Year To Play Sports3/4/2021
The Commonwealth of Kentucky is allowing anybody who is 18 years old or younger on August 1st, 2021, to return to high school for a fifth year of eligibility in all sports, even if they have met the requirements to graduate.
I know it's Kentucky, but I don't get it from an academic standpoint. Sorry, that was some low-ass hanging fruit, but the last year of schooling has been a joke. I suppose most kids could use the extra work, but how is this actually gonna play out? Are they going to have a bunch of kids who should be in college or basic training taking ballroom dancing like Matt Leinart to play another season? Can you take college courses, or are they just treating high school like UNC? Whether you wear two masks or none, all people have been affected by the pandemic one way or another. Yes, losing a summer in your 20's sucks, but it's incomparable to losing something that you can't get back, like the high school experience or your life. As someone who was a key returner AND loss for a 1-7 football team that lost five of those games by one score, I can tell you I have spent YEARS thinking about what could've been if a few things went differently. How would that year have played out if our best coach wasn't suspended, one of our best players didn't break his collarbone ATVing like a selfish ass hole during double sessions, or if our QB didn't throw 94 interceptions when we had one of the best run-blocking o-lines in the state? Hell, the main reason I "chose" to major in education was so I could be a coach and chase the ring I never won. I still feel empty to this day that I never won a Rhode Island DIII football championship, so I can completely empathize with wanting another shot; I fucking loved high school.
But as I've gotten older, I've learned there's a lot more to life than high school sports and that you definitely should not base your entire future around them. There's more to life, I promise. I won't say that you get fully over them because anytime I drink more than three beers with someone I went to high school with, inevitably the glory days will come up, but over time you move on, and your priorities change. You learn how to get to a point where it's not the only thing you think about all hours of the day. Trust me.
The 29-year-old in me says, cut your losses and move on. I know that it fucking sucks you missed out, but you gotta move on and start your real life like the rest of us had to. Not to go full back in my day hardo because I wasn't even alive, but there were high schoolers faking they were 18 to go to WAR during WWI and WWII. It could've been worse. Then the young soul in me feels horrible for the kids who are missing out on the key years and memory makers that are high school athletics. Going 1-7 fucking sucked and, in many ways, ruined a lot of my senior year, but at least I got to go 1-7. We played. These CHILDREN have already lived through a pandemic, 10,000 school shootings, and an attempted fascist uprising; maybe we should cut them some slack and let them take a few more hacks? I just think this sort of does more harm than good. What about the younger athletes that now have to compete with someone who should be in college. I'm not saying it's a super big advantage, more so that it's taking away opportunities for actual high school athletes. They're almost getting more hurt by this in addition to the missed year they had to deal with. If you have no chance at getting a scholarship or playing at the next level, what's really the point other than having a little fun? Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge proponent of fun, but do you really wanna be 19 years old sitting in physics when you should be learning how to use a beer bong if you didn't already in high school? One part of me is like, "fuck it; it's a year", you can push back starting adulthood, then part of me is like bro/broette, just move on. What if you tear your ACL? Do you have to stay in high school? Sorry to sit on both sides of the fence, but this just seems too complicated. I get the sentiment and feel like if I was in these kid's shoes, I'd want to come back, but my dad would force me to grow and up be miserable just like everybody else, LIKE A MAN. Unless you're a fringe scholarship athlete who has something serious to gain from another go at it, I feel like you gotta just move on. But again, I totally understand taking advantage of this situation if you can. What would you do ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶e̶?̶ if YOU had a chance at an extra year of high school sports?
P.S.
Who the fuck is under 18 the August after they graduated high school?
Song: Stay (1994)
Artist: Lisa Loeb Album: Reality Bites Soundtrack
I cannot say enough good things about this song. I've always liked it, but I've dead ass listened to it more than any other person on earth the last week or so; it's fantastic.
