Song: Living in Hell (2018)
Artist: Cobra Man Album: Toxic Planet
It's quite fitting that Cobra Man's "Living in Hell" hit the million stream mark the same day this story broke:
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This Robin Williams Impression/Acting Reel Will Make You Want a Robin Williams Biopic Yesterday10/13/2021 I'm a "soup you up" kind of guy. I mean, sure, I'm clinically depressed (lol) and my brain is my own worse enemy (Lit, 1999), but I love to show love and gas people up, especially when it might not be warranted. You never truly know what pain someone is carrying. I still need to get better at my consistency, like I'll be almost afraid to wish people a Happy Birthday (Jesus, I'm a pussy) if I only know because I saw them sharing IG stories. Still, I try to like as much stuff as possible and show all the love I can because I know how little things like that can brighten someone's day. I think that's why I get so upset when my "friends" don't show DOL love on the interweb. Do you think I actually *like* as in enjoy your shitty pictures? Of course not, but I don't have a hole in my heart (that I know of), so I show love regardless. I wish they'd do the same with my content, but maybe I just need to be better!!!! Anyways, I had never heard of Jamie Costa until about 15 minutes ago. That sounds like a guy who'd die 18 minutes into a Sopranos episode, but in reality, he's an actor who sounds just like the late, great Robin Williams. I'm talking carbon copy. I started blogging before I even finished watching the entire clip; it's that good and convincing. If you close your eyes, you'll think it's Robin. That video is currently the #21 trending clip on youtube with nearly 2,000,000 views since it's posting on the 11th; it'll prob surpass that by the time I finish this blog, SO, I know I'm not along with this take, but holy shit that was such incredible acting. That'd make Dennis Reynolds feel something. I'm so ready to gas up Jamie Costa, bro. The range in those five minutes alone has me wanting more. He went from the zany, energetic Robin Williams to real, emotional, hurting Robin; finding out a friend (John Belushi) he was just with had died, processing the pain, then right back to his zany, energetic self for Mork with the ease of turning a page in a book. Actually, the acting was even smoother and easier because those fuckers can get stuck together, especially if you're a librosexual. #loveislove
Yesterday, I sort of bashed remakes because I think they're a lazy, money grab, but one type of film that I cannot get enough of is biopics. I need to see the rest of this movie. If I was a big wig financier the check would already be cut. I'm not a big reader (I think it's my undiagnosed ADD); I don't do it for pleasure, but growing up, I couldn't get my hands off biographies; without them, I would've never gotten my free personal pans. The last book I read cover-to-cover was Howard Cosell's autobiography, and the last book I partly read was Andrew Carnegie's Gospel of Wealth. As a historian, I love learning about people's stories. In an age where society/the media loves to pretend to care about mental health but doesn't actually (just my opinion), Robin Williams' story HAS TO be told. I can't think of many deaths in my lifetime as shocking and heartbreaking as Robin Williams. Of all the suicides that have taken place during my conscious life (sorry, Kurt....that Courtney killed you), Robin's was the most surprising. How could someone so funny and full of life, energy, and love hang themself? Unfortunately, I think we all know how much personal pain and demons shape funny people and what Robin dealt with leading up to his death. That only amplifies my thoughts. Robin Williams' life story must be told, and after watching Jamie Costa's performance, I think it's clear he's the perfect man for the job. Song: With Arms Wide Open (1999/2000) Artist: Creed Album: Human Clay Welcome to the world, Baby A! (I'm not sharing the real deets out of respect to mom & dad. When he's getting recruited for college soccer, we don't need his name showing up on DOL; although by then I'll be either dead for years or working for Barstool (maybe both?), still, I'm respecting the lil guy's anonymity! Congrats to mom and dad; I am incredibly happy for both of you and love you very much!!
A little over a month ago, I shared a flipbook I made just two days before 9/11.
While I loved making flipbooks about skateboarding and scootering, Home Alone sequels were my favorite creations. The pranks were the peak of comedy to single-digit-Dozie, so of course, I took a stab at them. I've always been making content! Unfortunately, I've only found three of my old flipbooks, and they're all extreme sport-related, but I made over 50 Home Alone sequels in elementary school.
