R.I.P. Alex Trebek.
I had literally just finished this week's #TooManyLegs teaser and was copying and pasting the link from weebly to my twitter when I saw the news. Alex Trebek has passed away from a battle with Pancreatic Cancer at the age of 80.
The public has known about Alex's diagnosis since March of 2019, but his passing still comes as a huge shock. I almost forgot he was sick from how much he kept going on like everything was fine. The dude kept filming and going to work everyday while fighting terminal cancer and the restrictions of a global pandemic. Thanks to wigs and make-up Alex never had that typical fighting for your life look which definitely makes the news a little more shocking as we never saw how much he was really hurting. It felt like he'd just host Jeopardy until the end of time. Earlier this week, a clip went viral showing how much Alex meant to Jeopardy Contestant Burt Thakur.
There's probably millions of other stories out there about how much Alex Trebek meant to people. Personally, I've watched hundreds if not thousands of episodes of Jeopardy with my family. He brought people together and made you feel a little smarter at the end of every show. He was more than a game show host, he was a pop culture icon. As I type this, I am rattled AF and really don't know what to say other than Alex Trebek was probably the most beloved man in television. Outside of Sean Connery on SNL, who ever had a bad word to say about this man?
Alex Trebek had been the host of Jeopardy since 1984, so to anybody under like 45 he's been the face of it for your entire life. Sometime between 6:00 pm and 8:00 pm every weeknight he was part of our lives. You might not always watch, but he was always there. There's been rumors that Ken Jennings would take over whenever Alex ultimately left Jeopardy, but those shoes will be impossible to fill. It's gonna be hard to focus on football today. There will never be another Alex Trebek. R.I.P. to a legend. Fuck cancer forever.
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As we officially enter the second half of the 2020 NFL Season the DOL #TooManyLegs Teaser of the Week sits at 4-3 and 46-9-1 in legs overall. All it takes is one bad leg to bring a teaser tumbling to the ground, but last week there were plenty of faulty legs to point the finger at. Week 8 was statistically the teaser's worst showing of 2020. My bad for thinking I could outsmart the wind. After being woken up by an earthquake this morning I definitely don't want to get on Mother Nature's bad side. I might even tease an under this week to make up for it.
There's no denying that the #TooManyLegs teaser has certainly cooled off after a blistering hot 3-0 start, but if my math is correct (10+10+10-1-1+8-1) we're still +35 units. I think we'll settle with over 50% at +1000.
Previous weeks: Week 2 and 3 Week 4 Week 5 (booo Bengals) Week 6 Week 7 (Week 7 victory recap) Week 8
We're not gonna just sit here and cry like Andy Bernard in front of Aaron Rodgers, there's still half a season of football to play and plenty to be excited about both this week and going forward. With a chance to fall to .500 on the season the heat is on like Glenn Frey (R.I.P.). Let's get back in the winner's circle.
Here's this week's teaser.
Seahawks +3 (from -3)
I really wanted to include the teased over in this week's bet, but the Bills offense has not been super impressive the last month of the season. After a 4-0 start where they averaged 30.75 PPG and Josh Allen was making his way into the MVP conversation the Bills have scored 16, 17, 18 and 24 points their last four games. Seattle's defense has not played well this season, allowing over 28 PPG, but Jamal Adams is back and new addition Carlos Dunlap just went from one of the worst to one of the best teams in the NFL; expect a burst of life on a God awful D-line as well. This game should be a lot of fun, but with no fans in Buffalo I think Seattle wins and covers the real spread; getting them at +3 is little disaster insurance. Russell Wilson is 9-1 in the regular season vs the AFC East!
Broncos +10 (from +4)
The Broncos are frisky AF. After starting 0-3 they're 3-4; Last week they erased a 21 point deficit against the Chargers. They aren't going anywhere this season, but outside of the Chiefs and Bucs games (two of the best teams in the NFL) they'll hang around with anybody. The 2-6 Falcons certainly fall into the "anybody" category. In this Super Bowl XXXIII rematch, I expect the Broncos to keep it within single digits; especially with Calvin Ridley out for the Falcons.