"Stay" is actually what inspired my recent 90's girl rock/pop, whatever tf you wanna call it, binge (follow @dozonmusic on Apple Music for the entire playlist). How can a song with no chorus be so fun to sing along to? It's just so full of raw emotion and goes everywhere with no rhyme or reason; sorta like a DOL blog :)
With my recent obsession, of course, I've been doing some independent research. The story behind "Stay" is fucking crazy, and as a self-proclaimed music guy, I'm a little ashamed I didn't know that it's the first-ever #1 hit by an unsigned artist. I guess it makes sense given how the machine worked back then, but it blows my mind it took until 1994 for that to happen. "Stay" is sort of like the OG "going viral" song with how it picked up steam in a v unconventional way at the time that we wouldn't think twice about in the internet age. Originally Lisa wrote "Stay" for a Darryl Hall solo record before ultimately keeping it for herself. Thanks to a friendship with Maya Hawke's dad, Ethan, who actually designed and directed the video, he convinced Ben Stiller to put it in the Reality Bite's Soundtrack, and as they say, the rest is history.
Feel free to play this lightly in the background as you read to set the mood.
In the most elementary introduction to a blog in the five-year history of Dozonlife.com, the internet sure has changed the way the world works!
I don't know if people are smarter now than they were 40 years ago, but they sure are more creative, or at least have the tools to be with the information super-highway. Redditors were able to figure out that Wall Street is a scam until the powers that be changed the rules. There are people who track private jets to try to figure out where college football coaches and free agents are going. JJ Watt just signed with the Arizona Cardinals earlier this week and had shirts of the handful of teams he was considering shipped to a friend's house to avoid a mail carrier leaking his decision by putting two and two together.
My point is gone are the days where all you needed to go incognito at a hotel or hospital was a fake name. The internet and instant data sharing have ruined that.
Sure, aliases still exist, but if someone is in the lobby of a hotel and sees a celebrity check-in it doesn't really matter if they're using a fake name or not (I feel like there's gotta be some secret tunnels or something that addresses that "issue") if they snap a quick picture and tweet it out for the world to see. Straight out of the too unbelievable to be true, but somehow is category, former Steelers QB and Pro Football Hall of Famer, Terry Bradshaw once used the name "Thomas Brady" to check into a hospital....in 1983. Back then that's all it took to outsmart everybody.
Now anybody who has listened to Chris Berman speaks for more than 90 consecutive seconds knows that Tom Brady was at Candlestick Park during "The Catch" which in itself is pretty wild given his and Joe Montana's importance in NFL history and constant comparisons, but at least that story is plausible. Brady grew up in the Bay Area; his parents had 49ers season tickets; there's a photo; it's a crazy story, but it makes all the sense in the world and can be easily proven true.
This, however, is some Black Mirror, Twilight Zone, fill in the blank with another show I don't watch shit. Now, Thomas Brady isn't exactly Shareef Abdur-Rahim when it comes to uniqueness, but this is fucking bizarro. A then 35-year-old, four-time Super Bowl champion QB used the name of a five-year-old, future seven-time Super Bowl champ QB to check in to a hotel. To quote the joke stealing, Dane Cook, "what are the evens of that?" If this were in a movie script, it'd get bunched up and thrown into a trash can. Imagine if Peter O'Toole was checking into hotels in the 1960s as "Tom Hanks"? What's even wilder is the doctor who performed the surgery's name is William Burdick, aka Bill Burdick; the first name, first initial, and final three letters of the last name of the man who coached Tom Brady for 20/21 NFL seasons, Bill Belichick. Man, this sounds fake AF and would be pretty easy to create with photo-editing software, but Terry Bradshaw aka the original TB12 has already corroborated this story. It's a fact; Terry Bradshaw was Tom Brady for three days in 1983.
P.S.
