Song: Sky's The Limit [featuring 112] (1997) Artist: Notorious B.I.G. Album: Life After Death R.I.P. Biggie. Today is the 25th anniversary of his still-unsolved murder. You're a hero to all who need to lose serious weight, B.I.G.! Unfortunately, he never lived to perform in this music video, but it's a great song to use for today and my current place in life. In college, I had a t-shirt of the Ready to Die album cover that I bought at the Providence Place Mall, but it was ruined when a bottle of JÄGER (gross) broke in my backpack at a party. Unfortunately, I can't find any pictures of it from 2010 because I rocked a flip phone at that point and Instagram was still two years away :( R.I.P. Christopher Wallace, the Notorious B.I.G. P.S.
I could find this though, which was recently featured as a P.S. in the 10 Madden Commandments blog.
0 Comments
After nearly a month away (for good reason; R.I.P. Mr. Lowe), The Dozen is BACK!!!!
This means everybody's favorite game show about a game show is back as well!!
It may be #internationalWomensDay, but I know you've been missing the boi; there hasn't been a match of The Dozen/#DozVsTheDozen since Super Bowl Sunday where I tied Frank and the Frankettes for Walk of Fame Wars title.
I just did some sabermetrics; I'm averaging 10.2 points per match which is not bad when you remember I'm by myself, can't phone a friend, or score on the round. If you take away a 4 point stinker in #DVTD 34, I'm averaging 10.8889 per match, but enough with the advanced stats. I'm just excited to get back on the trivia horse and compete for my massive audience. I love my chance to get back in the win column with these squads. I like the guys on Uptown Balls and Nate, but I'll leave it at that. Pound the under.
It's been a while since our last match, so in case you forget, there's only one place to catch LIVE episodes and that's my IG (@dozonlife). That's www.instagram.com/dozonlife. I can't wait to see ya in the comment section! 7:05 pm EST start time.
P.S. I'm dedicating my performance tonight to every woman who's ever lived (excluding members of any Monarchy [except for Princess Diana], criminals and Yankee fans).
Mood:
I theoretically may be on paid administrative leave right now, which means my days don't start until the clock hits PM, but once I awoke, I was shocked to see that Aaron Rodgers is staying put in Green Bay!
I mean, it's the smart move. Rodgers doesn't have to pack up all his stuff or pay someone to do so, and the NFC North is in shambles. If the Packers go fucking 9-8, they'll guarantee themselves a home playoff game. Now whether or not they win said game remains to be seen (yes, I was on 49ers ML), but there's no denying the scumbag timing of this news.
Textbook Rodgers to make something not about him all about him. Couldn't you sit on this news for another 18 hours? Can we not let women have their day internationally? Mary Christ! (cause women) This is the same man who doesn't speak to his mother and recently broke off an engagement with a woman who had cancer in a movie. I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say Aaron Rodgers hates women or, at the very least, doesn't respect their quasi-holiday.
To make matters worse, the team that was 1a on the list of possible new destinations for Aaron Rodgers; the Denver Broncos just announced they traded for born-again virgin Russell Wilson. Even more scumbag timing. How can you respect women when you try to distance yourself from intimacy with them? Look at this package the Broncos gave up. Not only are they trading for a quarterback who once tried to renounce his relations with women, but they gave up a defensive tackle with a woman's name. WHAT THE FUCK, BRONCOS?
Brittney Griner is in a fucking Gulag right now and we have these chauvinist trying to upstage women on their sacred day. It's disgusting and I won't stand for it today. I expect EVERYBODY to have the same #FreeBrittney energy with Griner as they did with Spears. When has Britney Spears ever dunked? How many National Championships has she won? I'll hang up and listen.
— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) March 8, 2022
P.S.
I was just about to hit publish then saw this, it looks like Rodgers is staying in Green Bay, but the details of contract are incorrect. He just had to keep making today about him! SMH.
Double P.S.
Denver has to be one of the worst spots for Russell Wilson to end up. He beat them in the Super Bowl AND is now in one of the most stacked divisions in the NFL. It's just a weird situation to me; I feel like the fans in Denver will hate him if he doesn't end up bringing them a Lombardi (which I don't expect). It's a little different because he's literally top 3 worst QBs to win a Super Bowl, but if Nick Foles ended up on the Pats, I know I'd be heated.
Triple P.S.
You have no idea what I went through to post this blog!
Song: All You Wanted (2001)
Artist: Michelle Branch Album: The Spirit Room
Happy International Women's Day and Happy Birthday Scarlet!
In November, I wrote about the English language needing a term for negative anniversaries, and the event I'm currently writing a blog about is to steal a phrase I used in my last blog, a gray area.