Bears/Titans OVER 40.5 (from 46.5)
The Bears and Titans have both dropped back to back games after accumulating 5 wins. They both need a win BAD to stay alive in their divisional races, so I'm expecting points in "let's get back on track" week for both teams. Sure, the Bears offense is not good. The eye test tells you that as well as the actual numbers, but the Titans defense may be just what the Doctor ordered.
I'll always think of Nick Foles as the dude who shredded the Patriots in the Super Bowl and with Derrick Henry on the other team 40.5 is just too low to not love.
Ravens +7 (from +1) and Ravens/Colts OVER 42 (from 48)
I don't believe in the Ravens. They are at the very least fraud-adjacent. They beat the teams they should beat and choke when it matters most. They should've beaten the Steelers last week and that's exactly why I'm taking them here. I do respect Harbaugh and think they get them to bounce back. Sure, Marlon Humphrey is out, but the Colts are just like their owner in the sense of you never know what to expect. I'm not sure if they're actually good, so the Ravens have a great chance here. We don't even need them to win, just keep it within a touchdown. Can you keep it within a touchdown, Ravens? If you want to be taken seriously you need to win this game.
We're also taking the teased over because this game has both teams in at least mid 20's written all over it I don't need stats to back that up.
Panthers/Chiefs OVER 45.5 (from 51.5)
I'll be honest, not too much research went into this pick and I'm starting to get a little worried since I just learned the Chiefs are giving up only 19 points a game. But Christian McCaffery is back so fuck it; these offenses can get it done.
Texans -0.5 (from -6.5)
In a battle of 1-6 teams coming off a bye, one has a franchise QB and the other is starting has a rookie making his NFL debut; for that reason I'm going with the Texans even though I hate myself for putting us in a situation where we need count on the Houston Texans. In a battle of stinky defenses, we're hoping the 31st most efficient defense can hold Jake Luton in check.
Giants/Football Team UNDER 49 (from 43)
For the first time in the HISTORY of the #TooManyLegs teaser I am including an under in the action. Am I happy about it? Of course not, unders suck more than Imagine Dragons, but look at it this way....at over 49 we need to find 7 touchdowns and successful PATs to just push. Can you find seven touchdowns between these teams because I can't. Plus the Giants and Football Team both have sneaky okay defenses. It should be an ugly NFC Least game in D.C. so for the first time all season I am teasing an under. Good luck!
If I had I known the ramifications of Jameis Winston making NFL history with the league's first 30 touchdown-30 interception season (with SEVEN pick 6s) last year, I would not have been laughing so hard at his ability to find the open Mike Linebacker.
It's not that I'm an anti-Jameis guy; not by any means. I don't like crabs and my sister was at FSU while he was. I high key rooted for him, even though I am a diehard Tebow guy. But when someone has a chance to put up as ridiculously funny numbers as Jameis did, you'd be a monster to root against it. He was sooo close to the Brett Favre Triple Crown (a stat I just made up where you lead the NFL in Passing Yards, Touchdowns and Interceptions) finishing only three TDs behind MVP Lamar Jackson. It may be hard to remember given everything that's happened in the world since last season, but Jameis Winston led the NFL in passing yards and INT (with 30; 7 of which were returned for touchdowns) while still throwing 33 touchdown passes to his own team.
You could make an incredibly strong argument that Jameis' all or nothing, ultimate gun-slinger season was directly related to his poor vision. The legitimate correlation between his interceptions and seriously needing glasses (while not addressing the issue) was right up my alley in the perfect intersection of sports and humor. Jameis' squint and vision problems have been an open secret that's been joked about by thousands since his college days, yet it took until he completed five full NFL seasons to address it.
What's not a joke is the end result of what happened last season. If I had known Jameis' reckless play would directly lead to Tom Brady becoming quarterback of a team who is not the New England Patriots, I would have paid for the Lasik out of my own pocket with a go fund me.
Since the Buccaneers are turning the ball over much less frequently than last year (and when they do, in honor of Jameis, Brady makes sure his INTs are pick 6s) it's not that surprising to see this stat. Although the number of tackles Buccaneers offense players made last year is alarming. (via: CBS Sports IG)
No matter how much analytics may change the game, one old school truth will always ring true; turnovers are the most telling stat when it comes to wins and losses. Obviously, in a one game scenario anything can happen; you can loss the turnover battle and still win a game, but over the course of a season turnovers turn into losses rather quickly.