If that Peter O'Toole reference was too good for you, allow me to explain... see, Peter O'Toole was nominated for eight Oscars and never won, and Tom Hanks has won two Best Actor Oscars. Not exactly the same as 4 rings vs. 7, but still pretty good and worth praise. I learned that name in high school when we watched Becket in English class. Ya boi 100% made a shitty Josh Beckett joke at the time too. #HireDozo Kings of Leon Will Be The First Artist To Release an Album as an NFT (WTF Does That Even Mean?)3/3/2021 On Friday, Kings of Leon will release their new album, titled When You See Yourself, in the form of a non-fungible token (NFT) — becoming the first band to ever do so. The band is actually dropping three types of tokens as part of a series called “NFT Yourself,” people involved in the project tells Rolling Stone. One type is a special album package, while a second type offers live show perks like front-row seats for life, and a third type is just for exclusive audiovisual art. All three types of tokens offer art designed by the band’s longtime creative partner Night After Night; the smart contracts and intelligence within the tokens were developed by YellowHeart, a company that wants to use blockchain technology to bring value back to music and better direct-to-fan relationships. A quick rundown: NFTs are a type of cryptocurrency, but instead of holding money, they can hold assets like art, tickets, and music. NFTs operate on a blockchain, which is a publicly accessible and transparent network — meaning anyone can see the details of any NFT transaction. Computers involved in the transactions become part of the network, which keeps updating and can’t be hacked due its nature as many-headed hydra. In the case of NFTs, their value becomes subjective and therefore fluctuates, kind of like stocks. (To learn more about the subject, read Rolling Stone‘s guide to crypto in music.) I referenced NFTs without using their proper name in yesterday's Song of Day post, but essentially these are a new form of cryptocurrency that my couldn't pass pre-calc ass is having a hard time grasping.
NFT stands for "non-fungible tokens". What does that mean? According to The Verge: “Non-fungible” more or less means that it’s unique and can’t be replaced with something else. For example, a bitcoin is fungible — trade one for another bitcoin, and you’ll have exactly the same thing. A one-of-a-kind trading card, however, is non-fungible. If you traded it for a different card, you’d have something completely different. So basically, people are selling and trading highlights of bounce passes for thousands of dollars since there's only one copy? Idk bro, it makes zero sense to me, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be some sort of legitimate currency in the upcoming future. I guess the whole point is that they're unique and limited which makes them valuable? I don't know and I'm writing like a 6th grader because I'm so confused, but I provided plenty of links if you want to do more research. As someone trying to make it in the internet game, I'm very intrigued by this concept. NFTs are still new enough where there's time to figure it out; unlike TikTok. Plus who doesn't love a good ole fashioned get rich quick scheme? What if this is the new bitcoin and this is our chance? You don't want to be the person who missed out on Apple stock in the early 80s. Just because this is new and most people don't understand it doesn't mean it's not going to be huge. I still don't get how electricity works and outside of Texas, big electricity seem to be doing just fine. There's people who thought the internet would be a fad and now you couldn't drive to your grandma's house without it. Are Kings of Leon going to become the Buggles of NFTs where in 10 years they're a trivia answer to who was first to this new frontier? Are NFTs the future of music? My guess is yes, only because all aspects of life seem to getting more and more digital. But again, I don't fucking get it. I was just saying in class today to the Special-Ed teacher I have in my room how the days of paper in school are likely over even after COVID is gone/things return to "normal". With the exception of classic video games, vinyl records and polaroids being cool again, technology doesn't move backwards. Google Classroom isn't going anywhere and neither are NFTs (I thiiink). Crypto is the future, just ask Russell Okung. P.S. As for King of Leon, good for them for being the Buggles of NFTs. I love KOL, they're one of my favorite bands; I saw them live twice in 2017 during their WALLS tour. I hope this works out for the Followill boys. I just read earlier that this is their first album where punches weren't thrown during its creation. If what the Rolling Stone article said is true and these can help bring some "value" back to music aka help artists make money & create a better fan connection with artists then I am 1000% on board. I'm down with anything that brings power back to the artists over the labels. Song: The Bandit (2021) Artist: Kings of Leon Album: When You See Yourself KOL's first album in five years comes out on Friday and it's being released as an NFT in addition to the more conventional ways of listening (streaming, vinyl, compact disc, etc.). You may be asking yourself, "Dozo, wtf is an NFT?" Expect a more in depth blog on that topic in the next 15-127 minutes!