On March 7th, 2020, I infamously ate 43 McDonalds hamburgers after someone challenged Dave "El Pres" Portnoy to do so on Barstool Radio (r.i.p.). I did this for two reasons: his honor and to bring attention to the website you're currently reading. #HireDozo
This post is already looking dangerously close to the blog I wrote in March of 2020. If you wanna read a typo-ridden recap from before I was a Grammarly subscriber and watch all the videos, please click on THIS. This blog is about the aftermath.
March 7th, 2020, was one of the best days of my entire life. I know I was shoveling processed meat down my throat, but it was a blast and my last legit social experience before lockdown. Dozens upon dozens of people came out to support me, my blog, and my dreams (getting hired at Barstool, not the burgers). Strangers were screaming my "name" at O-Mist as a random drunk read the paper. It was wild.
It felt like the start of something great, given how much I was crushing 2020 to that point. My creative juices were flowing; I was talking to three different girls on tinder, I looked great, met Caleb Pressley at a URI game, and was simply loving my life again after spending two years putting back the pieces from the Nashville disaster.
Then less than a week later, the world shut down because of a pandemic we're still dealing with to this day (although things seem to be a lot better). Obviously, all the loss of life, jobs, and resources are much more important than some blogger trying to get his break, but getting a taste (no pun intended) of having a "following" and support before two years of isolation and loneliness, has for lack of a better term "fucked me up." I don't regret trying and putting myself through the physical toll of eating #43Burgers; I'd do anything for content and the chance to live my dream as a Barstool Blogger, but March 7th, 2020 got the wheels in motion for a disgusting lockdown/depression/horrors of the world/fucked up family drama weight gain. I didn't weigh myself beforehand, but I was sub-3 bills, and now I don't know for sure due to a combination of fear and not having a scale that goes up that high, but I'm undoubtedly the heaviest I've ever been. I've tried countless times to get back on track but end up getting low about something and eating my feelings. I've been dreading writing this because it feels like a waste of my time, and I get bummed thinking about how awesome my life was before Covid, but it also reminds me of what I'm capable of achieving. With minimal planning, I had tons of people following me around watching me eat fucking hamburgers. I hate feeling how I currently feel. I miss being funny and enjoying life as I did on March 7th, 2020. I wish I could snap my fingers or take a pill and not be so depressed and passively kill myself with food, but it's tough to find the strength. I've lost a significant amount of weight (50+ pounds) at least four times in my life, and now I'm at a place where I'm 30 and don't know if I have it in me again. I'm sick of yo-yoing. I know I have to do something, or I will die (I have two doctor's appointments lined up for next week). My life is in limbo given my current size and job status because of a situation that I cannot write about at this moment, but I will when I get the chance. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I want to make more content and be funny again, but it feels like the Dozo from before lockdown is dead. I don't recognize myself anymore and don't wanna be on camera. I know he's still inside me somewhere, but right now, he's gone, and I desperately want to resurrect him (not to compare myself to JC). I know I need to make my next big thing and not dwell in the past, but it's hard to avoid, especially with the timeline of how all this went down. This blog is basically public therapy for me because it feels good to let stuff out even though I feel like I'm just rambling at this point. I don't know how the response to #43Burgers would've gone if the world had not shut down that week. I wish I did a better job of planning and that this was the moment that got my foot in the door at Barstool, but it wasn't. I haven't given up by any means; I've got sucked into a job I hate and trying to survive during a pandemic where half the country supports fascism. I want to entertain and inform; I've felt this way my entire life, but my confidence has never been lower. I know I can get back to where I was in March 2020, both physically and emotionally, but I'm so sick of feeling alone and forgotten. Hell, this could very well all be part of my story. I just don't want to be someone who dies prematurely and becomes a "what could've been?" and given how much more life has gotten out of control since March of 2020, it's something I have to address. The truth is I eat my feelings, and I feel A LOT. I used my ability to binge for my blog; I don't regret trying, only how much shit has snowballed and that I've let myself get to this point. I can't believe it's already been two years since that fateful Saturday and now over six since I started this website. I've grown into a much better human being than when I first started. Even if I never make it as a blogger, I know this website wasn't a waste of time because of how much it's helped me evolve. Still, I can't help but feel shitty when I tweet something and get zero likes or interactions, especially when I see legit bull shit go viral on the daily. Or when I spend hours on a blog and hear nothing good, bad, or indifferent. It sucks. It's the same when I can't get students to listen or respect me. I can barely even get the Cheapies to show me love, and they literally love everybody. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?! I don't know what else to say other than it sucks. I used to not give a fuck, or at least thought I didn't, but it does wear you down and make you think maybe you're the one who sucks? All that truly makes me feels like I don't matter and it breaks my heart because that's all I want to do with my life; matter. I want to matter enough to people where they want to read my writing. Perhaps I'm not a good blogger, or I was never funny, I don't know? But my memories say otherwise; I'm just in a terrible funk right now and trying to break free like Freddie. What I do know is when I ate #43Burgers, I put asses in the seats (metaphorically, most people were standing), and despite this ramble, I know I would at Barstool if given a chance. P.S. Here's some more clips from 3/7/20, but that blog I linked really does have everything!