The 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished 7-9, despite Jameis Winston throwing 30 INT with 7 pick 6s; you don't need Warren Sharp to tell you that if they turned the ball over less in 2020 they'd probably finish with a much better record. That's why I am so glad I saw that instagram post while taking a dump a few hours ago because it gives me an excuse to blog some of the most bizarre passing stats you'll ever see. See, I watch a lot of old NFL and AFL documentaries on Youtube and ESPN+ and because of that I have a lot of niche football knowledge floating around my brain that needs to get out and I'm using this as my springboard. It makes perfect sense that the Buccaneers lost more games than they won when Jameis threw THIRTY interceptions, but poor ball security does not always equate to losses. Until like 1982 you could retire with 50 or more INT than TD and make the Hall of Fame with ease; it was a different era. But that shouldn't take away how bizarre these seasons are. I don't care if it's 1920 or 2020, if you turn the ball over seven times you're probably going to lose; although as we'll see shortly that's not always the case! This tackle stat got the gears in my weird brain turning and made me think of two of the strangest QB seasons in NFL history. They both happened by Houston Oiler (R.I.P.). QBs who are more well known for their days in Oakland (R.I.P.).
Ken Stabler, 1980.
Kenny "Snake" Stabler is best remembered as the free-spirit, southpaw QB of the 1970's Oakland Raiders, but in 1980 Snake was the signal caller for Bum Phillip's "Luv Ya Blue" Houston Oilers. In 1978 and '79 the Oilers lost the AFC Championship Game to the eventual Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers and thought Snake was the missing piece to get them over the top in the next decade.
Houston traded QB Dan Pastorini to the Raiders in exchange for Stabler and ironically it would be the Raiders who won it all in 1980, but it would not be Pastorini leading the silver and black to Super Bowl glory.
The Raiders actually went on to defeat Stabler's Houston Oilers 27-7 in the Wild Card Round en route to the franchise's second Super Bowl title.
Before the playoff game, Kenny Stabler led the Oilers to a super respectable 11-5 regular season. In 16 starts Stabler completed 64.1% of his passes which was good enough to lead the league in competitions for QBs who made 16 starts. (Joe Montana technically lead the NFL with 64.5% but he only made 7 starts). 64.1% completions is solid in today's NFL, but in 1980 that might as well have been 75%. However, it doesn't mean much when you only throw 13 touchdowns and over twice as many INT with 28. I'm not as radical at the people who want to "kill the QB win", but Houston's defense allowed the 2nd fewest points in 1980 to save Snake more often than not. After another 2 INT in the playoffs the Oilers lost to the Raiders, Bum Phillips was fired and the Oilers wouldn't make the playoffs again until 1987. Snake would retire in the offseason, only to come back in 1981 before being traded to the New Orleans Saints where he was reunited with Bum Phillips until he retired for good after the 1984 season.
George Blanda, 1962.
George Blanda is an absolute NFL legend. He played a record 26 seasons in the NFL and AFL from 1949-1975 as a quarterback and kicker. Blanda lead the Houston Oilers to the first two AFL titles in 1960 and 1961.
In 1962 George threw 42 interceptions in only 14 games. You'd think the Oilers would've lost every game. How can you win when you average three INTs a game? I'm honestly not sure, but the Oilers won 11 times in 1962 finishing with an 11-3 record; good enough to earn a third straight berth in the AFL Title Game. In one of the most famous games in AFL history the Dallas Texans defeated the Houston Oilers in 20-17 in double OT. George Blanda threw FIVE picks AND missed two field goals in the contest. Think about that for a second; George Blanda thew a grand total of 47 interceptions in 1962 and his team lost the league championship in DOUBLE OVERTIME. If he put up Jameis numbers they would've gone undefeated. Not only was Blanda the '62 Oilers QB but he was their kicker too. In addition to his 42 INT in '62 Blanda also only converted on 11 of 26 field goal attempts (42.3%). Dude turned the ball over 44 times (shockingly only 2 fumbles) and missed 15 kicks. It blows my fucking mind that he was a field goal away from leading his team to a third straight championship putting up numbers that would make you think he's not just shaving that jaw of his, but points as well.
