Dozie's Brain Dump: April 10th, 2024

Previous Dozie's Brain Dumps:
April 24th, 2023
July 10th, 2023
August 9th, 2023
October 10th, 2023
February 29th, 2024
March 11th, 2024 

I last blogged on March 18th, which is not ideal, but I've been preoccupied. Despite some intense emotional/mental pain from the premature ending of a beautiful connection and losing my net worth in Vegas, coping with said pain, I'm doing well. I'm about a third through #everydaydoz--you likely only know wtf that is if you follow my personal IG. Origin Story: with April starting on a Monday, last Thursday, I realized I had been to the gym every day in April and decided I would go every day this month. I've posted a selfie and/or my stats from the bike on my story to hold myself accountable. People are expecting to see it!!! I can't let the people who bang through my story, like Darla on her uncle's fish tank, down! It's definitely not me trying to show the woman I'm in love with that I am getting serious about turning my life around and being a more active and productive human being.

Since my last blog, I've decided I want to go to grad school (online) to get my Masters in Special Education. I've spent a quarter of my life trying to get DOL to the next level, and while writing and creating are still crucial to my existence, I have to be able to survive in this capitalist hellscape. I don't wanna be long-term subbing and driving for Uber when I'm 35. Plus, my priorities have drastically shifted. I don't really follow Barstool anymore. I haven't listened to PMT in over a month, which was my last holdout. I mean, I still like BSS and would love to work there someday, but there is more to life, and I have other goals. I won't put the totality of my happiness into whether or not I work there anymore. It's not good for me.

As I type this sentence, these are my biggest priorities in life.

1. Getting healthy

I want to get more out of life, and to do so...I need to be in better shape. No else matters. I can't attack the rest of my goals if I'm dead. I need more energy and flexibility. I'm tryna look good and, more importantly, feel good about myself. I'm noticing some progress and want to continue going down this path. I feel much better about myself and know I will be successful this time because I'm doing it the right way. No gimmicks. Just good old-fashioned exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I put into my body. I still have miles to go and want to find healthier things I can tolerate, but I've eliminated fast food from my diet and have cut my snacking down by 90%. I WILL be back in the 200s by the time I turn 33.

2. Stopping fascism/theocracy in America

I am fucking terrified about what's going on in this country right now. Extremists are challenging the separation of church and state, and idiots are letting it happen. I'm not gonna spend too much time talking about our illusion of freedom or how much this shit weighs on me because I'm tryna stay in a positive headspace today to be productive on my day off, but again if you follow my personal IG, you know how I feel.

3. Love

All of it.. experiencing, spreading, rekindling it. It's corny, but love really is everything. Connection is the essence of existence. There's no point in going through this fucked up world alone. Ideally, things will work out with the woman I fell in love with, but if not, there will be someone out there. I'm too fucking great of a guy to be alone. Getting myself into a more conventionally attractive frame will only help.

Everything else is whatever. Right now, those are the big three. Love is kind of a catch-all for all relationships...but I'm mainly focused on finding my future bride. I'm sick of being alone. I hope to reunite with the woman I connected with in early March, but if that's not meant to be..it's not meant to be....it just really fucking sucks because I felt so happy and at peace with her--and it felt like the feelings were mutual. I fell HARD. I still can't believe it's over (as of now), and for my own sake, I'm gonna leave it at that (I will gladly vent to anybody who wants to listen tho...so hit up ya boi if you're curious).
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I guess I haven't been writing because I really haven't wanted to. I love writing, but clearly, I've prioritized other things lately. I don't know what the future of DOL holds, but the future of Ryan includes continuing on this path of reclaiming my confidence. I actually enjoy working out now and sorta look forward to it. Yeah, I'm gonna probably play another game of Madden after finishing this post, but then it's gym time and working on my grad school applications. I've got a shrink session tonight, too. I'm sure I'll spend most of it talking about *Her*, but despite my nervous energy around this blog, I feel good. If people don't wanna read my writing...whatever. There are much bigger issues in the world, and I want to do something to fix them. I wanted my writing to be something that helped, but it may be time to focus on other paths.