I led off with that backstory to help explain that I fucking love Home Alone. I've been hooked since my parents measured my age in months. As all my die-hard readers know, I'm 29 years old, so while I was born in between Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost In New York's releases, they were my jam growing up. Idgaf, I even love the 3rd one with Max Keeble and Scar Jo. After that, it's like American Pie sequels; they don't count. I saw the 4th one once on ABC Family, and hand up, I didn't even know there was a 5th one. Today, Disney+ released a trailer for the 6th Home Alone, "Home Sweet Home Alone," starring Archie Yates (Jojo Rabbit) as the new Kevin, except his name is Max.
When this drops on Disney+, I'll be 33 days away from 30, so I know I'm not exactly the target demo. HOWEVAAAA, as someone who grew up watching the wet/sticky bandits get blasted with paint cans, electrocuted, and used as a detonator for a toilet bomb,,, that is theoretically old enough to have small children of my own, I also sort of am the target demo.
Home Alone fans know that the first two movies are essentially the same concept, but the idea was actually possible during that period. Like, you could never remake Dude Where's My Car in a world with easy access to GPS and location tracking
Same goes for Home Alone. Now you can just facetime your neighbor and ask them to check on the kids or even watch them until you get home from neglecting them.
Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, so I can overlook the logistics of all the booby-traps and just enjoy the first three movies, but I can't get past the lunacy that this is an actual issue still occurring in 2021. I mean, I'm sure parents still make mistakes and forget their kids, but did we see that fucking mansion where Max lives? Are we supposed to believe that that place doesn't have smart-door bells, a state-of-the-art alarm system, and every square inch covered in security cameras? This mom's vibe screams, "I track the apps on my kid's devices," so I have a hard time believing that poor Max can even drop a deuce without his mom knowing his exact whereabouts OR the authorities didn't show up when the alarms get triggered. A generation of kids raised by iPads will see right through that. Lost in New York came out almost ten years before 9/11, so we can understand how Kevin got onto the wrong plane, but today that's impossible. Even if this wealthy family has TSA pre-check, there's still plenty of time before boarding an international flight to realize the kid is missing. Plus, let's say you somehow don't realize until you're in Japan; if you're going to Tokyo for Christmas (and live in a MANSION), I think you can afford to get right back on a plane and go home. I get it; it's a movie for kids, but also totally for adults too. I mean, come on, Stevie Wonder can see through these plot holes. I just hate remakes. Revivals are okay (I'll give That 90's Show a chance; I'm happy to see Red and Kitty working again), but these switch the gender or race remakes are such lazy, risk-averse bullshit by these big studios. Just like democracy, creativity is in hospice. Make no mistake; this isn't the 6th movie. It's a remake of the OG Home Alones in a setting where the plot is no longer feasible. You don't need to try to replicate them. Let new generations get their own stories with their own characters. They can stream the classics. If you're going to make a sequel for Home Alone, how about the Wet/Sticky Bandits (or their illegitimate kids) fucking with Kevin McAllister and his family in the present day? That's something all generations can get behind. Make Home Alone go full circle instead of "let's make the protagonist British, and re-use the original scripts verbatim." Will I watch this? Yeah, probably, I like a bunch of actors listed in the cast, but that doesn't change the fact that this is lazy, hacky, bull shit. At least, Buzz landed on his feet.
P.S.
Obvi Kevin/Alex/Max would get shot before their 2nd prank in real life. Again, it's a movie for kids, I get it. Maybe it won't suck, but on paper, it's incredibly lazy. Song: Erase Me (2010) Artist: Kid Cudi (ft. Kanye West) Album: Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager I saw Kid Cudi live at the Ryan Center 11 years ago tonight. R.I.P. paper tickets.
Tuesday night's episode of #DozVsTheDozen is now up on Youtube. Total viewers hovered between 0 and 100,040, so there's a chance you may have already seen me kick Smockin' & Chicago's ass in Match 143, but if you haven't, I gotchu!!