Our air isn't just full of COVID droplets, there's also plenty of uncertainty floating around! As we all know, yesterday was a crazy day for millions of Americans. There was simply a lot at stake. Nobody knew what to expect; many still don't.
Luckily, the NFL Trade Deadline has come and gone; we can all start moving on with our lives.
Deadline day was super hectic for ya boiii. Like Johnny Cash, I was everywhere, man. It felt like I was ub**ing again with how much time I spent behind the wheel, but it was nice to use my day off from trying-to-not-catch-Covid-in-a-building-built-during-the-Great-Depression to get some errands done.
First, I exercised (my civic duty) and celebrated doing so in the most American way possible.
Since I'm not Don Draper, it was only one drink for me before I operated a motor vehicle back to my place of residence. After grabbing a healthy lunch at Burger King, I dropped my roommate off back at our spot so he could go back to work; hashtag good guy. During our ride back home, I noticed that my gas tank was particularly low. So low in fact, that a light came on to tell me that if I did not address the issue my car would lose its ability to travel.
(Before I go any further I should mention that I lost my wallet on October 25th) Since I've been slowly, but surely reacquiring items that were lost when I (likely) left my wallet on top of the roof of my car and drove away, I figured NFL Trade Deadline Day would be a great day to replace my BJ membership card and fill up my tank. Ever since I got a BJ's membership this summer specifically to save money on tires, the TV section has been calling out my name like I'm The fuckn Weeknd. I knew it was only a matter of time before I gave into the temptation and upgraded my TV game to something a little more 2020 as opposed to my refurbished 39 inch Insignia that I got for like $189 at Best Buy two and a half years ago that doesn't even have capability for the AppleTV app. So I've been to BJ's at least five times the last two months since I moved into my new spot. Every time I'm inside that place I've been about to pull the trigger and cop a new TV. Then I would pussy out and end up getting a 24 pack of socks or a box of 40 Fiber One Brownies so I don't look like a crazy person going into BJ's during a Pandemic to not make a purchase*. On November 3rd, I made the executive decision that enough was enough. It was finally time to treat myself. The #TooManyLegs Teaser is 4-3, I deserve it. Now is time where I refer to myself in the third person: It was time for Ole Dozo to get a TV that he can see over his ever-growing depression belly to watch 38 minutes of old NFL Films on YouTube before passing out every night. Now that I've got exactly what I've had my eyes on for months hanging out of my cart (foreshadowing) I feel as if I'm about to conquer the world like a Portuguese Conquistador. I do a quick lap around the store to assert my dominance since I was about to spend a whole $400 on 55 inches of joy. I couldn't wait to get home to set it up in my bedroom and watch NFL Trade Deadline coverage all night; definitely not to see if I can link up onlyfans with the screen mirroring capability advertised on the box. After spending $403.75 without blinking an eye because of all the hours I spent driving drunk people across Aquidneck Island this summer, I contemplated going to the bathroom, but I didn't wanna bring the TV in with me. I figure I can just hold it until I get home. That was mistake #1. After the girl working the door checked my receipt for one 55 inch Smart TV, I rolled my new baby out to my car, only to come face to face with the harsh reality that this TV does not fit in my car and never will. Welcome to mistake #2.
I felt like such a moron. I've heard measure twice, cut once my whole life, but in the weeks of deliberation, not once did I account for what my car can or cannot hold. How could I think I'm so smart, yet be so stupid? After years of squeezing people in my back seat I forgot basic logic, that TVs are not as soft and flexible as human flesh. All I was thinking about was potential apps I'd download and whether or not I could go bigger than a double-nickel in my bedroom. I completely forgot to factor in whether or not the TV would fit in a 2007 Pontiac Grand Prix. To add insult to injury, I actually measured my dresser to make sure the TV would fit... But when it came to making the purchase I just said "fuck it, I'm getting this TV today" without thinking about the ramifications of such a sick semi-impulse purchase.