Double P.S.
Thank you to everybody who was there on March 7th, 2020 or tuned in online. You have no idea how much the support and help making it happen means to me.
Atlanta Falcons WR Calvin Ridley has been suspended from the National Football League for at least the 2022 season for gambling on professional football.
Ridley, a 2018 first rounder and 2020 2nd-team All-Pro, took a step back from football this season for mental health reasons.
— CALVIN RIDLEY (@CalvinRidley1) October 31, 2021
Apparently, all his action took place after he left the team. I'm sure there are many rules and regulations prohibiting that, but it's not like he was actively playing while gambling on football. I think that's a little different from if fill-in-the-blank active-active player got into the parlay game.
The Tom Brady hypothetical really got me thinking!
I'm genuinely glad that society has evolved ever so slightly where people kind of care about mental health issues and that umbrella. At the same time, I feel like people have started using it as a blanket "you can't ask any questions, or hold me accountable" statement and this is coming from someone whose brain is trying to destroy them. In this situation, it appears the timelines add up and that Ridley didn't take his absence because of gambling, but I think it's alright to be a little suspicious given this news and the fact that he missed 12 games this year without a physical injury. He might be a falcon, but this seems fishy.
I'm torn like Natalie Imbruglia; I love to gamble. Hell, on Thursday night, I lost nearly 3x what I paid for a Celtics ticket on prop-bets, but I don't play for the Boston Celtics, nor do I have access to any legit insider information.
But I don't think professional athletes should be able to gamble on their respective sports, just like I don't believe Congresspeople should be allowed to trade stocks. The latter is a much more serious issue, but to me, this is just typical hypocritical NFL. Since legalized sports gambling became much more prevalent in 2018, the NFL has leaned into gambling content harder than Craig Biggio at the dish. (He's the all-time HBP leader for people who don't get my solid-to-elite references, although, upon fact-checking, some 1800s era ballplayer named Hughie Jennings technically holds the record) If you watched even 180 seconds (3 minutes) of commercials during the 2021 NFL season, you probably saw two ads of Gronk bumbling on the phone with an USAA agent and four for some combination of DraftKings, FanDuel, Caesars Sportsbook, and BetMGM, etc. I'm looking at this annoying square-jawed nothing...her ad makes me never want to eat chicken again.
It's the same with any pregame show.
Inside the NFL does their picks against the fucking spread!
It's just a weird gray area; what Ridley did is "wrong," but given the mental health stuff and the league raking in money from gambling companies, this seems like an overkill suspension. I know there's precedent, but it's like if someone who owned a dispensary kicked their 16 year old out for smoking a joint. What did you expect would happen?
— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) March 7, 2022
I don't support drug testing for the majority of jobs. Who fucking cares if some lifeless corporate stooge has a couple edibles on a Friday night while listening to Bananarama, reminiscing about the 80s? But I understand why we don't want firefighters, pilots, or surgeons blowing trees.
An NFL player using inside information or gambling on a game they're playing in completely tarnishes the "integrity of the game," but spoiler alert, the league has little to no integrity to begin with!
But is a year + ban really necessary? I get trying to lay the hammer down to scare people away; that's why Ray Rice got two games.
Calvin Ridley isn't paying the ultimate price for his transgression, but it's gonna fucking hurt worse than any backdoor cover.
In reality he lost $11.1 million!
All this for (allegedly) $1500.
I guess the Falcons have known about this since February, which answers the "why wouldn't you trade Ridley when his name has been circulating in rumors since November?" question, but gun to my head, his suspension should be somewhere around 8-10 games.
You gotta love Ridley trying to just tweet through this, thank God the Pats didn't trade for him...but if the price is like a 7th rounder right now, I feel like you gotta kick the tires.
P.S.
I sorta agree with what Pres said about who cares if you're betting on your own team, but also think it's a slippery slope. I guess I'd be way cooler with Ridley getting a year suspension if "men" who hit women got punished the same way. Fuck Roger Goodell.
Double P.S.
I've seen may too many attempts at this hacky joke in the past three hours.
Triple P.S.
I've seen this a million times too, but it's actually pretty fucking crazy/sorta funny and worth the RTs and likes.
Song: Heaven Is Here (2022) Artist: Florence + The Machine This track feels like half a song, but I can't wait for the whole album. On a much more serious note, Florence filmed this video in Kyiv. According to the description on Youtube, two of the dancers, Maryne and Anastasiia are currently "sheltering" amidst the invasions and micropenis energy currently on display by Putin. As a hashtag good guy, I hope you make it out alive. War is not the answer.
|
Archives
March 2024
|