My reverse jinx worked wonders as the Red Sox went on to defeat the Yankees 6-2 in the American League Wild Card Game. Tonight, the Sox take on the Rays in Game 1 of the ALDS, and if we wanna keep that momentum going, everybody needs to watch the best game show about a game show on the internet. Spoiler alert, I put up a 15 piece to secure my 2nd straight win.
In Match 144, #8 Experts face off against #3 UrMom, and Ole Dozo goes for a 3-peat.
In #DozVsTheDozen VIII, I ended up beating Experts and Undesirables 13 to 12-9. Can I make it three straight wins tonight? The only way to find out is to tune into my Instagram @dozonlife at approximately 7:05 pm EST. If you throw the boi a follow, you'll get a notification whenever I go live.
It's a humongous big sports night with Red Sox @ Rays Game 1, a fantastic NFC West matchup on TNF (Rams-Seahawks), and if you're like me and watch the midnight debut, the season 2 finale of Ted Lasso. What better way to pregame than watching me breathe heavily while dominating in trivia? #DozVsTheDozen X airs only on @dozonlife at approximately 7:05 pm EST. Song: Breathe Deeper Remix (2021) Artist: Lil Yachty & Tame Impala Album: The Slow Rush B-Sides & Remixes If you get seizures easily, don't watch this video. You'll swallow your tongue so quickly that people will think you're Tyrone Biggums on Fear Factor. If you're seizure-free, then spark some shit up and enjoy the vibes. This video is, as the kids say, heady AF. While I prefer my Tame Impala in its original state, I sort of fuck with Lil Yachty and can get behind this remix. Lil Boat is a funny ass dude, and again, as the kids say,,,, different. Any rapper that has his own nail polish line is swag in my book. I give this remix a solid 7.2, and it only goes up every listen (so far I'm at about 6 plays since yesterday...it would've been yesterday's SOD if I wasn't so dead set on Billy Strings and Marcus King).
I was just about ready to run out the door this morning when one of my buddies texted a group chat, breaking the news that the Pats cut 2019 NFL Defensive Player of the Year, CB Stephon Gilmore.
While I hate waking up and leaving for work every day, this news made today just a little bit worse. Now I had to wait until I get home to blog a story that legit broke before I even left my house. I was dying to get my two cents out; it would've been a perfect start to my blogging day if I was #HireDdozo.
And here we are, I just checked the clock, and it's 6:13 PM. The glass-half-full take would say my day job saved me a blog since the Gilmore news cycle was wild and would've required some follow-ups.
As you already saw, initially, the news said the Pats released Gilmore. As upset and shocked as I was to hear/read the news this morning, it wasn't that surprising given the nature of the Patriots and Gilmore's relationship the last 12 months and how they've operated since I was a kid. I know that may not make a ton of sense, but what that I write really does? Gilmore's not the first and sure won't be the last Patriot moved in a puzzling fashion. (I'm sure we'll say the same thing with Matt Judon in three years).
I was shocked at the timing of the move, just because I legit had my toothbrush in my hand as I was reading the text (God, my generation is so fucked), but knowing that Gilmore was an upcoming FA on the wrong side of 30 who wants to get another big deal, it actually makes a lot of sense.
I was like everybody else and pissed that the Patriots were just gonna straight up cut Gilly instead of trading him or waiting the year out; let him walk and hope you get a comp pick. As the day went on, news started to come out that the Patriots might trade Gilly after all.
A few hours later, Stephon Gilmore (former South Carolina Gamecock) was a Carolina Panther for just a 6th rounder.
I mean, in this spot, the Pats had no leverage since they already announced they were releasing him, but as a fan, when you see a 2x All-Pro, 3x Pro Bowler, 2019 DPOY move for only a 6th, it pisses you off.
This is just further proof that there's is no rhyme or reason to NFL trades. I'll never understand how the Patriots gave up a 2nd rounder for bum ass Mohamed Sanu; then, months later, DeAndre Hopkins (and a 4th) goes for the ghost of David Johnson and a 2nd.
If there's a bright side to this story, it's that I got to muck it up with a future coworker.