On March 16th, 2020, former Patriots LB Kyle Van Noy agreed to a 4-year 51 million dollar deal (30 million guaranteed) with the Miami Dolphins, and because contracts in the NFL are written on toilet paper with disappearing ink, he was released today.
Kyle signed with Miami just one day before Tom Brady announced he was leaving the Patriots. I wrote this in my goodbye KVN blog last year on that day. Oops!
I thought KVN was a big part of what the Dolphins are building; dude was a captain, and obviously, there's the Flores connection. While Van Noy did battle injuries last year, he put up solid numbers during his only season in Miami. Just a shocking NFL transaction IMHO.
Via, Mike Garafolo, Kyle Van Noy had this to say about getting released after just one season with the Dolphins.
By releasing Van Noy, the Dolphins freed up nearly $10 million in cap space. Could they be trying to clear the books for a DeShaun Watson trade? (I hope not!)
Any time a "high-profile" former Patriot is back on the market, there's gonna be people pondering a potential return. We saw Patrick Chung sign a three-year deal with the Eagles in 2013, get cut after just one season, then return to the Pats. More recently, in 2019, they brought back Jamie Collins after spending two and a half seasons in Cleveland. I'm just saying there's a precedent! At least two Patriots have already campaigned for a KVN return to Foxboro. Hopefully, Josh Uche isn't too attached to the #53.
I am 100% down with bringing 2/3 of the Boogeymen back for 2021 (Hightower has already confirmed he's coming returning) in addition to the young pieces the Patriots have on a defense that sneaky finished 7th in points allowed last season. Don't give up on Bill just yet!
Song: Black Dog (2021) Artist: Arlo Parks Album: Collapsed in Sunbeams I still don't understand how people are trading and selling digital highlights that are readily available online for free but, I wish you could buy stock in upcoming artists or gamble on them blowing up because I am convinced Arlo Parks is going to be a star. Her voice is the soothing equivalent of cuddling puppies with lyrics that makes your mental anguish melt away like leftover snow on a 70-degree day, helping you remember you're not alone in this battle called life. After making her network tv debut in January on Jimmy Kimmel in a room full of lamps, Arlo's set for Jimmy Fallon was accompanied with enough sunflowers to put one in every hipster chick's hair at her future Coachella headlining performance.
NFSW: If you're in my family, sit this one out.
Yesterday, in my Jonah Hill blog, I referenced some data that shows how after five years of blogging, my Jonah Hill Fattest Movie Performance Power Ranking blog still gets "substantial" views every week. In that same post, I promised to explain why my Super Bowl Logo blog from September of 2018 put up such astronomical numbers last month, and as a man of my word, that is exactly what this post is about!
Let's go back in time to February 11th, 2021.
It's a Thursday; I had just blogged about Arlo Parks (to go full-circle, she's on Jimmy Fallon tonight) and was in a solid-to-thriving headspace for at least two reasons that I can recall 18 days later:
#1. It was a Professor night on The Chase.
#2. I was mere hours away from February vacation and a week away from living as an imposter; a week away from being COVID police during lunch duty; a week away from wasting my life trying to make a difference in the world when I should be using my weird-brain to help Barstool Sports get to the fucking moon. I was beyond excited for 3:15 PM Friday.
At 8:50 PM EST, Barstool Blogger, Movie Database maker, and The Dozen Trivia Host, Jeff D. Lowe tweeted about Super Bowl LVI's logo. FTR, I did not see this tweet on my timeline in real-time.
At 9:28 PM EST, I replied to that tweet to build off Jeff's take by explaining that it's a lame corporate move by the NFL and posted a link to my blog that goes deeper into the topic.