Now I'm trying to get a TV to fit in my back seat and I cannot get the door to close; it's catching on the bottom of the door. I try the trunk, but the TV sticks out even more than in the back seat. I then think "ayy maybe if I move the passenger seat up I'll be able to fit it in at an angle and be on my way". That didn't work either. At this point I'm out of options with my own car, so I called up my grandma to see if she's free so I can fit it in her much larger car. She happily obliged, but was about 35 minutes away from me and that's not factoring in her getting lost on the way. At this point it's a waiting game and I'm caught in a real pickle here. I could sit in the drivers seat with the TV outside of my car, but what if a bandit came and snatched it up? Even if I had the window down (which would defeat the purpose of going in my car to stay warm) and my left arm draped over it, at that angle it would be no match for a thief. They'd be 200 feet away before my fat ass waddled out of the car. At this point I decided it would be best to remain outside of my car protecting my newest asset. Because I'm in the #content game I figured I could turn this situation into a positive.
Dozo's AMA recap:
Fast forward to my g-ma showing up an hour later. I load the TV up in her back seat, but I still have to get gas, which of course was the main reason I went to BJ's in the first place. After offering to fill up my Grandma's tank for helping me out (hashtag good guy) it was time to go back home.
The moral of the story is this; if you're going to semi-impulse buy something, make sure it fits in whatever apparatus brought you to said location and always put your drug paraphernalia before you leave the house because you never know when you're Grandma is going to make impromptu visit after doing you a massive favor. Because of that, I'll never forget what happened on November 3rd, 2020.
P.S.
*I have only bought something once during the five previous trips to BJ's where I didn't pull the trigger on buying the TV; two memory foam pillows for $30 which was a great deal.
2-1 feels like an awfully longtime ago as the New England Patriots' losing streak has now reached four games. Our friends at #Dozzfeed recently filled us in on long it's been and how different the world was the last time that happened; which we all know was weeks 4-8 of the 2002 season.
After losing to the Bills in Buffalo for the first time since 2011 the Patriots record has dropped to 2-5; which for reference is the same as the lowly Washington Football Team. More like W-T-F amirite?!? Considering how the Pats have only finished the regular season worse than 12-4 once since 2009 (2018 when they went 11-5 and won the Super Bowl) it doesn't take Sir Issac Newton to figure out that 2020 is the Pats' worse start through seven game in some time. Score one for the Brady's more responsible for the double-dynasty crowd.
Coach Belichick recently spoke about Cam Newton and his low salary on WEEI regarding the aberrance of the Patriots' depth chart.
This blog isn't to talk about how refreshingly candid Coach Belichick was or how he seemed to totally deflect from the Patriots putrid draft record the last seven seasons.
It's to talk about a different Newton and how horrible his passing numbers have been this season.
Before I shit on Cam too hard, I will be the first to admit the talent around him has been poor AT BEST and the two guys with championship bones (James White and Julian Edelman) have both missed serious time. Plus there was no preseason to get acclimated with a new system and let's not forget the dude had COVID for God's sake. I can make excuses for the guy all day. Like most people on this planet, Cam Newton's 2020 has for lack of a better term, fucking sucked. It's not entirely his fault, look at this team. How many top 300 players in the league are on this roster? I want to see Cam succeed, I bought the dude's jersey after Week 1, but the fact of the matter is he's been AWFUL as a quarterback this season. Sure the running ability helps, but after the goal line stuffing in Seattle and costly fumble in Buffalo, that part of his game hasn't been nearly good enough to overshadow his lack of production in the passing game. Look at this list of QBs who have put up the type of numbers Cam has through at least six games.
Those are literally three of the biggest QB busts in the history of the NFL and Cam Newton. They say you are the company you keep and as of now Cam is playing like some of the most infamous draft busts of all time. If there was ever a time to use my favorite Mad Men gif it's now! Those numbers are...
How has Cam Newton followed up literally the greatest QB of all time? Oh nbd, just by putting himself in the same class as JaMarcus Russell and Ryan Leaf; both whom are pretty much unanimously considered the two biggest overall draft busts in the history of the league; at least by anybody who was born after Terry Baker's time in Los Angeles. That's a great reference, trust me.