Dante is the man and one of the most underrated/appreciated people at Barstool IMO, and I'm not just saying that because I miiight work up the balls to DM him this blog. He's a music guy; I respect the shit out of his trivia game, and he's awesome with the Chicago crew.
I hope this means a J.C. Jackson deal is in the works, but given the Pats cap situation, especially as they try to make room for Jamie Collins, this trade starts to make more and more sense. They needed cap space, BAD.
Here's what Stephon and Belichick had to say about the move.
I haven't even gotten into Stephon Gilmore's on-field impact as a Patriot. I'll openly admit I was against the signing at the time and was 100% wrong. All I thought about was the 2016 Chris Hogan TD where he ran past Gilmore, and Gilmore had his head turned yapping at a safety instead of trying to cover. It's moments like this where I realize there's a reason Bill is so heartless (or at least appears to be) when it comes to wheelin' and dealin'.
I wanted the Patriots to lock up Malcolm Butler; I was emotionally attached to him because of the Super Bowl XLIX game-saving INT. I still think regardless of whatever he did to get benched in Super Bowl LII, Bill should've played him since it would've given them the best chance to win, but in terms of picking one or the other, Bill made the right call. Gilmore was a much better corner than Butler, and if I had a PFF subscription, I could give you data to back it up. With a solid core of J.C. Jackson, Jonathon Jones, and Jalen Mills, the Pats can afford to move on from Gilly (Maybe his lack of a J name was his final undoing?) at this point in his career. I get why fans are mad; of course, you would've much rather seen him moved last year when the price was much higher (which FTR, I supported).
With his Patriot career officially over, Stephon Gilmore has to go down as one of, if not the best big-money free agent signings in Patriots history. In four seasons he made three Pro Bowls, two All-Pro teams, won defensive player of the Year, made the game-ending PBU in the 2017 AFC Championship Game...
...and what was essentially the game-winning play in Super Bowl LIII.
So Stephon Gilmore is officially gone, it sucks, I would've liked to see what he could've added to this defense, but I guess now we can say "at least we got something." Hopefully, I'm wrong with that Judon joke.
P.S.
I always find it kind of weird when teams that played each other in the championship of their respective sport make a trade with one another. Maybe this is the Pats way of thanking the Panthers and John Kasay for his kickoff out of bounds that helped set up Adam Vinatieri's second career Super Bowl-winning field goal in February of 2004? Wouldn't that be some shit if the Packers offered a 5th, but Kraft and Belichick were like, "no, not after what Desmond Howard did to us in New Orleans." Song: Summertime (2013) Artist: Billy Strings & Marcus King Album: Rock of Ages It may not be summertime anymore, but it high key felt like it today and...oh, my, God, I'm fucking blogging about the weather. *Johnny Cash voice* What have I become? I'm not gonna act like I'm Mr. Bluegrass, but my roommate showed me Billy Strings & Marcus King like a year ago, and they're incredible. Both are staples of our youtube n' doob sessions. These gents epitomize cool, Marcus King looks like Landry Clarke moved to Austin after graduation but can still flood any dive bar below the Mason-Dixie line in 30 seconds. Don't get me wrong, Jazzfest was sick, but I wish I went to Folkfest to see these two. I didn't realize until like days before when ub** passengers told me. Whatever, it saved me like a grand, and I got to drive past Nathaniel Rateliff twice on Memorial Blvd. It's basically the same thing.
Over the last year and a half, I haven't pulled any punches with my thoughts about Red Sox ownership in the wake of the Mookie trade.
