ICYMI: I successfully completed the #43burgers challenge that may or may not even actually exist on Saturday. There’s LOTS of raw footage to look through; expect more videos/blogs to throughout the week! Be sure to check out my saved IG stories @dozonlife and twitter videos (also @dozonlife) for more #43burgers footage. If you’re new to DOL here’s a few classics to show my range and growth over the years.
Dozo @ the Dentist DOL Guide To Drinksgiving How Stupid Were The People That Wanted Prohibition? I Have No Respect for Vowel Buyers Was David Price Not Named Co-MVP because Chevy Didn’t Want To Give Away Two Cars? I Refuse to Believe The Wonders Were Actual One Hit Wonders The #HireDozo Manifesto The Substitute’s Bathroom Dilemma Top 10 Outside the Box Lent Sacrifices
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Watch Dozoâs Declaration of Decadence on IG @dozonlife. Like it and watch me go for greatness Saturdeeeeeee.
Eating 43 burgers has never been a goal of mine. I usually tap out at five and even that’s with PEDs.
Whenever I get McDonald’s; which is rare, I’m a Taco Bell man... I usually get some combination of McChickens with no lettuce and McDoubles with only mayo and ketchup (deconstructed fancy sauce). I almost never get fries, but cookies are always in play.
If none of this makes ANY sense to you at this point...please watch this.
One of my future bosses, Dave “El Pres” Portnoy is turning 43 on the 22nd. Somehow the challenge of eating 43 McDonald’s HAMburgers in 12 hours in honor of the occasion came up. The whole backstory is here.
After reading/listening; a light bulb went off. This could be my chance to get discovered by the company I have made it my life’s mission to work for. As a binge boi that copes with food, I can CRUSH and have plenty of experience of eating to the point of pain. Just last night I had four packets of minute rice and I’m supposed to be a liquid diet right now. ?
I’ve always explained to people unfamiliar with Barstool that it’s the hardest and easiest job to get of all time. You never know when an opportunity is going to present itself. Some people worked their ass off for years putting in the time building a following big enough to get discovered, some just have a stupid nickname and get a chance from that. There is no rhyme or reason; which is why I’ll never give up. Do I want to do this challenge? Of course not. I’ve spent a majority of the last nine months trying to get my life back in order after putting on 80 of the 120 pounds I lost in 2016. I’m almost positive my body will reject this much pink slime, but guess what? That’s what I’m willing to do. I really don’t want to “teach” kids any more and am out of options. 28 year olds with a resume of subbing, Uber driving and cutting off people’s electricity aren’t exactly the most desirable candidates for “normal” jobs. Besides, a normal job is the last thing I want. A desperate parent will do anything to save their baby and writing/being who I truly want to be is mine I make dark jokes a lot and will continue to, but when I say I would rather be dead than give up my dream of writing for Barstool I’m serious as a heart attack (which may happen during this). Here’s a chance to put my money where my mouth is (literally and figuratively!) I really think if I post this to social media and show my potential spectrum charisma and eating skills that may be what lifts me from the status of internet Pleb. In the wake of a zillion beers the timing seems right. The way I see it there aren’t a lot of possible outcomes. I either do it and get recognition for it; do it and nothing happens; try and fail; or die. Once you put it like that it doesn’t seem that bad. 25% chance I’m writing for Barstool come March Madness. According to the internet, 43 McDonalds hamburgers (250 x 43) is about 11,000 calories. Let’s not even worry about fat or cholesterol rn. I’ve had nights where I got to 7 or 8k without even breaking a belt loop. (Almost) worst case I, eat 12 burgers and if nothing happens (internet wise) and abort mission like I’m 17 with full ride to an Ivy League school (15 years ago...now they’d probably give your baby a scholarship too) Am I crazy? Probably. Am I driven? You bet your ass. If given the opportunity to write for Barstool I will pour my entire enlarged heart into work and producing content. I am talented enough and don’t need to go down this rant rn but basically if gaining 10 lbs that I’m gonna gain regardless could possibly get me the job of my dreams I say order up. My plan is to attempt this mission Saturday, unless something with Barstool happens beforehand. I am going to be making some more content tonight and the rest of this week but as of now I’m saying 70/30 I give this a shot Saturday. Please vote and say whether or not you think I should try on multiple internet platforms using the hashtag #HireDozo
Would you believe one of the best power hitters in baseball can also swing another stick pretty well?
Over the weekend, the Pujols Foundation had an event at Top Golf in Arizona. Having a charity in your name is a very noble thing. I hope to get to a point in my life someday where I can have the Dozo Foundation. There will be no snarky remarks here about the event or Pujols ruining his legacy by still playing.
During said event, Mike Trout; the man unanimously considered the best player in baseball, took a mighty hack that set the internet a storm.
Being in the content game, I understand we all feel the pressure to produce. It's a dog eat dog world in the content game.
Maybe I'm just in a Monday mood, but shit like this on the internet pisses me off so much. I have no problem with the Angels tweeting it out. It's quite impressive to hit a golf ball that far. It's everybody else piggy backing off it. There's countless stories today sucking Mike Trout's dick for hitting a golf ball so far like he isn't a freak of nature. Again, I understand he hit the ball far, but this is Mike fucking Trout. Is anybody really surprised? Did you not see the power numbers I just shared? 285 home runs since he debuted in two-thousand-eleven. (Full time career started in 2012) I've never seen Giannis or Lebron play volleyball either, but I bet they'd be nasty. Doing something loosely related to what you're already considered the best in the world at does not impress me. Sorry. Let me see Mike Trout kickflip a 6 set, kick a 50 yard field goal or do his own taxes. Then I'll be impressed. Until then you can be like the rest of the sheep making hack Happy Gilmore jokes. I would NEVER.
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