But it's fine! Heath Shuler was only #9 on the NFL Network's Top 10 Biggest Draft Busts list and his defense that list was completed before JaMarcus Russell purple drank himself out of the league, so he's probably only like #14 now. In today's NFL where guys fall out of bed and hit their head on 300 yard games, Cam has had less than 200 yards passing in 5 of his 6 starts as a Patriot too. I guess it could be worse, he could have Dan McGwire's shadow, Todd Marinovich's mental health or Art Schlichter's bookie, but when it comes to NFL statistics I cannot think of worse three quarterbacks to be grouped with than JaMarcus Russell, Ryan Leaf and former U.S. Representative Heath Shuler. After a two-week hiccup, The #TooManyLegs Teaser returned to glory by going 7-0-1 last week (49er/Pats teased OVER 39 pushed), I cannot apologize enough for the push, but cashed bets are cashed bets. This week we will go 8-0 together. We must remember as the calendar turns to November that the #TooManyLegs Teaser is 4-2 and I'm 42-5-1 (89%) in 2020; you'd be a fool to jump off the bandwagon at this point. Not only am I making these bets with hopes of winning myself and the riders some extra cash (hashtag good guy), but as I continue to put all my eggs in the #HireDozo basket I need to have a nice like, 11-4 record to make myself more hirable for when I eventually work up the courage to send out a legitimate application instead of tweeting #HireDozo into the abyss. Sure, I've been in my own head trying to perfect my "Dear Coley," blog for two weeks, but the people don't care about that, they care about picks and here they are for Week 8. Chiefs -13.5 (from 19.5) Even though the Chiefs are the defending Super Bowl Champs and the Jets are winless, Chiefs DT Chris Jones brought up a great point. "That's a very good football team. People forget that because they haven't won a game." While the New York Jets are a professional football team playing against another professional football team in the Kansas City Chiefs that's where the similarities between these two clubs end. Of course it's always a little scary to bet on this large of a line, there's so many variables that could fuck this up, but at the end of the day this is the Chiefs vs the Jets. If the Chiefs can't beat the Jets by two touchdowns at home they could be kicked out of the league. Chiefs should win by 24+. Steelers/Ravens OVER 38 (from 44) In case you didn't know, there is no love lost between these to two smash mouth AFC North rivals. Steelers-Ravens is the most balanced rivalry in the NFL the last 20 years The weather definitely doesn't do us any favors in the search for points, neither do these defense who both give up under 20 points a game, but over 38 with these offenses makes me feel a lot more comfortable than putting a cap on the total. Even with the weather I think these teams find a way to crack 40. Rams + 2.5 (from -3.5) The Rams are one of the better teams in the NFL going up against a guy making his first NFL start. Tua is the guy going forward, but not this week. If McVay wants to be considered a genius he needs to lead his troops to victory today. Raiders/Browns OVER 41 (from 47) Weather scares the shit out of me and the Browns are without Odell and Hooper, but I still think these offenses end up scoring at least 20 each. Titans -1 (from -7) and OVER 43 (from 49) Titans had a slow start against the Steelers, but were a makable field goal away from OT. I'm not done believing in them. I think the Bengals are just what the doctor ordered. Derrick Henry might have himself another 200+ yard day. Between both teams offenses and suspect at best defenses, I feel great about over 43 and might even take the real over. Packers +0.5 (from -5.5) I heard that the Packers are 0-6 on Daylight Savings Time week (h/t Pardon my Take) and that stat is just too ridiculous to ride against the Vikings. Of course in a rivalry game anything can happen, but the Vikings are trash and the Packers love to eat trash and beat up on inferior opponents. I wouldn't be shocked to see it be like 14-3 Vikings after the first quarter with the Packers ultimately pulling it out. Colts/Lions OVER 43 (from 49) The Colts and Lions both average at least 26 points a game. Even though I feel like Rivers and Stafford are both right on the cusp of frauds with how inconsistent their play is week-to-week, any time you can get the total to under 44 I am going over; ESPECIALLY in a dome with decent offenses. Of course with these teams could see like 8 red zone trips that end with a touchdown, 6 field goals, and a turnover, but that's why they call it gambling. Good luck and always bet responsibly.
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