-The CEO of a Dodgers Fan Group (I Guess That's a Thing) Put Up a Billboard Outside of Fenway for Thanking the Red Sox For Trading Mookie Betts -As if the Red Sox Weren't a Big Enough Joke Already, Lebron James Now Owns (Governs) Part of Them! -I Want to Believe But I Don't Know If I Can -Well, This (Potentially) Changes Everything -Not Only Do the Red Sox Suck at Paying Generational Talent, but They Suck at Twitter Too! -It Looks Like The Dodgers Are About To Sign Mookie to a Giant Deal -Some Telling Stats About The Future of The United States of America -How to Induce Vomiting (in New England) -Mookie Betts Buys Groceries and Pizza For People Shopping and Working in Tennessee -John Henry FINALLY Addresses The Mookie Betts Trade (and I Address My Future as a Red Sox Fan) -After Nearly A Week of Hold Ups The Curse of Mookie Is Official (R.I.P. My Red Sox Fandom) -So You're Telling Me There's a Chance? -I Officially No Longer Love The Boston Red Sox I still wholeheartedly disagree with the way they handled the Mookie Betts situation and always will. I know he was banged up this year, but what's been one of the Red Sox most significant issues?...defense. I think Mookie's 4.2 WAR (which is low for him) and elite outfield defense could've still helped with that. But what do I know? I only lived and died with Red Sox baseball for 18 years. I just hate how ownership pissed away money on terrible deals for YEARS, then decided that this was the time to stop spending like the world is ending (which it medium key is). They're worth fucking billions, so of course, they'd rather trade away one of the best players to ever wear a Red Sox uniform than pay taxes. I've missed baseball a lot this season. Last year, it was easy to avoid with COVID, but I've felt like part of me is missing this year. It's so crazy to me that I don't know the storylines and quirks of this team. Growing up if the Red Sox lost to the Yankees, I'd have to avoid Sportscenter to avoid reliving the actual pain it caused me. This season there were times I didn't even know they were playing each other. I still can't believe I didn't watch a single baseball game in its entirety this season. YoutubeTV dropping NESN and the stupid blackout rules didn't help...yay I can actually watch the game tonight... With the Red Sox in contention all year, I had too much pride to be like, "okay, I'm back," because at almost 30 years old, I'm still worried about being called a bandwagoner even though I've forgotten more about the Sox than most diehards know (I went to a tour of Fenway in '06 and knew more about the team than the tour guide). I've decided to wait until next year to dive all the way back into my fandom. When my friend invited me to Red Sox-Yankees (first game after the ASG break), and I got a notification that the game was postponed due to a COVID outbreak when we were 20 minutes outside of New York, I knew this probably wasn't my year.
This year I learned how much cutting the Sox out of my life hurt my day-to-day life. It's one less thing to talk to friends and keep in touch about, I missed going to Fenway (which was my favorite thing in life before Covid) and not to suck my own dick, but I know a ton about baseball. Throwing away all that knowledge is not ideal as a blogger.
One thing that never changed throughout my time away from the game is my hate for the Yankees. I loathe everything that team represents. They're stuck in the 1950s with that no beard bull shit. Am I terrified that the one game I am actually invested in two years is setting me up for heartbreak? Yes, but that's good; it'll make my dead ass feel alive for at least a night. Plus, since I'm not as emotionally invested in this as literally any team from 2002-2019, it won't really hurt, I just don't want Yankee fans to have this over us. My hate for the Yankees is more potent than my love for the Sox at this very moment. If you've been with me at DOL since the beginning, you know how much I loved the Red Sox; I blogged about them constantly, my first ever DOL blog was about how I thought the 2016 Red Sox would be good (they were). I was one of the biggest Red Sox fans around; I watched every game, I could recite stats better than family member's birthdays (which says a lot because I'm actually good pretty good at that). I was exactly what you want in a fan, passionate and knowledgeable. I still hate ownership and don't want to spend money supporting a team that decided to pretend they're the Kansas City Royals, but I don't hate them enough to root for the fucking Yankees. Are you kidding me? I wish the Yankees were + money to pull the ole emotional hedge, but I feel semi-confident with Gerrit Cole on the bump. He's 2-2 with a 4.91 ERA against the Red Sox this year, and he SUCKED in the 2015 NL Wild Card Game (SUPER relevant for tonight), AND he got shelled by the Sox in the 2018 ALCS while he was cheating with the Astros. Please win tonight, IDC if you get swept by Tampa, just win tonight.
P.S.
If this game comes down to Verdugo in a do or die situation I'm not saying I'm gonna root for the Yankees, but it'll make a potential loss much, much easier to swallow if he's the one who fails.
Double P.S.
Here's a much better Wild Card related video. |
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