If you're a returning reader to DOL, you know it is my life's goal to blog for Barstool Sports. I have put all my eggs in the Barstool basket. I have no back-up plan. I would quit teaching today if it weren't a pandemic. I'd spin "the die or get hired by Barstool Roulette wheel" without blinking an eye.
I go back and forth with how to use Twitter to interact with Barstool bloggers and personnel. On the one hand, it's the best way to reach out to bloggers and make contact. I'll reply with blogs relevant to what they're talking about, but I also don't want to just spam with "#HireDozo" posts or seem like a fan-boy. I have in the past, and I don't want to be annoying...while also knowing I would be a perfect fit if given the time of day—textbook anxiety. I over-think the entire ordeal.
Well, wouldn't you know, over an hour later, at 10:48 PM EST, Jeff D. Lowe quote-retweeted my tweet about Super Bowl logos that included a link to dozonlife.com? I'm not sure if he actually read the post or not, but his tweet does reference a point I made in my blog.
So to answer why my blog got so many clicks it's simple; exposure.
Normally my tweets get somewhere between 100-300 impressions. This was a tad more than that.
Hoooooolllllly shit!
Finally, some eyeballs on DOL! I've gotten likes and RT's from bloggers in the past, but never with anything regarding a blog I wrote. This is exactly what I've been waiting for all these years! My writing finally got some recognition (sort of). You'd think I'd be foaming at the mouth to pounce at this opportunity to keep the conversation going, right? NOT SO FAST.
Remember, his reply to me was over an hour after my original tweet. Sure, it was a Thursday night, but it was still a school night, and I was trying to get a good night's sleep by falling asleep before midnight. A maintenance pipe cleaning is necessary to power down after another day of existence.
In case you still don't get it, I was applying the hand brake, choking the chicken, holding the sausage hostage, adjusting the antenna, calling down for more mayo, shaking hands with Yul Brynner, giving myself the low five, honkin' my horn; I WAS JERKING OFF!
Spoiler alert: 29-year-old man who hasn't had a girlfriend in two-years jerks off! Sorry for being so crass on my BARSTOOL SPORTS sample blog. At 10:48 PM that is a completely normal and humane thing to be doing. It's not like I was tweeted at mid-work day and had this issue pop up. So this whole situation caused ya boi to go into a straight-up panic. When I tell you I thought my heart was going to pop, it's the understatement of the millennium. Like most men in heat, I wasn't thinking straight. All I want to do is write for Barstool Sports and a blogger actually quote-retweeted my blog with nothing coming close to ridicule. What do I do? The lotion was already out of the tube. Do I finish and then reply? Do I break stride and reply? If I reply, do I go with a joke or build off of the lame corporate hatred of the arts stance of the National Football League? What happens if it turns into a full-on conversation? What if my reply sucks? I made the mistake of liking his quote-RT, so he knew I saw (probably not with 65.3K Twitter followers, but again; anxiety). The seconds felt like hours as I roughed up the suspect. As you may have guessed, I did not reach out to Jeff D. Lowe that night or any night that's since followed. Luckily, I still have <100 followers, so I doubt he saw this, but I had to acknowledge what had happened. I just had to get it out, ya know?
After 18 days, which includes an entire week of February vacation, I can laugh at the situation. Well, I mean, I was laughing at the situation the next day, but like my meat-beating panic, I didn't know how to approach the topic. Should I blog it? Do I let it die? Do I tell Jeff the story? Who knows?
I have to thank the data for inspiring me to overshare with my audience of no one (JK I have blogs that have basically 1,000 views). That Jonah Hill story was some serendipitous shit between all the dates, and it leading to the blog data being out there, forcing my hand to blog it. We've all gotten calls mid-jerk before, but nothing in my life has ever compared to the rush of anxiety that came with getting a notification that a Barstool Blogger retweeted one of my blogs while I was relishing my hot dog. I think it's just another added wrinkle to my eventual hireD Dozo story that we'll all laugh about someday; worst case scenario, my mom just read a blog about her son helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college on her birthday. |
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